Girlfriend broke up with me, this is all new to me

[confusedone01]

My gf and I had been going out for 2 years, then went on a break starting 2/3/2012, then 2/10/12 she broke up with me. The main reason was that she needed to "find herself" and needed some "me time" and felt less stressed/relieved during the break week, she told me to go ahead and do my own thing with other girls if I wanted to, I said I only loved and wanted her and that I would wait, and she said she didnt know how long it would take: 2 weeks, 2 mo.'s, dunno. I said I would wait. She said she might wake up the next day or week and realize what a mistake she made and come running back. She kept reiterating that she is not looking for any other guys and still feels exactly the same about me(still attracted, loves me, etc.), and it had nothing to do with me, she is just very confused and it wouldnt be right to have me around while she tries to figure things out. BUT then she also said that later on(no specific time period given) if we are both not going out with anyone that I can ask her out for a date. Long story short by the end of the conversation I told her that now she basically has all the power and the ball is in her court, and that she needs to keep me updated on what is goin through her head so I'm not left wondering, and all I have is this one "date" card that I can pull at some given point and that is it. We hugged and kissed on the lips and then she left. I have been in many relationships and have dumped and been dumped many times before, but this is the first time that a relationship has ended and I still want the girl back. long story short we txtd back and forth that weekend, then on that sunday I sent her a txt telling her how much I loved her and that from there on out I was not going to contact her unless as a reply, but that I encouraged her to contact me for anything. She cald and txtd me for the next two days, the last txt I got from her was 2/14 telling me that she was thinking about me, I said "good thoughts I'm assuming" and she said of course. from then on there was no contact at all.

 

Then 2/20 I saw her randomly on campus we stopped and I felt emotionally overwhelmed but she seemed very nonchalant and unmoved, I told her how I missed her, thought about her, etc. and she would reply coldly and mechanically with the same comments with no feelings or emotions behind them.I had asked her if she still wanted me to go to an awards banquet on 3/17 with her that we had agreed on about a week b4 we broke up and she said that "I could" but that she doesn't know if it would be a date or not since it is a while away, and she said something about while she is not looking for any other guys right now she would let me know if she meets someone and continued to ask me to just give her "some time" b4 I try to make any moves, I said okay but inside i was really hurt by that comment. I was so confused by her behavior and body language bc it was in total contrast to the txts that she would send me talking about how she still thinks about me, loves me, misses me, etc etc.

 

Later on that night I sent her a msg asking her why she was the way she was earlier, she said it was bc she has her guard up right now, and that she was trying her hardest to keep from wanting to grab and kiss me and it is tough, and that she didn't mean to threaten me by talking about the possibility of her meeting other guys, and that "she is not looking for anyone right now, period end of story". She reiterated that no matter what she still misses me and has all the same feelings/attractions for me and that I should always assume she does unless specifically told otherwise. She says she is just confused right now and doesn't know what is going on with her right now.Were back to NC as of 2/21.

 

I know everyone says just continue NC on my end, but I really don't know if that is the best option in this situation,since that kinda got screwed up by us seeing each other, and then we are goin to be working together for a week starting 2/27, she has always been the kind of girl that lets the guy do most of the action and just waits and she is not a "communicator", I always had to force her to sit down and discuss aspect of our relationship............ I'd like to do one of two things

 

1.) wait till around 3/7 or 3/8(trust me there is a specific reason why I chose this week) and ask her out on date that weekend, explaining that it would just be a date, one night, and see where things go from there, no obligations, no relationships, and I'm not asking her to take me back, and that it could easily be ended if need be, basically scale it back and start over to an extent, eliminating the stresses she felt of being in a relationship, but if she says no then I will proceed to tell her how much she means to me and that I hope we could get back together but that I will have to move on and can't promise her that I will be available from then on.

 

2.) Since she is not a communicator I feel as though there are many things that we need and should still talk about, so I was planning on meeting with her again on around 3/7ish, and proceed to dig as much of the info/explanations that I feel I deserve to know but obviously in a very professional/semi-intimate way, and guage the conversation from there and see if It might stand a chance to ask her on a date.

 

Any advice is welcome,I really want her back and don't want to screw this up. I truly thought I could just wait and play NC for a while, but that was easier said than done,Just about any questions/issues that I try to bring up post-break up never really gets an answer she just replies explaining how confused she is about a lot of stuff, but I feel that a serious face-to-face conversation covering and tackling a variety of issues is the most productive route to go and would probably help me get closure if need be, BC while she keeps saying all the stuff about feeling the same for me/missing/fighting to come see me, I feel that talking everything out could lead to better solutions than just her solution of us breaking apart.

Edited February 22, 2012 by confusedone01

[Philosoraptor]

So she wants to bang other dudes, no issue there right? Her saying you should be with other girls is her own way of softening the blow and allowing herself to remove the guilt that she is feeling. I'd gamble she already had a guy in mind before she initiated a break (which almost always leads to a breakup, but most believe it will soften the breakup blow). The common reason for "I'm not sure" talk is that one doesn't want to lose a sure thing (doesn't want to be alone) if their main plan falls through.

 

Take option 3. Work on yourself and move on. You are second choice right now and you need to find that person who always has you as number 1.

[Michael225]

Move on bro. I'm literally in the same situation, but just a few months ahead of you. Sounds to me like she is just reiterating stuff just so she doesnt hurt you as bad. But trust me thier probably is another guy. If she wanted to be with you then she wouldnt have broken up with you. You just need to find someone else. And don't try the friendship thing either because it definitely does not work.

[youngster]

You have to go NC and move on I'm afraid. My ex wanted time alone as well and assured me she wasn't seeing anyone. Turns out she was. She set up the embers in our relationship just enough to keep them lit, but not enough to have me interfere with her new life. Dumpers do this as a back up plan so

They don't have to be alone. Go NC and read, read , read up on LS. Sorry you have to go through this too.

[RonChalant]

Yeah man as much as it sucks I can promise you she has had other guys in mind and is having sex with them. The whole "I'm confused" things means just that and is a sure indicator of what's going on as well as the "you can talk to other females if you want" line...this is because she'll be talking to other people as well.

 

DONT EVER TELL HER SHE HAS ALL THE POWER!

 

Go NC and work on you. I KNO I KNOW I KNOW you hate hearing that, sounds so dumb but it is the truth. I was A MESS when my gf of 7 years left me 3.5 months ago. Things do get easier. You will ALWAYS think aboot her but a sense of indifference will take over.

 

Do not contact her and if she contacts you do not answer. This will drive her crazy and she will try to manipulate your emotions (either intentionally or unintentionally, ut it will happen) but you have to be strong and tell her you need time to yourself. She's going to **** other people regardless of what you say or do...do your pride a favor and just dont talk to her.

[EgoJoe]

Send her a text saying this, "You know. I don't buy all of the BS you've told me. I don't want you back and I don't want to hear from you in the future. Have fun."