ThatDudeXO Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 (edited) Let say someone you were deeply in love with dumped you for various reason and assumed NC. He/She plays the field, sleeps around with 1 or 2 people but ultimately realises that they made a mistake and would rather be back with you, would you take them back? Would the answer change if: - The person they slept with was an Ex? - They slept with someone you suspected them of liking while you were still together? - If they were one night stands? - They slept with a mutual friend or someone you both know? -- I feel that if someone dumped me and slept around then decided to come back it would be disrespectful to the commitment we had before, a way of guilt-free cheating. I'm trying to find a way to be okay with it if I was in that situation. Edited February 22, 2012 by ThatDudeXO
smudge21 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Whatever happens once they've gone, the fact is, they've gone. They made a choice, they took what was the relationship and threw it away. All the trust, loyalty and respect has gone, nevermind the love. Add into that if they sleep with others afterwards, then that is just another reminder of how much they simply don't deserve your love or attention. For me, I've never taken an ex back after being dumped, but nor have I gone back to someone after the relationship has failed or I've been the dumper.
madball2289 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 The only way I would be ok with it, would be if i was out sleeping around too. Because more often than not I have been in situations where I am left heartbroken and thinking about them, while they are out sleeping around. So this is kinda of a touchy subject. If they slept with a mutual friend I wouldn't want to talk to either of them anymore. But if they were out just having one night stands and I was as well, maybe something could be worked. But just remember the relationship ended for a reason, so don' dwell. If you think they are out having fun, then you go out and have fun too.
Philosoraptor Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 The relationship was over so their actions do not come into play in my decision making process. What I'm concerned about is how they have matured and what they have done to fix the issues they provided which led to the end of the relationship. 4
LZ2000 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 The relationship was over so their actions do not come into play in my decision making process. What I'm concerned about is how they have matured and what they have done to fix the issues they provided which led to the end of the relationship. I really think this is a very insightful and well thought opinion, if I am allowed to add, I would also consider 2 things, how exactly did my ex broke up with me and how sincere my ex is in explaining herself. Also, there might be "trust" issues that may hamper this process, so it may or may not be feasible, however.
ffw Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I guess it depends upon on how much you place monumental & symbolic significance on sex. A lot of people do; I don't. Also, I won't disqualify from reconciliation just based upon sex. The significance of sex, I know from personal experience, is highly deceptive. Having said that, I never taken back nor I went back to an ex. Its not because of sex. If you're too insecure to understand that she's had other experiences, it won't be a good idea to take her back since you will torture yourself with the info and imagery.
Follower Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 He/She plays the field, sleeps around with 1 or 2 people but ultimately realises that they made a mistake and would rather be back with you, would you take them back? Right now with my current Ex Yes, i would. Would the answer change if: - The person they slept with was an Ex? No Change - They slept with someone you suspected them of liking while you were still together? No Change, she was checking the greener side and realised i was better. - If they were one night stands? Bothers me more than the other 2 but still yes. - They slept with a mutual friend or someone you both know? Entirely depends who they slept with, most likely a game changer for me, but i imagine right now i could work out a way to convince myself to forgive and forget.
leoc1973 Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I think there are 2 kinds of sex also. Although I think it would be hard to tell. I guess if she were out just banging maybe a 1 night stand or 2 then I could get over it. If she met a man and maybe loved him and made love to him that is what would gross me out. My ex and I did have regular sex like both of us horny so just having sex but there have been lots of times where it just felt so very intimate like we were connecting on a deeper level. Very in love and passionate love making. So, if she were to share something like that with another guy I don't think I could get over it. Thing is when my ex and I got together we didn't have sex for months we both look at sex as something special that you just don't do with everyone you find attractive. Since the breakup I have had a couple one night stands and a couple very short term relationships where I had sex. It was all meaningless. The current girl I am seeing does mean a lot more and we have had some really intimate sex so if the ex did it too I guess I couldn't complain. This is why its so hard to make things work later because you picture her laying on her back and getting drilled by some slob(I know it might be an actual decent guy) picture him banging away yuck I don't think I could be with her again. Or from a womans viewpoint picture your man that you loved and made so many promises of monogamy just banging away at some tramp. LOL yeah it really complicates things.
SongOfAWoman Posted March 3, 2012 Posted March 3, 2012 I couldn't. Beyond being the deepest betrayal, I would have so much anger that someone I loved could have exposed me to a disease, and knowing that the cheating had to also involve everyday lying and deception, I could never feel the same about him again. Too bad this new ex didn't cheat. It would be a lot easier to hate him.
Author ThatDudeXO Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 I couldn't. Beyond being the deepest betrayal, I would have so much anger that someone I loved could have exposed me to a disease, and knowing that the cheating had to also involve everyday lying and deception, I could never feel the same about him again. Too bad this new ex didn't cheat. It would be a lot easier to hate him. Oh no, I meant if your partner dumped you. Slept around and realised there was nothing better and wanted you back. Would you take them?
NordicStripes Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 I'm actually in that position. My ex broke it off after three years, slept with a colleague a couple of times, and then two-three weeks later decided that I was the love of his life and he wants to spend his life with me and he made a big mistake. Well, that's 7 month ago. He's still working hard every day to win me back. And I wish that I could take him back because I love him, but something snapped inside of me. He seems 'dirty' to me know. And the idea of sleeping with him now repulses me...
jennisfora Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 I'm new here but from my understanding for a second chance to work you have to give them a clean slate, and forgive everything that happened in the old relationship and during the break. You have to mourn the old relationship, and start over just like you would a new relationship, because that is what it is. A new relationship, although with someone you know better than a total stranger. If you can't do this, than I wouldn't take them back. It would be an exercise in futility. My current ex, I would take back, one time. Because we didn't break up before, and were very serious, dated a year. But I made myself promise after some bad times in the past that I would never let myself be a human yo yo again. So, I can only do a second chance, not a third, fourth fifth, ect. There is only so many times I can put my hand back in a fire and be surprised that it hurts..but I do believe some people need to find out what they are missing to realize its value. So, yes, long story longer, I would.
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