veggirl Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I'm curious, those of you who say a large # of sexual partners would be a dealbreaker in a partner, how many is too many? If not an exact number, some sort of formula? (ex: Single for X years means they can have Y partners)? And would you refuse to date someone who WOULDN'T reveal their number to you? If you really liked someone and then they revealed too high of a #, would you stop seeing them?
ThaWholigan Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 **waits for person to say zero lol** I kid. At my age (23), I'd say more than 10 would be questionable
Dorie Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 If the number was high by my standards it would signal that we don't share the same attitude about sex. I tend more toward the conservative. I would not be comfortable dating a 29 year old man who had as many as 20 partners before me.
GoodOnPaper Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I'm less concerned about numbers per se -- I just want a sense that we're in the same general ballpark regarding life experience. I would do everything I could to avoid exchanging "numbers" but that's more about me not wanting to reveal my low number . . .
kaylan Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 The reason the # of partners matters to some people is because promiscuity is generally indicative of someones beliefs and attitude regarding sex. And not for nothing, in my experience, the sluttier folks have seemed to be a bit less faithful than the more conservative folks. At the end of the day, one also have to realize theres less value in something thats been used a lot. Thats how people are about anything they value. Plus when STDs and pregnancy concerns come into the equation, Id really want to be with someone who has the same attitude towards sex that I do. 4
denise_xo Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 At the end of the day, one also have to realize theres less value in something thats been used a lot. That's kind of relative. At my age, I personally find that I prefer (and value) a man with a certain degree of experience. But I agree that finding someone with similar attitudes is key.
Author veggirl Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 The reason the # of partners matters to some people is because promiscuity is generally indicative of someones beliefs and attitude regarding sex. And not for nothing, in my experience, the sluttier folks have seemed to be a bit less faithful than the more conservative folks. At the end of the day, one also have to realize theres less value in something thats been used a lot. Thats how people are about anything they value. Plus when STDs and pregnancy concerns come into the equation, Id really want to be with someone who has the same attitude towards sex that I do. Okay. so what # for you is too many? And you'd dump a girl if you found out her # was too high?
somedude81 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 LOL, I gave an honest answer in that other thread and had girls jumping down my throat because of it.
Author veggirl Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 LOL, I gave an honest answer in that other thread and had girls jumping down my throat because of it. Is that why no one else will ACTUALLY answer the question? Wait, Dorie and Wholigan did. Well, they answered half the questions, lol. So SD, if you liked a girl a lot and she wanted to actually date you...at what point would you ask her sexual past? and then honestly you'd quit talking to her for it? I just really can't imagine that everyone who is all omg no promiscuous past!! (how far in the past do you dig?!) would actually reject someone they have fallen for once they find out a friggin number. Even if the person has never cheated? This is just an...interesting...phenomenon to me.
tman666 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 If her personality is great, she looks great, she's STD free, and her lifestyle is compatible with mine, what's the point in asking the number? 99% of the time it will only lead to a strange cocktail of negative emotions and second guessing. Conservative girls can cheat too. There's no point in worrying about it. Most things are revealed with time and awareness, and there's never any guarantees in a relationship. My opinion is to go with the flow, have fun, and pay attention to warning signs and the things that matter in your relationship. 2
maysj18 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 When I want to know a guy's number, I don't so much care about long-term relationships. I'm strictly concerned about **** buddies, ons, etc. If that number is over 9, it's a deal breaker. Doube digit one night stands are bad news bears.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I operate under a strict don't ask don't tell policy. I'd prefer a girl whose number was around 5 or less (but more than zero since I don't want the blind leading the blind). I'd also prefer that most of those experiences be with someone she was dating. But again, I wouldn't actually inquire unless she asked first. In which case I'd probably lie since my number is zero.
silvermercy Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 (edited) As I said in another thread 5-6 max by the age of 29-30. (I come from a European country where this number is considered about right). Oh and those encounters better not be casual relationships like ONS of FWB. I will always be questioning his loyalty/commitment ability otherwise. Casual sex pattern is a no-no for me. So, yes, I would stop seeing them if the number was really high (like more than 10 perhaps). But on the other hand, I wouldn't reach that point: to really like them or love them before I had an idea about his past. (I wouldn't want details, just a truthful estimate). So yeah... a deal-breaker for me. Edited February 22, 2012 by silvermercy
somedude81 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 So SD, if you liked a girl a lot and she wanted to actually date you...at what point would you ask her sexual past? and then honestly you'd quit talking to her for it? I just really can't imagine that everyone who is all omg no promiscuous past!! (how far in the past do you dig?!) would actually reject someone they have fallen for once they find out a friggin number. Even if the person has never cheated? This is just an...interesting...phenomenon to me. Heh, I actually answered that question in a different thread than the other. The only time I might ask is if she seems really inexperienced or shy with men. Then I'd be inclined to ask if she had a BF before and/if she's a virgin . If she is, no problem. If she isn't, I'll ask if the number is less than 5. If it is, no problem. If it's not, why the hell are you so nervous? If I get the impression that the girl is confident and has normal experience, I'm not going to ask, simply because I'll be afraid that the number would be high, and that would turn me off. Better to not ask the question if you might not like the answer. 1
Author veggirl Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 As I said in another thread 5-6 max by the age of 29-30. (I come from a European country where this number is considered about right). Oh and those encounters better not be casual relationships like ONS of FWB. I will always be questioning his loyalty/commitment ability otherwise. Casual sex pattern is a no-no for me. So, yes, I would stop seeing them if the number was really high (like more than 10 perhaps). But on the other hand, I wouldn't reach that point: to really like them or love them before I had an idea about his past. (I wouldn't want details, just a truthful estimate). So yeah... a deal-breaker for me. Good lord. No more than 5 or 6 by age 30. At what point do you ask their #? Do you meet a lot of men who meet this criteria?
