Leigh 87 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 HOw did your relationships start.. slow and steady, or lust at first site? I find it soo interesting, the different ways in which people fall for each other. I am a real romatic, and like hearing stories of people:) I will go first: Neither of us were attracted at first, physically, that much. We were attracted enough to kiss, though, the first time we met. We met online, talked on the phone a bit, and liked each other enough, also. I was so surprised and fascinated to see, that if you fall in love with someone, or even deap like, they suddenly become SUPER attractive to you! I am proud that I have reached the conclusion, that I do not need looks, or even super hot chemistry, initially; that I would rather wait for it to build in some cases, and find great guys from it. After all, I guess most average/ slightly above average women like myself, DO mostly grow to be attracted, seeing as initially, we are NOT some hot model to look at. Perhaps having instant attraction can be a down fall; you fall for someone because they are so beautiful to look at, and fail to wait until a real connection developes, a their beauty is so compelling? ANy thoughts? Were u instant connections, or SLOW growing, like myself?
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 I am soo interested to know, if u fell instantly for your partner, or if it grew? I have heard storis of both; I have also heard a few posters say that unless your gorgoeous looking, it is hard to have that red hot chemistry right away, without the physical attraction.
petal28 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Interesting question. I would be keen to hear to.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I honestly don't believe that chemistry has anything to do with being "gorgeous" or "model looking." Sure, a gorgeous person is going to attract a much larger number of people than a not gorgeous person, and there are plenty of people who would like to bone her / him because of their looks, but chemistry is not related so much to features. There really is a such thing as pheromones. Whether they are responsible for it or not, the thing that makes two people "click" is not easy to put your finger on.
somedude81 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I'm hoping that women are more open to slow growing chemistry because I know I'm not good looking enough for anybody to be physically attracted to me. My only chance is if she keeps an open mind and gets to know me, letting herself get more attracted. I also ride a unicorn to school.
GoodOnPaper Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Sure, a gorgeous person is going to attract a much larger number of people than a not gorgeous person, and there are plenty of people who would like to bone her / him because of their looks, but chemistry is not related so much to features. Why isn't this chemistry? I think of "chemistry" as any involuntary, non-rational, emotional feeling or response that draws two people together. Maybe there are two levels of chemistry -- one that's a little more general (based on looks and/or surface personality qualities) and one that is specifically with a particular person. The general-type chemistry can hit fast and hard leading casual sex or even a full-blown relationship but I imagine that the more specific chemistry would need time to build. However, there still needs to be some kind of "spark" that motivates you to want to keep getting together with the other person so you can build that sort of chemistry. Personally, when it comes to that general, initial "chemistry", I have found that 1) I am very bad at it, and 2) the few times I was able to get to a first date and beyond, I tended to want the relationship more than I wanted the other person -- seeing it in retrospect, of course. I much prefer growing attracted over time but that's always been a road to the friendzone.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I do agree that a persons involuntary response to a "gorgeous" person of the opposite sex does represent chemistry. But, I think that "spark" thing is more personal. I used to be a professional dancer. ALL the girls in the shows were quite good looking. It was a prerequisite. I'm sure all the men who encountered a bunch of showgirls recognized that we were all attractive. But still, different girls "connected" with different guys. That was, in my opinion, due to specific chemistry between individuals.
veggirl Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Well the first time I met my BF, I admit my heart kinda skipped, I was taken aback a little I guess I've experienced both. 1
GoodOnPaper Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Perhaps having instant attraction can be a down fall; you fall for someone because they are so beautiful to look at, and fail to wait until a real connection developes, a their beauty is so compelling? It's by no means a downfall -- maybe a distraction. I see your point in how the instant-attraction factor can contribute to you falling in love with a relationship more than with that other person specifically. However, consider the flip side: Without the instant-attraction factor, is it possible to develop a real connection? And if so, will that connection withstand others coming along who do have that instant-attraction factor? If the answer to either of those questions is "no", then I would say that instant attraction is actually a requirement for establishing a deeper connection.
