Would you be turned off if you witnessed a potential partner spending erratically?

February 22, 2012

But they are only in their early 20s. This is likely the kids first job and this chick is already criticizing his finances.

Wow....this is why I dont share info on my financial situation with women. I want someone to like me for me. I dont want my money to have ANYTHING to do with it.

We are talking about a 23 year old kid, in his first job, and based on what op tells us, he makes 19k a year after taxes. So its not like hes rolling in dough, but its not like he has any thing to take care of but himself right now. Let him enjoy his money.

Hes got a long road to go. Why worry about him buying himself little toys to enjoy when hes just 23 and you JUST started seeing him.

Honestly, I can see why the OP is concerned about finance issues.

I backpacked in New York City in 2009, and while NYC has a reputation of being one of the most expensive places to live in, there are also stores which sells really really cheap consumables for everyday survival. I was amazed at how much you can buy for US $80.

Well honestly, I'm 28 this year, and honestly, I believe there are better things to buy with my money, like mutual funds. At least they don't depreciate (much) in value over 10 years.

But at the same time, what is life without a little bit of fun ? Maybe the OP's boyfriend just want to buy a Unicycle because he wants to try it out. He could try to sell it later.

Edited February 22, 2012 by LZ2000

February 22, 2012

Honestly, I can see why the OP is concerned about finance issues.

I backpacked in New York City in 2009, and while NYC has a reputation of being one of the most expensive places to live in, there are also stores which sells really really cheap consumables for everyday survival. I was amazed at how much you can buy for US $80.

Well honestly, I'm 28 this year, and honestly, I believe there are better things to buy with my money, like mutual funds. At least they don't depreciate (much) in value over 10 years.

But at the same time, what is life without a little bit of fun ? Maybe the OP's boyfriend just want to buy a Unicycle because he wants to try it out. He could try to sell it later.

OP is just getting to know this guy. She should stay out of his financial business for the timebeing. An $80 unicycle is not something that should be a concern to her.

February 22, 2012

OP is just getting to know this guy. She should stay out of his financial business for the time being. An $80 unicycle is not something that should be a concern to her.

Ok, i'm cool with that too. Let's hope that all will work out for them both.

February 22, 2012

But they are only in their early 20s. This is likely the kids first job and this chick is already criticizing his finances.

Wow....this is why I dont share info on my financial situation with women. I want someone to like me for me. I dont want my money to have ANYTHING to do with it.

We are talking about a 23 year old kid, in his first job, and based on what op tells us, he makes 19k a year after taxes. So its not like hes rolling in dough, but its not like he has any thing to take care of but himself right now. Let him enjoy his money.

Hes got a long road to go. Why worry about him buying himself little toys to enjoy when hes just 23 and you JUST started seeing him.

WHAT MONEY?! lol. He is broke as a joke. He has been on his own for five years now..this is not his first job. I have never spoken a word of this to him, ever. This is another example: he bitches and whines about quitting smoking and how badly he wants to do it, but claims quitting cold turkey is really hard. I suggested the nicotene patch or Chantix and he said he couldn't afford them because he had bought an X-Box and Skyrim. He also needs to get his fuel filter on his car changed and possibly get some transmission work done (if he doesn't just buy a new car), but he has been delayed doing that for almost a month because he bought a stereo system instead.

February 22, 2012

Ok, i'm cool with that too. Let's hope that all will work out for them both.

Hey, if they were 10 years older and he was randomly running around blowing money on shiz like unicycles and she knew he only netted $400/wk, then I def agree with ya, there'd be an issue. But in this case, I just think he is young, he is buying goofy things and she sounds like she wants to mother him

February 22, 2012

WHAT MONEY?! lol. He is broke as a joke. He has been on his own for five years now..this is not his first job. I have never spoken a word of this to him, ever. This is another example: he bitches and whines about quitting smoking and how badly he wants to do it, but claims quitting cold turkey is really hard. I suggested the nicotene patch or Chantix and he said he couldn't afford them because he had bought an X-Box and Skyrim. He also needs to get his fuel filter on his car changed and possibly get some transmission work done (if he doesn't just buy a new car), but he has been delayed doing that for almost a month because he bought a stereo system instead.

