Would you be turned off if you witnessed a potential partner spending erratically?

[maysj18]

So, I have been hanging out with this guy who is awesome in every way except for one: he spends money on the STUPIDEST things. For example, he got a pretty hefty bonus at work on top of his tax return, and rather than say putting a down payment on a new car (which he has talked about wanting for awhile now), he bought a..wait for it..unicycle..for 80 damn dollars. He made a lot of very random purchases like that too, and while he didn't blow every penny on stupid things, he blew way too much in my opinion.

 

Now, I feel I am in no place to tell him how to spend his money, but that doesn't mean it doesn't bother me. I'm 21 and he's 23. He didn't finish college, but landed a really awesome job that pays well, has benefits, etc. So, he does work hard and is never late on his bills, but I still want someone who is responsible with their finances. I mean..a unicycle? Wtf?

 

Thoughts?

[ditzchic]

As someone who also spends money on ridiculous but fun things and would rather do things like travel or take dance classes instead of putting money in the bank, I would have no problem with this.

 

But it sounds like you do so you probably aren't compatible. And that's ok. To each their own.

[oaks]

I mean..a unicycle? Wtf?

 

Thoughts?

 

He sounds like a clown.

[oaks]

Seriously, find something important to worry about.

[kiss_andmakeup]

It depends on his financial situation.

 

Making "good" money and just paying your bills isn't really good enough to warrant thoughtless impulse spending, IMO. Does he have a savings account? Has he started to save for retirement (sure it seems like AGES away but it's important to start early). Does he have an adequate amount of money set aside in case of an emergency, such as him being unable to work?

 

Of course these are things you will never know (at least not until much farther down the line). You can't just ask someone you've just started seeing if their savings account is healthy, or have they considered starting an IRA. So I guess you'll just have to judge for yourself. My guess is that someone who has to choose between making a down payment on a car and an $80 unicycle (which I agree is just bizarre) is probably not making that great of money. And at 23, it's unlikely he has much saved, or invested in a home, stocks, or other investments.

 

So it's your call. Would it be a turn-off for me? Oh yeah. Would I dump him over it if he was otherwise totally awesome? Probably not. But he'd have to be pretty damn awesome.

[denise_xo]

I think the key issue is that in a long term relationship, you need to have relatively compatible views on finances and spending. He's obviously entitled to do whatever he wants with his money, but if you discover that you have widely different perceptions of how to deal with finances, it might be a problem in the long run. Lots of couples get into stress over financial arguments.

[maysj18]

It depends on his financial situation.

 

Making "good" money and just paying your bills isn't really good enough to warrant thoughtless impulse spending, IMO. Does he have a savings account? Has he started to save for retirement (sure it seems like AGES away but it's important to start early). Does he have an adequate amount of money set aside in case of an emergency, such as him being unable to work?

 

Of course these are things you will never know (at least not until much farther down the line). You can't just ask someone you've just started seeing if their savings account is healthy, or have they considered starting an IRA. So I guess you'll just have to judge for yourself. My guess is that someone who has to choose between making a down payment on a car and an $80 unicycle (which I agree is just bizarre) is probably not making that great of money. And at 23, it's unlikely he has much saved, or invested in a home, stocks, or other investments.

 

So it's your call. Would it be a turn-off for me? Oh yeah. Would I dump him over it if he was otherwise totally awesome? Probably not. But he'd have to be pretty damn awesome.

 

 

Thank you. Exactly. He works full time for a really big corporation and brings home roughly 800 every two weeks. In no way is he rich or well-off, but he has full benefits and lives with a few of his friends in an apartment. So, for 23 with no college education, he's not doing that badly. His bills are cheap and his pos car is paid for. As far as I know, he doesn't have any sort of savings account. His 401k and life insurance policy that his job offered him only takes like maybe 5 bucks out of each paycheck, so it's not substantial at all. He just refers to any money left over after bills as "spending money" and says that he's just going to take out a loan for a new car rather than trying to put any down payment on it himself. Although he's doing okay for now, he's not settled at all. He wants to go back to school, move out of our state, etc. etc., but I just feel like if you want to do all that, now is the time to become financially responsible or you will be screwed.

 

I wouldn't even be that upset if he were spending money on useful things like a golfing trip, skiing, rock climbing, new amps for his guitar, etc., but no..he blew close to 100 dollars or something that will end up in the garage.

[Arkaeology]

At 23 I think he's doing ok plus unicycles are fun. If you're living together and expenses is something that is shared, then I'll be thinking about his spending habits too but for now let the guy have fun and you should dress up as a clown.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Thank you. Exactly. He works full time for a really big corporation and brings home roughly 800 every two weeks. In no way is he rich or well-off, but he has full benefits and lives with a few of his friends in an apartment. So, for 23 with no college education, he's not doing that badly. His bills are cheap and his pos car is paid for. As far as I know, he doesn't have any sort of savings account. His 401k and life insurance policy that his job offered him only takes like maybe 5 bucks out of each paycheck, so it's not substantial at all. He just refers to any money left over after bills as "spending money" and says that he's just going to take out a loan for a new car rather than trying to put any down payment on it himself. Although he's doing okay for now, he's not settled at all. He wants to go back to school, move out of our state, etc. etc., but I just feel like if you want to do all that, now is the time to become financially responsible or you will be screwed.

