EasyHeart Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Stereotypes about single older women that drive me crazy: 1) We are sexually voracious, insatiable predators 2) We are desperate and obsessive pursuers 3) If we date younger men, we are out to control, dominate, and manipulate them.Well, let's be fair: Those are the exact same stereotypes that are applied to men who date younger women. Being accused of "robbing the cradle" sounds way more offensive than being called a "cougar". Question: I've never heard "cougar" used as a derogatory term by men. Whenever I've heard a man use the term, it's used as a compliment. Is it mainly women who use the term derogatorily towards other women? 1
silvermercy Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Well, let's be fair: Those are the exact same stereotypes that are applied to men who date younger women. Being accused of "robbing the cradle" sounds way more offensive than being called a "cougar". Question: I've never heard "cougar" used as a derogatory term by men. Whenever I've heard a man use the term, it's used as a compliment. Is it mainly women who use the term derogatorily towards other women? No, I've never heard women use that term either online or off-line. I've consistently heard it from men though, of all ages. "Robbing the cradle" is a phrase that can be used for both genders and it's not a label per se (labels are usually single words). On the other hand, "cougar" is both gender-specific and a label. It's the same as a "gold-digger" (again one composite word and usually associated with the female gender).
El Brujo Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Do any other older ladies out there find the term "cougar" offensive???? In my mind, it conjures up the exact societal stereotype most of us older women are fighting so hard against. I don't know why, but the term has always made me bristle. It makes me think of the older woman character in the Tom Cruise movie "Cocktail"--the one that Tom Cruise seduces and then ends up getting dominated and controlled by for a while. Stereotypes about single older women that drive me crazy: 1) We are sexually voracious, insatiable predators--like Black Widow spiders who ensnare our prey and feed on hapless young boy toys. 2) We are desperate and obsessive pursuers, like Alex Forrest in "Fatal Attraction." 3) If we date younger men, we are out to control, dominate, and manipulate them. I think the term "cougar" can't help but imply a ruthless hunter. Not to revive a tiresome cliche, but would older men who date younger women ever be seen this way? I'm open to debate on this. I am open to the fact that some women proudly consider themselves cougars and would love to hear what both men and women think. My definition of a cougar: A woman of retirement age (or almost there) who fiddle-farted and f'ed around when she was younger, played HTG and ended up not gotten, then did not realize until her 5th or 6th decade of life that men in her same age range were no longer interested in her. 1
EasyHeart Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 No, I've never heard women use that term either online or off-line. I've consistently heard it from men though, of all ages. "Robbing the cradle" is a phrase that can be used for both genders and it's not a label per se (labels are usually single words). On the other hand, "cougar" is both gender-specific and a label. It's the same as a "gold-digger" (again one composite word and usually associated with the female gender).Wow, that's a whole lot of work in order to get offended!!!
silvermercy Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Wow, that's a whole lot of work in order to get offended!!! EH?
freckles72 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I'm constantly refered to as a cougar...!! I'm 39 look a few years younger and am only attracted to younger guys (30-35)...Whats wrong with me..!! Anyway the term cougar for me represents some desperation to get a younger guy as though you are trying to reclaim your youth. That isn't how in practice it works for me. We'll always get these labels attached to us as women I guess!
Emilia Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 On the other hand, "cougar" is both gender-specific and a label. I've never heard anyone say anything negative in conversation about my or any other older woman's ability to pull younger men so I fail to see why any of this is a problem.
norajane Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Cougar conjures up an image of a predatory woman of a certain age - a woman who tries a little too hard to look "young and hot" and is on the prowl for sex with younger men. So, not really a flattering image. Kinda desperate, actually. I don't know what the original term meant, but that's what I associate it with. 2
Emilia Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 So as per usual and illustrated on this thread, men show a more positive attitude towards female stereotypes than women do. Good work sisters If you think I'm being harsh, read through the posts
silvermercy Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I've never heard anyone say anything negative in conversation about my or any other older woman's ability to pull younger men so I fail to see why any of this is a problem. I've heard it all the time by men (older men, too) when they make jokes about older women to denote predatory and borderline stalker-ish behaviour. Very negative each time. Women DO NOT use this term at all to refer to older women. Where did you hear other women use the word "cougar" (for whatever reason)? Never encountered it myself.
Author Ranchero44 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 Cougar conjures up an image of a predatory woman of a certain age - a woman who tries a little too hard to look "young and hot" and is on the prowl for sex with younger men. So, not really a flattering image. Kinda desperate, actually. I don't know what the original term meant, but that's what I associate it with. That's exactly the image it conjures up for me too.