???

You're the one who referred to him as having a well-paying job with HALF of his income available for free spending.

Why are you seeing him again? You clearly have issues with his lifestyle choices.

February 22, 2012

I would like to participate in this topic further, but I have to rest for tomorrow as I have a busy day filled with stuff to do. See ya guys later.

February 22, 2012

WHAT MONEY?! lol. He is broke as a joke. He has been on his own for five years now..this is not his first job. I have never spoken a word of this to him, ever. This is another example: he bitches and whines about quitting smoking and how badly he wants to do it, but claims quitting cold turkey is really hard. I suggested the nicotene patch or Chantix and he said he couldn't afford them because he had bought an X-Box and Skyrim. He also needs to get his fuel filter on his car changed and possibly get some transmission work done (if he doesn't just buy a new car), but he has been delayed doing that for almost a month because he bought a stereo system instead.

So you are contradicting yourself now? Go figure

At first you said he had "landed a really awesome job and made good money" Now you call him broke as a joke? You are something else. And I didnt mean his first job ever. I meant his first REAL job in the professional world. You did say his job was corporate. Usually you get your first professional full time job in your early or mid 20s.

Hes honestly doing ok for his age. He meets his bills and has income to spend afterwards. Hes ONLY 23!...why are you making such a big deal out of this right now? Hes not 30 or even 27. Hes a kid whos still growing in the world. Let him enjoy HIS money. I made plenty of financial mistakes in my youth. Im 25 now. I didnt really start getting my bearings with money until I was about 23 or 24. YOU JUST MET THIS GUY.

How about you let him grow as a person without so much judgement? Just help him along the path a little bit and dont be so weird about his spending habits. Id give your argument more merit if he was in his late 20s and does this. But hes a kid still. And you are only 21 yourself. Why are you worrying about this so early on? You are young and just getting to know the kid.

How about you give him AND yourself time to grow as adults. If you cant do that, then lay off, bail on him, and let him find a more easy going chick. Because I can tell your attitude wont change about this...and I wouldnt wanna date a girl who secretly judges me like this.

EDIT: May I add that it sounds like an emotionally connection seems to mean less to you than money right about now. It seems to me like you are looking for a husband right now, despite both only being in your early 20s. Most folks in their early 20s and mid 20s dont have everything pegged down in life where they are perfect long term potential. Everyone has their issues since a lot of maturing goes on in our 20s.

So whats more important to you? This silly money issue, or how awesome this guy is supposed to be like you said he was?

Edited February 22, 2012 by kaylan

February 22, 2012

So you are contradicting yourself now? Go figure
At first you said he had "landed a really awesome job and made good money" Now you call him broke

Plenty of people make good money and are broke or in debt.

If I married someone and was legally responsible for his debts and he mine, I'd want someone with a similar spending style. I don't like being in debt but I don't like depriving myself for long periods either. Lately I've been trying to pay cash for most things and that often means postponing a purchase.

February 22, 2012

Plenty of people make good money and are broke or in debt.

If I married someone and was legally responsible for his debts and he mine, I'd want someone with a similar spending style. I don't like being in debt but I don't like depriving myself for long periods either. Lately I've been trying to pay cash for most things and that often means postponing a purchase.

Oh please. Dont act like you didnt know what the OP meant. She said he made good money, then she said he had half of his earnings to use as disposable income. Thats directly contradictory to her statement that hes broke as a joke.

Also she said NOTHING about him being in debt. He doesnt seem broke to me. He seems like a kid whos able to take care of himself and still have plenty of cash to have fun.

Why are we talking marriage. They just started dating! And are only 21 and 23.

The kids not even in debt...so your argument is moot.

