Titania22 Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Oh god, I totally know how you feel. For years, I dated a guy four years younger than me, and he used to always harp on how I was an "older" woman. Granted, four years is four years; it's not nothing. But it's also just...four years. I don't really get being called an "older woman" by a guy unless I'm something like 8+ years older than him. I don't think you should have taken that so seriously. My grandmother always joked that her partner was "an older man" and "too old for her", right up until his death at 95. He was 6months older than her. 4 years is not really older either, but technically a 5minute age difference still makes that person older.
Jane2011 Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I don't think you should have taken that so seriously. My grandmother always joked that her partner was "an older man" and "too old for her", right up until his death at 95. He was 6months older than her. 4 years is not really older either, but technically a 5minute age difference still makes that person older. I hear what you're saying, but the operative word in what you wrote is "joked." My then boyfriend wasn't joking with me; he actually used it as a source of complaint as to why our relationship was problematic to him in some ways. I was an "older woman" and he felt there was a slightly embarrassing "stigma" to being with an older woman. Four years is nothing to me. I see someone five years plus or minus as being in the same basic generation as you, especially after age 25 or so, which we both were.
Jane2011 Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Here's another thing. I've noticed that guys (maybe women too) will claim to be "the same age as" someone five years younger than them, but NOT "the same age as" someone five years older than them. Makes no goddamn sense. The person five years older is just as close to your age as the person five years younger, but you want to associate yourself with the younger person somehow, but not the older person? When I was 29, there was a 27 year old guy in a running club who found out I was 29 and said, "Really? Wow, you're older than us [the other people we tended to hang out with in the club]. I thought you were our age." He was referring to a guy and girl who were 25 and 24, respectively. So he's closer to me in age, but somehow he's "the same age as" the younger people but not "the same age as" me? 1
mesmerized Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I can see how it would be totally hot if both parties just wanted a sexually charged relationship, but what happens when the "cougar" wants all the trappings of a real relationship? Then we get all into the Demi/Ashton, Mariah/Nick paradigm, and what do people think of that? Can/does it work? Celebrity marriages break up ALL THE TIME, just recently even seal and Heidi Klum (him 11 years older than her) seperated. Using Demi/ashton as a reason for older woman/younger man relationship not being able to work is ridiculous. 1
silvermercy Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Here's another thing. I've noticed that guys (maybe women too) will claim to be "the same age as" someone five years younger than them, but NOT "the same age as" someone five years older than them. Makes no goddamn sense. The person five years older is just as close to your age as the person five years younger, but you want to associate yourself with the younger person somehow, but not the older person? When I was 29, there was a 27 year old guy in a running club who found out I was 29 and said, "Really? Wow, you're older than us [the other people we tended to hang out with in the club]. I thought you were our age." He was referring to a guy and girl who were 25 and 24, respectively. So he's closer to me in age, but somehow he's "the same age as" the younger people but not "the same age as" me? LOL He really said that? Did you call him on that with simple maths? Like 27-25 = 2 and 29-27 = 2. What a douche! Or maybe he's not good at maths!
Eve Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I think this is precisely one of the most painful things about getting older for lots of women. Aging is terrifying for many women, especially women who received lots of positive feedback from the world for looks. Perhaps this is why Cougar-dom is celebrated and such a hot topic right now. The fascination with cougars is really tantamount to the age-old obsession with how women look. It's kind of like saying, "Look! Wow! Women over 35 can still look really good! Whaddya know??" I agree, Eve--why can't we seem to get past this? I feel uncomfortable that there is an implict admittance that a woman can only be desired if she looks a certain way. I prefer to be loved for who I am. I don't know, maybe it has most to do with how much a person values inner beauty? All in all, when a person values inner beauty how they interact with others is markedly different. Then again, I do feel that there is now an acceptance that is is ok to leave when a person is going through a key transition more so than any other time and so maybe the cougar thing is also a symptom of this? I mean very few of the relationships ever seem to work out. Take care, Eve x 1
Engadget Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Most of the women who flirt with me where I work. Like the 45 year old grandmother who was smoking hot.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 The problem with the term cougar is it is too broad. People use it to refer to older women in general. It used to be used for an older woman who specifically/exclusively searched for significantly younger man (10+ yr age gap). If a woman just happened to get into a relationship with a younger man then I don't think the term cougar should be applied to her. But many women (and men) specifically look for younger partners. What do you call people like that? It's not romance when you're only interested in someone because of their youth. That's where the idea of sexual prowling comes from. 2
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