FitChick Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I've heard it all the time by men (older men, too) when they make jokes about older women to denote predatory and borderline stalker-ish behaviour. That's to deflect criticism from their own similar behavior towards young women. Perhaps older men feel a bit threatened now that women their own age can date younger men. Now you know how it feels, buddy! I've occasionally heard the term cougar used by women in a complimentary manner when a friend has dated a younger man. As with everything, the person interprets the situation according to his beliefs. 1
silvermercy Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) That's to deflect criticism from their own similar behavior towards young women. Perhaps older men feel a bit threatened now that women their own age can date younger men. Now you know how it feels, buddy! I've occasionally heard the term cougar used by women in a complimentary manner when a friend has dated a younger man. As with everything, the person interprets the situation according to his beliefs. My thoughts exactly!! I feel the negativity given to the term "cougar" has expanded to include older women IN GENERAL, not just predatory ones. And that's why many women (young and old) take offense when they hear men use this term. Because they see it as an attack on the older woman's genuine (non-predatory) attempts at a relationship with a younger man. The older men don't like the tide changing of course! Quite obviously!! LOL (They will also usually combine it with some pseudoscience talk about women reaching infertility earlier than men, nevermind themselves dying many years earlier than women or having huge infertility problems since their 20s. LOL). Edited February 24, 2012 by silvermercy 2
pyroguy Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) Actually, as the middle aged guy ( I guess 45) I just like to point out the hypocrisy about the hypocrisy. I can easily turn it around. Women have this propensity to apparently like the activity, but just dislike that they weren't getting the advantages. Now, when it's to their benefit, they seem to love it!. It's just like the thread regarding porn and unrealistic expectaions. Women hated it when they perceived that ALL men were like this in the past. Now that women are the most unrealistic species on earth, they celebrate it. Well, what is it? did you always hate the action? or just mad that you weren't the benificiary..and now it's great...kind of phoney. Also, please, the teram Cougar is so celebrated these days. It's constantly shoved down our throats. There's a show with the title, and a website dedicated to the whole practice, where cougars can meet their younger guys. I see no site where older men are celebrated for meeting younger women. For the most part younger women are with a much older man for security/money, and many times these guys are called disparaging names unless he's like Donald Trump. The real reason men don't like it is IMO, men are denigrated on a daily basis now. I know wome will disagree, and it's really for another thread. So, we will just agree to disagree. It just seems that any older guy today is good enough to be a provider, a dad, a handyman, lawn mower, and a bottle opener, but not valued for much of anything else. What movements, websites,or even real women appreciate older men? The term DILF is almost non-existent. And, contrary to what women think and young guys, not all of us oder guys are out of shape, lousy in bed, and not energetic- not in the least. Maybe some women will wonder why guys start watching porn. Edited February 24, 2012 by pyroguy
USMCHokie Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I've never heard anyone say anything negative in conversation about my or any other older woman's ability to pull younger men so I fail to see why any of this is a problem. Indeed. My cougar takes no offense to it and actually finds it rather hilarious...but she is hardly predatory towards younger guys...
goldengirl11 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) I'm 33, attractive and would prefer to meet someone a few years younger, preferably in their late twenties (I regret that I didn't do more dating when I was younger if I'm honest). I seem to be more attracted to men nearer that age too (perhaps also because men can tend to look a bit older for their age maybe?). It is disheartening though when I look at profiles of men I like around that age and I am out of their preferred age range by just a year or two (or three) usually. Hopefully though if they like my pic (and take the time to see that I have no baggage) they will make an exception though. It seems that (I would like to think) a relatively young woman my age though has the most chance with men 35+? I have been told that I look a bit younger for my age (a close friend recently said that I would probably pass for 25), but once they see your real age on the site though, that's most likely it isn't it and they (a man in their mid twenties) probably wouldn't be interested in me I'm gathering. I'm going to try my luck more soon though and approach more men on there who I find attractive, rather than just waiting to hear from men (ages have tended to vary) from I admit usually those who don't do anything for me. Edited February 24, 2012 by goldengirl11