February 22, 2012

So you are contradicting yourself now? Go figure

At first you said he had "landed a really awesome job and made good money" Now you call him broke as a joke? You are something else. And I didnt mean his first job ever. I meant his first REAL job in the professional world. You did say his job was corporate. Usually you get your first professional full time job in your early or mid 20s.

Hes honestly doing ok for his age. He meets his bills and has income to spend afterwards. Hes ONLY 23!...why are you making such a big deal out of this right now? Hes not 30 or even 27. Hes a kid whos still growing in the world. Let him enjoy HIS money. I made plenty of financial mistakes in my youth. Im 25 now. I didnt really start getting my bearings with money until I was about 23 or 24. YOU JUST MET THIS GUY.

How about you let him grow as a person without so much judgement? Just help him along the path a little bit and dont be so weird about his spending habits. Id give your argument more merit if he was in his late 20s and does this. But hes a kid still. And you are only 21 yourself. Why are you worrying about this so early on? You are young and just getting to know the kid.

How about you give him AND yourself time to grow as adults. If you cant do that, then lay off, bail on him, and let him find a more easy going chick. Because I can tell your attitude wont change about this...and I wouldnt wanna date a girl who secretly judges me like this.

No no, for 23 he DOES have a good job. What I meant by broke is that while he has a good bit of spending money at the end of the month, he fails to take care of his obligations and blows his money on things that he doesn't need. When I said he has close to 800 a month left over in spending money, that's true; however, he spends every penny on it on things he says he "doesn't need", rather than things he does. Nicotene patches are 50 dollars at most, yet he would rather spend his remaining 200 bucks on a video game console. I am 21 with a few CD's and a credit score of 816. I take care of myself and you better believe that every other pay day I go get my hair done or buy some new clothes, BUT that is only AFTER I pay bills and put money on my CD. My problem is not so much with the 80 dollar unicycle, it's with the fact that rather than take care of some major problems he wants to take care of, he bought some useless things and now barely has any money left. If he took care of those first, then bought the unicycle, there would be no problem what so ever. I will not overlook it, because I am a full time college student and work only 7 hours a week, so I make a lot less than him but I still have a hefty savings account and money in my wallet. My partner doesn't have to be rich or 100% financially savy, but I do expect him to have his priorities in line.

And I never said I just met him. I have known him for years, but we just started a romantic relationship.

February 22, 2012

Complacent? HES 23! Hes still a kid. I didnt go to college until I was just about to turn 21. I got my degree right before I turned 25.

This kid has got a lot of life ahead of him. Who knows what his plans are. He could be in school this fall for all we know. If he works for a big corp, its very possible his job has tuition reimbursement where theyll put you through school so you can qualify for better positions.

The kid already lives on his own with some roommates. Sounds like hes doing alright. Leave him be. I say OP needs to focus on whether she gets along with the guy. Not his spending habits at such a young age.

Theyre in their early 20s! Hardly matured yet. Most folks dont find all their bearings until mid to late 20s. Let him enjoy life and grow up without being nagged. Hes 23, not 30.

Okay, and that's fine. I'm not advocating that se nag him; quite the contrary in fact. I advise her to not say ANYTHING to him about his financial habits because this early in the game it's really none of her business. But I DO advise her to make a decision internally as to whether or not she wants to continue to see this guy.

23 isn't the same for everyone. Some people expect to be independent and responsible by then. Some don't. Everyone is different. But if the lifestyle of the guy bothers the OP, it's much better that she stop seeing him, rather than to continue seeing him and nag him about his spending habits.

I'm about his age (24), and make about exactly the same amount of money. I scruitinize every purchase I make, keep a healthy savings account, and have started a retirement fund. And guess what? Late last year I broke my arm and was unable to work for weeks. Damn, was I ever glad I had saved my money.

There's nothing wrong with the way the guy's living, and there's nothing wrong with the way I live. But our stark differences would make us incompatible. This is the point I was trying to relay to the OP.