veggirl Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Without the instant-attraction factor, is it possible to develop a real connection? And if so, will that connection withstand others coming along who do have that instant-attraction factor? If the answer to either of those questions is "no", then I would say that instant attraction is actually a requirement for establishing a deeper connection. Well, with current BF we had an instant attraction and have obviously developed a deeper connection. Am I worried about him having an instant attraction with another girl? Nope. Is he worried about me doing that? Doubt it. The thing is, when we met, we were both OPEN and kinda looking to meet someone. Now we are committed to each other. We aren't in the same frame of mind that we were when we felt an instant attraction. I just don't think I'd look at someone now and think anything other than "oh he is cute"...there wouldn't be the flippy floppy heart thing I felt when I saw my BF because I'm not in a place for that right now, my mind is devoted to him! If that makes sense
Saxis Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 For us, it happened pretty quick, but not instant. Four or five messages online, then about five days of texting before our first date. After our second date, I knew I wanted to keep seeing her, but wasn't completely sold yet. After our third date, which was dinner at my house followed by our first "real" kiss (previously she only let me get a quick peck), we both took our online profiles down. That kiss was amazing and we were hooked! Fourth date was also dinner at my house, hours of making out, sex and an overnight stay with the exclusive talk, 16 days after meeting. We're now about one week shy of three months since becoming exclusive and the chemistry, trust and commitment just seems to be getting stronger, even though she almost broke it off when she got some jitters after realizing she was falling in love despite how fast we were moving (alongside some other stresses). It's only made us stronger... So I guess we went from "not sure" to "amazing chemistry" in about two weeks and three dates...
somedude81 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Without the instant-attraction factor, is it possible to develop a real connection? God I hope so. I also wish my unicorn could fly.
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 I am curious, too....since we did not have an instant attraction, what about the girls he DOES have it with? I am not worrying, he is attracted enough to me NOW, and he likes me deaply enough NOW, so that he would not just run off with a attractive girl who he felt an instant sexual and emotional connection with. We have both discussed that if this occurs, we value what WE have enough to leave it. To walk away. Hopefully he has the strngth of character, to follow through to his word:) ALthough, by the third date he was saying that I was so beautiful, and adorable which is the total opposite to his personality: he never calls beautiful girls gorgeous, not the type) Moreover, we kissed the first date, we were not repulsed; we just did not think each other to be totally gorgeous. Obviously, some attraction developed soon after meeting me. I think personality and the image u project has a lot to do with attraction. I was not a fun, happy, smiling, positive person when we met. Some people just are not attracted to their partners, regardless of how great they are... However, with me, I was not a happy, fun, good person to be around, positive person, when we first met. I never smiled, so when I did it was a very strange smile. I was a bit of a freak, to be honest. I did not look him in the eyes, and he said I had no soul, by the looks of me. I had been through a hard time in life, and it showed. In fact, a lot of people did not even WANT to get to know me, sexually or otherwise, BECAUSE I had been through a hard time in life, and WAS JUST PLAIN STRANGE. My b/f tod me that after all I had been through ( not much compared to most people mind u, but still hard regardless), that he wanted to HELP me. He said that he did not care if we ened up having sex: that he felt for me, and as a very social and positive person, he just wanted to help me learn to be happy. The attaction WAS there, to enough of an extent for him to view me as attractive DOWN THE TRACK: which makes me think that he would most likely have found be mroe attractuve initially, if I presented myself as a confident, fun, awesome person to be around. If I made an amazing first impression. This brings me to another point; sure, sometimes the attraction is JUST. NOT. THERE. Physically speaking. REGARDLESS of the amazing " presence" a girl gives off. The guy will just view her as AMAZING, but not attractive, sexual material. Alternatively, there is a level of attractiiveness, where a in different circumstances, a guy can find attractive in one instance, and NOT attractive in another, based on personality. Two girls, who are attractive ( 7 out of 10), meet a guy. One has the most amazing personality, and it comes out very well when u first meet her. She comes across as a person who is amazing; her clothes, attitude, smile, everything about her intrigues the said guy. The guy finds this girl quiet attractive ( not model), but fairly attractive. Where as the other attractive girl was like I was: not a good first impression. Not captivating in the least ( in fact, the polar OPPOSITE). I think if u are unpleasant to look at, it is basically inevitible that most guys will not find u to be instantly very attractive. On the other hand, if u are slightly attractive, your presence could potentially make a guy attracted to u, or not, depending on how you come across. I am sure there are average folk, who are the greatest people you could meet.. and have guys instantly feel attracted to them, because their image compells them a lot. Then there are slightly attarctive people, like me, who have come across as UNattractive when they had a bad attitude, but attractive when they change for the better, and project a much better image.
