Sidz Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I'm a bit old fashioned so I don't have anything as juicy as an affair that I can ask advice for. But, here we go. So, I've outright asked this girl out, and then called it a date. She explicitly stated that she wants to pursue friendship. She said she's enjoying being single. So, now you might be thinking that there's just another guy she likes or she just doesn't have romantic feelings toward me. I doubt there's another guy and I'm trying to find out the second bit. However, this was last semester that she said all this. This girl is really cool. You've heard that before from infatuated guys and I won't deny that I may be infatuated but I am sane enough to be able to tell the difference between a girl who postures herself as cool, and this girl. I can also sanely say that she's beautiful and funny and I'm not sure I've ever had more in common with a girl. I've been functioning within this friendship while maintaining my persistence. I want to win her over. I want to put myself out there and show her who I am romantically. I'm a great guy. I know this is the internet but maybe you'll take my previous frankness as believability. Yesterday, I asked her to coffee and she said sure. We hung out for a couple hours. It was just her and me. We had a great, laid back, goofy time together. Today, our texting has picked up a bit. This is the problem with such a cool girl. She's funny and kind with everyone. I don't know if I have a chance of being something more to her. I'm confident that I do. So, I'd appreciate any past experiences, advice, or cold hard truths.
Ranchero44 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Maybe you should watch "500 Days of Summer". That was immediately what I thought of when I read your post. I don't know. You are going to have to trust your instincts. My sister put her husband in the "friend zone" for a long time . . . . until she realized what a diamond in the rough he was. They have been happily married for a long time now. You seem like a great guy. I you do indeed win her over. Best of luck!
Author Sidz Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 I actually just watched that movie like five times today, so... Kidding, but I have seen it. Thanks for the kind words. And, your sister's story gives me some encouragement, although I'm wondering how long it takes.
FrustratedStandards Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 She said she wants to be friends. Why are you confused? As for why she wants to be friends, I doubt there's another guy. She's probably just not attracted to you. When a woman likes a man but isn't attracted to him, he becomes a friend. Otherwise, she would allow a romantic relationship.
fishtaco Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Friends means friends. Be friends with her and date someone else. Ranchero44's anecdotal story is dangerous, it encourages people to cling on to someone that isn't interested in them back. Search for the thread about women complaining how their male friends want more than just friendship. Most of the time, it's a bad idea. Sure, once in a while it works out, so does relentlessly stalking a woman, once in a while that works out too. And I do NOT recommend either one of them. If you continue to be friends with her but secretly hopes for more, you are basically doing what they call a "bait and switch". You are using friendship as bait, but really you want something romantic. In addition, you open yourself up to be used. She could very easily string you along and use you as an emotional tampon, if she's that type. It's a very bad situation, the only way things will work out is if you are unusually lucky. You will spend much less effort hitting up on other women.
phineas Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Friendzone her back. Treat her like one of your guy friends & stop having feelings for her. She will either decide she wants you or make a really good friend. Unless she makes you an emotional tampon. Then boot her out of your life.
Author Sidz Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 Thanks for the advice everyone. It's helpful.
Professor X Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 You could've had it away with this cracking Julie, my old China. Are you telling pork-pies and a bag of trout? Because if you are feeling quigly, why not just have a J. Arthur? I mean, yeah, she was the trouble and strife of the Morris dancer what lived up the apples and pears!
somedude81 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I was friends with a girl I liked for almost two years. And she knew I had feelings for her the entire time. Then one day she decided she had enough and refuses to speak to me. She was single the entire time I knew her. If a girl says she just wants to be friends, it's probably going to be like that forever. Stories of women changing their mind are rare.
phineas Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I was friends with a girl I liked for almost two years. And she knew I had feelings for her the entire time. Then one day she decided she had enough and refuses to speak to me. She was single the entire time I knew her. If a girl says she just wants to be friends, it's probably going to be like that forever. Stories of women changing their mind are rare. That is the key. If you are friends with a girl but act like you can care less if you bang her or not & bang others they usually wind up wanting to bang you. I've had it happen a few times and so have my friends.
somedude81 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 That is the key. If you are friends with a girl but act like you can care less if you bang her or not & bang others they usually wind up wanting to bang you. I've had it happen a few times and so have my friends. That sounds like playing games. And almost counter productive. If you never try, how would she know you want her?
InJest Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Phineas is right. It works..if you can keep your feelings out of the way. I honestly don't care if I bang a girl or not, and usually don't stick around if they decline. I used to though, and I'd say it works maybe 1 out of 3 times. In any event, the texting needs to stop. You also need to stop initiating meetups with her, and don't accept every time she invites you. Be mean, it helps.
carhill Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 People are pretty much single until they're officially 'in a relationship' or 'engaged' or 'married'. Someone who uses 'I want to be single' to not date you doesn't want to date you. EOS. Erase her.
