woots31 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 It was my decision to break up with my boyfriend. He is a truly amazing person, with a big heart, a brilliant mind, and a caring soul. Why did I break up with him? It is probably part of my character flaws, I push people away when I think I am not good enough for them. In my head I rationalized my decision by saying it was because we were not understanding what the other of us needed. We fought far to often, which was probably my fault, and far to soon in the relationship. The hardest part of this situation is that I know what an amazing and wonderful man he is, and I know I am an amazing and wonderful girl, but together we were not amazing and wonderful. We hurt each other, and ourselves in the process. I hurt very deeply in my heart over this break up, but I still think it is for the best. Now I am in this place where I feel as though I lost my best friend.
madball2289 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I never understood why some girls have to "push" people away. If you want to be with him and care about him that much then go get him back. On the other hand if you think the relationship was just unhealthy then let it be. You have to decide what you want. If you love him and are hurt and want him go get him, but If you really think it was the best thing to do, then just let it go.
jus d'orange Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 It was my decision to break up with my boyfriend. He is a truly amazing person, with a big heart, a brilliant mind, and a caring soul. Why did I break up with him? It is probably part of my character flaws, I push people away when I think I am not good enough for them. In my head I rationalized my decision by saying it was because we were not understanding what the other of us needed. We fought far to often, which was probably my fault, and far to soon in the relationship. The hardest part of this situation is that I know what an amazing and wonderful man he is, and I know I am an amazing and wonderful girl, but together we were not amazing and wonderful. We hurt each other, and ourselves in the process. I hurt very deeply in my heart over this break up, but I still think it is for the best. Now I am in this place where I feel as though I lost my best friend. This sounds eerily like what my ex girlfriend said to me as we broke up. From the boyfriend's perspective... Yes he is hurt. Yes he is suffering. But if he's a good guy like you say he is, he'll come to understand why it happened and why it's a good thing. I have been. If you someday want your best friend back, either as a best friend, or as a boyfriend once again, you need to first move on without him. Those character flaws you spoke about... what are they? How can you change them? Who do you want to be? How will you find peace and happiness? If you and he both take this breakup as a time to heal and then to grow into the secure, confident people you want to be, get back in touch and start a new bond, then you could end up being friends or lovers again, and happy. If not, you'll find someone else in the world who will love you like that again, and you'll also be happy. Either way, you've got to work through the struggle and believe in the goodness of the future as you work on it. 1
Frank13 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 It is probably part of my character flaws, I push people away when I think I am not good enough for them. This is the biggest line of crap I have heard. My ex said something similar about not deserving me. If you don't want to be with someone than be honest about it. So by what you said you should be with a horrible person because than you won't be too good for them.
madball2289 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 This is the biggest line of crap I have heard. My ex said something similar about not deserving me. If you don't want to be with someone than be honest about it. So by what you said you should be with a horrible person because than you won't be too good for them. Yeah, I do have to agree with you. I've been fed this before too, there's always, ALWAYS more than meets the eye if you ask me.
Author woots31 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 This is the biggest line of crap I have heard. My ex said something similar about not deserving me. If you don't want to be with someone than be honest about it. So by what you said you should be with a horrible person because than you won't be too good for them. It's a load of crap to you because you do not try to understand, and that's fine. I do want to be with him, he is the best person I have ever met, but if I fight to stay with him, we will continue to hurt one another. I am not saying I need to be with a horrible person, I am saying if I am with someone I should not make them feel horrible, so I would rather be with no one at all. But thank you for your feed back it made me look a little deeper into myself.
Author woots31 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 This sounds eerily like what my ex girlfriend said to me as we broke up. From the boyfriend's perspective... Yes he is hurt. Yes he is suffering. But if he's a good guy like you say he is, he'll come to understand why it happened and why it's a good thing. I have been. If you someday want your best friend back, either as a best friend, or as a boyfriend once again, you need to first move on without him. Those character flaws you spoke about... what are they? How can you change them? Who do you want to be? How will you find peace and happiness? If you and he both take this breakup as a time to heal and then to grow into the secure, confident people you want to be, get back in touch and start a new bond, then you could end up being friends or lovers again, and happy. If not, you'll find someone else in the world who will love you like that again, and you'll also be happy. Either way, you've got to work through the struggle and believe in the goodness of the future as you work on it. Thanks for you wise opinion on this situation. I am going to think about those questions for a while and see what the answers are, and then move ahead with my life.
Frank13 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 It's a load of crap to you because you do not try to understand, and that's fine. I do want to be with him, he is the best person I have ever met, but if I fight to stay with him, we will continue to hurt one another. I am not saying I need to be with a horrible person, I am saying if I am with someone I should not make them feel horrible, so I would rather be with no one at all. But thank you for your feed back it made me look a little deeper into myself. Fair enough. Sorry if I sounded harsh but I have been feed that line before. It is difficult to do everything you can to make a relationship work and then be insulted by being told you were too good to the other person and they didn't deserve it. To me it says the other person thinks I am stupid to believe that. No one is going to break up for that reason. I would much rather appreciated honesty. If you two are such amazing people, why do you fight? I am tring to understand why you fight and hurt each other. Something must not be too amazing with each other if that is the case.
Author woots31 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 Fair enough. Sorry if I sounded harsh but I have been feed that line before. It is difficult to do everything you can to make a relationship work and then be insulted by being told you were too good to the other person and they didn't deserve it. To me it says the other person thinks I am stupid to believe that. No one is going to break up for that reason. I would much rather appreciated honesty. If you two are such amazing people, why do you fight? I am trying to understand why you fight and hurt each other. Something must not be too amazing with each other if that is the case. Every relationship has problems, we fought about a variety of things. Mainly, I did not realize when I would do things to hurt his feelings, and once I did realize I did not know how to make him feel better. On to of that, by not realizing what I was doing that he perceived as hurtful, I did not know how to stop myself from doing it in the future so we continued to fight. His reaching out and my not understanding caused a lot of stress. I was in a terrible relationship for ten years, that ended in June. I had not planned on being in a relationship, so I could have time to heal. I spent so much time doing for my kids and my ex with nothing in return(from the ex) that I needed to put myself first for a while. Then the newest guy and I went out for a friendly dinner, and I fell for him. I should have pushed that we remained friends but instead I moved forward into a romantic relationship, and we had problems from the beginning. The problems were me, I work myself up into a frantic mess about things that I can look back and see are nothing, and I would not pay attention to the things that were important to hurt. There is no excuse that can be made. So I think I will give my self time to legitimately heal, and become a stable person and maybe we can be back in the future, or maybe we are done for good.
rach24680 Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 The only thing i can add to this post us about loosing yoyr best friend, i mtself am in the middle of either growing into the most secure relationship i want or breaking up, iv been with my boyfriend 4 years, and in 2 days of no contact thru mutual agreement to see what we want, i feel empty i cant talk to him about silly little things. Im sorry i have no advice, i just wanted too add that your not alone and its an awful situation to be in and im sure hes feeling the same!! hope everything works out for u
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