kaylan Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 (edited) I have a dilemma. I am African American, hence I have very curly hair. Because of this, when I shave, I usually get several ingrown hairs as my hair grows back. They cant be seen without up close inspection, but I can definitely feel them and its annoying and hurts a bit. To get them out I simply closely inspect in the mirror, and flip the hair out from under the skin with a thin needle and tweezers. Because of my hair type I cannot shave with a razor. If I used a razor, many of my hairs will curl right into the skin and not straight into the hair follicles like they are supposed to. Hence upon regrowth I get loads more ingrowns than with other methods. Because of this, I use the lining clippers that you see used at the barber shop. Lining clippers are used for shaping up hairlines and beards. It cuts the hair short enough to look somewhat clean shaved, but not as short as a razor. Basically I get as low as a 5 o'clock shadow, but since Im black, it looks like a cleaner shave since theres not as much skin contrast with the shorter hairs. The hairs are thus not cut low and underneath the hair follicle, so I dont have to worry about them regrowing under the skin and missing my follicles. However, even though the hairs are now above the skin, some of them do start to curl back into the skin as my hair grows and starts to curl. So while I still get some ingrowns, I dont get nearly as much as I would we a razor. A razor increases my problem five fold. So heres my main problem. To minimize ingrown hairs I have two options. The first is leaving my face alone, and just letting the hair grow out, and not cutting it. The hair will stay long enough where it wont curl into my skin at all. My second option is to shave with my clippers every single day, while also constantly staying on watch for the several ingrown I will get. Its annoying having to watch dog my face though, plus the ingrowns hurt. However, I look younger, and quite good with a clean looking clipper shave. I usually feel more good looking when I shave, and I figure girls like this better...wouldnt they? Plus Ive always thought too much head hair isnt good. Basically, you cant have lots of hair on top of your head and a beard. Its one or the other...one area has to be clean cut, or you look like a cave man. And right now I have short dreads. So this is what my hair looks like (not me) http://i41.tinypic.com/mm8xer.jpg And heres what my beard looks like (not me, Randy Moss) http://www.statesman.com/multimedia/dynamic/00568/Vikings-Moss-Return_568973e.jpg I want to look good, but I have tried several different shaving methods and rituals...and Ive tried to train my hair with shaving lotions, different shaving creams, exfoliating the skin, and brushing the hairs as well. But nothing helps...ill always get a few ingrowns if I dont rock the beard. Plus my beard is slightly patchy like the guy in the pic...so it doesnt have the fullness that I can even rock it like my dad does in the professional world as a lawyer. So what say you gals? Id rather look my best on a first meeting, but Im so sick of this affliction. Im sure gals dont mind face fur, but Id figure they wouldnt wanna see it right away, right? And do any brothers here have any advice on shaving? Any guys here out dating but rocking a beard? I feel the most I can do to make my beard look ok is to comb it, and shape it up just a bit. Edited February 23, 2012 by kaylan
azsinglegal Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 My man had a beard for almost the entire past year, then he had to shave it for work. I miss it. I loved his beard. But he also went to the barber shop once a week and had it trimmed up and shaped (straight razor style). Now he's totally shaved, I like scruff. I like facial hair. But every woman is different. I've also dated dark skinned men like yourself, and I like the scruffy look on them as well.
zengirl Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 You know, I'm not sure it really matters in the end. I hate beards. Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate . . . you get the point. Hubby had a beard on our first date. He had a beard on our first few dates. He shaved eventually of his own accord and didn't have a beard in the pics I initially saw of him. But, honestly, if something as small as facial hair choice (unless you make a really out there one) sways the date, it wasn't going to go very far anyway. I would say style yourself however you feel best. As long as you are taking care in your appearance, in general, and styling yourself in a way where you feel you look good, you're probably doing all you need to do.
ditzchic Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I don't think it really matters so much. I am not a big fan of beards but I have dated guys I was really interested in despite the facial hair. If a girl likes you, it doesn't matter. Beards are one of those things we point out when we are just looking to verbalize why we 'weren't feeling it'. Good tip for ya though... try shaving with coconut oil. I have an african american cousin who has the same skin issue when it comes to shaving as you. He shaves with coconut oil and after he's done and the oil has fully absorbed into his skin he uses a face brush to exfoliate. He has a wonderful complexion!
