fortyninethousand322 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Insulting me doesn't work, maybe they hope to quiet you down by suggesting that your opinion doesn't matter because you have little relationship experience. Maybe that's what it is. I'm used to it by now though.
Red Arremer Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Without knowing any of the details of the texts I don't really think I could form a valid opinion here - all we have is one side of the story. If it really was sexual in nature and the guy knew she was underage, that's pretty darn bad. If it was just innocent flirty stuff like the guy said, he's still certainly a moron but I wouldn't be so quick to call Chris Hansen on him. And 49, you should consider reregistering under a different name. You're going to get dogpiled anywhere you post just based on your reputation.
Ursa Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) I'm just saying we don't know the full details of the encounter so it's a little harsh to throw him into unworthy of dating creep status. He certainly showed bad judgment though. It's possible he's a creep who initiated it, or maybe he ran into a hormone charged 15 year old girl who flirted with him and he idiotically flirted back. I don't think Courtney Stodden is the only underage girl in the world who is a little aggressive. I flirted with some older girls when I was around that age and got some pics out of them, I don't find them creepy for doing so and the whole encounter is still a source of pride for me today. That teacher you mentioned does sound creepy though, I don't think I would have liked that kind of uninvited attention either. As I said before, many young girls DO experiment with their budding sexuality. It's new to them, and they get a lot of weird messages about sexy teenagers from society, and they're trying to figure everything out. It's a confusing and sometimes heady and/or difficult time for them and sometimes they send mixed messages too. They're vulnerable, and grown man who is emotionally and sexually healthy himself should know that and respect it by backing off and setting up clear boundaries. I would instantly lose respect for a man who instead crossed the lines by hitting on the girl and trying to get his ego stroked and his rocks off, even just over text. You keep talking about what flirting you did with older girls. This is not applicable to a situation where we are talking a THIRTY FIVE year old man. My stepchild is early teens. She's tall for her age, and pretty, and looks older than some of the other girls in her class. She has pink streaks in her hair and wears rock band t-shirts and her body has changed a lot in the last year. I have seen middle-aged men like the OP's boyfriend check her out. What those men don't know is that she still has a dollhouse in her room, and she dots her I's with little suns and flowers, and wants her lipgloss to taste like bubble gum, and sulks about homework issues and having to empty the cat litter, and all of that is because on many levels she's still a child. I'd cut a little more slack for a 21 year old who drunk sexted a 15 year old just once--but even that 21 year old would be in the wrong. A 35 year old should absolutely know better, and at his age there is more concern that this is a pattern. Edited February 24, 2012 by Ursa 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 And 49, you should consider reregistering under a different name. You're going to get dogpiled anywhere you post just based on your reputation. People would realize pretty quickly who I really was based on my writing style. Might as well just keep posting under this name. And by the way, I would never think of sexting anyone, let alone someone who was under 18. I've even had a 16 year old interested in me back when I was 21 and I declined to pursue (even though in hindsight maybe I should have). So for what it's worth...
gaius Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 As I said before, many young girls DO experiment with their budding sexuality. It's new to them, and they get a lot of weird messages about sexy teenagers from society, and they're trying to figure everything out. It's a confusing and sometimes heady and/or difficult time for them and sometimes they send mixed messages too. They're vulnerable, and grown man who is emotionally and sexually healthy himself should know that and respect it by backing off and setting up clear boundaries. I would instantly lose respect for a man who instead crossed the lines by hitting on the girl and trying to get his ego stroked and his rocks off, even just over text. You keep talking about what flirting you did with older girls. This is not applicable to a situation where we are talking a THIRTY FIVE year old man. My stepchild is early teens. She's tall for her age, and pretty, and looks older than some of the other girls in her class. She has pink streaks in her hair and wears rock band t-shirts and her body has changed a lot in the last year. I have seen middle-aged men like the OP's boyfriend check her out. What those men don't know is that she still has a dollhouse in her room, and she dots her I's with little suns and flowers, and wants her lipgloss to taste like bubble gum, and sulks about homework issues and having to empty the cat litter, and all of that is because on many levels she's still a child. I'd cut a little more slack for a 21 year old who drunk sexted a 15 year old just once--but even that 21 year old would be in the wrong. A 35 year old should absolutely know better, and at his age there is more concern that this is a pattern. Well one was in her early 40's so it does apply. I agree that it's a big lapse in judgment what he did, and that often kids that age are still kids. I would have less sympathy for the guy if the girl was 13 or 14. 15 is pretty close to the age of consent though, and we have no way of knowing if this girl was more like your step daughter with her dollhouse or like Courtney Stodden. I just think its a little harsh to demand that the OP dump a guy she's in an otherwise good relationship with when there is no evidence of other mistakes of this nature. Or to consider Doug Hutchinson a loser because he decided to date and marry a young girl who wanted to date and marry him. I grew up hearing stories about my 14 year old great grandmother getting whisked away by my 18 year old great grandfather! I refuse to believe he was a horrible pedophile child molester who was unworthy of being in a relationship.
