malibustacydoll Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I will try my best to make this long story relatively short. I met a man several months ago. At first, we hungout a lot as friends and I had a boyfriend at the time. We seemed to get along great. He is not from the US and in December/January went back to his country. While he was gone I made it clear that I had some interest in him and I ended things with my then boyfriend. When he got back he found out that I was single and we kept hanging out and I made it clear that I am interested in dating. He seems to have different ideas of dating and is the more “sex” before relationship type. We have taken things slow, especially with things in my life—and also a variety of things in his life. We have been intimate but not had sex. He was supposed to come back a certain day in January and that day he called me saying the flight was full and he was coming back three days later. At the time I didn’t think a lot of it—I was a little perturbed but I understood. So, he comes back in January and we hangout like mentioned above. About two weeks ago I get an e-mail from this woman claiming to be his girlfriend and asking for me to help her with doing a surprise for his birthday. I immediately contact him and he tells me that this woman is a friend of his who is playing games with me. He had talked about me while there and she looked me up and is trying to “mess” with his life. However, she does claim that he stayed with her while he was there and they slept together—and that the reason he didn’t come back when he was scheduled to was that he wanted to stay with her longer. She claims he was at the airport with him when he paid to change the ticket—aka the flight wasn’t full. She also went on to tell me that he has girls everywhere and talked about a few others—how he overlaps women, etc. I confronted him and he said he did sleep with her while back (but only once—she says more) and he denies the changing the plane thing. The key here is that him and I weren’t together then at all so I can’t be mad at him for this—my issue is if he is lying to me. After this things were rocky with him. I went through some rough stuff and he has really been there for me to lean on and helped me out. He left a few days ago back to his country for some personal issues. I heard back from his “ex” today saying that he is with another woman there. This other woman I have heard about and he claims they are just friends. Then again—he told the “ex” him and I were just friends. Perhaps we were at one point—but not now. I confronted him again today about the new contact and he is super angry with her. Am I in the wrong for listening to her? He tells me if any of my exes contacted him he wouldn’t talk to them? Am I being played here? Please let me know your thoughts and if you have any follow up questions. I am a bit scatterbrained right now and not sure if I am being clear.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Oh, goodness. I am pretty sure this man is an "operator." I doubt you need what he has to offer you, which will likely be a playboy attitude, lots more drama, maybe STD's, etc. I don't know if he's lying (probably he is), but I can almost guarantee you that there is NO future of a monogamous relationship between you and this man. Are you ready for that? If you aren't - you really should walk away from this one.
Author malibustacydoll Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 What confuses me in this regard is that he says he is the relationship type. He knows that I am-- and that I don't sleep around. He also had the opportunity to sleep with me prior to when he left. He said he isn't the type to sleep with someone then leave the country. I also recognize this may be a scorned woman and I don't know how much of what she tells me I should take to heart. However, there must be some truth in it. I have made it clear that with sex comes relationship exclusivity. I recognize he is from a different culture and is used to doing things differently. There is a chance he has had female friends he has slept with or women he has met throughout his travels and messed around with them and kept in contact-- where they assumed they were in a relationship and he did not. Perhaps that is the current problem he is having. I don't want to be one of ten though. I don't know how I should handle this or if I should even try at all? Oh, goodness. I am pretty sure this man is an "operator." I doubt you need what he has to offer you, which will likely be a playboy attitude, lots more drama, maybe STD's, etc. I don't know if he's lying (probably he is), but I can almost guarantee you that there is NO future of a monogamous relationship between you and this man. Are you ready for that? If you aren't - you really should walk away from this one.
Old Flame Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Do the words "International playboy" mean anything to you. If he passed on a chance to bump you, then I can only assume he has some type of STD that makes his weeny burn when he pees, and he is waiting for it to clear up. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 A real playboy knows that passing up a chance is part of his game plan for getting a seemingly naive girl like OP hooked. OP, you keep rationalizing what he says and does. When you posted about him in your other thread - the one about how he "needed" to have sex first, before deciding whether he wanted to have a relationship, and how you were still extricating yourself from your relationship with your first love - was ALL I needed to hear about this guy. The rest of it is just icing on the smarmy cake. You don't really need to know if you are being played. You need to know that this entire situation, with the ladies calling you, the lying, the coming and going, is showing you what a "relationship" with this man will be like. If you sleep with him, it will continue quite the same as this until he has tired of you. And you will feel like crap. Sorry. I wish you wouldn't. But since you keep sharing all this outrageous stuff with us as if it could possibly be okay, I'm afraid you will.
Author malibustacydoll Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 Is there anything at all that makes his actions justifiable? Am I lying to myself? :-(
stillafool Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 What confuses me in this regard is that he says he is the relationship type. He knows that I am-- and that I don't sleep around. He also had the opportunity to sleep with me prior to when he left. He said he isn't the type to sleep with someone then leave the country. I also recognize this may be a scorned woman and I don't know how much of what she tells me I should take to heart. However, there must be some truth in it. I have made it clear that with sex comes relationship exclusivity. I recognize he is from a different culture and is used to doing things differently. There is a chance he has had female friends he has slept with or women he has met throughout his travels and messed around with them and kept in contact-- where they assumed they were in a relationship and he did not. Perhaps that is the current problem he is having. I don't want to be one of ten though. I don't know how I should handle this or if I should even try at all? Well it seems you believe him because you have provided every excuse possbile to prove his innocence. Mme. Chaucer was right that a real playboy knows passing up the chance to do you when given the 1st opportunity is going to be a even bigger payoff down the line for him. Besides most playboys have others to take care of their sexual needs whenever they need it so it isn't like they are hardup for some or going to go without (if you know what I mean).
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Is there anything at all that makes his actions justifiable? Am I lying to myself? :-( Look. Nobody is going to tell you that there is ANYTHING promising about this situation, so stop asking this question. Like I said, is everything fine with you the way things are right now? The facts about your prince: He lies, he pressures for sex (please don't backpedal on this; telling you he "needs" to have sex before he "knows" whether he wants a relationship with you is pressure, and bogus), he is gone all the time, he has multiple sex partners, he has strange women calling / emailing you (why do they have your phone number or even know who you are?) If you like this package he's offering, go for it, because this is what you will be signing up for. And enjoy it while it lasts. Which will be a very short time.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 And, what does his "different culture" have to do with YOUR values? You sound like you are prepared to adjust your values to accommodate his "different culture." Which is also bogus, by the way. Every culture I can think of includes people who want to have sex with lots of people for fun, and people who do not.
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 End it now before you get hurt. The guy is shady and has ex's in his life, either they are trying to mess with him or he IS lying to you..Either way the trust isn't there and you'll always wonder if he is sincere or playing you. His life seems to be full of drama too! Do you want that in your life? My guess is no. Quit while you're ahead, he isn't worth it.
2sunny Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Is there anything at all that makes his actions justifiable? Am I lying to myself? :-( No and yes.
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