PIM Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I've been sending out emails to women online and I was wondering if the women on this forum could help out by letting me know what they think of the emails I'm sending here are three of them: I enjoyed reading your profile and that is an awesome photo of you as a zombie. That’s either a great Halloween costume or maybe a great strategy to blend in when the approaching Zombie apocalypse comes for us all haha. I figured any girl that looks that great as a zombie and also has great tastes in TV shows is probably someone I should at least say hello to. So we’ve been having an amazingly mild winter so far and it’s been pretty great. I’ve been taking advantage of it by hanging out outside and also just being in the city more often. What are some of your favorite things to do in the city? I liked reading your profile, the thing I liked most is that you seem to be really excited about exploring the city and finding all the amazing places in New York and that has always been a passion of mine too. There really is nothing like finding an crazy new bar or amazing new restaurant. In that spirit there is a place that I loved the first time I went there. It's a giant concert hall/bowling alley that I learned, after the fact, has what many consider the best fried chicken in New York. Now I can't just give this information away, but maybe depending on your top 5 we might be able to work something out? haha So how long have you been in New York and what's your favorite part so far? I enjoyed reading your profile, nice to meet someone that’s as excited about food and the great restaurants of New York as I am. For a while it seemed like all girls were becoming vegetarians and I don’t have anything against that, it’s just half the fun of showing someone an amazing restaurant is the reaction they get from the food and all my best places are definitely not vegetarian. So it is refreshing to hear a girl that isn't afraid to show her love for pizza. Because great pizza truly is a beautiful thing. (Btw that pizza place in New Haven? Is it Frank Pepe's?) So really you had me with going out to get some pizza on a whim but really doesn’t hurt you’re also an attorney that helps the elderly that has an amazing smile. I see that you're in Queens, I actually grew up there but haven't really been back in a while. What are some of your favorite parts? Any constructive criticisms would be appreciated!
CarrieT Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I enjoyed reading your profile and that is an awesome photo of you as a zombie. That’s either a great Halloween costume or maybe a great strategy to blend in when the approaching Zombie apocalypse comes for us all haha. I figured any girl that looks that great as a zombie and also has great tastes in TV shows is probably someone I should at least say hello to. Leave off the "haha." It is just as bad as adding a smiley face or a "LOL" because you are telling someone when you are trying to be funny and if they are bright enough, they will know it. Hate, hate, hate it when someone in their correspondence is trying to tell me how to feel or when to laugh. Secondly, for your last sentence, don't say "I figured ... probably someone I should at least say hello to." It is all passive voice and sounds wimpy. Try it this way, "I need to say hello to a girl who looks great as a zombie and has great taste in TV shows." There is no "I figured" as in you aren't sure. There is no "probably someone" - again, you aren't sure? And "I should at least" as if there is more you should be doing? Re-read all of your messages. You have a lot of passive voice statements that make you sound unsure and weak. Phrases like "depending on your top 5" for restaurants. Why does it depend on her top five? You need to be more up front and not writing contingents on what the girl will say.
KathyM Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I've been sending out emails to women online and I was wondering if the women on this forum could help out by letting me know what they think of the emails I'm sending here are three of them: I enjoyed reading your profile and that is an awesome photo of you as a zombie. That’s either a great Halloween costume or maybe a great strategy to blend in when the approaching Zombie apocalypse comes for us all haha. I figured any girl that looks that great as a zombie and also has great tastes in TV shows is probably someone I should at least say hello to. So we’ve been having an amazingly mild winter so far and it’s been pretty great. I’ve been taking advantage of it by hanging out outside and also just being in the city more often. What are some of your favorite things to do in the city? Can this Email completely. Talk about zombies is just plain dumb. Sorry. Also another no no--don't talk about the weather. That's just lame. I liked reading your profile, the thing I liked most is that you seem to be really excited about exploring the city and finding all the amazing places in New York and that has always been a passion of mine too. There really is nothing like finding an crazy new bar or amazing new restaurant. In that spirit there is a place that I loved the first time I went there. It's a giant concert hall/bowling alley that I learned, after the fact, has what many consider the best fried chicken in New York. Now I can't just give this information away, but maybe depending on your top 5 we might be able to work something out? haha So how long have you been in New York and what's your favorite part so far? Don't start by saying you enjoyed reading their profile. Depending on your top 5 . . .? Strange statement. Invitation is too unclear. Come right out and ask her for a date. Say "I'd love to take you there if you're interested." I enjoyed reading your profile, nice to meet someone that’s as excited about food and the great restaurants of New York as I am. For a while it seemed like all girls were becoming vegetarians and I don’t have anything against that, it’s just half the fun of showing someone an amazing restaurant is the reaction they get from the food and all my best places are definitely not vegetarian. So it is refreshing to hear a girl that isn't afraid to show her love for pizza. Because great pizza truly is a beautiful thing. (Btw that pizza place in New Haven? Is it Frank Pepe's?) Again, stop with the "I enjoyed reading your profile." So really you had me with going out to get some pizza on a whim but really doesn’t hurt you’re also an attorney that helps the elderly that has an amazing smile. I like the comment about her smile. That's a nice thing to say, and sure to score some points with her. I see that you're in Queens, I actually grew up there but haven't really been back in a while. What are some of your favorite parts? Any constructive criticisms would be appreciated! I bolded my suggestions for changes in your Emails. I hope that helps.