jobaba Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I'm a bit old fashioned so I don't have anything as juicy as an affair that I can ask advice for. But, here we go. So, I've outright asked this girl out, and then called it a date. She explicitly stated that she wants to pursue friendship. She said she's enjoying being single. So, now you might be thinking that there's just another guy she likes or she just doesn't have romantic feelings toward me. I doubt there's another guy and I'm trying to find out the second bit. However, this was last semester that she said all this. This girl is really cool. You've heard that before from infatuated guys and I won't deny that I may be infatuated but I am sane enough to be able to tell the difference between a girl who postures herself as cool, and this girl. I can also sanely say that she's beautiful and funny and I'm not sure I've ever had more in common with a girl. I've been functioning within this friendship while maintaining my persistence. I want to win her over. I want to put myself out there and show her who I am romantically. I'm a great guy. I know this is the internet but maybe you'll take my previous frankness as believability. Yesterday, I asked her to coffee and she said sure. We hung out for a couple hours. It was just her and me. We had a great, laid back, goofy time together. Today, our texting has picked up a bit. This is the problem with such a cool girl. She's funny and kind with everyone. I don't know if I have a chance of being something more to her. I'm confident that I do. So, I'd appreciate any past experiences, advice, or cold hard truths. I was friends with a girl I liked for almost two years. And she knew I had feelings for her the entire time. Then one day she decided she had enough and refuses to speak to me. She was single the entire time I knew her. If a girl says she just wants to be friends, it's probably going to be like that forever. Stories of women changing their mind are rare. I don't highly recommend this, but two of my friends were rejected by women in the beginning, seen as friends, and continued to pursue ... over around 8-10 years. Yes. One of them through the woman marrying another guy and having a kid. But they persevered. One guy has a ring on his girl's finger and the other guy is pretty close I think. Everyone will tell you, "If she rejects you, you will never get her to change her mind." That is not true. It's more like, "If she rejects you, is worth it to YOU to get her to change her mind."
somedude81 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 What part of, "she refuses to speak to me", did you not understand?
jobaba Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 What part of, "she refuses to speak to me", did you not understand? I'm just speaking in general. I didn't suggest that you or anybody do it. She did you a BIG FAVOR. Did you really want to be around while she f@cks and dates other guys, while you still have feelings for her? Sometimes they will be guys you know who in your eyes don't have much on you. Do you know how that feels? I do, and it's the worst.
Emilia Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 That sounds like playing games. And almost counter productive. If you never try, how would she know you want her? I think it works if you only want sex once or twice. It won't if you want a relationship because you are right, you shouldn't play games then.
Author Sidz Posted February 23, 2012 Author Posted February 23, 2012 I just want a shot. To be clear, I'm not interested in judging someone's sex habits. It's my choice to be a virgin until marriage. I'm not after sex. I'm not after marriage. I enjoy being with her, and want her to consider me in a romantic way. But, what others say might be true. She may have no romantic inclinations toward me, like she said last semester. It's just difficult to find such easy company with her and, make her laugh, etc and think I should just give it up. But, it does tax my emotions. I haven't texted or talked to her in a couple days. I think what I'll do is remain her friend for a while longer, and then explain to her how I feel before the semester's up. If nothing's changed by then, I'll give it up. I don't think I can just be her friend without wanting more. I understand that may be frustrating for you girls who want to keep those friendships, but it is what it is.
somedude81 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I just want a shot. To be clear, I'm not interested in judging someone's sex habits. It's my choice to be a virgin until marriage. I'm not after sex. I'm not after marriage. I enjoy being with her, and want her to consider me in a romantic way. But, what others say might be true. She may have no romantic inclinations toward me, like she said last semester. It's just difficult to find such easy company with her and, make her laugh, etc and think I should just give it up. But, it does tax my emotions. I haven't texted or talked to her in a couple days. I think what I'll do is remain her friend for a while longer, and then explain to her how I feel before the semester's up. If nothing's changed by then, I'll give it up. I don't think I can just be her friend without wanting more. I understand that may be frustrating for you girls who want to keep those friendships, but it is what it is. Don't explain to her. Ask her out, make sure she knows it's a date. If she accepts, while on the date make a move. Either way you'll get your answer.
phineas Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 That sounds like playing games. And almost counter productive. If you never try, how would she know you want her? 1. It isn't playing games for me because I don't usually catch feelings for women that i'm not even romantic with. 2. Their always HOT, every guy wants her. except me. so she must have me. LOL! Phineas is right. It works..if you can keep your feelings out of the way. I honestly don't care if I bang a girl or not, and usually don't stick around if they decline. I used to though, and I'd say it works maybe 1 out of 3 times. In any event, the texting needs to stop. You also need to stop initiating meetups with her, and don't accept every time she invites you. Be mean, it helps. ALL special treatment must stop once she says she just wants to be friends. She is no longer your priority.
phineas Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I think it works if you only want sex once or twice. It won't if you want a relationship because you are right, you shouldn't play games then. It isn't exactly playing games because I just don't catch feelings for women who aren't dating me. I absolutely want sex, but I wouldn't sleep with her unless I also wanted more.
Yamaha Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 You could've had it away with this cracking Julie, my old China. Are you telling pork-pies and a bag of trout? Because if you are feeling quigly, why not just have a J. Arthur? I mean, yeah, she was the trouble and strife of the Morris dancer what lived up the apples and pears! Translation I was about to make love to this pretty girl. Is this true? If you were aroused, why didn't you pleasure yourself? She was the wife of the dancer who lived upstairs.
Author Sidz Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 Don't explain to her. Ask her out, make sure she knows it's a date. If she accepts, while on the date make a move. Either way you'll get your answer. This, I think.
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