gaius Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 People would realize pretty quickly who I really was based on my writing style. Might as well just keep posting under this name. And by the way, I would never think of sexting anyone, let alone someone who was under 18. I've even had a 16 year old interested in me back when I was 21 and I declined to pursue (even though in hindsight maybe I should have). So for what it's worth... It's a good thing you didn't. A good buddy of mine spent 8 months in prison for statutory rape, even though it was consensual. I think he paid for his crime, it would bother me if some woman held it against him and decided to pass him up. Because he really is a good guy who just made a huge blunder in life. Being alone for a long time can do strange things to a person.
Ursa Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Well one was in her early 40's so it does apply. I agree that it's a big lapse in judgment what he did, and that often kids that age are still kids. I would have less sympathy for the guy if the girl was 13 or 14. 15 is pretty close to the age of consent though, and we have no way of knowing if this girl was more like your step daughter with her dollhouse or like Courtney Stodden. I just think its a little harsh to demand that the OP dump a guy she's in an otherwise good relationship with when there is no evidence of other mistakes of this nature. Or to consider Doug Hutchinson a loser because he decided to date and marry a young girl who wanted to date and marry him. I grew up hearing stories about my 14 year old great grandmother getting whisked away by my 18 year old great grandfather! I refuse to believe he was a horrible pedophile child molester who was unworthy of being in a relationship. I'm on my way out the door so I don't have time to respond fully, so sorry if I'm overly brief, but: A) Teenage male sexuality and teenage female sexuality is often very different, so your situation is not necessarily exactly analogous to the situation outlined in the OP. That being said, for a 40 year old woman to be sending naked pictures to a 15 year old boy is also inappropriate and messed up and in many places, illegal. It would be confusing at best, and potentially very disturbing to many boys of that age, even if not to all of them. B) I'm honestly a little bit confused by your line of demarcation at 14. 15 is much closer to 14 than it is to the age of consent in most of the US. C) My grandfather married my grandmother when they were 18 and 14, and turns out he WAS a horrible pedophile monster. But that doesn't really have much to do with this, and neither does your story, unfortunately, because we're not talking about an 18 year old boy, we're talking about a 35 year old man.
kaylan Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Well one was in her early 40's so it does apply. I agree that it's a big lapse in judgment what he did, and that often kids that age are still kids. I would have less sympathy for the guy if the girl was 13 or 14. 15 is pretty close to the age of consent though, and we have no way of knowing if this girl was more like your step daughter with her dollhouse or like Courtney Stodden. I just think its a little harsh to demand that the OP dump a guy she's in an otherwise good relationship with when there is no evidence of other mistakes of this nature. Or to consider Doug Hutchinson a loser because he decided to date and marry a young girl who wanted to date and marry him. I grew up hearing stories about my 14 year old great grandmother getting whisked away by my 18 year old great grandfather! I refuse to believe he was a horrible pedophile child molester who was unworthy of being in a relationship. An 18 yr old is a kid himself compared to a 35 year old.
Anela Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Good gracious. I'm not defending anyone or anything. I'm saying OP should monitor the situation and act accordingly. If this is the one and only time this ever happens then it's no big deal. If it happens again then yeah it's a huge red flag. And yes, I am a guy. But my gender has nothing to do with this. Same with your outrageous comparison to cat calls, etc. It isn't outrageous to compare those men making sexual statements and gestures at a young teen, to this. I know how it made me feel: unsafe. And if they could have gone further, I'm sure they would have. Your lack of relationship experience has nothing to do with this, and it's sad to see men defending him. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Your lack of relationship experience has nothing to do with this, and it's sad to see men defending him. I never claimed that it did...