Author PIM Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 Ok these are great suggestions and exactly what I need to hear. I guess my problem is that I'm emailing strangers so I have this weird need to be more formal and polite than I normally would be and try not to offend. Sounds like I need to be bolder in my approach.
KathyM Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Ok these are great suggestions and exactly what I need to hear. I guess my problem is that I'm emailing strangers so I have this weird need to be more formal and polite than I normally would be and try not to offend. Sounds like I need to be bolder in my approach. Yes, your Emails come across as too formal. You need to phrase them like you would be talking to a person face to face.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Talking about zombies doesn't sound dumb if they have a photo on their profile with them dressed up as a zombie. People put off the wall photos on there to start conversations. 1
Andy_K Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 To be honest, the zombie email is the only one that didn't send me to sleep. Although I'd have probably said something more like "I really hope that's a halloween photo, otherwise I'm really not sure about your makeup style" Also, act more like you're actually interested in getting to know her rather than scoring a reply. Don't be afraid to ask something direct and relevant to dating, like what she's looking for, what her biggest deal breakers are, stuff like that. 1
veggirl Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Hey, I think they all sound good I don't think any of the nit picky changes will make a difference. Overall they are really nice, the teeny details like leave haha out are insignificant imo.
SJC2008 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I have had more responses from "bulk" emails than personalized ones. The bottom line is, is that if a woman takes a dating site for what it is, she'll have no problem with a simple: "Hey I'm x and I liked your profile and would like to talk to you sometime. Check out my profile and if you would like to talk drop me a hi and I'll message you back! Take care, x" It shows interest, and puts zero pressure on them which kind of helps get you through their "creep" filter. Some women want deep personalized e mails but they're missing the boat. A dating site is to get dates, not fall in love via e mail. You do that (if it happens) in PERSON! My messages are basically like that with a variation here and there.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I have had more responses from "bulk" emails than personalized ones. The bottom line is, is that if a woman takes a dating site for what it is, she'll have no problem with a simple: "Hey I'm x and I liked your profile and would like to talk to you sometime. Check out my profile and if you would like to talk drop me a hi and I'll message you back! Take care, x" It shows interest, and puts zero pressure on them which kind of helps get you through their "creep" filter. Some women want deep personalized e mails but they're missing the boat. A dating site is to get dates, not fall in love via e mail. You do that (if it happens) in PERSON! My messages are basically like that with a variation here and there. I actually agree with this. If you don't find something to really connect about, in a genuine way, when you look at a profile, I think that a straightforward and non-creepy approach like this is very fine. I think that finding something to "really connect about" in that environment is pretty unusual, too.
mtber75 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Leave off the "haha." It is just as bad as adding a smiley face or a "LOL" because you are telling someone when you are trying to be funny and if they are bright enough, they will know it. Hate, hate, hate it when someone in their correspondence is trying to tell me how to feel or when to laugh. Secondly, for your last sentence, don't say "I figured ... probably someone I should at least say hello to." It is all passive voice and sounds wimpy. Try it this way, "I need to say hello to a girl who looks great as a zombie and has great taste in TV shows." There is no "I figured" as in you aren't sure. There is no "probably someone" - again, you aren't sure? And "I should at least" as if there is more you should be doing? Re-read all of your messages. You have a lot of passive voice statements that make you sound unsure and weak. Phrases like "depending on your top 5" for restaurants. Why does it depend on her top five? You need to be more up front and not writing contingents on what the girl will say. That's interesting observation. I use emoticon all the time...What's wrong with trying to be funny? Don't girls always say that they want a guy that make them laugh.