veggirl Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I agree with the above, I like scruff I think some facial hair (trimmed and kept up! not growing wildly, of course) looks very masculine and I'm very attracted to that. eta: by "agree with the above" I meant azsinglegal, lol. People posted too fast! 1
Author kaylan Posted February 23, 2012 Author Posted February 23, 2012 (edited) I don't think it really matters so much. I am not a big fan of beards but I have dated guys I was really interested in despite the facial hair. If a girl likes you, it doesn't matter. Beards are one of those things we point out when we are just looking to verbalize why we 'weren't feeling it'. Good tip for ya though... try shaving with coconut oil. I have an african american cousin who has the same skin issue when it comes to shaving as you. He shaves with coconut oil and after he's done and the oil has fully absorbed into his skin he uses a face brush to exfoliate. He has a wonderful complexion! So he uses the coconut oil as shaving cream? Like he puts it on, then shaves me a razor? Ill try the coconut oil, but Ill have to do it after my shave. With clippers, you have to do a dry shave for it to be effective in cutting the hair well. So Ill hit the beauty supply store today since they carry a bunch of different oils. Im going to try dry shaving with my clippers, then putting some coconut oil on my skin to soak in afterwords. Then ill message my skin with a small soft toothbrush like I already do. I do this already to make sure my hairs are lifted away from my skin. I should buy an actual facial brush though. Either way, I hate my facial hair. Thanks for the advice. I really do much prefer my youthful look without a beard. Edited February 23, 2012 by kaylan
ditzchic Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 So he uses the coconut oil as shaving cream? Like he puts it on, then shaves me a razor? Ill try the coconut oil, but Ill have to do it after my shave. With clippers, you have to do a dry shave for it to be effective in cutting the hair well. So Ill hit the beauty supply store today since they carry a bunch of different oils. Im going to try dry shaving with my clippers, then putting some coconut oil on my skin to soak in afterwords. Then ill message my skin with a small soft toothbrush like I already do. Thanks for the advice. I really do much prefer my youthful look without a beard. Yep he just uses the oil as a shave cream. If he's let it go for a few days he has to use the clipper things first to get it down to a stubble. He actually turned me onto coconut oil too. I use it for shaving purposes. I bathe in it, I do a nightly rub down in it and I put some in my coffee in the morning. It does great things for the skin! Both my cousin I should probably work for the company that manufactures it as well because we tout it to everyone. lol. You can probably find it at a beauty supply store. They also sell it at GNC type places and health food stores. I buy mine off amazon because it's a bit cheaper if you're buying a lot of it.
Arkaeology Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I don't have much to say about the shaving 'coz I don't have the same problem as you although I'm also tan/dark all year round and I've always had the scruffy look on me. Here's a feel good thought for you stemming from the ladies' comments above that it shouldn't really matter. A lady that I'm seeing told me that I was lucky she was kissing me with my 2-day/1-day old beard which quite honestly will almost irritate any other person's face and skin. It's quite abrasive right ladies? I said "I'll keep that in mind..." 3 days later, we went out and before we see each other I texted her "Oh by the way I didn't shave." Her reply was "I'll sacrifice my skin. I miss your lips." Now that just made me smile.
azsinglegal Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Trader Joe's makes an awesome shave cream btw. Not sure if you have one near you but check it out.
Author kaylan Posted February 23, 2012 Author Posted February 23, 2012 Yep he just uses the oil as a shave cream. If he's let it go for a few days he has to use the clipper things first to get it down to a stubble. He actually turned me onto coconut oil too. I use it for shaving purposes. I bathe in it, I do a nightly rub down in it and I put some in my coffee in the morning. It does great things for the skin! Both my cousin I should probably work for the company that manufactures it as well because we tout it to everyone. lol. You can probably find it at a beauty supply store. They also sell it at GNC type places and health food stores. I buy mine off amazon because it's a bit cheaper if you're buying a lot of it. Just found some in my cabinet =D. Havent used it in like a year lol. I had it stowed away from when I used it as a spritz for my first set of dreads. I use jojoba oil for my hair and scalp now. Works great.
