LuckyClover Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Okay so hmmm... since my divorce and breakup with my rebound, I've had an amazing time self-destructing myself and well I've learned how to re-construct myself keeping the foundation of getting ****ed up and having a great time.. I don't wait for anyone to have fun with.. I have fun and let the tag along's show up.. sounds mean I know.. but it's the truth. I deny women more than they deny me and I treat women like princesses that deserve to be treated like fun little sluts and they love it... I'm not sure why either.. but they fall in love with me and I don't ever want a relationship again.. **** scares me... I have no feelings of pain because I've learned to numb my heart pretty nicely.. it's been a year since I've cried and I can't stand to be bored.. life is incredibly boring even when it's exciting... the rush of jumping out of an airplane wouldn't be enough i don't think to suppress my anxiousness... so why am I writing here and why in dating?? I have no clue.. all I know is this is the website that got me through my divorce and fb is so ****in' boring I want to jump off a building to my death when I even contemplate writing my true thoughts there. I would like to date but I end up just not calling them... no one interests me.. NO ONE!!! and I don't even know what it is I want... How the hell am I suppose to find one when there's so many out there? and I still won't let cheating girls come on to me; although, I have thought about saying f my standards and letting them f up on their boyfriends or husbands... I just can't do it though.. not after what I've been through.. anyway just needed to vent hopefully life will make since because if it doesn't I'm gonna end up shooting some heroine and jumping in front of a bus if all there is is to find a wife, have kids, and live a boring life until we die... blah
Author LuckyClover Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 (edited) Damn I was such []ick then. Edited November 6, 2012 by LuckyClover
crackerjacker Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Damn I was such []ick then. So you're not like that anymore? What's going on with you now?
Author LuckyClover Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 To be honest I've gotten serious about enjoy MY life with my kids. I take work more serious and strongly believe in a balanced work/personal life. Work will always want me to be heavy sided in their favor; as well as, my children want me to be heavy sided for them. In reality without my job, my kids can't have half the love and stability I'm able to offer... so really I work to give my kids 100% The relationship between my ex and I is very good... We are great friends and still make most decisions for our children together. She is engaged to a man that treats our kids as he would his own and really that's all I could ever ask for. She's not with the same guy that started this whole mess, which is a relief... I will never have respect for a person that can destroy a family for his own selfish desires. I think a lot more rationally now and don't feel the need to have a girlfriend to make me feel worth anything. I have started making better financial decisions that shows promise for a better future. I still kept my house.. I still have custody of the kids... and we share them 3 on 3 off. It works out pretty smooth. They are both doing great emotionally and are learning quickly in school. They both are social butterflies and seem to always be happy and in good moods. I still have a lot of girls that want to be my one and only, but I still struggle with commitment and imagine I will for at least a while longer; however, I'm up front and honest with them... I don't try to get into their pants(which many of them wish I would) I just make friends and see where it leads us... so far I hit dead ends but that okay. Lately I've made more of an effort to make the first move in getting to know someone but I still fear actually finding someone that makes me feel as good as my (so called) rebound did. I still work with that girl and it's been good... she started flirting with me just lately and I just came out and bluntly asked what her intentions are?(since I still have feelings for her and probably will forever) She said she doesn't know what she wants.. and that's okay.. but to me, a person that tells someone that, is really saying, I know what I don't want and that is you.. or else she wouldn't use the previous line. I could be wrong but I won't put much into it... I can't, my heart has been displaced and damaged... it will take time and so far it's healed slowly but still healing. I have learned so much of myself and the things that make me happy. I'm trying to continue to better myself and not destroy what little I have. I want what everyone wants... Love. And I'll get it with patience, not by settling for less than what I know I deserve. That wouldn't be fair to her that I fool or the girl that is looking for me. So I guess I can say I'm doing okay. Life gets us down and the more we get back up, the easier it gets to stand alone. Depending on someone else to be a crutch when we are weak will only make the break take longer to heal.
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