Lucky_n_Love Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Hi, First post here, so a little about myself...36 y/o, DH 39 y/o, married for 14 years, 2 kids, 11 and 13, 1 dog, house, 2 cars, typical family... Our marriage, like all I'm sure, has been up and down. I think of it as waves, things are great for awhile and then slowly go downhill. We drift apart and stop communicating until we wake ourselves up and put in more effort. Everything is great for awhile, then downhill again... I have been thinking of leaving for a while now...months, years even, I'm not really sure. There has been no abuse, adultery, alcoholism. We are 2 very different people, not much in common, other than the family we have built. We both work opposite shifts, which works great for childcare, but not so great for husband/wife. We are exactly like ships passing in the night. He loves to stay up late and party, while I love to get up early and enjoy outdoorsy activities. We rarely do anything together, as a couple or as a family. He spends way, way too much time on Facebook, and seems to care more about making his 'friends' happy, then his family. I feel like we are living 2 separate lives under one roof. More recently, he is so cranky, and gets upset over the littlest things. The kids mentioned more than once they didn't want to ask Dad something because he'll be mad, or there friends don't like Dad because he is so mean. I have gotten to the point where I am embarrassed to have other people around because he's gotten into the habit of telling inappropriate jokes, making a spectacle of himself, even at my work. He likes to be the center of attention, and I do not. At home he does the laundry, which is great, but I do everything else...the shopping, cooking, cleaning, lunch packing, ironing etc. He is home during the day, and when I come home from work, the breakfast dishes are still in the sink, waiting to be washed, no floors swept, no vegetables peeled. I even shovel the driveway, and take out the garbage most weeks. I'm so tired of it... For my part, I definitely put the kids ahead of his needs. I get up at 5am, go all day, and by the time they go to bed, I'm ready for bed myself. I'm just too tired to try to make H feel special, especially when I don't feel so special, myself. When we go too long without sex, he gets meaner and crankier, and the meaner he gets, the less I want sex...talk about a no-win situation, LOL. I'm convinced the key to our happiness is to stop this vicious cycle. That will be my mission!! Anyway, like I said, I was thinking of leaving for some time. I mentioned separating a year ago, and H was shocked, saying we will never separate, so I know that's not what he wants, but who does? A couple weeks ago, I began googling 'divorce', and 'how to tell your spouse', and I stumbled upon this site. Needless to say, I've read hundreds of posts from you all who have 'been there'. I read through every word of jaymz and worldgonewrong threads. Thank you so much for opening my eyes to the heartache I could be causing us all. While I don't want to stay in this marriage the way it is, I never want to hurt my husband and children the way you have been hurt. So I stopped looking for reasons to leave, and started looking for reasons to stay, and ways to improve our relationship. We are far from perfect, but I would much rather fall in love with my husband all over again, than fall in love with someone new. I hope I don't sound like I'm throwing it in your face that my marriage will succeed, because we all know, there are no guarantees. I just want to thank you all for sharing your stories. You may post to get support for yourselves, but you are also giving support to me, and probably countless others. I will keep coming back to read, because now I find myself thinking about your stories, hoping you are having good days, and praying you will get through this stronger than ever...
worldgonewrong Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I'm glad I could help in some way, Lucky_n_Love. I wish my wife had the same open mind & big heart as you do. You're a self-aware person, and that's gold. <3
Steadfast Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Agreed. I'll take it a step farther and say that many here have written me personally and said this forum was MUCH more helpful than professional, paid counseling. Sad to say too often that's a joke played on the betrayed. Hang in there Lucky. When you step on someone you once cared about to get to it, the 'other' grass is never greener. Here's hoping you take an active role here because your voice and story need to be heard. All the best-
maybealone Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I definitely agree! This site and all the stories of walk-away wives is what made me change from starting out with asking for a divorce to asking to work on the marriage. Unfortunately for me, that was almost a year ago and he still won't work on the marriage with me despite countless efforts on my end. But even if our marriage doesn't make it, I know I will never, ever regret the past year of trying. I cannot imagine what it would have been like to not have done that and to have simply walked away. At a minimum, I would have a lot more regrets. I hope you both fall back in love with each other, because while that might be a long road, I agree it's a better option than finding someone new. Best of luck to you, and I hope you share your progress with us!
Recommended Posts