Biscous Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Her and I've talked about this between each other. We let each other know we are going out since we aren't around each other. We make sure we call each other, let us know who we are with. I hardly go 'out' to a bar with the exception of coworkers from time to time. She might go dancing with friends and I'm cool with that. Of course there are other guys but she doesn't invite that sort of attention to guys. What I'm referring to more is your own limits you set to avoid temptation in a LDR. I'm an avid gym rat. I love working out. Lately I can't help to notice attractive women at the gym. I've talked to one in particular, much older than me, but I'm just being friendly. I talk to other people in the gym on a regular basis. Sometimes I see her and I just ignore her because I'm in my workout, but I might do a friendly wave or acknowledgement. I can say that I am somewhat physically attracted to her, but I know my girlfriend is back at home and I have such a deep and complex relationship with her. In fact I believe I may marry her someday. Still this lady is around I see her perhaps 2-3x a week. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we don't. I was leaving today and she tagged me down as I was leaving to just talk to me. She's never done that. I was being friendly, we talked about a few things. She mentioned her age and I told her a bit about myself. We have some slight commonality. Cool. I did the right thing here and mentioned my girlfriend and my situation. I felt good doing this. I set a limit. I'm just wondering how you all, especially men, do it. Men are definitely physical creatures and we see beautiful women all the time. In my work environment I see a few. One of my best friends at my job is a female. Totally platonic, although she is slightly attractive I admit. It is unavoidable to acknowledge that. I've noticed a woman or two take a little *extra* notice in me. Since I've been in m relationship I've quelled my flirting just to reduce jealousy, insecurity, and ultimately respect for my girlfriend, my partner. Does anyone have any tips to avoid temptation when the temptation arises? I don't know if the woman at the gym was trying to feel me out or pick me up or just genuinely being friendly but it appeared that it was a bit more. It could be best to just avoid her more, keep the conversation where it is at, working out, etc. but there are other avenues where the opposite sex can creep in. I believe I do a great job at setting limits and barriers for my girlfriend and I to grow our relationship but I'm just wondering what others think.
HeavenOrHell Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 (edited) Temptation is a non issue in my r/ship, neither of us want anything other than friendship with any other male or female, so we don't have to reign our feelings for anyone else in. Neither of us are the type of person who is into clubbing or pubbing either. Neither of us had to set limits, it just follows that because we're committed to each other, we're exclusive so we're not interested in anybody, it's not like we feel we're sacrificing anything, not something we have to make effort to do. We all talk to the opposite sex, some of who will be attractive, but so what? Couples who truly love each other and only want to be with them, won't be interested in being with anyone else. Why would you need tips on with holding temptation? You'll only be tempted if you're not 100% committed to your relationship. Temptation shouldn't be there just because a male and female are talking to each other, women and men talk to each all the time at work etc. I think you're creating problems where there are none, unless you're actually wishing you could take things further with this woman, which means you're not totally committed to your girlfriend. LDR's can be very lonely and difficult, which can cause some to start looking at other options as your feelings for your partner start to wane, not because you don't love them but not seeing your partner for weeks or months can take it's toll. If I ever start to become interested in someone else, I would know there was a problem in my r/ship and would talk to my partner about it. Been in an LDR for 2 years in April, we meet every 6-8 weeks for a few days at a time, I've had no interest in anyone else in that time, except once briefly I thought someone seemed attractive, but I wasn't going to do anything about it, or wishing I could, I knew I was only noticing as I was on the point of leaving my partner at the time (our r/ship has no end in sight, and sometimes that gets to me). Her and I've talked about this between each other. We let each other know we are going out since we aren't around each other. We make sure we call each other, let us know who we are with. I hardly go 'out' to a bar with the exception of coworkers from time to time. She might go dancing with friends and I'm cool with that. Of course there are other guys but she doesn't invite that sort of attention to guys. What I'm referring to more is your own limits you set to avoid temptation in a LDR. I'm an avid gym rat. I love working out. Lately I can't help to notice attractive women at the gym. I've talked to one in particular, much older than me, but I'm just being friendly. I talk to other people in the gym on a regular basis. Sometimes I see her and I just ignore her because I'm in my workout, but I might do a friendly wave or acknowledgement. I can say that I am somewhat physically attracted to her, but I know my girlfriend is back at home and I have such a deep and complex relationship with her. In fact I believe I may marry her someday. Still this lady is around I see her perhaps 2-3x a week. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we don't. I was leaving today and she tagged me down as I was leaving to just talk to me. She's never done that. I was being friendly, we talked about a few things. She mentioned her age and I told her a bit about myself. We have some slight commonality. Cool. I did the right thing here and mentioned my girlfriend and my situation. I felt good doing this. I set a limit. I'm just wondering how you all, especially men, do it. Men are definitely physical creatures and we see beautiful women all the time. In my work environment I see a few. One of my best friends at my job is a female. Totally platonic, although she is slightly attractive I admit. It is unavoidable to acknowledge that. I've noticed a woman or two take a little *extra* notice in me. Since I've been in m relationship I've quelled my flirting just to reduce jealousy, insecurity, and ultimately respect for my girlfriend, my partner. Does anyone have any tips to avoid temptation when the temptation arises? I don't know if the woman at the gym was trying to feel me out or pick me up or just genuinely being friendly but it appeared that it was a bit more. It could be best to just avoid her more, keep the conversation where it is at, working out, etc. but there are other avenues where the opposite sex can creep in. I believe I do a great job at setting limits and barriers for my girlfriend and I to grow our relationship but I'm just wondering what others think. Edited February 22, 2012 by HeavenOrHell 1
lesoiseaux Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I've never dealt with actual temptation but I do know what you mean in a way...I do notice when someone is attractive. However, it has NEVER EVER gone further than that. I never start a conversation with them and they never talk to me; I think in my case, I just passively notice their appearance. I also like to take it as an indication that I really miss my partner, because I do believe that's what it is. If you are actually feeling tempted, my advice would be, like you said, to really limit your conversations with these women. It's good that you mentioned your girlfriend, of course. That's always my strategy - I always mention my boyfriend when I find someone flirting with me, for example if I happen to be out at a bar with some friends. But I never initiate the conversation in the first place. Overall it seems like a slippery slope...simple friendly conversations can turn into flirting, especially if you found the need to post this. Of course I'm not saying to be rude to anyone but if it comes to the choice between either talking to an attractive member of the opposite sex and feeling tempted versus not talking to them at all and keeping your LDR in a good place, then I think the latter is the obvious choice!
