gaius Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Well, for starters, nobody is talking about a girl with a daydreamy crush on an older guy--what's under discussion is a grown man hitting on and sexting a minor. Is he a predator, trying to cultivate a sexual relationship? Or is he just inappropriate, creepy, and seeking validation wherever he can find it? Could be either, I guess. One is worse than the other, but neither is good. If I had had a crush on a 35 year old man when I was 15, I would now be extremely grateful if he had had the good common sense and decency to realize that I was just a dumb kid and not try to take advantage of that. I did have a teacher who was probably about 35 when I was about 15, who was kind of overly touchy-feely with the girls. Always draped over the backs of our chairs, or offering backrubs. He was a joke, well known as a creeper. I don't know how he appeared to the adults in his own circle, but at school all the kids were grossed out by him--and rightly so. Nobody could take his class seriously, nobody respected him. I'm pretty sure OP doesn't want to be dating that guy. I know I wouldn't. I'm just saying we don't know the full details of the encounter so it's a little harsh to throw him into unworthy of dating creep status. He certainly showed bad judgment though. It's possible he's a creep who initiated it, or maybe he ran into a hormone charged 15 year old girl who flirted with him and he idiotically flirted back. I don't think Courtney Stodden is the only underage girl in the world who is a little aggressive. I flirted with some older girls when I was around that age and got some pics out of them, I don't find them creepy for doing so and the whole encounter is still a source of pride for me today. That teacher you mentioned does sound creepy though, I don't think I would have liked that kind of uninvited attention either.
ScienceGal Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Sometimes I visit LS looking for hope. Hope in dating, life and general happiness... and this is the first thread I come across tonight. Epic fail. Bleck!!! p.s. OP, do not stay with this guy. I don't care how much you "love" him. And, aside from the creepy 'she's 15' aspect, he disrespected you and the relationship when he decided to have sexual communication with someone else. Bad apple. Move on, your life is too precious. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Can someone tell me what person here would be okay with their partner sexting other people even if they were legal? How come all this kindness about how we should understand this guy or that he's an "okay guy"? I am scratching my head. have some understanding for the dude that sexed up an underage girl? Goodness. I hope there are better men then this out there. Men that both wouldn't do this and are quite disgusted with other men that do. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Can someone tell me what person here would be okay with their partner sexting other people even if they were legal? How come all this kindness about how we should understand this guy or that he's an "okay guy"? I am scratching my head. have some understanding for the dude that sexed up an underage girl? Goodness. I hope there are better men then this out there. Men that both wouldn't do this and are quite disgusted with other men that do. I'd be disappointed in men who make a habit out of this, yes and I'd choose not to associate with men like that. However a man making a one-off mistake while drunk, before he was even dating OP is not someone I would ostracize. I've also seen how this works in real life. Men who openly flirt with other women in front of their girlfriend or wife, and guys who openly cheat are often in high demand. People tend to show their real thoughts when they vote with their feet.
Ranchero44 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 This creeps me out a bit As well it should. This is just wrong on so, so many levels. Big red flag.
Anela Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Some fifteen year olds don't look 15. Jeez, she's not 9. I was grossed out by men old enough to be my father, making nasty noises and yelling things at me from cars, as I walked on the pavement, at the age of fourteen. I had to fight the urge to run to the closest store to make sure that I would be safe. Some guys claimed I didn't look fourteen; looking back at photos, I most certainly looked my age. It is disgusting.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I was grossed out by men old enough to be my father, making nasty noises and yelling things at me from cars, as I walked on the pavement, at the age of fourteen. I had to fight the urge to run to the closest store to make sure that I would be safe. Some guys claimed I didn't look fourteen; looking back at photos, I most certainly looked my age. It is disgusting. This is an apples to oranges comparison to the situation at hand.
kaylan Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Some fifteen year olds don't look 15. Jeez, she's not 9. Her looks dont matter. This guy knows shes freaking 15. Allow me to quite a previous post of mine. What grown man who actually has a good head on his shoulders, flirts with 15 year olds? And in a sexual manner? wow...big ole red flag here. Creeper status. I really wonder about my gender sometimes. Why the hell are dudes so much more apt to behaving this way towards kids than women are? Im sure we all, man or woman, sometimes notice a teenager thats more developed than usual. Hell I worked at a youth center this past summer, and a couple of the girls were as filled out as chicks my age. Some of the guys were bigger than me, yet only 15 or 16. One was pretty freaking built and had me feeling jealous. But as an ADULT, you know better than to ever let your mind stray to far. And you never dare act inappropriately towards them. We know they are kids, and see them as such. And your boyfriend is 35 OP? Its one thing if he was 18, 19, or 20...but fvking 35? Wow...if he doesnt see what he did as inappropriate then hes got a screw loose. Ive seen teenagers that young as kids in my eyes ever since I was 20. Your boyfriend needs to chill. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Her looks dont matter. This guy knows shes freaking 15. Allow me to quite a previous post of mine. Cool. So let's give this guy a stern warning. And if he ever does it again then we can bring out the guillotine.
setsenia Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 i would dump this creep on the spot. Definitely agree with that sentiment. Definitely wrong if he doesn't see anything wrong with pedophilia.
gaius Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Can someone tell me what person here would be okay with their partner sexting other people even if they were legal? How come all this kindness about how we should understand this guy or that he's an "okay guy"? I am scratching my head. have some understanding for the dude that sexed up an underage girl? Goodness. I hope there are better men then this out there. Men that both wouldn't do this and are quite disgusted with other men that do. She said he did it before they were together. Is 51 year old Doug Hutchinson a bad person for marrying a 16 year old girl who wanted to be with him even though them sleeping together is illegal in some places?