 

I wouldn't even be that upset if he were spending money on useful things like a golfing trip, skiing, rock climbing, new amps for his guitar, etc., but no..he blew close to 100 dollars or something that will end up in the garage.

 

Yikes. Yeah, I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but $1600 a month is not really "good" money. His goals should be saving for his own place, saving for a car, and putting money away for the long term. And without a college degree it's unlikely he'll advance to a position where he's making much more. It sounds like he's kind of complacent, and happy with the way things are (living with his friends and getting by)...which is fine...IF that meshes with your ideal of a happy life.

 

If not, best move on.

[maysj18]

At 23 I think he's doing ok plus unicycles are fun. If you're living together and expenses is something that is shared, then I'll be thinking about his spending habits too but for now let the guy have fun and you should dress up as a clown.

 

sigh. I probably will end up dressing like a clown, riding the damn unicycle myself. -.-

[LZ2000]

I feel that he is entitled to spend on stuff that is silly or amusing, but shouldn't spend more than 8% to 9% of his annual paycheck on those items.

[maysj18]

Yikes. Yeah, I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but $1600 a month is not really "good" money. His goals should be saving for his own place, saving for a car, and putting money away for the long term. And without a college degree it's unlikely he'll advance to a position where he's making much more. It sounds like he's kind of complacent, and happy with the way things are (living with his friends and getting by)...which is fine...IF that meshes with your ideal of a happy life.

 

If not, best move on.

 

Exactly. We aren't completely invested in each other yet, the relationship is still new. With that being said, me bringing up the spending problem may cause something to click and he may be more than happy to cut his random spending a bit or let me help him make a budget; however, it is a new relationship and I feel I have no right to have that kind of talk with him. We live about an hour and a half apart from each other, and where I'm in college and work, he comes down here way more than I go see him because he has the weekends off. Due to this, I want to give him gas money every other weekend or so, because I don't think it's fair since I never drive to see him; however, I don't want to give my money to someone who spends that way. Is that enough of a reason to bring it up to him? Even though we are a new couple?

[oaks]

sigh. I probably will end up dressing like a clown, riding the damn unicycle myself. -.-

 

Make sure you update us with a photo!

[ditzchic]

Thank you. Exactly. He works full time for a really big corporation and brings home roughly 800 every two weeks. In no way is he rich or well-off, but he has full benefits and lives with a few of his friends in an apartment. So, for 23 with no college education, he's not doing that badly. His bills are cheap and his pos car is paid for. As far as I know, he doesn't have any sort of savings account. His 401k and life insurance policy that his job offered him only takes like maybe 5 bucks out of each paycheck, so it's not substantial at all. He just refers to any money left over after bills as "spending money" and says that he's just going to take out a loan for a new car rather than trying to put any down payment on it himself. Although he's doing okay for now, he's not settled at all. He wants to go back to school, move out of our state, etc. etc., but I just feel like if you want to do all that, now is the time to become financially responsible or you will be screwed.

 

I wouldn't even be that upset if he were spending money on useful things like a golfing trip, skiing, rock climbing, new amps for his guitar, etc., but no..he blew close to 100 dollars or something that will end up in the garage.

 

Oh wow. $800 biweekly is not what I would consider financially sound. Especially in this economic climate when things can go downhill in a heartbeat and finding another job isn't exactly easy.

 

It would concern me too then that he isn't at least putting a little something aside just in case and then using the rest for fun.

 

I don't think it's necessarily a deal breaker at this point since you aren't in a serious relationship so it's really no skin off your back if things go wrong for him but it would be a turn-off and it would probably prevent me from getting more serious with him.

[maysj18]

Oh wow. $800 biweekly is not what I would consider financially sound. Especially in this economic climate when things can go downhill in a heartbeat and finding another job isn't exactly easy.

 

It would concern me too then that he isn't at least putting a little something aside just in case and then using the rest for fun.

 

I don't think it's necessarily a deal breaker at this point since you aren't in a serious relationship so it's really no skin off your back if things go wrong for him but it would be a turn-off and it would probably prevent me from getting more serious with him.

 

Agreed. I will say we do live in BFE, where the cost of living is very cheap ane he does have at least 800 left over a month after bills. He can put AT LEAST 300 in a savings account a month. You don't need 800 in spending money a month -.- come on

[kaylan]

Why should it matter? Hes 23. Hes still a kid. Its not like you guys are 30 and looking to settle down.

 

Calm down OP. Are you really looking for the guy youre gonna marry, whos absolutely strict with his finances, when youre both in your early 20s?

[veggirl]

I would say MYOB at this point. Like you said he got a bonus and can afford it. $80 really isn't that much. Plus, how are so privy to so much of his financial situation already (401k, savings, etc)?