I was in Chicago with my boyfriend last month and we were at a store where he found a funky sweater he really loved, but it was $100. In the end, he said he just couldn't justify spending that much on a sweater he wouldn't get to wear very often. My boyfriend makes a comfy 6 figures and still manages his finances very responsibly...that's extremely attractive to me (and I decided to track down said sweater and purchase it for him for xmas).

February 22, 2012

Okay, and that's fine. I'm not advocating that se nag him; quite the contrary in fact. I advise her to not say ANYTHING to him about his financial habits because this early in the game it's really none of her business. But I DO advise her to make a decision internally as to whether or not she wants to continue to see this guy.

23 isn't the same for everyone. Some people expect to be independent and responsible by then. Some don't. Everyone is different. But if the lifestyle of the guy bothers the OP, it's much better that she stop seeing him, rather than to continue seeing him and nag him about his spending habits.

I'm about his age (24), and make about exactly the same amount of money. I scruitinize every purchase I make, keep a healthy savings account, and have started a retirement fund. And guess what? Late last year I broke my arm and was unable to work for weeks. Damn, was I ever glad I had saved my money.

There's nothing wrong with the way the guy's living, and there's nothing wrong with the way I live. But our stark differences would make us incompatible. This is the point I was trying to relay to the OP.

I was in Chicago with my boyfriend last month and we were at a store where he found a funky sweater he really loved, but it was $100. In the end, he said he just couldn't justify spending that much on a sweater he wouldn't get to wear very often. My boyfriend makes a comfy 6 figures and still manages his finances very responsibly...that's extremely attractive to me (and I decided to track down said sweater and purchase it for him for xmas).

I agree completely. I do not nag him; in fact, I actually acted excited about the unicycle. On top of that he bought some bottle rocket set, kinnect lego things, and a weather balloon. I was stoked about the bottle rockets because we're going to launch them off here at my school. I really am not a "stick in the mud", and I don't expect him to show me his ledger every day, BUT it is frustrating and kind of worrisome whenever he has these problems that desparately need taken care of, but he he puts them on the back burner. His car is sputtering so badly, it could probably die any minute. I love his goofiness, but he needs to kind of snap into reality for a minute and take care of these obligations.

February 22, 2012

No no, for 23 he DOES have a good job. What I meant by broke is that while he has a good bit of spending money at the end of the month, he fails to take care of his obligations and blows his money on things that he doesn't need. When I said he has close to 800 a month left over in spending money, that's true; however, he spends every penny on it on things he says he "doesn't need", rather than things he does. Nicotene patches are 50 dollars at most, yet he would rather spend his remaining 200 bucks on a video game console.

But hes a young guy. Let him do what young guys do, and without judging him to harshly. Him AND you are still growing up.

Sure, guide him with some good advice. But dont look down on him for how he spends his money. Its not like hes a bum.

I am 21 with a few CD's and a credit score of 816. I take care of myself and you better believe that every other pay day I go get my hair done or buy some new clothes, BUT that is only AFTER I pay bills and put money on my CD.

Not many people have savings at age 23. Again, give the guy time to mature.

Whats more important? Thats hes this awesome guy you click with? Or his financial situation? You just started dating the guy, youre both young, and youre both still maturing and experiencing new things in life. Chill home girl. Thats all

My problem is not so much with the 80 dollar unicycle, it's with the fact that rather than take care of some major problems he wants to take care of, he bought some useless things and now barely has any money left. If he took care of those first, then bought the unicycle, there would be no problem what so ever. I will not overlook it, because I am a full time college student and work only 7 hours a week, so I make a lot less than him but I still have a hefty savings account and money in my wallet. My partner doesn't have to be rich or 100% financially savy, but I do expect him to have his priorities in line.

And I never said I just met him. I have known him for years, but we just started a romantic relationship.

Tbh, none of the problems you told me about seem so major. Hes paying rent and his bills, and has food to eat. Unless his car is breaking down, or his lungs are giving out on him, the other concerns arent major imo.