veggirl Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 He was sending text messages back and forth hardly an egregious offense. People are making a mountain out of a mole hill here. OP should stick with him, I see nothing wrong in what he did unless he made a habit of doing this. Okay. Well, when you are in a relationship we'll see if you'd be okay with something like this. It's nasty. Are you close in age to 15 or something? That's the ONLY way I can see someone thinking 15 is old enough or whatever, as long as she looks 20ish, apparently?! Can someone tell me what person here would be okay with their partner sexting other people even if they were legal? How come all this kindness about how we should understand this guy or that he's an "okay guy"? I am scratching my head. have some understanding for the dude that sexed up an underage girl? Goodness. I hope there are better men then this out there. Men that both wouldn't do this and are quite disgusted with other men that do. God, seriously. Thank you.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Okay. Well, when you are in a relationship we'll see if you'd be okay with something like this. It's nasty. Are you close in age to 15 or something? That's the ONLY way I can see someone thinking 15 is old enough or whatever, as long as she looks 20ish, apparently?! 1. Never going to happen. 2. I'm ok with pretty much anything, including cheating. I would never cheat, but I'm ok with being cheated on. 3. I'm 24 4. All I said was that if it was a one time thing then you give him a stern warning and then move on. If it's a habit then you have problems. They weren't even together when he did this. People need to get some perspective.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 ^^^^^^^ I kind of think you might be baiting us. If you're not, you are the one who needs to get some perspective. I understand that at 24, you often see young teenage girls who look like they could be your contemporaries. We are talking here about a THIRTY FIVE YEAR OLD MAN. That would be a loser. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 ^^^^^^^ I kind of think you might be baiting us. If you're not, you are the one who needs to get some perspective. I understand that at 24, you often see young teenage girls who look like they could be your contemporaries. We are talking here about a THIRTY FIVE YEAR OLD MAN. That would be a loser. No I'm not baiting anyone. I'm just saying the guy was drunk, he wasn't even dating the OP at the time, and he was simply sending suggestive text messages to a minor NOT having sex with her or making out or whatever. The OP has a right to be concerned, my only suggestion was that she monitor the situation to see whether or not it's a trend or a one-off fluke.
veggirl Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 ^^^^^^^ I kind of think you might be baiting us. If you're not, you are the one who needs to get some perspective. I understand that at 24, you often see young teenage girls who look like they could be your contemporaries. We are talking here about a THIRTY FIVE YEAR OLD MAN. That would be a loser. This. SO THIS. Really though...do grown as.s adults look at 15 yr olds and think anything other than "kid"?? Not in my world, thankfully. *shudder*
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 And gaius is saying the same thing as I am and yet no one is jumping down his throat.
veggirl Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 No I'm not baiting anyone. I'm just saying the guy was drunk, he wasn't even dating the OP at the time, and he was simply sending suggestive text messages to a minor NOT having sex with her or making out or whatever. The OP has a right to be concerned, my only suggestion was that she monitor the situation to see whether or not it's a trend or a one-off fluke. If you ever have a daughter, I hope grown adults in their 30s don't sext her when she is a minor. I guess you'd be cool with that though? Drunk ones, too, wow! Cause that's harmless.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Actually, a 35 year old man who gets drunk and sexts strangers is probably a lame brain even if the lucky recipient was of legal age. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 This. SO THIS. Really though...do grown as.s adults look at 15 yr olds and think anything other than "kid"?? Not in my world, thankfully. *shudder* I forgot people have tattoos on their forehead stating their age.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 If you ever have a daughter, I hope grown adults in their 30s don't sext her when she is a minor. I guess you'd be cool with that though? Drunk ones, too, wow! Cause that's harmless. How do we know who started the flirting first? Why are we automatically assuming the girl wasn't in on it. Young people act immature too sometimes.
gaius Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 And gaius is saying the same thing as I am and yet no one is jumping down his throat. Insulting me doesn't work, maybe they hope to quiet you down by suggesting that your opinion doesn't matter because you have little relationship experience.
veggirl Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I forgot people have tattoos on their forehead stating their age. Oh sorry, semantics now? Obviously I meant when people KNOW someone is 15, like the OPs "love" did. Are you a guy? I can't see a female defending shiz like this. I remember being a young teen and having adult men whistle, cat-call etc at me. Disgusting I think the OPs man is nasty. We'll have to agree to disagree, I'll stop argueing with ya.
Alexanda Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I havent read all the post on here, but I just want to say that is beyond disgusting and there was no way he was that drunk. He was coherent enough to know what he was doing and that he was sexting a 15 year old. No excuses. It could happen again and you just not know about it.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Oh sorry, semantics now? Obviously I meant when people KNOW someone is 15, like the OPs "love" did. Are you a guy? I can't see a female defending shiz like this. I remember being a young teen and having adult men whistle, cat-call etc at me. Disgusting I think the OPs man is nasty. We'll have to agree to disagree, I'll stop argueing with ya. Good gracious. I'm not defending anyone or anything. I'm saying OP should monitor the situation and act accordingly. If this is the one and only time this ever happens then it's no big deal. If it happens again then yeah it's a huge red flag. And yes, I am a guy. But my gender has nothing to do with this. Same with your outrageous comparison to cat calls, etc.
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