silvermercy Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 UK. I've dated very few girls with fewer than ten partners. Ah I see now why. That explains it! LOL I live in the UK for 10 years now and it's indeed very different as well as too... liberal for my tastes when it comes to relationship behaviors unfortunately. I already mentioned in an earlier post that in my own country of origin, 5-6 partners by 30 is about average for either gender, And then that's it. Then they get married. (The single mothers phenomenon is also unheard of). Maybe I'll have to abandon the UK if I want to ever get married to a committed and loyal person... People have too many partners here and I can't handle that.
ThatDudeXO Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Ah I see now why. That explains it! LOL I live in the UK for 10 years now and it's indeed very different as well as too... liberal for my tastes when it comes to relationship behaviors unfortunately. I already mentioned in an earlier post that in my own country of origin, 5-6 partners by 30 is about average for either gender, And then that's it. Then they get married. (The single mothers phenomenon is also unheard of). Maybe I'll have to abandon the UK if I want to ever get married to a committed and loyal person... People have too many partners here and I can't handle that. Where are you originally from? I would generally want my wife-to-be to be on the same page sexually with me, not that many partners but still have a high sex drive.
silvermercy Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Where are you originally from? I would generally want my wife-to-be to be on the same page sexually with me, not that many partners but still have a high sex drive. I'm from greece originally. I'm 10 years away abroad due to job reasons. Same page is always the best.
Tailspin Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I operate under a strict don't ask don't tell policy. I'd prefer a girl whose number was around 5 or less (but more than zero since I don't want the blind leading the blind). I'd also prefer that most of those experiences be with someone she was dating. But again, I wouldn't actually inquire unless she asked first. In which case I'd probably lie since my number is zero. Yea you r gunna have to have sex a few times before girls are going want to date you. Inexperience is what made me break up with my last boyfriend.
laotzu Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 The number would have to be well over twenty for me to really care, assuming that she has a clean bill of (sexual) health. I like girls who are experienced, actually, and wouldn't want to be with someone who's only been with ~3 people by her mid-twenties. I want a girl to be a little aggressive/useful in bed.
Cypress25 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I don't understand why you would ever ask your partner how many people they've slept with. It's in the past, it's none of your business. I think it's a sign of jealousy and insecurity if you need to know the number. If you're worried about STD's, it makes sense to ask your partner if they've ever had unprotected sex. It also makes sense to ask them to get tested and show you the results of the test to prove that they're clean. But asking how many partners they've had is totally unnecessary. Might as well admit the truth: you want to know the number so you can judge them for it. 3
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I'm curious, those of you who say a large # of sexual partners would be a dealbreaker in a partner, how many is too many? If not an exact number, some sort of formula? (ex: Single for X years means they can have Y partners)? And would you refuse to date someone who WOULDN'T reveal their number to you? If you really liked someone and then they revealed too high of a #, would you stop seeing them? I don't think I'd be particularly interested in 'her number'... but IF she asked mine, then she'd better begin by sharing hers. The biggest cause for concern would be her balking at the mere idea of sharing her number IF she was first to bring up the topic at all. I'm not old school, and thus "more mystery, less history" prevails in my thoughts where it concerns the sexual past.
Saxis Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 If you think numbers are the only way to gain sexual experience, I feel sorry for you, and your future partner(s). Probably means you don't have the patience to learn with someone you care about... That would make me wonder what other aspects of the relationship you'd be impatient about.
silvermercy Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I don't understand why you would ever ask your partner how many people they've slept with. It's not about judgment. For me personally, it is risk assessment of someone's pattern of behavior.
silvermercy Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 If you think numbers are the only way to gain sexual experience, I feel sorry for you, and your future partner(s). Probably means you don't have the patience to learn with someone you care about... That would make me wonder what other aspects of the relationship you'd be impatient about. I agree. Many people equate being good in bed with having many sexual partners. That's rubbish I think. In fact, quite the opposite can happen, too, because such people have not learnt to explore a vast number of sexual activities with ONE partner. 2
akazid Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 It's not about judgment. For me personally, it is risk assessment of someone's pattern of behavior. That's like saying because someone is black they are more likely to rob/kill/steal ... lol How many partners someone else had isn't really anybody's business. The only end result from it is people becoming judgmental. 1
silvermercy Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 That's like saying because someone is black they are more likely to rob/kill/steal ... lol How many partners someone else had isn't really anybody's business. The only end result from it is people becoming judgmental. (Way to go and involve race in the mix! lol I don't see the connection, sorry.) Maybe not yours, but it is my business. Example: Let's say I date someone blindly without knowing anything about his sexual past, then fall in love as he seems so great, looks so great and talks so great. And after a while, all of a sudden, he suggests threesomes and swinging activities. Because somehow it gets a bit boring without threesomes. What do I do then? Where should I bang my head for not asking him for at least a clue in the beginning? On the table, the bedroom wall or the fridge?