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Unfortunately I don't have any shaving tips for you, but in case my $0.02 matters, I really like at least a little facial hair on guys. Most guys I know look better with a little scruff, and my BF actually looks pretty good with a full on beard (which I used to hate). Most of my friends feel the same way. Yay facial hair!
setsenia Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 (edited) I've always had a preference for clean shaven men. My husband is half Asian and although his father had a mustache, I don't think my husband would look good with one at all, if he could grow one. LOL! I would always opt to shave, just to make a neat and presentable appearance. If you find out she has a preference for guys with beards later, great! But first impression is everything, which is why even many employers require employees to be clean shaven. Although a well groomed goatee I think is attractive. Good luck! Edited February 23, 2012 by setsenia
DonVee Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 All women have different preferences I love a man with facial hair I can't stand a naked face (turn off) however I know exactly what you are dealing with my ex would bump up after every shave and I would spend one night a week with tweezers getting all of his ingrowns out it was a good bonding experience and some days when I spend time with my FWB I would whip out the tweezers and go to work on him and he loves it "weird but true"... Have you ever tried any of those ingrown hair products? I see them in African American beauty shops some of them are called "No Bump" of course I've never used them but I have seen a few men purchase them, so it may be something to try out if you already haven't. As for the look... That scruffy stuff is a NO GO, you can clean it up just a little some what like the pic I have of Common "SEXY" lol let me stop but I think first impressions are important, but if the ladies can't see past the exterior and see you for you after they really get to know you than your better off! http://www.yorapper.com/Photos/common-ringtones.jpg
Author kaylan Posted February 23, 2012 Author Posted February 23, 2012 (edited) I've always had a preference for clean shaven men. My husband is half Asian and although his father had a mustache, I don't think my husband would look good with one at all, if he could grow one. LOL! I would always opt to shave, just to make a neat and presentable appearance. If you find out she has a preference for guys with beards later, great! But first impression is everything, which is why even many employers require employees to be clean shaven. Although a well groomed goatee I think is attractive. Good luck! Sometimes I wish I was half asian lol. (eastern)Asians hardly ever get body hair and facial hair the way the rest of us do...it just seems like their body hair grows less aggressively. Which is odd, because they do have wicked bush though. At least from what Ive seen in porn lolz All women have different preferences I love a man with facial hair I can't stand a naked face (turn off) however I know exactly what you are dealing with my ex would bump up after every shave and I would spend one night a week with tweezers getting all of his ingrowns out it was a good bonding experience and some days when I spend time with my FWB I would whip out the tweezers and go to work on him and he loves it "weird but true"... Have you ever tried any of those ingrown hair products? I see them in African American beauty shops some of them are called "No Bump" of course I've never used them but I have seen a few men purchase them, so it may be something to try out if you already haven't. As for the look... That scruffy stuff is a NO GO, you can clean it up just a little some what like the pic I have of Common "SEXY" lol let me stop but I think first impressions are important, but if the ladies can't see past the exterior and see you for you after they really get to know you than your better off! http://www.yorapper.com/Photos/common-ringtones.jpg Those "no bump" dont work as well as my clippers. The shave with those razors is too high, and the lotions and creams that they have dont help much either. And obviously Im not going to rock a beard thats straight scruff. I was giving everyone an idea of how my beard looks when its straight up natural. I would of course shape it up some. I was also trying to show how my beard is somewhat patchy on the check and neck, just like the Randy Moss photo. My beard doesnt grow full enough to even attempt the beard Common has. I would need my cheek hair to be less patchy. Plus Common shaves his neck hair off...so if I rocked his style Id still have to deal with a few neck ingrowns. Im pretty sure I just need to figure out the right shaving ritual. I need the right oils, brush, clippers etc...and soon Ill figure it out. Ive gotten way better results from way back when I started getting ingrows. I didnt start having much of a beard until I was 21. So its a learning process. Ill prolly need to find a good forum for this. Edited February 23, 2012 by kaylan
Quiet Storm Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 My husband has a beard and I love it. He is black and has the same issues with the ingrown hairs, so he just lets it grow and keeps it shaped up. Here are some hot black men with beards: It’s No Shave November: Man-Bangers Whose Beards We Love | Bossip
ditzchic Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 It’s No Shave November: Man-Bangers Whose Beards We Love | Bossip I have never heard of Matt Kemp until today. That picture on the front page of this link may have just changed my life! Thanks, Quiet Storm!
Quiet Storm Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I have never heard of Matt Kemp until today. That picture on the front page of this link may have just changed my life! Thanks, Quiet Storm! I have had this link saved as a favorite for months, as I am a beard lover, LOL. I'm glad someone else can enjoy!