And of course you are exactly like I described. You make less, so you resent his spending habits. Ive been there...but you cannot be so sure you wouldnt spend a good bit on yourself with more income. When disposable income goes up, people generally use that cash more than they increase their savings.

I know how you feel, but I can tell you from experience that this attitude will come out to him soon, and cause problems in your relationship. It did with me and my ex because I used to resent how much better off her family was than my own. I used to feel that she was spoiled and didnt understand some of my own issues. I also used to criticized my best friend when hed make silly purchases himself. But thats their money...cant do anything about that.

February 22, 2012

But hes a young guy. Let him do what young guys do, and without judging him to harshly. Him AND you are still growing up.

Sure, guide him with some good advice. But dont look down on him for how he spends his money. Its not like hes a bum.

Not many people have savings at age 23. Again, give the guy time to mature.

Whats more important? Thats hes this awesome guy you click with? Or his financial situation? You just started dating the guy, youre both young, and youre both still maturing and experiencing new things in life. Chill home girl. Thats all

Tbh, none of the problems you told me about seem so major. Hes paying rent and his bills, and has food to eat. Unless his car is breaking down, or his lungs are giving out on him, the other concerns arent major imo.

And of course you are exactly like I described. You make less, so you resent his spending habits. Ive been there...but you cannot be so sure you wouldnt spend a good bit on yourself with more income. When disposable income goes up, people generally use that cash more than they increase their savings.

I know how you feel, but I can tell you from experience that this attitude will come out to him soon, and cause problems in your relationship. It did with me and my ex because I used to resent how much better off her family was than my own. I used to feel that she was spoiled and didnt understand some of my own issues. I also used to criticized my best friend when hed make silly purchases himself. But thats their money...cant do anything about that.

I make less, yes, but I have more money than he does..? So no, I don't resent him for that. And yeah, transmission problems are pretty hefty. I mentioned earlier that his car could die at any moment. I have to hear about these "problems" all the time even though he's had every financial opportunity to fix them.

February 22, 2012

Okay, and that's fine. I'm not advocating that se nag him; quite the contrary in fact. I advise her to not say ANYTHING to him about his financial habits because this early in the game it's really none of her business. But I DO advise her to make a decision internally as to whether or not she wants to continue to see this guy.

But come on...to dump a guy for his spending habits as a young 23 year old, when shes only 21 herself? I mean come on. A lot of folks their age dont even have the chance to spend money on themselves like he does. Hes still growing up. If she wants to bail early in the game and miss out then so be it. But nothing about his behavior raise red flags to me.

And this is ME talking. Youve seen my posts. You know how I am regarding ambition and foresight. I see a kid whos got a decent job for his age and is responsible enough to take care of himself and have cash left over for fun.

Who knows where he will be by 25 or 27. He could very well have a sizeable savings account by then and have moved up in his job.

23 isn't the same for everyone. Some people expect to be independent and responsible by then. Some don't. Everyone is different. But if the lifestyle of the guy bothers the OP, it's much better that she stop seeing him, rather than to continue seeing him and nag him about his spending habits.

No it isnt the same for everyone. However its still a very young age, and you need to realize most folks are still getting their bearings in life. Most folks dont find a really true sense of self and adulthood until their mid 20s or closer to 30. This is why people are generally establish in careers and ready to get married by then.

If shed rather stop seeing him, then ok. But she cant complain later if she just finds herself around financially mature and secure guys, but none she clicks with like she does with this guy. He sounds like a good dude and its beyond me that this stuff could be a deal breaker at his age. But good for him actually, if she does bail, he can find someone more understanding.

Im 25, graduated last summer, and am living home still while I try to break into my career field. Ill prolly even be forced to stay here longer than I want because my mom lost her job teaching last year...so Im gonna have to help with the bills and mortgage. I owe her that much seeing as she helped me for 4 years to get through school. And Im sure some chicks will write me off for that, but difference is that Ive got big goals education and career wise. Its not like Im staying her selfishly.

