sweetheart5381 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 This past weekend I caved and broke NC. He broke up with me a couple of weeks ago in anger, stating that he ended the relationship completely because I did not give him the space he needed to decide if he wanted to go back to being single or not. I texted him on Sunday night and told him that I really missed our friendship and was having trouble moving on, not sure whether I should be with another man or not. The next day, I told him after further thought that I understood his position, his initial reasons for "needing space" (he had always just wanted a fun relationship, did not like emotions or dealing with anyone else's. I ended the last text with "I am ok with moving on now, I get it. You will always be my friend. Love (T__)" He angrily replied after the last text that I was "oblivious, overanalyzed it" and "hurtful for not knowing how he felt" (he NEVER expressed any serious emotion or feelings other than anger openly) etc.. that it was "simple, it's over, just not meant to be"..."move on". When asked why he completely ignored me in a very unprofessional manner in front of our mutual friends and colleagues, yet claimed that "he had so wished that we could be friends", he responded that he was "weirded out" by my communicating my feelings for him during his "space time" though "space" was not clearly defined. He said, "when you start acting normal, I will treat you that way" Normal to him is burying emotions - I cant do it. All the blame was layed on me, that if I had have just "shut up and left him alone" we may possibly still be together. He was so cold and uncaring with his texts yelling and cursing, unbelievable that we were once so close. Bottom line is, friends dont treat each other like they dont exist, or that their feelings are not valid (he referred to feelings as drama, regularly). They just dont turn their backs on one another. I dont anger often, I have alot of self-control but I sent him back a scathing text - told him "f**k you and your so-called friendship... you are cold and mean.... I dont want you or your friendship." In hindsight, he always told me that his ex-wife of 23 years said he was a "very cold, unloving man". He believed that she resented him for not understanding her emotional needs (she was experiencing depression when he left her). Maybe those were warnings. Lots of warning in hindsight. Sad that it ended this way. Very, very nasty. But glad in a way too. Hurts alot right now though.
Numb79 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I know you are sad right now and it really hurts... but after the way he responded, does it not give you more of a reason to just let this guy go? I understand that things are really rough.... you reach out hoping that maybe the person had a change of heart and then you get crushed when they don't respond or don't tell you what you want to hear. Don't worry... It happens to all of us. You are not the first one to break NC nor will you be the last. There was life before him... and remember that there will be life after him. Do what I do.... everytime I feel the urge to break NC, I just jump on here and read other peoples stories of what happened when they did it..... It may not work for you.... but it reminds me of what would possibly happen if I do break NC. Hope this helps.....
Author sweetheart5381 Posted February 23, 2012 Author Posted February 23, 2012 I know you are sad right now and it really hurts... but after the way he responded, does it not give you more of a reason to just let this guy go? I understand that things are really rough.... you reach out hoping that maybe the person had a change of heart and then you get crushed when they don't respond or don't tell you what you want to hear. Don't worry... It happens to all of us. You are not the first one to break NC nor will you be the last. There was life before him... and remember that there will be life after him. Do what I do.... everytime I feel the urge to break NC, I just jump on here and read other peoples stories of what happened when they did it..... It may not work for you.... but it reminds me of what would possibly happen if I do break NC. Hope this helps..... Thanks Numb You're right. Funny thing is, I didnt want a reply from him as a romantic partner, he was a trusted friend and I wanted him to know that he is of much greater value in that capacity and that I respected his decision. I was honest and told him I was having a hard time going out with other men so soon and still showing him the respect he deserved. Unfortunately, he does not value my friendship much since he spoke to me with such disrespect. That is quite heartbreaking, to know that when push comes to shove, I was little more than a sex partner and those are a dime a dozen. I wont be breaking NC again, I have no reason to now that I know what he really feels/doesnt feel. Again, heartbreaking to lose a friend, just as bad as losing a lover.
youngster Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 This guy sounds like a total (rhymes with tick). You are definitely better off. You made yourself vulnerable and all he did destroy you in your fragile state. Seriously, eff this guy.