Nightsky Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 A man no matter what the age isn’t a pedo or sick for being attracted to a 15 year old. Some are really hot. The thing is what is sexting? Did he send a naked picture of himself to the girl? If he did anything that could get himself put in jail that means he’s out of control. Not to mention its cheating. Obviously the OP should dump this guy if he was cheating. The fact that he was doing something that could get him put in jail only makes it worse.
gaius Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I'm on my way out the door so I don't have time to respond fully, so sorry if I'm overly brief, but: A) Teenage male sexuality and teenage female sexuality is often very different, so your situation is not necessarily exactly analogous to the situation outlined in the OP. That being said, for a 40 year old woman to be sending naked pictures to a 15 year old boy is also inappropriate and messed up and in many places, illegal. It would be confusing at best, and potentially very disturbing to many boys of that age, even if not to all of them. B) I'm honestly a little bit confused by your line of demarcation at 14. 15 is much closer to 14 than it is to the age of consent in most of the US. C) My grandfather married my grandmother when they were 18 and 14, and turns out he WAS a horrible pedophile monster. But that doesn't really have much to do with this, and neither does your story, unfortunately, because we're not talking about an 18 year old boy, we're talking about a 35 year old man. Well it wasn't to me, I know a guy who actually slept with one of his teachers and it didn't seem to mess him up. He even had an older woman fly in from Florida to go to his prom, talk about a stud. It's not always black and white. I don't blame the girls in this thread who were creeped out by older guys hitting on or staring at them, but there are also women who are the equivalent of me in not being freaked out by it. Even if they aren't posting in this thread. As forty said let's just not guillotine the guy until we know the whole story. Have fun wherever you're going! I hope we continue this discussion when you return. An 18 yr old is a kid himself compared to a 35 year old. Good evening Kaylan
gaius Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Obviously the OP should dump this guy if he was cheating. The fact that he was doing something that could get him put in jail only makes it worse. I don't know how that got started, but the OP said pretty clearly in the OP that he did it before they were together.
Nightsky Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I don't know how that got started, but the OP said pretty clearly in the OP that he did it before they were together. Yeah I need to read what people write better. Very confusing the way she phrased it saying her bf of 6 months was sexting a 15 year old. Then goes on to write his age and put in parenthesis that it was before they were dating. I later read that the supposed “sexting” what ever the op means by that occurred on the exgf’s phone which the 15 year old was some how using which makes it seem even more harmless. I’m just so confused now actually. The OP isn’t very clear on anything. Bottom line what is sexting? Does that mean that they exchanged nude photographs of eachother?
gaius Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Yeah I need to read what people write better. Very confusing the way she phrased it saying her bf of 6 months was sexting a 15 year old. Then goes on to write his age and put in parenthesis that it was before they were dating. I later read that the supposed “sexting” what ever the op means by that occurred on the exgf’s phone which the 15 year old was some how using which makes it seem even more harmless. I’m just so confused now actually. The OP isn’t very clear on anything. Bottom line what is sexting? Does that mean that they exchanged nude photographs of eachother? Nah you're good my friend. It caught on amongst a lot of the women and they started posting it as fact, it's easy to get confused. I get the impression that he didn't send pictures, just flirtatious messages as he categorized it as “innocent flirting” and you can't really say that about sending nude pics. Don't really know though unless the OP provides some more info.
samsamie Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 omg.! that is so weird, doesn't he have any idea that he's violating a a LAW??? at that age, he should act his age, he should know his limitations.. heck! 15 yrs old, that sure is a kiddo.. poor kid..
