Alexanda Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I havent been on here in over a year! Well since that time I did date a guy for about 11 months last year, but we broke up. Well anyways, Im not a virgin, but I do want to have sex until I get married. It just makes things easier. Is it possible to find a guy who isnt a virgin (but its okay if he is) who is also willing to be celibate until he gets married? I just think when I start dating again and I tell guys I want to be celibate until I get married they will look at me like I'm crazy and wont want to talk to me anymore.
Ranchero44 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I havent been on here in over a year! Well since that time I did date a guy for about 11 months last year, but we broke up. Well anyways, Im not a virgin, but I do want to have sex until I get married. It just makes things easier. Is it possible to find a guy who isnt a virgin (but its okay if he is) who is also willing to be celibate until he gets married? I just think when I start dating again and I tell guys I want to be celibate until I get married they will look at me like I'm crazy and wont want to talk to me anymore. One of my closest friends (a guy) waited until marriage. He was in his 30s when he got married. It wasn't for lack of opportunity, either--he had plenty of that. He just wanted to share a sexual relationship only with his wife. I think that's pretty cool. Those guys are out there, then. Also, are you kidding?!? I think there are guys that would fall all over themselves to date a girl who wanted to wait until marriage. Fall all over themselves! The right one for you will respect your decision, and probably even love you a little more for it. 2
El Brujo Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 FYI I'm male, and I ain't ever sharing this salami with anyone if I can help it. 1
TheFinalWord Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) Is it possible to find a guy who isnt a virgin who is also willing to be celibate until he gets married? That's my plan Edited February 24, 2012 by TheFinalWord 1
CarrieT Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I dunno... What if you aren't sexually compatible and you don't realize it until after you are married? I applaud those of you who wait until marriage, but with so many who have sexual issues in their marriages, I would prefer to know that everything works and that we are right for each other IN EVERY ASPECT before doing the ring thing... 2
Yamaha Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I dunno... What if you aren't sexually compatible and you don't realize it until after you are married? I applaud those of you who wait until marriage, but with so many who have sexual issues in their marriages, I would prefer to know that everything works and that we are right for each other IN EVERY ASPECT before doing the ring thing... The majority of people live together before they get married. I guess this makes the compatiblity issue null and void. There are no guarantees but having sex before marriage does not make your union foolproof. 1
TheFinalWord Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) I dunno... What if you aren't sexually compatible and you don't realize it until after you are married? I applaud those of you who wait until marriage, but with so many who have sexual issues in their marriages, I would prefer to know that everything works and that we are right for each other IN EVERY ASPECT before doing the ring thing... Sure, I can see how someone would have that perspective I probably view things differently. I believe that God will provide me with a spouse when the time is right. Since I believe that, and believe God has a spouse for me, that means He designed that person for me. So there will be no one more sexually compatible for me than that person: not just physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. For me to test people out first is the opposite of faith (fear); and I've had opportunities to do so There are other benefits: If you can go through a dating/courtship experience and the man respects your desire to wait to have sex with you (he should actually be leading this charge, not just doing it b/c the woman requests; men are supposed to be leaders), what are the chances he is going to have a random affair in the future? Pretty unlikely b/c he's shown his convictions override his sex drive. It's delayed gratification My other approach is that sex is a skill. Anyone with an open mind can improve. Edited February 24, 2012 by TheFinalWord 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 So you're not a virgin but you want to wait until marriage to have sex? man. I'm not sure how well that is going to go over for many guys...I guess If you find a nice guy that is willing to wait that's possible. As for myself, It's just something I'd be incapable of...I just have too strong of a sex drive and things would just get too steamy at some point and everything would go out the window. I think men who are more of the "nice guy" type, who are possibly modestly religious would fit the bill for that kind of relationship. However I can't imagine why this would be a good idea, I suppose If sex is just another mundane part of the relationship that doesn't really matter then I suppose it's worth overlooking. I think what is more reasonable is putting sex on the back burner in the beginning of the relationship and getting to know the person first, then reaching a level of comfort and trust before engaging in that. Otherwise for men things change after sex, and you'll never know exactly how that men will be after you start having it. There's something about our nature to fantasize about it, and our minds aren't going to be capable of reaching beyond a certain limitation that enables us to see the relationship as a whole...I can just see the guy having sex at the forefront of his mind the whole relationship...whether he wants to admit it or not, and sub-consciously affecting his decisions...which you don't want a man to do. But that's just my opinion, maybe some people put a type of faith and commitment above those facts, and refuse to validate them for the sake of their ideals. 2
Soxfaninfl Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 If a woman told me that I would say see ya. I want to be married again, but I don't want to rush into marriage again. I want want to date someone for a few years before I would marry them. I could not go that long with out sex. I would go nuts.
