robbie23rd Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 (edited) Hi All New to this forum so I will begin with my current situation. I have been with the love of my life for 10 years, we have three children and have been married for 4 years. The pressures of debt, young children and my insecuritys took its toll on our relationship but for the best of time we were very happy together. A month ago my wife told me she needed to move on with her life, in the space of two weeks she has moved into her own place with the children and I moved out. There has not been a day she has NOT contacted me, for the 1st week not very nice text, but i never responded back with angry just love. I panicked the first week and did all the things I should not have, promised I would change and begged her back - obviously this did not work. I helped her alot with the move as she does not have alot of people to help her so I made sure i did. And I even brought her a new wardrobe, rug etc for her new place. I have left her with my car and everything we brought as a couple, would not have it any other way as I love her and my children very very much. Two days ago I got a text from her asking if she should come over, so I said yes, we had a nice evening and ended up sleeping together. Yesterday we saw each other again NO sex but just cuddled and watched a film together, she then went home. This morning i got a Four text sent one after the other from her: Text 1: " I dont want to back to it being us again! I am happy being single and just getting on with it, but I don't think you are? I don't know it just feels like it's getting bit to much again?" Text 2: "And thats not what I want right now" Text 3: "You can text back" Text 4: I no that's probablly really annoyed you now but I just like things the way they are at the moment and I don't know I'm wrong in thinking you want things to go back to how they were?" MY REPLY: "Hi not at all? I am happy being single too I don't ever want us to get back together being the same people we were before. All I said yesterday is I am not intrested in meeting anyone else and if i do get to the point were I have meet someone else I would tell you first, and just wanted to ask if you would also?" HER REPLY "Oh OK ignore me then, yes I totally would tell you" (This really hurt me) MY REPLY "maybe we should just stop seeing each other and texting from now on, I will pick up the kids on my weekends and set times to call them everynight, Obviously if you need to contact me regarding the children please DO, but other then that we should maybe cut ties and see how we both feel, I know you want to be single and this would help me move on from you i think x" HER REPLY "OK I understand, what time will you get them on saturday? X" A min later she sends a random text about how she is trying to find a location and it is a nightmare????? so she has ignored my request to only contact if it is with regards to our children??? I am so confussed right now I love her so so much, But i dont want to come across needy anymore. Any advice will really be appricated :-) Thank you and sorry for the long post Edited February 23, 2012 by robbie23rd
coopster Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 You`re confused? about what? You come across in your post as indifferent,
robf1971 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 . A month ago my wife told me she needed to move on with her life, in the space of two weeks she has moved into her own place with the children and I moved out. There has not been a day she has NOT contacted me, for the 1st week not very nice text, but i never responded back with angry just love. I panicked the first week and did all the things I should not have, promised I would change and begged her back - obviously this did not work. I helped her alot with the move as she does not have alot of people to help her so I made sure i did. And I even brought her a new wardrobe, rug etc for her new place. I have left her with my car and everything we brought as a couple, would not have it any other way as I love her and my children very very much. Two days ago I got a text from her asking if she should come over, so I said yes, we had a nice evening and ended up sleeping together. Yesterday we saw each other again NO sex but just cuddled and watched a film together, she then went home. This morning i got a Four text sent one after the other from her: Text 1: " I dont want to back to it being us again! I am happy being single and just getting on with it, but I don't think you are? I don't know it just feels like it's getting bit to much again?" Text 2: "And thats not what I want right now" Text 3: "You can text back" Text 4: I no that's probablly really annoyed you now but I just like things the way they are at the moment and I don't know I'm wrong in thinking you want things to go back to how they were?" MY REPLY: "Hi not at all? I am happy being single too I don't ever want us to get back together being the same people we were before. All I said yesterday is I am not intrested in meeting anyone else and if i do get to the point were I have meet someone else I would tell you first, and just wanted to ask if you would also?" HER REPLY "Oh OK ignore me then, yes I totally would tell you" (This really hurt me) MY REPLY "maybe we should just stop seeing each other and texting from now on, I will pick up the kids on my weekends and set times to call them everynight, Obviously if you need to contact me regarding the children please DO, but other then that we should maybe cut ties and see how we both feel, I know you want to be single and this would help me move on from you i think x" HER REPLY "OK I understand, what time will you get them on saturday? X" A min later she sends a random text about how she is trying to find a location and it is a nightmare????? so she has ignored my request to only contact if it is with regards to our children??? I am so confussed right now I love her so so much, But i dont want to come across needy anymore. Any advice will really be appricated :-) Thank you and sorry for the long post Imagine you had a daughter who was in her 20's and her husband walked out on her. Somehow he thought it was ok to come back when he felt like it to sh*g her but then went back to his flat for the fun single life. What advice would you give your daughter?
Bradly Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Wow! We do almost have the same story. I dont know if i can help but ill try. My advise, I wish I knew about the NC and 180 and could go back in time to a month after all this happen to me. It's been 5 months for me since she broke the news to me. I said some pretty mean things, I wish I could take back, and it just pushed her farther away. As a matter of fact I can't believe she even still speaks to me still. But anyway follow that 180 list and to start trying to accept how she feels. Its hard to do but I keep telling myself "it is what it is" throughout my days. The one thing that really got my wifes attention one day was when I told her I wasn't sure what I want either because of all this. I told her I understand how she feels, but I don't understand... Give her space on many levels, and sex screws with your head, so try to avoid it.
fmrmarine Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Obviously, you can take my comments in the context of coming from someone who is contemplating divorce. However, I do understand building attraction. I assume that is your goal, having your wife attracted enough to return? Sorry if I'm reading too much into it. Anyway, people don't like people who are down, depressed, clingy, etc. They are attracted to people who are happy, lively, have things going on, etc. People also like a bit of a challenge. You need to make sure that you always sound like you are in a good mood when you speak. Make plans with friends, go out, take up a new hobby. Take a while to return her calls. The same with texts or ignore them altogether. When you do interact with your wife, keep it light, be playful, tease her. Join a gym, buy a new outfit, maybe even a new hairstyle. Make sure you have great visits with your kids. Have fun. Above all, don't be needy or clingy. Fake it if you have to. Go ahead and schedule a lunch date or coffee date if you meet someone you like. You maybe having a crisis of confidence right now. Knowing you can meet and connect with people will boost that confidence. Women are attracted to confident guys who are fun to be around. Project confidence and fun. Best of luck to you.
coopster Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 (edited) Anyway, people don't like people who are down, depressed so wrong. maybe change it to `most` or even `self centered` ? The `people` i get on most with are the ones that are unhappy or down or `depressed` . Not because we have something in common, but because i care. 2 `people` are in an accident. one is shouting help me help me help me !!!!..the other is silent...who do you go to?? but yeah, clingy,desperate, needy, is not good Edited February 27, 2012 by coopster
fmrmarine Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Fair enough, coopster. Perhaps it would be better stated that people are typically not romatically attracted to those qualities.
coopster Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Fair enough, coopster. Perhaps it would be better stated that people are typically not romatically attracted to those qualities. Everyone is different!!!! would you die for her? i mean , really die for her? Would you sacrifice all for her????
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