Numb79 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I agree that it is hearbreaking to lose a friend. My Ex and I were actaully friends 7 yrs before we decided to hook up. We were together for 5 yrs and she just broke it off almost 4 weeks ago. It was an LDR, she lived in Canada and I lived in the United States. I am still coping with the fact that I will never be apart of this person's life again nor will she be apart of mine. It's as if none of it ever happened. Perhaps you may have some words of wisdom that you would like to share with me?
youngster Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I agree that it is hearbreaking to lose a friend. My Ex and I were actaully friends 7 yrs before we decided to hook up. We were together for 5 yrs and she just broke it off almost 4 weeks ago. It was an LDR, she lived in Canada and I lived in the United States. I am still coping with the fact that I will never be apart of this person's life again nor will she be apart of mine. It's as if none of it ever happened. Perhaps you may have some words of wisdom that you would like to share with me? If I may Sounds cliche, but fitting, "it is better to have loved, and lost, then to have never loved at all" I'm a mess without my ex. Friends before lovers, treated like crap in the end. Were my smiles worth my cries? To me, absolutely.
Sugarkane Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 The breakup that brought me here was very similar. I found out too late what a cold hearted person my ex really is- and that's putting it nicely. It really gave me more of a reason to never speak to this person ever again. I couldn't believe how cruel some people really are. I told him where to shove it, as he really deserved.
Author sweetheart5381 Posted February 23, 2012 Author Posted February 23, 2012 This guy sounds like a total (rhymes with tick). You are definitely better off. You made yourself vulnerable and all he did destroy you in your fragile state. Seriously, eff this guy. Thanks I would have called him that, but there isnt much left to be said after "F**k you". You're right, I was very vulnerable, he knew it and used it. Some people are just aweful, with no sense for how others feel... lesson learned yet again.
youngster Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 We live and we learn (hopefully) Its a good chance that people flock to these sites because they are broken and want to get better. Then we can be as vulnerable as we like because for the most part we are surrounded with empathetic people who have been in our shoes at one point in their life and offer advice and support. God I love the Internet!!
Author sweetheart5381 Posted February 23, 2012 Author Posted February 23, 2012 I agree that it is hearbreaking to lose a friend. My Ex and I were actaully friends 7 yrs before we decided to hook up. We were together for 5 yrs and she just broke it off almost 4 weeks ago. It was an LDR, she lived in Canada and I lived in the United States. I am still coping with the fact that I will never be apart of this person's life again nor will she be apart of mine. It's as if none of it ever happened. Perhaps you may have some words of wisdom that you would like to share with me? I read your story, very difficult to say the least. 7 yrs of friendship is longer than most - the additional 4 yrs together as a couple... must be friggin tough, thats for sure. I feel for you. I was with my sons' father for nearly 10 yrs - the split was very difficult. Needed 6 months NC to just get our heads together and get used to the "shock" of not being together. I am sure LD is a lil different, but I also believe that loves does not know time together or space apart - real love is not physical and is timeless. Thanks for your kind words 1
Author sweetheart5381 Posted February 23, 2012 Author Posted February 23, 2012 The breakup that brought me here was very similar. I found out too late what a cold hearted person my ex really is- and that's putting it nicely. It really gave me more of a reason to never speak to this person ever again. I couldn't believe how cruel some people really are. I told him where to shove it, as he really deserved. Yes I agree, sometimes I think NC is of little benefit if you are holding yourself back by doing so.. I mean if you really have something that needs to be expressed, then express it - it they care, they will understand, if they dont, they will let you know it and you can move on knowing you did your best. Its liberating to finally have a say even if they arent listening, you said it for you, not them. Just gotta be honest and do it for the right reasons. Sometimes people need to be put in their place.
GKM Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 This guy sounds like a total (rhymes with tick). You are definitely better off. You made yourself vulnerable and all he did destroy you in your fragile state. Seriously, eff this guy. Good advice. I wrote my ex a long love letter after he left, saying how much our 5 years together meant to me and he just wrote back a callous response. If he can do that- then eff him. I've written back a scathing reply but its still in 'drafts' Im trying not to send it in the heat of the moment and wait
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