Pasttense Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Sure, guys like this exist--but I think you would be eliminating 80% to 90% of your potential partners if you insist on such a requirement.
TheFinalWord Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Interesting read... No Way to Live - Interview - National Review Online
Ranchero44 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Interesting read... No Way to Live - Interview - National Review Online Interesting article. I have lived with someone in the past, and I would never do it again. It's too traumatic to break up when you live with someone. 1
Soxfaninfl Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Divorce is even worse. It's the most painful thing I have experienced in my life.
Eddie Edirol Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Staying celibate isnt going to make it easy for you to find a quality man. You have to practice and fine tune your people picker to filter out the frogs to find the guy that you are fully compatible with, and a man that is mature enough to handle tough issues. Celibacy is a bad filter for that.
TheFinalWord Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Interesting article. I have lived with someone in the past, and I would never do it again. It's too traumatic to break up when you live with someone. I'm sorry to hear that Page 2 of that article gives some interesting facts about premarital sex. Since most of us on this board are dating with the intention to find a LT relationship or spouse I think it is good to at least know both sides of the argument. I don't want to judge anyone who approaches it differently than me so I just posted a link I do know both my parents waited. Well they lived together, converted, moved apart, refrained from sex, and then married...and it was my dad's idea to move apart and wait. I know you guys don't know me IRL, but trust me he isn't a push over "nice guy" that considers sex something mundane. He's a real man through and through that provided for his wife and defended his kids. He isn't a push over "beta" male as modern society considers it. He is stronger than any man I know. BUT he is a kind man, wise, and very patient...worked his hands to the bone for us since we grew up low income. To me, he's my hero and more of a man than a lot of guys I know. And the topper is they've been married 35 years. But I do agree with the rest, it isn't easy to find a man (or woman for that matter!) willing to wait.
carhill Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 You'd have to really make it worth my while. I followed the 'virgin until married' until 35 when I gave it up. Overrated IMO and that's from someone who lived it.
runner Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I havent been on here in over a year! Well since that time I did date a guy for about 11 months last year, but we broke up. Well anyways, Im not a virgin, but I do want to have sex until I get married. It just makes things easier. Is it possible to find a guy who isnt a virgin (but its okay if he is) who is also willing to be celibate until he gets married? I just think when I start dating again and I tell guys I want to be celibate until I get married they will look at me like I'm crazy and wont want to talk to me anymore. yea sure, why not ? but you probably will have to accept the reality of a really small dating pool; not many men (that i know of, including myself) share your values. church networks would probably be your best place to start. also i think you should be fair to the men you date and be completely up front about your values; that way they can decide for themselves if they'd like to continue seeing you. yea some will probably think of you as strange, but it is what it is. i totally hear where you're coming from though. i'm a boy and i'm beginning to lean on the idea of not rushing into the bedroom too quickly
Emilia Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 The majority of people live together before they get married. I guess this makes the compatiblity issue null and void. There are no guarantees but having sex before marriage does not make your union foolproof. No but a lot of people don't take their sexuality into account before they get married.
Ross MwcFan Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I havent been on here in over a year! Well since that time I did date a guy for about 11 months last year, but we broke up. Well anyways, Im not a virgin, but I do want to have sex until I get married. It just makes things easier. Is it possible to find a guy who isnt a virgin (but its okay if he is) who is also willing to be celibate until he gets married? I just think when I start dating again and I tell guys I want to be celibate until I get married they will look at me like I'm crazy and wont want to talk to me anymore. I think it would be quite hard to find a guy like that. What if you get married and discover you and the guy aren't sexually compatible though? Seems like waiting for sex until you're married would cause more problems than any benefits that you would get from it.
Eclypse Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I admire your convictions. I know a girl like you who is also waiting. She was really nice and I would have dated her in a heartbeat but that turned me off. A lot of men probably won't share your views, particularly young ones like myself (not sure how old you are). Not many guys would want to spend the horniest years of their life waiting for something that may not even eventuate. But if you can find someone who shares your values then I am sure you will have an amazing relationship. Good luck 1
Professor X Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 For me it would be more than just the waiting, I'd have issue with the idea that you actually did sleep with someone in your past, but not with me. For me sex is the most intimate act a couple can do and to think you shared it with someone else but not with me... Ouch.
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