FitChick Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Looks like match.com conducted a survey that says many would.
carhill Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I can't imagine it but that's one data point of billions.
InJest Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Of course they would. Plenty of people marry for money, status, the other person is hot, or they just don't think they can do better. 1
Ranchero44 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Many, many people--both men and women--marry people they are less than madly in love with. Too, too many people settle!!!! No wonder the rate of infidelity is so high. In a way, I don't really blame people for settling. You can be holding out for a REEEEEEEALLY long time for that "One". That Soul Mate. Loneliness can become crushing. People give up on finding Mr. or Mrs. Right and settle for Mr. or Mrs. "Good Enough". And then have passionate affairs, much of the time. I don't know what the answer is; there is no easy answer. Do you settle? Do you wait? Everyone has to puzzle this out for him or herself. I've had a couple of men end relationships with me because, at the end of the day, I was not the girl they wanted to marry and spend the rest of their lives with. I'm glad these men DIDN'T settle for me. I don't want to be settled for. But, I do get awful lonely. I don't know. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Of course they would In my opinion... I don't know about other men but growing up and talking to married men I've heard the phrase over and over... "If you're waiting for the perfect one...she's never going to come along, you'll be looking forever" I've heard from men I knew well and others I didn't know well at all...especially men under the influence trying to give a single guy advice! I think men are pretty rational and in terms of their lives can be systematic...will she make a good mom? will she make a good wife? can she cook? is she good with kids?...Am I in love with her? well not like she is with me but I do love her..so why not. As you can see on many of the posts on this forum...women time after time bend and bend for men feeling that they are entitled to men giving in and making a permanent commitment out of it. Now If the guy is ready to settle down and he's looking for a partner, some men are willing to say...."oh alright, I need a woman to make a baby and I need someone who makes me feel secure...she gets along well enough with my family, very nice, sweet girl and doesn't look like she's going anywhere soon, she's probably the best I can get anyway" So from that point of view, I can see a lot of men settling down with a woman for other reason than love...especially with how persistent women are and they keep banging on the door...eventually that guy at some point is going to open it...however I think they're usually a lot of casualties before that happens with most men. Mainly though that they feel they can't do any better, she seems rationally like the right person to be with, or It's just that time. Maybe they even knocked her up which seems to speed up that process as well. I think with men it's the very few minority that actually are romantics and feel that there is a greater love out there and are willing to find it, most I think feel it's about options and timing, and age.
xxoo Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Looks like match.com conducted a survey that says many would. This makes me sad. I'm a true believer in love, and I feel bad for people who haven't experienced it. People give up on finding Mr. or Mrs. Right and settle for Mr. or Mrs. "Good Enough". And then have passionate affairs, much of the time. Very true, and sadder yet. People usually WILL experience (feel) love eventually, for someone. If you don't love your spouse, it leaves you very vulnerable to finding a "soulmate" later in life. How unfair to the spouse, esp if she really loved you I wonder if love at time of marriage is correlated with marriage success? Marriage happiness? I do know that love is not enough to guarantee success and happiness. But I think it helps! 1
maybealone Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I know a few men that married the woman they knocked up. They are doing their best to make a happy family and I think they care about their wives, but the ones they really love are their kids.
mesmerized Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Personally I do not understand the need to even get married or have kids and hence the need for some people to settle. I never get lonely even when single for 5 plus years at a time. I'm a female btw and in my thirties and I can envision myself being alone until I die without any loneliness or the need to have a partner. I don't get why people need this so much that they would settle? Personally I don't particularly like being around most people; I find it more blissful to be alone and to have no one in my house. No one to move around in the bed or eat my food or touch my stuff. Why do people feel lonely at being single? I can be single indefinitely and die an old person without a male and not feel alone. Never felt the need for a husband or "love" from a man in order to be happy. Amen. Having "love" from a man you like is a big bonus but I don't think it should be "needed" as much as most women act like they need it. Being alone can be much more fun than being with someone you don't truly enjoy being with. Some women just don't seem to have a life outside of their men and their relationships. I tend to find those women extremely annoying. I don't think most men are like this, however. I have rarely seen a man desperate for relationship/marriage.
Kamille Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 This is not new. They present it like it is, but I think that back in the 80s, when they started doing these kinds of studies (well sociological ones), men reported a higher level of satisfaction with marriage than women did (not that women hated it, just that men seemed to feel slightly more positive about it than women). Other studies have shown that while both men and women benefit from marriage, the differences between married men and single men are important. Married men live longer than single men, have better health, more income (than single men) etc (I don't remember all the details). Married women, again, also benefit, but the difference with single women aren't as big. So, in a way, it's only logical that slightly more men than women would report wanting to get married in spite of not being in love with the person. 1
Nightsky Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I’ve always wanted to pull a reverse Anna Nicole Smith… I’m joking of course!