My point is that maybe she should take the whole picture more into account. What are his goals? immediate plans? And lets not forget hes still young and could come to many different and importation realizations really soon in his life.

I'm about his age (24), and make about exactly the same amount of money. I scruitinize every purchase I make, keep a healthy savings account, and have started a retirement fund. And guess what? Late last year I broke my arm and was unable to work for weeks. Damn, was I ever glad I had saved my money.

But like I said before...everyone is different. We dont know how far away he is from being more mature with his spending. Like I told you, I was quite silly with my spending until I was about 23 or 24. If OP doesnt wanna spend the time growing with the guy and seeing where this can go, then ok. I mean shes known him for years already...so why not?

There's nothing wrong with the way the guy's living, and there's nothing wrong with the way I live. But our stark differences would make us incompatible. This is the point I was trying to relay to the OP.

I understand that, however, we are all still kids really.

I do plan to personally splurge on myself when I get my first decent salary. Of course after bills and loan payments. I lived like a bum in high school and college and finally deserve to treat myself after attaining 2 degrees.

I was in Chicago with my boyfriend last month and we were at a store where he found a funky sweater he really loved, but it was $100. In the end, he said he just couldn't justify spending that much on a sweater he wouldn't get to wear very often. My boyfriend makes a comfy 6 figures and still manages his finances very responsibly...that's extremely attractive to me (and I decided to track down said sweater and purchase it for him for xmas).

Some how I feel your advice teeters the way it does because you have a well off partner.

Plus your boyfriend is in his 30s correct? So my point stands. OPs guy is still young and growing up.

This situation doesnt require so much thought. Either she likes him enough to chill and enjoy the young life, or she doesnt. If shed rather worry about it as if theyve been dating a while or are worrying about marriage...then I dont get it.

February 22, 2012

I make less, yes, but I have more money than he does..? So no, I don't resent him for that. And yeah, transmission problems are pretty hefty. I mentioned earlier that his car could die at any moment. I have to hear about these "problems" all the time even though he's had every financial opportunity to fix them.

I mean that you resent his spending habits. You obviously do. You think your way is better and dislike his way.

Like I said, you fit into the description I gave. Im the same way, but Ill tell you from experience, you gotta lighten up and see where things go if you actually like this guy. Or else you will cause a rift....because it will come up soon.

Simply give the guy some thoughtful advice without looking at his actions so negatively. Thats all.

February 22, 2012

I mean that you resent his spending habits. You obviously do. You think your way is better and dislike his way.

This is why I think she should dump him. It's way too soon in the relationship to be critiquing the things she is, and she's already so annoyed with him / this situation.

February 22, 2012

I mean that you resent his spending habits. You obviously do. You think your way is better and dislike his way.

Like I said, you fit into the description I gave. Im the same way, but Ill tell you from experience, you gotta lighten up and see where things go if you actually like this guy. Or else you will cause a rift....because it will come up soon.

Simply give the guy some thoughtful advice without looking at his actions so negatively. Thats all.

I agree with you there. I really don't act like it bothers me around him, I'm just venting to you all. How would you say it to him? Obviously I'm not going to come out of the blue and say it, but if it were to come up again, what would you recommend I say?

February 22, 2012

The guy in question is definitely not making "good money." (Maybe for 23 if he has a plan to make a lot more, but most 'raises' in the same position don't net you doubling your salary anytime soon. We're still talking under 20K a year (if that was after taxes) in take-home money, at best. That's. . . enough to live off of, sure, but it's not good, steady job post-college money. It might be 'acceptable' steady job post-college money in this economy; I graduated into a slightly better one, but most jobs that require a degree you can count on at least 30K starting salary, even at the assistant level. Anywho. . .

