icebeam Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 (edited) I will keep this as short as possible. I and my ex-girlfriend were going out for a little over two years. Things started out very well and we had everything in common. The first year was pretty good expect for a minor lies or forgetfulness on my part. Then I stopped doing the small things to show her I cared, spent more time with my friends, and would not work on the little things she asked me to. Such as spending more time with her, going on more dates, being more direct with her etc. Then she would break up with me to try to get me to realize these things but we would always get back together in less than 48 hours with me saying I’ll work on them (this happened 15+ times). I never did, I just didn’t think she would ever leave. She treated me beyond perfect and I did not appreciate this until after the final break-up. The last time we broke up was around 10 days ago and she went no contact with me. Deleted me form everything first time she ever did this. I called her she said she needed space and time. I said lets be friends and she said I can’t be friends with you. Four days later I drove 3 hours to see her and brought her flowers, candy, and a 3 page letter detailing everything I’m going to work on. (I was going to drop it at her door but she ditched college class so she was there) we went to dinner and I paid and she told me she does not know if she needs to date other people or not. She also said she can’t see me b/c it makes her want more with me. We went to her room and she said one last time and not to think anything of what she was going to do. She cuddled me and kissed me then made me go on my way home. She told me I could contact her once a week on my way out (casual text) I then broke casual and did not stop bugging her, she then said I never want to be friends, I don’t love you etc. I wrote her a song and she declined it on Skype she then texted me Back off, I need space you need to respect that. 3 days later with no contact she texted me letting me know she had her period and I just said thanks for letting me know. Did not try to start a conversation. She then called me later that night asking me how I was and if she could use my papa john’s account. (Which she could have just made her own) I told her yes and then she said “I really want to be friends with you but you need to respect my space. I would like you to text me every week and we can talk for a little but no coming up here or abusing it (IE contacting her every day) I said I understood and had to go to bed. Call was only 8 mins. I really love her and want her back and have been working with professional help on the matter and I am working to make myself better and really make the changes she wants. She always said if I made the little changes I would be the best guy for her in the world. *UPDATE* I finally stopped bugging her and she gave me a call and said she wanted to see me. I drove 3 hours to see her and she pushed me onto the bed told me she loved me and we made love. She then told me that in the time apart she liked someone dated him only got to making out and cuddling (i believe this 100%) and that she wanted him to commit but he was a player (know the guy and it's very true). She also said she thought of me with him. The problem is in the time apart I met someone that seems to be more compatible with me and accepts me for who I am. The new gal feels the same way very connected on how we view the world not just things in common. I came to realize that for any women to be happy I need to make changes like show more affection and have more conversations but I also realize for her to be happy I need to change core things about myself. Like not being as direct with people or being more considerate of total strangers (she is the type of girl that will hug the isle as to not get into someones way I will just move to the side). Also the small things really upset her it seemed as there is still so much negative past. The new girl I have only kissed but I am torn on what to do. I love my ex, but now i'm having doughts. I feel horrible begging her getting her back only to not be so sure this is what I want. Also to top it off she does not show the same affection to me like she used to. Like only wants to see me once a week where she used to want to see me 24/7. I know I can't have both. But changing for me means picking one and committing 100% but how the **** do you pick on this? I also can't stand the fact that if I pick the new girl that my ex could not handle friends. I'm so lost and half of me just wants to say **** it all and go camping with the guys. Also she does not hold a good conversation any more and only responds to 50% of my texts and takes forever with it. She used to be quick and always respond. Edited February 22, 2012 by icebeam
wilsonx Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I understand your situation on being "torn" Its ok, perfectly natural. You should pick what you think is right for you, not let other people come in this thread and tell you whats right for you. I agree with everything you said in this post and how you feel. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask away
Philosoraptor Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Sounds like you have much soul searching to do. I would take a period of time alone and really think about what you want out of life and out of a relationship. Can your ex fulfill all of those needs? If not, then cut ties. If so, then you can consider getting back with her pending you both have worked on your individual issues that worked to end the relationship to begin with. I hope my words are of the flying type so that your icebeam will make them super effective 1
jus d'orange Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I think, because you are torn, you cannot commit to anyone right now. You need to spend some more time single, getting your head clear of emotion and desperation over your ex, as well as the excitement of the new girl, and think about who you are, who you want to be, and what you want from someone else in a relationship. This may mean that you would lose one or both of these girls, but that could also only be temporarily. It seems like, at the present time, you aren't ready to be in a relationship, and so you shouldn't be. If you decide to take this route of being single, explain it the most honest way you can with your ex (and the other girl, if necessary). Doing so will hurt them, but if they respect you, they will eventually respect your decision to do so. Don't give either of them false hope to soften the blow, just be honest. Then, stick to being single... I think a lot of people who break-up a relationship or stop a new one in its tracks often intend to be single but end up rebounding or falling into a new one unwittingly. This hurts them because you lied, and it hurts you because you won't make the changes and decisions you need to. Hope this helps!
M2155 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Interesting story, I agree with the above posters. There is no reason for you to commit to anything before you have really thought it through. I know I only have your side but your ex girlfriend doesn't sound like she knows what she wants either, it hadn't worked out all that time...is it really going to work out now? Were you chasing her down with flowers and letters because she pulled away? Have you really even spent that much time apart? What does one gain from being allowed to text once a week? If you do end up with the new girl remember to learn from your mistakes in the previous relationship. Failed relationships are great teachers. Good luck!
Frank13 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Pick the new girl. All you did was list negatives with the ex. You wanted the ex because you couldn't have her. Now that you can have her you don't want her. I see this time and time again here on LS. You haven't even got back with the ex and she only wants to see you once a week vs 24/7 before, and only replies to texts 50% of the time and takes forever. Why the hell would you want her back. Also, you ex is banging someone else. That's why she only wants to see you once a week and isn't answering your texts. She may only be trying to get you back so she can dump you.
Frank13 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I understand your situation on being "torn" Its ok, perfectly natural. You should pick what you think is right for you, not let other people come in this thread and tell you whats right for you. I agree with everything you said in this post and how you feel. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask away Wilsonx's reply seems like it was generated by an autobot. It could have been the reply to just about any message posted here. LOL. 1
EgoJoe Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Wilsonx's reply seems like it was generated by an autobot. It could have been the reply to just about any message posted here. LOL. I think Wilson is spot on with this one. To the OP: Your Ex or whatever is withdrawing a bit. Don't play games and try to do the right thing no matter what your decision ends up as. You will feel better about yourself in the long run even if it causes pain.
Million.to.1 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 You should totally just go camping with the boys.
Follower Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 TBH i vote camping with the lads, if either of these girls truely loves you surely they can wait?
Author icebeam Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 Also, you ex is banging someone else. That's why she only wants to see you once a week and isn't answering your texts. She may only be trying to get you back so she can dump you. Why would someone want to re-dump you? sounds so dumb.
Author icebeam Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 *KILLER UPDATE* The ex just texted me saying "i'm realizing that is is hard for me to let you back in after everything you have done. I love you soooo much but i'm not as happy with you anymore." I told her she can have space and she thanked me for it What does this mean I love you but I'm not happy as happy with you? other guy in the picture maybe??
Philosoraptor Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 She still has no idea what she wants. It may be another person... it might just be that she doesn't want to be with you but doesn't know how to be alone. You both need time alone do learn about yourselves and what you want out of this world. You can't aimlessly grasp at things and hope to cling.
Author icebeam Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 =it might just be that she doesn't want to be with you but doesn't know how to be alone.. I think you hit the nail on the head Ps. good pokemon joke, yes that is where the name came form.
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