Nightsky Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Other studies have shown that while both men and women benefit from marriage, the differences between married men and single men are important. Married men live longer than single men, have better health, more income (than single men) etc (I don't remember all the details). Married women, again, also benefit, but the difference with single women aren't as big. So, in a way, it's only logical that slightly more men than women would report wanting to get married in spite of not being in love with the person. I don’t think men necessarily benefit from marriage in those ways. Marriage had always been seen as something you’d want to attain. Women are property mentality had been around a long time. So it goes to reason the healthiest, richest, best men would be the ones getting married while a sicker poorer person with be more likely not too…
Feelin Frisky Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 There are such things as marriages of convenience. I can see this especially being true in older folks whom have lost their partner to death. They can feel lost without someone to "take care of" and will simply accept a willing partner who is decent and loyal. Younger folks don't think that way but I'm closer to understanding how this seems to make sense to some folks. People "settle" however throughout the spectrum and throughout the world. I suppose I could marry someone that doesn't blow my hair back on every though of her but I just would never consider it with someone who would act contemptuously toward me. I will not have it and I know many guys including two of my brothers whose wives treat them with contempt openly. I'd die alone and proud of it before accepting that.
verhrzn Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I don’t think men necessarily benefit from marriage in those ways. Marriage had always been seen as something you’d want to attain. Women are property mentality had been around a long time. So it goes to reason the healthiest, richest, best men would be the ones getting married while a sicker poorer person with be more likely not too… Your correlation is going the wrong way. Socially, a man BECOMES wealthier and healthier after he marries. Healthier makes sense... men (in most societies) are raised to "not sweat the small stuff" about their health, and so ignore aches, pains, and other problems that may be early indicators of bigger diseases. A wife is usually the nag that gets him to the doctor's office, when he otherwise wouldn't have bothered. The wealth is the interesting part, and has more to do with networking. Married men carry a certain kind of reputation. Companies see you as more dependable. You're a responsible adult, you manage a household and a family now-you're probably not out partying with your pals til 2 am Sunday night. If you're seen as more responsible, you have a better chance for raises, promotions, and other opportunities for advancement... thus more wealth. A big concern in China right now about the gender discrepancy is that there are all these young men who don't have access to sex (too much testosterone, BAD), but also that these men are unconnected from their communities. They are anchorless... they don't have social ties, and so are more willing to engage in riskier behavior. Fun fact: the more young, unmarried men a country has, the greater its chance for revolution. My cynical side can completely understand this study. Isn't it a modern manifestation of the Madonna/Whore.... marry the good girl (who is a good wife/mother, but doesn't really turn your crank), have an affair with the bad girl (who would have made for an awful long term relationship but is oh so much fun in small doses?) 2
threebyfate Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Oh, the dailyfail reporting on a confirmation biased uncontrolled survey to draw failed conclusions about the general population.
johan Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I'm pretty sure this thread is actually a proposal directed toward me. Unfortunately I love fit chicks, so it kind of backfired.
WhiteChocolate Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 verhrzn, you may be right about the correlation, but nightsky might also be correct. After all, disabled or sickly or less wealthy men attract fewer women, and thus the married men are probably healthier/wealthier. And I also doubt your cynical side. I doubt most men are out to get married thinking that they could just cheat on the good girl.
Nightsky Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Your correlation is going the wrong way. Socially, a man BECOMES wealthier and healthier after he marries. Healthier makes sense... men (in most societies) are raised to "not sweat the small stuff" about their health, and so ignore aches, pains, and other problems that may be early indicators of bigger diseases. A wife is usually the nag that gets him to the doctor's office, when he otherwise wouldn't have bothered. Stress would be the thing that causes the most health problems. A woman who nags can litteraly nag a man to death. Doctors are great when it comes to bullet wounds and the such but with everything else it's yet to be proven they actually extend health. This also still doesn't combat that most men at least in the past wanted wives there fore the men who didn't get them were many times sick/poorer then the men who did get wives. I mean back in the day and still today many healthy/capable gay men got wives. The wealth is the interesting part' date=' and has more to do with networking. Married men carry a certain kind of reputation. Companies see you as more dependable. You're a responsible adult, you manage a household and a family now-you're probably not out partying with your pals til 2 am Sunday night. If you're seen as more responsible, you have a better chance for raises, promotions, and other opportunities for advancement... thus more wealth. [/quote'] No doubt you'd need to show up to a company dinner or whatever with a wife. It was a means to an en back in the day the end being a family. It still doesn't mean men get more out of mariage like Kamille wrote. Women got a lot of of it to as most would be with out social network themselves if they didn't marry. A big concern in China right now about the gender discrepancy is that there are all these young men who don't have access to sex (too much testosterone, BAD), but also that these men are unconnected from their communities. They are anchorless... they don't have social ties, and so are more willing to engage in riskier behavior. Fun fact: the more young, unmarried men a country has, the greater its chance for revolution. They could use a revolution so could this planet.
