weeble78 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Chatting to girls online in your area I mean? Found a website on my BFs PC this morning for this - coupled with him not wanting s*x ever any more, is this a sackable offence? Is my best choice to leave the house (we live together) for a few days to mull things over and give him a shock, or should I try and sort it out?
PegNosePete Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 If it were me I would give him a 1-way ticket to dumpedville. Chances are very high that he has done much more than "chat" but even if he hasn't it doesn't make a difference, this kind of behaviour is not acceptable. If he caught you doing such a thing, do you think he would "try to sort it out"?
Author weeble78 Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 Thanks both for your responses. Fluorescent, if you have read my posts then I hope you can see that the shouting from my point only came after months and months of being shouted at by him trying to start an argument. It wore me down to nothing. Luckily it did though because it meant I could only go up. I have been to counselling to sort out my issues. I stopped the screaming matches. At first he continued all by himself until one night he did it in front of all our friends and pushed me, physically. I distanced myself and concentrated on me. I have learnt to control myself. Gradually he realised that trying to start arguments wasn't working any more, so he has stopped. Which made things wonderful again. We communicated so much better we started talking about marriage, and he got a great new job he loves, and thanked me for standing by him while he was being that horrible person, and attributed his success to my support and how great our relationship is. Things are not perfect, but I don't feel like everything is my fault any more. I feel like I have plans in my life which don't hinge on him. Thanks for your insight and opinions, they are valuable and some of it is what I'm trying to learn to better myself. Also I don't believe the patronising comment of me not listening to you was necessary. You don't know me as a person from my posts. It is kind to help and give opinions and advice, but it is not kind to judge or patronise.
Author weeble78 Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 I wish someone could give me a hug and tell me I'm doing the right thing. I feel like I'm such a bad judge of character I'm never going to get it right, and it's exhausting trying so hard to create the happy ending you want. I'm so confused, I don't know if he really loves me any more, I don't know if he genuinely wants to spend the rest of his life with me - all these things I've been skipping around thinking about for months - literally, skipping to work and back every day with a huge smile on my face being so happy things have finally worked out. I know I'm strong enough to move on, but I'm so scared of making a mistake. Can't stop crying - I thought this was my happy ending.
Author weeble78 Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 So Fluorescent, if you were in a similar relationship what cemented your choice to leave, and how did that affect you in the months coming afterwards? I'm really interested in case it might help me decide what I want to do later when he gets back from work.
Author weeble78 Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 Sorry, I posted at the same time. Thank you for your words, I am crying like I have not cried in years. I feel like I have lost everything all over again. Thank you for the hug, it really helps to talk to somebody calm at a time like this. Congrats on your date on Friday, I really hope things work out well for you and you're happy x
Author weeble78 Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 You made me do it - ha that rings a bell. I get that over a lot of things although I have told him to own his feelings and talk them through with me instead. Funnily enough, since we first talked about marriage he has done. Two years it took! After the marriage talk in Oct last year he changed so much, like he started feeling safer and could be more vulnerable around me. I think he needs somebody more confident than me - confident enough to take everything on the chin and ignore any tantrums. I think he'd calm down more then. I've tried to be more like that and he's responded to it, but I have my own demons and can't battle for two. Kudos to you for taking yourself out of that situation. I've done it once before so I can do it again.
PegNosePete Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I think he needs somebody more confident than me - confident enough to take everything on the chin and ignore any tantrums No, someone more confident would have kicked him to the gutter long ago. 1
Author weeble78 Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 So can't I try and figure out what kind of person I would have to be to try and make this work out, and then be that person? That sounds desperate, but I feel like if I've made mistakes, then can't I try something else and maybe it'll fix it? He will meet someone else and truly fall in love with them - I wanted to be that person!! I want all those things he used to tell me to be true!! At the risk of sounding like a victim and whining, I am so tired of being hurt by people - sometimes I hate myself because if nobody else in the whole of my 33 years can love me, then what is there to love about me. Man, it's really coming out today.
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