blugirl Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 (edited) Temptation is a non issue in my r/ship, neither of us want anything other than friendship with any other male or female, so we don't have to reign our feelings for anyone else in. Neither of us are the type of person who is into clubbing or pubbing either. Neither of us had to set limits, it just follows that because we're committed to each other, we're exclusive so we're not interested in anybody, it's not like we feel we're sacrificing anything, not something we have to make effort to do. We all talk to the opposite sex, some of who will be attractive, but so what? Couples who truly love each other and only want to be with them, won't be interested in being with anyone else.^ Exactly, same here! It's good that you said you have a gf but why mentioning that you're in an LDR? Other women dont have to know your girlfriend is far away from you, that will only encourage them to make advances towards you, knowing it's easier to tempt you and there's no girl around to shoo them away from you. That was a mistake. Somehow, from what you've wrote I can already see you're a man who is prone to temptation and cheating cause although I do notice attractive and hot guys all the time (yes, actually it's not only the men's domain you know, so I find your comment rather chauvinistic), being with my guy in LDR for almost 2 years I never once felt tempted cause even when I feel lonely I'm reminding myself how awesome and deep our connection is and he's like no other man I know. Actually, all my dirty thoughts are about him and I know it's the other way round as well, plus we talk a lot about everything so there are no secrets between us, neither of us feels tempted and that's how it should be in a loving rlship. So, I suppose, the fact that you're already feeling tempted says you lack something in your rlship... or you're just a man who can't remain faithful, looking for an excuse for your weakness..? You should just cut the contact with that woman to short hi and avoid talking to her much, that's the safest option. Edited February 22, 2012 by blugirl
ItalianLover25 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 It sounds like it's pretty harmless, just make sure you keep yourself in check. My LD boyfriend works with some very attractive women. And I know he shares common interests with them that I don't understand, such as work. It's not a bad thing to be physically attracted to other people, that is human nature after all. And you were being honest but expressing that with the women you converse with. So you seem to be doing a great job, keep it up! 2
Author Biscous Posted February 23, 2012 Author Posted February 23, 2012 ^ Exactly, same here! It's good that you said you have a gf but why mentioning that you're in an LDR? Other women dont have to know your girlfriend is far away from you, that will only encourage them to make advances towards you, knowing it's easier to tempt you and there's no girl around to shoo them away from you. That was a mistake. Somehow, from what you've wrote I can already see you're a man who is prone to temptation and cheating cause although I do notice attractive and hot guys all the time (yes, actually it's not only the men's domain you know, so I find your comment rather chauvinistic), being with my guy in LDR for almost 2 years I never once felt tempted cause even when I feel lonely I'm reminding myself how awesome and deep our connection is and he's like no other man I know. Actually, all my dirty thoughts are about him and I know it's the other way round as well, plus we talk a lot about everything so there are no secrets between us, neither of us feels tempted and that's how it should be in a loving rlship. So, I suppose, the fact that you're already feeling tempted says you lack something in your rlship... or you're just a man who can't remain faithful, looking for an excuse for your weakness..? You should just cut the contact with that woman to short hi and avoid talking to her much, that's the safest option. No I don't feel like I'm lacking anything in the relationship nor am I a man that can't remain faithful. I'm actually offended that you would suggest such a thing after asking people on here how I could protect the relationship with my girlfriend further so we can continue to grow. I do so much to ensure that our relationship is healthy. What I told the woman was I have a GF and she is moving here soon. I didn't say anything else to imply that I was interested in 'something on the side'. I just told her straight up. I actually get physically turned on when my girlfriend tells me about how much of a man I embody. It reminds me of the strong spiritual connection we have with one another. Thanks for the suggestions in here guys. I have a tendency to overthink and over analyze sometimes in a relationship. I have to calm down sometimes and keep doing what I'm doing. I've been in the LDR with her for 7 months and we only have 2 more to go so I'm thankful!
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