verhrzn Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Stress would be the thing that causes the most health problems. A woman who nags can litteraly nag a man to death. Doctors are great when it comes to bullet wounds and the such but with everything else it's yet to be proven they actually extend health. This also still doesn't combat that most men at least in the past wanted wives there fore the men who didn't get them were many times sick/poorer then the men who did get wives. I mean back in the day and still today many healthy/capable gay men got wives. No doubt you'd need to show up to a company dinner or whatever with a wife. It was a means to an en back in the day the end being a family. It still doesn't mean men get more out of mariage like Kamille wrote. Women got a lot of of it to as most would be with out social network themselves if they didn't marry. Sorry, but the sociology studies are rigorous and just don't support your thesis. At ALL levels of income (so even in lower class), married men are healthier and wealthier. Happier, too, if you can believe it. The "happy" is pretty easy to explain. Men are socialized to fear emotional intimacy with other men (taints of homophobia.) But humans are naturally social creatures. So without women to bridge the gap, men lack an essential social component, leading to more anxiety and depression (which can manifest in physical aliments.) Women are allowed to seek emotional intimacy from both other females and males so even without a husband, she can get that need met. Studies on how badly break-ups effect men as opposed to women showcase this really well. The Self-Made Man is a great book to explore this as well. 2
Nightsky Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Sorry, but the sociology studies are rigorous and just don't support your thesis. At ALL levels of income (so even in lower class), married men are healthier and wealthier. Happier, too, if you can believe it. If you'e going by class the same thing I sad as before applies. The healthier lower class guys will be more attractive then the unhealthy ones and there for statistics will be in their favor. The "happy" is pretty easy to explain. Men are socialized to fear emotional intimacy with other men (taints of homophobia.) But humans are naturally social creatures. So without women to bridge the gap' date=' men lack an essential social component, leading to more anxiety and depression (which can manifest in physical aliments.) Women are allowed to seek emotional intimacy from both other females and males so even without a husband, she can get that need met.[/quote'] I'm in my 20's and I'm sure homophobia must exist. But no one I know is "afraid" of gay people no matter their opinion on the subject. Most healthy guys I know want women plain and simple. So simply by being health and wanting women they will of course be more likely to get women then some one who is sick and because of that either not want women, or not being less likely statisticaly speaking to marry. Studies on how badly break-ups effect men as opposed to women showcase this really well. The Self-Made Man is a great book to explore this as well. If thats true I blame the laws. It's hard for me to believe this though. I havn't read that book thanks for telling me about it.
mesmerized Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Sorry, but the sociology studies are rigorous and just don't support your thesis. At ALL levels of income (so even in lower class), married men are healthier and wealthier. Happier, too, if you can believe it. The "happy" is pretty easy to explain. Men are socialized to fear emotional intimacy with other men (taints of homophobia.) But humans are naturally social creatures. So without women to bridge the gap, men lack an essential social component, leading to more anxiety and depression (which can manifest in physical aliments.) Women are allowed to seek emotional intimacy from both other females and males so even without a husband, she can get that need met. Studies on how badly break-ups effect men as opposed to women showcase this really well. The Self-Made Man is a great book to explore this as well. New studies show that this gap of happiness for married and unmarried men is closing up...I don't think men used to be happier in relationships because their "emotional needs" were met. You're talking with your female brain. I think that was more due to the fact that they had someone to get constant sex from and someone who cooked/cleaned/etc for them. Nowadays men don't need marriage to get sex and that greatly contributes to single men being happier than they were before. Depends on where you live, they also can have many pals in the same place in life. Guys usually don't care about relationships unless all their friends have one and they feel lonely. So yeah, times have changed... 1
Sanman Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 As a man, I definitely understand the urge. Luckily for me, my gf is like one of my best friends. However, even if I did not love her, I know how hard it is to find a loyal, dependable woman that shares similar values with me, is easy to live with, would make a good wife and mother, and is interested in marrying me. Add attraction to that and you make a very long list. Once you have a companion, regular sex, and that general level of comfort with someone, it is hard to give that up and go hunting again for the average guy even if you are not madly in love. It is much like with friends. There are those friends that you really click with and can become your best friends. There are others that may not perfectly be your cup of tea, but you can hang out with easily enough and it beats sitting at home on a Saturday night. Some guys are happy with decent company and regular sex. They realize it is better than the alternative than being alone. I'm not sure whether it is sad or more pragmatic.
FrustratedStandards Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Hmmm... I think a man is more likely not to. If he does, it won't last very long. However women are more likely to marry just because he is a good provider, and that will be enough to keep her for the entire marriage.
jlola Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Personally I do not understand the need to even get married or have kids and hence the need for some people to settle. I never get lonely even when single for 5 plus years at a time. I'm a female btw and in my thirties and I can envision myself being alone until I die without any loneliness or the need to have a partner. I don't get why people need this so much that they would settle? Personally I don't particularly like being around most people; I find it more blissful to be alone and to have no one in my house. No one to move around in the bed or eat my food or touch my stuff. Why do people feel lonely at being single? I can be single indefinitely and die an old person without a male and not feel alone. Never felt the need for a husband or "love" from a man in order to be happy. I agree with you on that. I have had men tell me I will regret not getting together with them someday. As though if I do not have someone my life is meaningless. I have nieces and nephews. Siblings,good friends. I would never settle just to have somebody. I cannot imagine having to lay next to a man,have sex with him and live life with him every single day if I am not in love with him. What is the sense. I would rather be alone with my miniature pup, oh and have great books and cable.
LZ2000 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I wouldn't marry a woman I didn't love or don't have romantic feelings for.
Recommended Posts