TZ Posted June 5, 2004 Posted June 5, 2004 So it's been 8 weeks of no contact. Slowly moving on. For my birthday this week, he sends me an email (around 6am) wishing me a happy birthday and says that he wondered how come he couldn't text me (I blocked him from msn). I reply a day later with a simple 'thank you'. Then he calls me at work (I didn't know it was him) to check if I got his email and to wish me a happy birthday again. I reply coldly with thank you's and OK's. I don't explain about the blocking. We don't talk about anything else. Then he sends another email apologizing for having bothered me at work. (I guess the tone of my voice was less than welcoming.) I reply a day later with a simple 'it wasn't a bother. thank you'. I felt good that he acknowledged my birthday. I don't have any hopes of getting back with him, because after much thinking I now see what he stands for. Did replying to his messages count as breaking the 'no contact' rule? What do I make of this? Why did he insist so much in contacting me?
CurlyIam Posted June 6, 2004 Posted June 6, 2004 I admire you. About his calling: no, IMO you did not break "the" rule . I think he used this occasion to test you. Test his power over you. You got 10 points out of 10 at handling the situation. You talked to him, didn't offend him, even responded his mails, you did all that and stay in controll of the situation. I could be wrong, but if he's somewhat more conceited, he could have disliked your not breaking down on hearing him over the phone - that was low, honestely! Anyway, as far as it goes, you're the hero of my day. Just make sure to keep it that way in the future, TZ!
Author TZ Posted June 6, 2004 Author Posted June 6, 2004 CurlyIam, You just made me feel 10 feet taller!!! Thank you so much for your reassuring words. I thought I had broken the blessed 'no contact' rule by replying to his email and thanking him for wishing me a happy birthday. The moment after he spoke to me, I felt the sadness and confusion come back to me and it lasted for the rest of the afternoon. But I was very cold on the phone; while he seemed so composed and happy. We didn't talk about the relationship; he didn't ask 'how are you' (and neither did I). He said he tried to text me but couldn't (and all I said to this was 'ok'--didn't tell him he was blocked). I definitely did not have a quiver in my voice. The next day, however, I decided to reply to his emails. I didn't have any angry feelings when I replied, as I felt better in myself by letting go of that anger, but still keeping my distance by not saying much and simply writing 'thanks'. I still think about him, though. And this is what bothers me a bit. I am keeping myself busy trying to think of other things, but he still springs to mind very often during the day. The good thing is that I don't have a desire to talk to him. I don't even know if I want to be friends. It will be up to him to contact me now. I think part of the reason that I didn't break down during the phone conversation was that I had told him when he broke up with me that I wouldn't beg or cry. Now I think of all the negative things he said and negative things he did to me and to the relationship. I have to bring those up to the forefront of my mind every so often, because I'm a sucker and will probably forgive him too easily and put myself second to him (my usual behavior while with him). The moment I think of his negative traits, then I despise him to no end! I'd like to wash that man right outta my head!
CurlyIam Posted June 6, 2004 Posted June 6, 2004 TZ, believe it or not, you are on your way to get there! Yes you are. YOu know why? Because even if you still think about him, and inside you're not that sure, etc etc, you have the courage to act as if you are past him. That is the way to success.Keep acting this way, keep saying to yourself you're over the guy, that he's been awofull to you and , after some time, you'll begin to believe it. We all are the products of our thoughts. So have some happy thoughts without him in them too!!! I don't understand the "friendship" part. It is my intimate belief that it is impossible for people that have been in a relationship to start a friendship right after! So try not to go there, it will only pull you back. And you are doing so fine, TZ! As a woman, I am very proud of your acting so strong. I also happen to believe that this man enjoys tormenting you. It's been a very short period of time since your breakup, there are mountains of difficulties to surpas in order to be conpletely over. Just remember that not only he did terrible things to you in your relationship, but he's got no respect for your feelings, he's selfish and selfcentered and you don't need that kind of friends around. Not right away, anyway! Again, very very well done! Curly
Recommended Posts