silvermercy Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Good lord. No more than 5 or 6 by age 30. At what point do you ask their #? Do you meet a lot of men who meet this criteria? In the first few dates, if the conversation flows that way. (Well, it will at some point). In my country of origin yes, there are a lot of such men (but I don't like them for other reasons), in the UK where I currently live, NO. That's why I'm single. lol
spookie Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Maybe it's the types of guys I date, but I have not been asked that question since high school. In lieu of the number conversation, what is usually discussed as part of the gettin to know you process is std history, attitudes about fidelity, sex, and one night stands. I think those conversations are more telling of compatibility than a one-point indicator can ever be.
kaylan Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 That's kind of relative. At my age, I personally find that I prefer (and value) a man with a certain degree of experience. But I agree that finding someone with similar attitudes is key. Of course experience is good. I prefer a gal to have had some experience, and done a bit of the party animal thing herself...especially since I have. Id like us to be on the same page. Itd be hard for me to relate to someone who was more conservative than I. I have a friend whos very conservative and religious...but as honest as I am with her about my past and who I am, I still feel kinda weird telling her certain things. Only because I dont want her to lose any respect for me. Shes one of my best chick friends and super open minded for a conservative religious gal. Okay. so what # for you is too many? And you'd dump a girl if you found out her # was too high? There several things that go into how I judge a a chicks sexual past, so its hard to pin down a specific number. Lets say a girl is 23. If shes had 10 sexual partners, Im cool with that if she lost her virginity back in her teen years like most people and met a couple different guys she liked each year. If she lost her virginity at 21, then broke up with her first at 22, and then went through 9 guys over the next year, Id be a bit alarmed. So I cant pin down a number...it depends on the situation.
Saxis Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 The reason the # of partners matters to some people is because promiscuity is generally indicative of someones beliefs and attitude regarding sex. And not for nothing, in my experience, the sluttier folks have seemed to be a bit less faithful than the more conservative folks. At the end of the day, one also have to realize theres less value in something thats been used a lot. Thats how people are about anything they value. Plus when STDs and pregnancy concerns come into the equation, Id really want to be with someone who has the same attitude towards sex that I do. This! I want to know that she values sex with someone she cares about, commitment and her own health/safety. I was willing to overlook my GF's number because I have complete trust in her, and she regrets the one night stands she had when she was younger and in pain from her abusive and cheating exes.
Arkaeology Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I operate under a strict don't ask don't tell policy. I'd prefer a girl whose number was around 5 or less (but more than zero since I don't want the blind leading the blind). I'd also prefer that most of those experiences be with someone she was dating. But again, I wouldn't actually inquire unless she asked first. In which case I'd probably lie since my number is zero. ^^^ This!!! You better be in your teens to have a zero.
Andy_K Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Anything less than 20 I wouldn't bat an eyelid at. If their number is 20-30 I might start to think of that as borderline - bearing in mind most girls I date will be approximately early or mid twenties. 50 or more and we're definitely in slut country. I had a girlfriend for over a year who refused to reveal her number at all. If someone's that protective about it, I'll neither push it nor break up with them over it.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 ^^^ This!!! You better be in your teens to have a zero. I'm a few weeks shy of 24...
silvermercy Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Anything less than 20 I wouldn't bat an eyelid at. If their number is 20-30 I might start to think of that as borderline - bearing in mind most girls I date will be approximately early or mid twenties. 50 or more and we're definitely in slut country. I had a girlfriend for over a year who refused to reveal her number at all. If someone's that protective about it, I'll neither push it nor break up with them over it. Now I'm curious where you live? US? Europe? (No need to answer if you don't want.) But, I'm serious, where I come from (and it's a European country), more than 10 partners by early or mid-20s for either man or woman is waaay beyond slut territory.
ThatDudeXO Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Depends what kind of society you live in. In England, some of my friends are from places where 20+ is acceptable for early 20s. Where I live anything more than 10 is unnacceptable. It's a matter of choice. I personally would never date a girl whose had a few one night stands. I don't do one night stands anymore, hate them. I usually end up losing respect for myself and have no respect for the girl I was with. I find it hard to be attracted to a girl whose had her fair share of ons. If she's had a few boyfriends, then that's fine. Anywhere more than 5 in early 20s is questionable for me but if I did find the perfect girl and she hasn't been with anyone I know, I wouldn't think to ask her who she's been with as long as I can trust her.
Andy_K Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Now I'm curious where you live? US? Europe? (No need to answer if you don't want.) But, I'm serious, where I come from (and it's a European country), more than 10 partners by early or mid-20s for either man or woman is waaay beyond slut territory. UK. I've dated very few girls with fewer than ten partners.
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