samsungxoxo Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 (edited) ^^^ This!!! You better be in your teens to have a zero.I had a zero till the time I was just 3 months shy of turning 20.... late teen that is. I'm now less than 2 months shy of turning 25 and I still remain at 1. At times I think it might be very low for my age but I haven't met anyone special yet. The opportunity just doesn't show up. Not sure if I should reveal that to older men ages 25-30. I'm now hearing some get turn-off by this or think of it as weird. Edited February 23, 2012 by samsungxoxo
akazid Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 (Way to go and involve race in the mix! lol I don't see the connection, sorry.) Maybe not yours, but it is my business. Example: Let's say I date someone blindly without knowing anything about his sexual past, then fall in love as he seems so great, looks so great and talks so great. And after a while, all of a sudden, he suggests threesomes and swinging activities. Because somehow it gets a bit boring without threesomes. What do I do then? Where should I bang my head for not asking him for at least a clue in the beginning? On the table, the bedroom wall or the fridge? Think about it. You're taking 1 bit of information and basing future behavior on it. So you have ... 1 bit of information = # of partners 1 bit of information = racial color Then you have .. 1st conclusion = ??? 2nd conclusion = ??? You can't base someone's future behavior on such information. That's my point. P.S. If someone suggests something like that who you are dating and you disagree with their views you probably pick from the wrong pool of people your mates. Also, just because someone might have a large number of sexual partners doesn't mean they want threesomes. Also, jsut because someone had few partners could mean that they want threesomes.
Author veggirl Posted February 23, 2012 Author Posted February 23, 2012 I don't understand why you would ever ask your partner how many people they've slept with. It's in the past, it's none of your business. I think it's a sign of jealousy and insecurity if you need to know the number. If you're worried about STD's, it makes sense to ask your partner if they've ever had unprotected sex. It also makes sense to ask them to get tested and show you the results of the test to prove that they're clean. But asking how many partners they've had is totally unnecessary. Might as well admit the truth: you want to know the number so you can judge them for it. Agreed. I don't ask, I still am surprised people do. It's not about judgment. For me personally, it is risk assessment of someone's pattern of behavior. How old are you? Just wondering if someone was promiscuous at like 18/21 but is now say 27, would you still next em? Or did they "prove" they could "break the pattern"
samsungxoxo Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 if someone was promiscuous at like 18/21 but is now say 27, would you still next em? Or did they "prove" they could "break the pattern"Nope, I wouldn't date a former stud. I'm really looking for the male version of me so I expect anything from 0-5 seems ok to me. Way more than that... no thanks.
silvermercy Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Agreed. I don't ask, I still am surprised people do. How old are you? Just wondering if someone was promiscuous at like 18/21 but is now say 27, would you still next em? Or did they "prove" they could "break the pattern" I'm 29. I'm not sure, but, ideally, I wouldn't date a former promiscuous person if I could help it.
carhill Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Here's my version from a past thread: My version for a woman my age is age minus fifteen minus number of years married times two So, if a woman is 52 minus 15 minus 20 years married times two equals 34. So, for me, if her partner count is over 34, that's promiscuous, essentially two partners per year for every year not married since the age of 15. As an example, my exW was married a total of 16 years when I met her at age 39 and had more partners than the requisite 39-15-16x2, or 16, by a factor of roughly 2.5. Or, to put it another way, her partner count was roughly a magnitude (10x) greater than my own. My numbers currently are 52-15-10x2 =54 to be 'promiscuous'. Subtract 50 from that number to find my actual partner count. That's how I define promiscuous. YMMV. Most of the women I've dated and had relationships with met or exceeded that definition. I doubt it's uncommon, at least in my generation. Relationship history *and* family history are far more important to me than number of sexual partners. Obviously, STD history/status is relevant as well, from a health standpoint. 1
Saxis Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I had a zero till the time I was just 3 months shy of turning 20.... late teen that is. I'm now less than 2 months shy of turning 25 and I still remain at 1. At times I think it might be very low for my age but I haven't met anyone special yet. The opportunity just doesn't show up. Good for you! My first was with a woman I eventually married, a couple months before my 21st birthday. The second was after we separated at 27 and was a 2 year relationship. My third was just a few months ago before I turned 30, and she thinks I'm some kind of genius in bed, the best she's had. Either she was very unlucky in that all 9 of her previous partners weren't that good in bed, or I somehow know what I'm doing after being with only 2 other people. Considering I can bring her to orgasm in only a minute or two, whether it be with a single finger, tongue or d*ck and I haven't failed her yet, I'm pretty sure it's the latter... Even though I haven't tried, I don't think I need to have sex with a bunch of partners to figure out that it's better when you have complete trust and intimacy within a relationship.