I don't think there's anything wrong with a 23 year old spending most of his disposable income, living cheaply with roommates, and enjoying his money. If the guy were 43 and in the same situation with no savings, it'd be pathetic. This is something that changes with age. I had a 401K and huge savings at 23 (and made a lot more than this guy is back then) and I can honestly say it was a waste. The market tanked and I lost a lot of steam on the investments anyway, and I would've been just fine if I'd chosen to do something else instead. Granted, it did help me get my MA debt-free, so that was one good thing that came out of it. I love to save, but I don't think 23 is the time to do it.

That said, it depends on his overall attitude. I think the healthiest attitude is one that understands both saving and spending. On the plus side, he seems to understand keeping his bills low. It seems as though his style does not mesh with yours, but I wouldn't find it an issue at his age. Will his attitude change with age? Does he have an understanding of how financial situations change with age? Is he in a field where he'll have a lot more money and thus a greater ability to save AND spend with age? A lot of questions are different factors.

The answer to my OP would be "Yes." I would be turned off if my hubby (my partner) spent erratically. But we're not 23 and just out of college. I'd give anyone 2 years out of college if they graduated young/on time before they had to worry about really saving, unless they were saving for something in particular (a car or whatever) that they wanted/needed. I got my 2 years later -- after grad school, I traveled the world. I did save money and work and such during part of the time, but I didn't try to and I spent A LOT of money traveling that I didn't "need" to spend. I think it's good to get a period like that. Life can't be all about money and security; you can't take it with you, after all.

February 22, 2012

I agree with you there. I really don't act like it bothers me around him, I'm just venting to you all. How would you say it to him? Obviously I'm not going to come out of the blue and say it, but if it were to come up again, what would you recommend I say?

If he brings up his car or the smoking (which is yuck anyways), simply say:

"Hey babe, I know youve been complaining about your car a lot lately...but I noticed you dont have the cash leftover to take care of it. Maybe you could try limiting yourself on the "fun" buys for a little bit until you have the money to fix your car? Id hate for you to get stuck on a road somewhere or not be able to get to work if your car breaks down."

February 22, 2012

It's his money and he's young. At 23 all my friends spent there money on stupid stuff or at the bar. As he gets older he'll probably start to realize where the dollars should be put.

Don't sweat the small stuff. You're young!

February 22, 2012

23 isn't the same for everyone. Some people expect to be independent and responsible by then. Some don't. Everyone is different. But if the lifestyle of the guy bothers the OP, it's much better that she stop seeing him, rather than to continue seeing him and nag him about his spending habits.

I totally agree. And honestly, 23 is NOT a kid. 23 is an adult.

I'm about his age (24), and make about exactly the same amount of money. I scruitinize every purchase I make, keep a healthy savings account, and have started a retirement fund. And guess what? Late last year I broke my arm and was unable to work for weeks. Damn, was I ever glad I had saved my money.

There's nothing wrong with the way the guy's living, and there's nothing wrong with the way I live. But our stark differences would make us incompatible. This is the point I was trying to relay to the OP.

Yep, it's a simple compatibility issue. It doesn't matter if she's a "stick in the mud" or being unfair because 23 is a "kid." It's obviously something she's never going to be okay with. It doesn't matter who's right or wrong, who's being mean, who's being unreasonable.

FWIW, I'm the type of person who keeps budget spreadsheets with every monthly expense, so that's where I'm coming from. We're not hurting for anything, but I make it a point to limit frivolous fun expenses in order to save while I still can. When I was 23, I was coming out of graduate school where I saved 40-45% of my stipend each year. Those savings got my fiance and me through a slightly rough patch with moving expenses and job searches, and it's going to be paying for some major expenses soon when we'll both be making a big move to change careers.

I couldn't be with somebody who could look at the current economy and NOT freak out about saving. That was also true of me at 21 and 23. It's how I was raised, in stark contrast to my cousins, whose parents' philosophy was "if in doubt, take out more loans and buy whatever you want."

February 23, 2012

23 is an adult kid. Theres a reason older adults called people in their 20s kids. 18 to 26 yr olds are at way different stages of life. We are just becoming full fledged adults.

Plus, theres a reason care insurance rates go down at 25 and you can rent a car at that age too.

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