DonVee Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Those "no bump" dont work as well as my clippers. The shave with those razors is too high, and the lotions and creams that they have dont help much either. And obviously Im not going to rock a beard thats straight scruff. I was giving everyone an idea of how my beard looks when its straight up natural. I would of course shape it up some. I was also trying to show how my beard is somewhat patchy on the check and neck, just like the Randy Moss photo. My beard doesnt grow full enough to even attempt the beard Common has. I would need my cheek hair to be less patchy. Plus Common shaves his neck hair off...so if I rocked his style Id still have to deal with a few neck ingrowns. Im pretty sure I just need to figure out the right shaving ritual. I need the right oils, brush, clippers etc...and soon Ill figure it out. Ive gotten way better results from way back when I started getting ingrows. I didnt start having much of a beard until I was 21. So its a learning process. Ill prolly need to find a good forum for this. Awe... I hope it works out for you and I'm thinking the Coconut oil may also be a good one to try that stuff works wonders and I live by it... I cook with it and use it on my skin but I never thought that it could possibly help with shaving (you learn something everyday)! My husband has a beard and I love it. He is black and has the same issues with the ingrown hairs, so he just lets it grow and keeps it shaped up. Here are some hot black men with beards: It’s No Shave November: Man-Bangers Whose Beards We Love | Bossip Oh wow... I to love a man with a beard, thanks for the eye candy preview!
Ariadne Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Sorry to say but... A guy that writes and essay of 10+ paragraphs about "should I shave or not shave?" before going to a date, and endlessly discussing about ingrown hairs is not going to be successful in this date or any dates.
Author kaylan Posted February 23, 2012 Author Posted February 23, 2012 (edited) Sorry to say but... A guy that writes and essay of 10+ paragraphs about "should I shave or not shave?" before going to a date, and endlessly discussing about ingrown hairs is not going to be successful in this date or any dates. Who says Im going on a date? If you actually read my OP in full, youd see this was a general question asking what women like when they first meet a guy. Plus most people, since most arent black, dont really know much about the facial hair issues black men face. So I wanted to explain in detail so people wouldnt need to ask questions later. Excuse me for trying to give responders a decent understanding of my situation by painting a full picture. My being in-depth about an issue Im dealing with has nothing to do with my potential success in dating. Get a grip sister. EDIT: P.S. - It goes without saying, but women would appreciate a guy who actually cares about his first impression the way I do. Maybe I should look at some of your past threads and try and label you as someone who would be unsuccessful in dating based on something trivial? Edited February 23, 2012 by kaylan 1
Ariadne Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Excuse me for trying to give responders a decent understanding of my situation by painting a full picture...women would appreciate a guy who actually cares about his first impression the way I do. I can see your concern though..maybe the coconut oil will work for your situation and I'd say a short trim is nice. I general, men should learn to be men first before trying to make good first impressions.
PlumPrincess Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Don't know... I thought it was interesting. I didn't know black men with curly hair had such problems with shaving.
Ariadne Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Get a grip sister. Sorry brother. Just having a bad day today. Cheers.
bolase Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I don't have advice on grooming for you, but I will say that I love facial fair on men - apart from goatees. Something kept shorter than caveman length and not overly manicured is great. I also like more rather than less head hair, most guys suit it. I wish that fewer guys shaved everything off during the first phase of dating because they feel that they should, or they're more kissable or whatever - but this is generally hard to tell men. So I'm telling you, let it be a bit wild, waaay sexier!
Els Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 You know, I'm not sure it really matters in the end. I hate beards. Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate . . . you get the point. Hubby had a beard on our first date. He had a beard on our first few dates. He shaved eventually of his own accord and didn't have a beard in the pics I initially saw of him. But, honestly, if something as small as facial hair choice (unless you make a really out there one) sways the date, it wasn't going to go very far anyway. I would say style yourself however you feel best. As long as you are taking care in your appearance, in general, and styling yourself in a way where you feel you look good, you're probably doing all you need to do. Second this completely. I greatly prefer clean-shaven men too, but really, I'm not daft enough to dismiss an otherwise great guy just for his beard. If you reeeeaaaally want to get rid of the beard without ingrown hairs, waxing or depilatory creams might probably work. Most women use them if they don't/can't shave. But they're really an unpleasant experience in general. You're only half-right about Asians. East Asians, like Japanese and Chinese, generally are less hairy. But Indians and Pakistani... let's just say that if you want to be clean-shaven and you don't like shaving, you don't want to be them.
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