[make me believe]

I think he's acting like a regular young guy who has some disposable income for the first time. Whether or not he'll wise up in the future & curb his spending to put money aside for retirement & savings is unknown. But I don't think it's for you to say that he could have spent it on something "useful" like a golf trip, rather than a unicycle. It's not really your business to judge how he spends his extra money. I dunno, you sound like you're being really nitpicky, not wanting to give him gas money because in your opinion he could have/should have bought a new amp or whatever else is "approved" by you instead of a unicycle. I think you two just aren't compatible & you should move on. Money can be a very sticky subject for couples, and if you're having issues with it this early on it's a big red flag.

[stillafool]

I certainly can see your point OP and you seem like a very wise girl for your age. However your bf is 23 and isn't as mature as you so let him have his little toy. Thank God it didn't cost more than $80. I think you can gently guide him regarding smart financial planning as your relationship progresses. I think you will have a better idea down the road how he really handles money and can make a decision whether this relationship works for you or not.

[kaylan]

And since when is 800 dollars every two weeks count as an "awesome job that pays well" Its actually a decent job that pays a decent wage.

 

Id be having fun with my money too if I was him. Im still waiting for my big break into my career field. And when I get it, you better believe Im gonna finally buy myself all the things I couldnt afford in co

[LZ2000]

Calm down OP. Are you really looking for the guy youre gonna marry, whos absolutely strict with his finances, when youre both in your early 20s?

 

I assume the OP has already a rough picture of who her husband should be, a man who is financially disciplined and is able to be light hearted and enjoy the fun side of life.

 

But i'm just assuming. I can be wrong.

[make me believe]

Why should it matter? Hes 23. Hes still a kid. Its not like you guys are 30 and looking to settle down.

 

Calm down OP. Are you really looking for the guy youre gonna marry, whos absolutely strict with his finances, when youre both in your early 20s?

 

Yeah I agree.. she sounded kinda like a stick in the mud for only being 21. I mean it was only 80 bucks! But based on her reaction, I think they obviously shouldn't be together. I just picture her scrutinizing every purchase he makes, judging it as ok or not ok. Nobody (him OR her) would want to live like that.

[kaylan]

I assume the OP has already a rough picture of who her husband should be, a man who is financially disciplined and is able to be light hearted and enjoy the fun side of life.

 

But i'm just assuming. I can be wrong.

But they are only in their early 20s. This is likely the kids first job and this chick is already criticizing his finances.

 

Wow....this is why I dont share info on my financial situation with women. I want someone to like me for me. I dont want my money to have ANYTHING to do with it.

 

We are talking about a 23 year old kid, in his first job, and based on what op tells us, he makes 19k a year after taxes. So its not like hes rolling in dough, but its not like he has any thing to take care of but himself right now. Let him enjoy his money.

 

Hes got a long road to go. Why worry about him buying himself little toys to enjoy when hes just 23 and you JUST started seeing him.

 

EDIT: Ive noticed that people who dont have money to spend, tend to be really critical of those who do have money to throw around on fun toys. Ive been critical of my good friend when I felt he made a stupid purchase...but then I realized its prolly because I wasnt making the money he was making.

 

Im sure if I was making the cash he was making, id definitely buy myself some fun things.

Edited February 22, 2012 by kaylan

[veggirl]

But they are only in their early 20s. This is likely the kids first job and this chick is already criticizing his finances.

 

Wow....this is why I dont share info on my financial situation with women. I want someone to like me for me. I dont want my money to have ANYTHING to do with it.

 

We are talking about a 23 year old kid, in his first job, and based on what op tells us, he makes 19k a year after taxes. So its not like hes rolling in dough, but its not like he has any thing to take care of but himself right now. Let him enjoy his money.

 

Hes got a long road to go. Why worry about him buying himself little toys to enjoy when hes just 23 and you JUST started seeing him.

 

EDIT: Ive noticed that people who dont have money to spend, tend to be really critical of those who do have money to throw around on fun toys. Ive been critical of my good friend when I felt he made a stupid purchase...but then I realized its prolly because I wasnt making the money he was making.

 

Im sure if I was making the cash he was making, id definitely buy myself some fun things.

 

Exactly. Can the kid have a little fun with his money?

[kaylan]

Yikes. Yeah, I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but $1600 a month is not really "good" money. His goals should be saving for his own place, saving for a car, and putting money away for the long term. And without a college degree it's unlikely he'll advance to a position where he's making much more. It sounds like he's kind of complacent, and happy with the way things are (living with his friends and getting by)...which is fine...IF that meshes with your ideal of a happy life.

 

If not, best move on.

Complacent? HES 23! Hes still a kid. I didnt go to college until I was just about to turn 21. I got my degree right before I turned 25.

 

This kid has got a lot of life ahead of him. Who knows what his plans are. He could be in school this fall for all we know. If he works for a big corp, its very possible his job has tuition reimbursement where theyll put you through school so you can qualify for better positions.

 

The kid already lives on his own with some roommates. Sounds like hes doing alright. Leave him be. I say OP needs to focus on whether she gets along with the guy. Not his spending habits at such a young age.

 

Theyre in their early 20s! Hardly matured yet. Most folks dont find all their bearings until mid to late 20s. Let him enjoy life and grow up without being nagged. Hes 23, not 30.