Nauciter Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I'll keep the back story short and to the point. I started a new job at the beginning of November, and I'm now dating my boss. She was in an abusive relationship, and got out of it, and mentioned to one of her friends who is my coworker that she was attracted to me, we went on some dates and really hit it off, and now we're together. I had made plans to move in with my best friend some time in the next month or so, and have been looking at apartments. Meanwhile, I've been spending the night more and more often at my girlfriend's house. Almost every night for the last 2 weeks or so. We're not having sex every day or anything like that, she just likes to have someone around at night, and she lives close to where I work and go to school, so I don't mind just going to her place after work. My best friend lately has vocalized his distaste for the amount of time I'm spending with my girl, given that I work and go to school full time, I really haven't hung out with him or my other friends for 2 weeks or so. It's not that I plan on giving up my friends or that my girlfriend is needy, I just like spending time with her, and my friends are less convenient to get a hold of and plan things with around my busy schedule. All this being said, my dilemma is this: I'm considering not moving in with my friend, both because he's feeling some type of way about my new relationship and voicing it to my other friends, which seems to me to be a poor way to resolve any issue he has, and, given how things are going with my girlfriend, I might be more inclined to move in with her at some point (not necessarily as soon as I was planning on moving in with my friend) and don't want to be obligated with a lease. My concern is that i'm gonna ostracize my best friend, and he's going to **** the bed about it. My other concern is that I don't want to sabotage the relationship in any way, or jump into something that committed too soon, and then have things not work out for whatever reason. This girl is a little older than I am (I turn 28 next month, she just turned 32) and she's got 2 kids, both of whom like me, and we get along well and are friends. She's remarkably similar to me as far as her goals, views, sense of humor, and various other mannerisms. I'm rather mature for my age, or at least have been told so, and unlike most of my friends I'm not looking for a casual relationship. She's also a terribly good influence on me. My best friend is looking forward to setting up a party pad that involves a lot of drinking and card playing and video games, and while this was appealing to me when we made the plans to move in, I find that I'm growing more productive and less stressed as the time I spend with my girlfriend increases. She graduated college while working and taking care of her 2 children and knows exactly what it takes to get it done, and is both inspirational and motivating, without being condescending or patronizing. I truly feel like a better, more capable person when I'm with her. So basically, I'm just looking for some thoughts. Any opinion at all is welcome, and I've got a thick skin, so there's no sugar coating necessary. If I have my head in the clouds, or up my ass, feel free to tell me so. I'm just looking for some different viewpoints, because I don't like making important life decisions without carefully considering all of the options, and I can't in good conscience say I've considered anything without hearing some kind of feedback. Sorry for the wall of text, and I appreciate your time. *side note, while this is my first post, I've been reading these boards for a few months, but something was wrong with the registration and I was unable to get it resolved until just today. = )
kwayne Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I have a similar problem, I've bee living with my best friend for 3 years now and dating my bf for 11 months. Although they get along, they both want time with me. I often do choose my bf over my best friend because whenever I try to hang out with her, she can only make snide remarks about how I'm never around (which makes me not want to hang out with her) It's a really hard situation. I'd say you tell your friend how you're feeling if he's understanding. I tried explaining it to my friend and she just didn't understand. It's been better ever since she's been hooking up with a guy and she asks for my opinion because she is really immature. If he doesn't understand, don't move in with him. Don't ever stop hanging out with him and NEVER admit to choosing one or the other. I hope i helped. Good luck!
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