kiss_andmakeup Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Recently my boyfriend has been calling me a lot - usually once during his lunch break at work, just quickly to say hi and wish me a nice day, and then again in the evening to have a longer chat and vent to each other about our days. We still send a few texts throughout the day, but true conversations are usually reserved for phone calls. We used to text as our primary mode of communication and I have to say, I really like this new (old?) way better. We typically go Tue-Fri without seeing each other due to distance and work schedules (I stay at his place Saturday afternoon through Tuesday morning), so communication during the week is important for our relationship. I told him that I liked that we'd been talking on the phone more...it makes me feel closer to him during the week. He agreed and said that's why he's initiated it, and said he's trying to cut down on texting even with his friends as it feels so impersonal. He even implied that he'd like to revert back to a "dumb" phone at some point if not for work (he needs his blackberry for his job) and go back to good old fashioned talking on the phone. He refuses to join facebook or participate in other social network sites (twitter, google+, etc.), which is fine by me. I see so many posts on here where the poster displays severe anxiety because they don't know how to interpret a text that their love interest sent them. Then they try to dissect it word-for-word. Then they wait and wait for the next text and rinse, repeat. I've been in those exact shoes myself, especially early in the relationship. Whereas phone conversations rarely have this resulting confusion. It's much easier to read someone when they're physically talking to you than when they're typing to you. I've read dozens of articles about the text/e-mail/facebook phenomenon really having an impact on our social capabilities, especially in younger people who have had this technology in their hands practically since birth. How do you think this kind of communication impacts our relationships? What have you found to be the best way to communicate with your significant other when you can't be together every day? 1
Star Gazer Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Well, my SO is half a world away right now, so seeing him in the flesh isn't really an option for a few more months. We're great with emails, but so much gets lost or misinterpreted with the written word. So, we rely heavily on phone calls... and those calls have helped our relationship progress leaps and bounds and get so much stronger in a way that I just don't think would be possible even if he was here and we texted in between in-person dates.
U1987 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 (edited) I've always maintained that facebook, texting and social networking in general make dating/finding mates extremely difficult for males. They leave girls open to tonnes of competition from other guys (friend requests, status updates, texts, tweets, etc) making it that much more difficult for any individual one male to win her attention. I also feel like many girls are losing the ability to connect face to face with guys, as I've discovered, to my dismay, that many feel it acceptable to send texts or check their facebook on dates. Now are you going to answer my questions on my other thread? Edited February 23, 2012 by U1987
make me believe Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 When we were dating my H and I frequently went Mon-Thurs without seeing each other and I always felt a little 'off' on the days that we only texted and didn't speak on the phone. It was so much nicer to hear his voice & his laugh, and of course easier to clear up any misunderstandings or whatever. We texted throughout the day but it was our lunchtime or evening phone call that made me feel close to him even when we couldn't see each other. Now that we're married we still text sporatically throughout the day when he has to go into the office (only 2 days a week) and he almost always calls me on his lunch break those days too. I love it!
veggirl Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I love when my BF calls me. He is a huge texter, sometimes it's a little annoying when he tries to have a big convo via text, so I will tell him to call me. It drives me BATTY when people (young, usually) say they "aren't good on the phone" and don't like talking on it, prefering texting or IMing. That's just pathetic and I think it's a HUGE problem.
norajane Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 It drives me BATTY when people (young, usually) say they "aren't good on the phone" and don't like talking on it, prefering texting or IMing. That's just pathetic and I think it's a HUGE problem. It is a huge problem - most jobs require that you talk to people on the phone. Electronics only get you so far. I think all of these technologies have their uses, but most people misuse them. I would never choose text for something that requires actual conversation - texting is for "I'll be there in 10 minutes!" or "please pick up milk while you're at the store". I am amazed when I read here that people ask each other out on dates via text, conduct arguments via text, and break up via text. No wonder they break up - they can't actually talk with each other. And there is something really nice about hearing your SO's voice in your ear when you're on the phone, and their actual laugh rather than a "LOL!".
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I think bad communication is bad communication regardless of whether it's done via phone, text or email. In fact a lot of these women ask questions about men they are in relationships with an they see all the time. You can't blame that on texting, that's the level of communication to blame. I think they're all pretty much on the same level with regards to talking in person. Whether it's texting, email or phone neither of these feels much more significant than the other. Of course It's nice to hear your voice but It's not like It's not you without...as long as It's not heard over a long period of time it's fine with me. I think people blame their lack of communication skills just like their problems on every external source rather than the true source...themselves. Yes texting and phones might promote a lack of personal interaction just like Mcdonalds and fast food makes you fat. But you ultimately are the X factor in these equation and it's up to you to make the decision or not. Maybe your boyfriend finds talking on the phone less tedious than starring at his phone all day which he might have to do for work. And maybe he doesn't want to join facebook and other sites for the same reason I didn't want to...so women couldn't keep tabs on you and track you down! But i did succumb to the pressure due to family, It's helped me stay in touch with a lot of them but I don't add strangers or people I'm not close with and I see it as another form of trickery by the female spy to continuously track your moves, actions and see what else is going on in your life.
zengirl Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I really hate phone calls, personally. I prefer emails or texts, but I'd never be able to sustain a relationship where I couldn't see the person pretty regularly. I don't mind phone calls with hubby and usually call when one of us is away, but don't really like long ones. I really think communication depends on the people involved. A lot of people can misinterpret phone calls or even live, in-person conversations too, but phone calls suffer from a lot of the same issues as the written word (the only good addition is tone, but visual clues are vastly more important and much more universal than tone in almost every study) and the written word has the benefit of being 'recorded.' A lot of miscommunications come from people thinking they heard something they didn't, too. Some people will have lessened anxiety with steady phone calls, sure. I'm glad you and your BF worked out something that worked for you -- that's all that really matters. Different things work for different people. Me, I'm glad to have a variety of communication tools that work for me at different times, but I think relationships are really built by spending time together in person and nowhere else. But that's just for me. After a friendship is built, I can maintain it over distance, and I could do that with a relationship for a bit, but it's never the same as being WITH the person.
Recommended Posts