xxoo Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Well it wasn't to me, I know a guy who actually slept with one of his teachers and it didn't seem to mess him up. He even had an older woman fly in from Florida to go to his prom, talk about a stud. It's not always black and white. I don't blame the girls in this thread who were creeped out by older guys hitting on or staring at them, but there are also women who are the equivalent of me in not being freaked out by it. Even if they aren't posting in this thread. As forty said let's just not guillotine the guy until we know the whole story. Do you think it is ok for a 35 year old to engage in sexual texting with a 15 year old if the 15 year old initiated it? Of course there are 15 year olds will seek out sexual attention from adults. It is the adult's legal responsibility (not to mention ethical) to stop it. If the 15 year old is your gf's daughter, the moral and ethical responsibility to stop any inappropriate advances is even stronger. 1
Eclypse Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Do you think it is ok for a 35 year old to engage in sexual texting with a 15 year old if the 15 year old initiated it? Of course there are 15 year olds will seek out sexual attention from adults. It is the adult's legal responsibility (not to mention ethical) to stop it. If the 15 year old is your gf's daughter, the moral and ethical responsibility to stop any inappropriate advances is even stronger. I agree with you. I am 21 and I stopped being attracted to 15 year old girls as soon as I graduated high school. Actually Sigmund Freud (who I suspect was a bit of a hack in some aspects) actually had an interesting theory. He theorised that babies are infinitely perverse and as they grow up they lose their perversion and become normal members of society. Perverts don't. In other words perverts don't become perverts, rather they remain perverts. Perhaps this guy is a prime example and assumes this is normal even though it wouldn't be acceptable if he was over than 16-17.
LexiB Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 The thing is what is sexting? . Before jumping on the "dump him/he's a creep" bandwagon, OP I'd like to know the answer to this question too. What exactly did he write to her? Did he classify it as sexting or did you just for dramatic effect?
zengirl Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Pedophilia isn't interest in teenagers, who are generally past puberty (pedophilia refers to interest in the prepubescent). Though sexting or so forth with teenagers is still predatory. And no, I wouldn't advise anyone date a guy who had recently done so, showed little to no remorse ("I was drunk" is not remorse), and was 35 at the time. If a 35 year old was all, "Yeah once in college I was a complete idiot and sexted (I guess sexting wasn't around then but whatevs) my friend's sister and she was 15" and reflecting on it years later, with an understanding of why it was gross and wrong, I could forgive it, sure. Circumstances vary. I also think it depends on what he said. At the very least, this guy demonstrated a somewhat predatory nature and massive immaturity. Re: Laws and ages In many states, 15 and 18 is still a-okay. Many states give you a grace period of years so that people in HS don't drag the courts down with their parents accusing some 18 year old kid of statutory rape of their sophomore daughter. So, the 14 to 18 marriage analogies don't really say the same thing as 35 to 15. If the guy was 18 and sexting a 15 year old, I'd find that reasonably normal. They are still in the same peer group.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 She said he did it before they were together. Is 51 year old Doug Hutchinson a bad person for marrying a 16 year old girl who wanted to be with him even though them sleeping together is illegal in some places? I think any 51 year old man that in this day and age with a 16 year old is simply gross. If a 51 year old is on the same emotional level as a 16 year old to be able to respond and have a relationship with, that says something about that 51 year old. Because even the most mature of 16 year olds aren't at the level of a man about three times her own age. I also think that 16 year olds, while can be developed, still aren't fully grown either emotionally or mentally. 1
FitChick Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I didn't read the whole thread but this reminded me of a situation many years ago with my uncle who was in his early twenties. He was arrested for statutory rape of a 17 year old girl. He swore he thought she was his age. A likely story, huh? When they went to court, this chick showed up dressed, coiffed and made up to the hilt and looked mid-twenties. End of case! So it can happen especially these days when girls mature faster.
zengirl Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I didn't read the whole thread but this reminded me of a situation many years ago with my uncle who was in his early twenties. He was arrested for statutory rape of a 17 year old girl. He swore he thought she was his age. A likely story, huh? When they went to court, this chick showed up dressed, coiffed and made up to the hilt and looked mid-twenties. End of case! So it can happen especially these days when girls mature faster. In this case, he knows the girl is 15. And I think it was his ex's daughter or something.
Nightsky Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 In this case, he knows the girl is 15. And I think it was his ex's daughter or something. It was the ex-gf's bf's daughter on the ex-gf's phone. The entire story doesn't make sense. How did she even find out, I mean does this guy just bring it up. Is the ex-gf calling up all his new gf's and saying he flirted with a 15 year old on my phone who was my bf's daughter. It was sexting! I still don't know what sexting is as it pertains to OP. I mean in my mind sexting means sending nude photos back and forth. Did he just tell the girl she was sexy while trying to txt his gf.. Its all just so odd. Then the OP just fights everything everyone says. Why the heck did she make this thread what did she expect us to say to this Jerry Springer of a situation. 1
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