silvermercy Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 (edited) Think about it. You're taking 1 bit of information and basing future behavior on it. So you have ... 1 bit of information = # of partners 1 bit of information = racial color Then you have .. 1st conclusion = ??? 2nd conclusion = ??? You can't base someone's future behavior on such information. That's my point. P.S. If someone suggests something like that who you are dating and you disagree with their views you probably pick from the wrong pool of people your mates. Also, just because someone might have a large number of sexual partners doesn't mean they want threesomes. Also, jsut because someone had few partners could mean that they want threesomes. The threesomes example was just an example. To demonstrate that if I had ASKED for a number of partners (and, most importantly, their nature i.e. if they were casual or not) I would have been more able to make an informed decision on his future behavior (before I fell in love with him). And usually higher numbers mean casual relationships as far as I know. It's like this (regardless of threesome examples or not): Higher number of partners = higher RISK of not committing to me for whatever reason. Lower number of partners = lower RISK of not committing to me for whatever reason. Does that mean that the lower numbers partner will definitely commit? NO. But statistically speaking, he's more LIKELY to do so. Simple stats and risk assessment logic. Edited February 23, 2012 by silvermercy
akazid Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 The threesomes example was just an example. To demonstrate that if I had ASKED for a number of partners (and, most importantly, their nature i.e. if they were casual or not) I would have been more able to make an informed decision on his future behavior (before I fell in love with him). And usually higher numbers mean casual relationships as far as I know. It's like this (regardless of threesome examples or not): Higher number of partners = higher RISK of not committing to me for whatever reason. Lower number of partners = lower RISK of not committing to me for whatever reason. Does that mean that the lower numbers partner will definitely commit? NO. But statistically speaking, he's more LIKELY to do so. Simple stats and risk assessment logic. Only way agree with that is if the count # isn't used as the sole decision "component". There's many decision "components" that basing a decision on "1 bit of information" just sounds odd.
silvermercy Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Only way agree with that is if the count # isn't used as the sole decision "component". There's many decision "components" that basing a decision on "1 bit of information" just sounds odd. Oh I don't find it odd at all even as a sole component. It's my perfect filter for men and it has worked very well so far. Every time a high numbers guy was given the chance, this filter has always proved to be in very good correlation with incompatible sexual and general behaviour on his part. So, for me it works perfectly as a filter for determining general personality compatibility, too. I'm quite happy with it.
Jane2011 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I'm curious, those of you who say a large # of sexual partners would be a dealbreaker in a partner, how many is too many? If not an exact number, some sort of formula? (ex: Single for X years means they can have Y partners)? And would you refuse to date someone who WOULDN'T reveal their number to you? If you really liked someone and then they revealed too high of a #, would you stop seeing them? As others have said, for me it depends on the guy's age. If he's 33 to 38 and tells me he's slept with 15-20 women, I'd see it as a lot but reasonable considering his age. If he's 24 and says that number of women, I'd think it was too many... Around age 30 or so, having slept with five or six people in one's past seems reasonable.
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Do people really ask this of someone they're dating? Good lord, my boyfriend has never (and I'm pretty sure would never) ask me my "number" and I have no desire to know his. 1
Cypress25 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 And after a while, all of a sudden, he suggests threesomes and swinging activities. Because somehow it gets a bit boring without threesomes. What do I do then? Where should I bang my head for not asking him for at least a clue in the beginning? You could have asked him what he likes. That would give you a clue to any weird fetish or kinky stuff he's into. You don't need to know his number to find out if he's a swinger or if he likes threesomes. Someone with a low number could still be kinky. And someone with a high number could still be tame. The number doesn't really tell you anything.
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