Eve Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Cougar conjures up an image of a predatory woman of a certain age - a woman who tries a little too hard to look "young and hot" and is on the prowl for sex with younger men. So, not really a flattering image. Kinda desperate, actually. I don't know what the original term meant, but that's what I associate it with. Yes, my thoughts too. There is a difference between a naturally evolving relationship and one where the womans age is so central. This is why I see 'cougar' as a negative term. No, I feel uncomfortable around women who try too hard with men, especially if the men are very young. There is a pub which I went into once (not knowing it's history) which was full of such 'cougar' and also swinging types and I felt embarrassed for the women there. The clothes they were wearing really belonged to women half their age! I llke dressing up and have no problem with looking sexy but only wear the dress if you can pull it off not to specifically attract a younger man.. It was awful to observe. So, the term has negative associations mainly because of the above experience but I understand some women like younger men. I can't go there due to having had children young and developing a strong maternal instinct. The attraction just isn't there for me but I have been respectful to young ones who have approached me. Being told that one looks nice is enough of a compliment methinks. Having comments made specifically relating it to ones age and attraction preference is a bit sad. A women should be regarded beyond her looks. This is so important to me. Surely, we have come too far to accept anything less than this? Take care, Eve x
goldengirl11 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) I'm not keen to date on Cougarlife and the like because I don't want to look like a cougar!! Also think young men on there would either be golddiggers or are just looking for fun aren't they? Edited February 24, 2012 by goldengirl11
Eve Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I'm not keen to date on Cougarlife and the like because I don't want to look like a cougar!! Also think young men on there would either be golddiggers or are just looking for fun aren't they? I thought one had to be at last 40 to be regarded as a cougar? No? What is the actual age reference? Take care, Eve x
Woggle Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I am married to an older woman so I have no issue whatsoever with that kind of relationship but don't get mad at men who have younger girlfriends then celebrate women doing it like it some kind of empowerment. Be consistent about it. I won't name names but there is a woman in this thread getting on a man's case for having dated a younger woman while she is in this thread celebrating cougars. Though I am with an older woman if she targeted me because I was younger I would have said no because I don't like fetishists. It's the same reason why I turned down second date with a black woman who just liked white guys. Date me and not my age, race, background or whatever.
goldengirl11 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I thought one had to be at last 40 to be regarded as a cougar? No? What is the actual age reference? Take care, Eve x That's made me feel a lot better. Thanks Eve!
Author Ranchero44 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 Being told that one looks nice is enough of a compliment methinks. Having comments made specifically relating it to ones age and attraction preference is a bit sad. A women should be regarded beyond her looks. This is so important to me. Surely, we have come too far to accept anything less than this? Take care, Eve x I think this is precisely one of the most painful things about getting older for lots of women. Aging is terrifying for many women, especially women who received lots of positive feedback from the world for looks. Perhaps this is why Cougar-dom is celebrated and such a hot topic right now. The fascination with cougars is really tantamount to the age-old obsession with how women look. It's kind of like saying, "Look! Wow! Women over 35 can still look really good! Whaddya know??" I agree, Eve--why can't we seem to get past this?
Jane2011 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) Yes, I find the term "Cougar" offensive precisely because of the reasons you brought up. I'm 42. I look after myself, I pass for mid 30's all the time... I don't chase after younger men, but I routinely date men 5-6 years younger than myself. I once had a guy on a dating site send me a message- he was 39, and he referred to me as an "older woman" and said he liked cougars- wanted to know if I was interested in dating a "younger man". That was a WTF moment for me as at 39, he looked like he was old enough to be my father and I was only a couple of years older than he was at the time. Men don't get a designation as they age (well, unless you count my friends that call older men chasing young women "Manthers"). It's just taking the "P" out of panther to come up with a designation to rival Cougar. Oh god, I totally know how you feel. For years, I dated a guy four years younger than me, and he used to always harp on how I was an "older" woman. Granted, four years is four years; it's not nothing. But it's also just...four years. I don't really get being called an "older woman" by a guy unless I'm something like 8+ years older than him. Mind you, this same guy is still my friend nowadays and he now often says things like "people our age," but when we were dating, he made me feel bad that I was an "older" woman compared to him. And not that it matters (because on chronological age alone he really shouldn't have been calling me an "older woman"), but it happens I then looked and still look younger than he does. Edited February 24, 2012 by Jane2011 2
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I've heard it all the time by men (older men, too) when they make jokes about older women to denote predatory and borderline stalker-ish behaviour. Very negative each time. Women DO NOT use this term at all to refer to older women. Where did you hear other women use the word "cougar" (for whatever reason)? Never encountered it myself. Google the term "couga dating". There are many dating sites where women willingly sign themselves up as cougars looking for younger men.
silvermercy Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Google the term "couga dating". There are many dating sites where women willingly sign themselves up as cougars looking for younger men. Well, obviously they don't see it as a negative. Good for them.
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