Author PIM Posted February 23, 2012 Author Posted February 23, 2012 I have actually read in places that women do hate the emoticons and find them feminine but I figured one haha wouldn't be a big deal. It's not like I'm littering my emails with lols and =). But I do think that I have take a bolder approach and not write so formally. Also I think I'm gonna try out what SJC2008 and Mme. Chaucer suggested and send out canned emails. Don't get me wrong I get some replies to the personalized emails but I wonder if it's worth the effort. Why put in like 20 mins into an email when the girl could reject me for something completely arbitrary when she reads my profile.
florence of suburbia Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 1/5 the length. Ask one question. Make her laugh once. Leave her wanting more.
oaks Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 The bottom line is, is that if a woman takes a dating site for what it is, she'll have no problem with a simple: "Hey I'm x and I liked your profile and would like to talk to you sometime. Check out my profile and if you would like to talk drop me a hi and I'll message you back! Take care, x" It shows interest, and puts zero pressure on them which kind of helps get you through their "creep" filter. Some women want deep personalized e mails but they're missing the boat. A dating site is to get dates, not fall in love via e mail. You do that (if it happens) in PERSON! I agree. It would be nice if women on online dating sites acted like this. However, this isn't the reality - partly because (some) women get so many messages that they don't have time to check out all those profiles and so do filter on messages that catch their eye. There's a crowd that you have to stand out from, and I don't think that has anything to do with unrealistic expectations (such as falling in love via email as you say) from the women.
CarrieT Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 That's interesting observation. I use emoticon all the time...What's wrong with trying to be funny? Don't girls always say that they want a guy that make them laugh. It often depends on what is being said but for me, there is one aspect of trying to be funny, but the emoticon is an added insult by implying to someone that they don't understand what is being said and has to be told. I don't mind emoticons as much as I hate the "LOL" or "haha" punctuations as the OP used - especially when there are a lot of them. I will use them as a RESPONSE in texting, but as an adjunct to my own words? Never... I can be clever enough with my words that the humor is understood.
InJest Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Don't be specific. Be vague, but still make it apparent you read the profile. Most girls don't remember what they put on their profile, so just say that she seems very blank and blank, and you think you two would get along well. Then just tell her to get back to you if she's interested in talking more. Initial messages should be 3-4 lines. I just moved to a new city last month, so I just started online dating again after a couple year hiatus. In 3 weeks I've slept with 4 girls, I'm seeing one with some real potential but haven't slept with her yet, and have 3 new dates in the next 4 days. I just deactivated my profile yesterday, so can attempt to manage all this. All from the same message with a couple words changed. These girls are between 22 and 27, and come from many walks of life. Couple students, nurses/health care, tech writer, optician. They're all very different, but my message to them showed interest, but no desperation. It's clear that I don't care if they respond or not, because I leave the ball clearly in their court.
Author PIM Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 Could you post any examples of these emails you're sending?
EnigmaticClarity Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Also I think I'm gonna try out what SJC2008 and Mme. Chaucer suggested and send out canned emails. Don't get me wrong I get some replies to the personalized emails but I wonder if it's worth the effort. Why put in like 20 mins into an email when the girl could reject me for something completely arbitrary when she reads my profile. You can send out a personalized email in waaaay less than 20 minutes, just make it very brief. Funny references to something in their profile works great for me. The more clever it is, the better--I might spend ten minutes thinking of a single sentence for the right girl and have found that my chances of response go up significantly the more clever I am.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 The "canned" emails that SJC2008 recommends still, as he says, show interest and put the ball in her court. They don't sound like fake spam or that he is trying to fool somebody into thinking he really "connects" with her. On the other hand, it doesn't take 20 minutes to figure out an email, in any case - and if it did, so what.
Andy_K Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 it doesn't take 20 minutes to figure out an email, in any case - and if it did, so what. The 'so what' is that if you're getting a 10% response rate (not uncommon for guys doing online dating), and maybe eventually getting 1 date for every 5 girls that reply to your initial message, that's over 16 hours of writing initial emails in order to get one date. And that's not even counting any correspondence made after the first email.
InJest Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) Use something like this. Hi, how are you? Your profile stood out to me. You sound ____ and ____, and I want to learn some more about you. If you're interested, let me know and we'll talk some more. Have a good weekend! Your name here It also depends a lot on your profile too though. I've been told I'm good looking, and I have a variety of hobbies. I also make a lot of money, especially compared to others my age, so dunno how big of a role that plays. Edited February 24, 2012 by InJest
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