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 I am so interested in this topic, because so many people are fixated on the FAIRY tale crap.... I mean, surely, in theory, meeting a guy who sees them as beautiful and has chemistry straight away, is not too much to ask for... right? Wrong. I am beginning to see that, although instant attraction isometimes indicative of the " glue", the so called " chemistry", thet holds relationships together: this can grow in time, for whatever reason. Perhaps you gave off a bad impression, which hindered the chemistry. Or, maybe if your really just nto good to look at, guys have to get to KNOW you, before having heavy physical chemistry and attraction. Yes, my boyfriend was calling me beautiful after the 3rd or 4th date/ We had a strange connection, something was special, we just did not know what at the time. We look back and can see it more clearly. We msged on line also, and felt a connection on both sides.... Then after about 4 dates, he viewed me as very attractive.
somedude81 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 One thing I'd like to point out. I'm basically physically attracted to every girl 18-35 as long as she's not ugly and/or too fat or skinny. That means that around 90% of girls my age are already per-approved. All they need to have is a cool personality and I'm sold.
Saxis Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Without the instant-attraction factor, is it possible to develop a real connection? And if so, will that connection withstand others coming along who do have that instant-attraction factor? If the answer to either of those questions is "no", then I would say that instant attraction is actually a requirement for establishing a deeper connection. It's very possible. I worked with my XW for 2 years before I even thought about dating her, and not until she initiated it. I continued to be completely in love with her for five years. Not so much on her part though. That attraction can fade the same way it can build...
Author Leigh 87 Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 goodonpaper - yes, attraction that GROWS, but was NOT there initially, IS enough for a lasting, wonderfil connection... ... because there are many unnatractive people in the best marriages/ relationships. They are not pleasant to look at, and so their partners would likely not have thought " WOW, she is beautiful" and form INSTANT physically chemistry.... The fact that very unpleasant, particularly ugly people are in happy marriages, says that a real connection is enough, and that initially f eeling dweaply attracted ad PHYSICAL chemistry, is not all that important. I am nto worried my bf will leave me for a beautiful girl he does feel instant chemisutry for; because he has already built a connection with me, that pales inc omparison to that " instant" cr@p.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I believe that there are people who can't "grow" a spark if they don't feel it initially, and people who can. Different types.
LexiB Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 One thing I'd like to point out. I'm basically physically attracted to every girl 18-35 as long as she's not ugly and/or too fat or skinny. That means that around 90% of girls my age are already per-approved. All they need to have is a cool personality and I'm sold. Don't they have to be within your race as well?
somedude81 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Don't they have to be within your race as well? Nope. So far I've asked out, White, Black, Mexican, Japanese, Chinese and Korean girls. The only girl I've ever had a "relationship" with was Filipino and she came on to me.. I'm an equal opportunity admirer
threebyfate Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 For H2 it was Zing...Yowsa...*pant, pant, pant*!! For H1, it took years and was a big mistake. Guess which one I prefer? 1
LexiB Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Nope. So far I've asked out, White, Black, Mexican, Japanese, Chinese and Korean girls. The only girl I've ever had a "relationship" with was Filipino and she came on to me.. I'm an equal opportunity admirer Ahh, I remember reading a post of yours that stated otherwise, a while ago. Good to hear you're not limiting yourself (anymore?)
somedude81 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Ahh, I remember reading a post of yours that stated otherwise, a while ago. Good to hear you're not limiting yourself (anymore?) I prefer to date girls of my own race but I'm open to just about anything. Either way, it's not like I have a better chance with any of them.
cerridwen Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I am soo interested to know, if u fell instantly for your partner, or if it grew? I'm a Instant Attraction kind of girl, and when I spied my future husband for the first time, it was no exception. We were in college and when he walked into the room, my mouth dropped open and my first thought was, "That is the best looking guy I've ever seen in my LIFE!" Tall, dark hair, green eyes, the winter cold made his lips and cheeks a bright red against his light skin. He looked like something out of Scandinavian mythology, so beautiful he was. I immediately went about ignoring him. I was convinced no one could look like that and not be conceited. I was wrong and we eventually fell in love and married. He's still a beautiful person inside and out. I have heard stories of both; I have also heard a few posters say that unless your gorgeous looking, it is hard to have that red hot chemistry right away, without the physical attraction. This is true for me. Though, I find many guys gorgeous. My xH was objectively handsome, yes. But I've had intensely carnal feelings for other men some wouldn't find so. The attraction to them has been just as instant and strong as it was to my ex. 1
LexiB Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I'm a Instant Attraction kind of girl, and when I spied my future husband for the first time, it was no exception. We were in college and when he walked into the room, my mouth dropped open and my first thought was, "That is the best looking guy I've ever seen in my LIFE!" Tall, dark hair, green eyes, the winter cold made his lips and cheeks a bright red against his light skin. He looked like something out of Scandinavian mythology, so beautiful he was. Cerridwen, not to take the thread too far off topic, but how did you manage to transition from this I immediately went about ignoring him. I was convinced no one could look like that and not be conceited. To this: I was wrong and we eventually fell in love and married. What was his approach - how did he get you to give him a chance?
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