madball2289 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Ok I wanna hear peoples stories about a person, in a relationship they had when the other person walked away from you.( and when they walked away, you did everything the way you should have and did nothing wrong with the relationship) So basically dumpee's perspective. Do you think that person that walks away even thinks of you, if you haven't heard from them at all? If they seemed to be doing better since walking away (cough checking facebook cough), do you think they ever cared in the first place? Also how about typical break up excuses they make up, when they actually had something else on their mind that they should of said? Something they should have said and told you how they really feel instead of BS? ( for exmaple the last two relationships I was in, the first one left because we weren't "right for eachother" even though she told she wanted to just be by herself and was going through a lot. and the second one she said "nothing was my fault, can't have strong feelings due to past relationship, come to find out she didn't like the fact that I lived w/ my parents even though she was with her parents)
Philosoraptor Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Even if you do everything right (which not one person does) it doesn't mean they will stay. People leave because they are either unhappy with the relationship or unhappy within themselves. When a relationship ends people tend to lie as they believe it will soften the blow. It's normal, but not the best route. All we can do is wish them the best and hope that they find happiness.
Thatguyintx Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I have been on both sides. Frankly, I struggled as much as a dumper as a dumpee. She was a great woman, just not great for me. I loved her very much, but could not give her what she needed. I wondered for a long time if I had made a huge mistake. In the end, it was the right decision and she married and is very happy today. Yes, I thought about her all the time and struggled to not contact her. I wanted the relationship back, but we had tried several times and it just wouldn't work. So yes, maybe I am not the norm, but I definitely thought of her a lot. I think I have been lucky that I always felt okay explaining exactly why I was breaking up, and I think those that broke up with me were very honest as well. Sure does make the breakup easier. Not easy, but easier. As a dumpee, I can't question MY decision. I didn't make it. It makes it almost easier for me. 2
Author madball2289 Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 Yes, I agree, I like to take the live and learn approach. You both have seemed to have been with good people and were honest to each other when breaking. I guess I just keep picking the wrong people to be with.
youngster Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 (edited) I'd like to think my ex thinks of me, though I'm sure it's not as much as I think of her. You can't spend X amount of your life with someone and just forget about them so easily. I have an ex that I haven't talked to in over 6 years, who might I add didn't want to give it a second chance, that texted me to wish me a happy birthday last year. Something tells me *cough Facebook cough* that my most recent ex thinks of me too, even around Valentines day. This could just be me rationalizing and scavenging for my own sort of breadcrumb nourishment. What it all boils down to, is thinking about me or missing me is not enough. She still walked, and is still mostlikely *cough Facebook cough* with someone else. I believe my ex is doing better, though it might hurt her to have left me, but that will subside with time. I think they do care in the moment, but now? NOW the question is why do YOU care? You wont find any validation in that info, trust me I've looked. Just concentrate on bettering yourself. When I got dumped, I almost immediately speculated as to why (the father of her child) and I asked her about it, more than once. She denied (lied). Why she did this, my guess is out of her own guilt/shame and trying to soften the blow to me. However, I wanted nothing more than to hear the painful truth from her. At least that way, what we had would have still been special to 'us'. I feel that her lying, showed just how much she really respected me and it also robbed our relationship of any validation, making any future chances of reconciliation highly doubtful. Edited February 22, 2012 by youngster 1
Author madball2289 Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 yeah, I can relate. I hate the whole "softening the blow" BS. Its like they never cared. And even when the blow is softened they have already been thinking about leaving or moving on while the relationship was still going. So once it's done I feel like they have more of just "a weight off their chest" as opposed to any heartbreak, or anything like at all. Thanks for posting. Keep posting people.
ThatDudeXO Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 To be honest, my ex was deeply in love with me but when she started studying an intense course she slowly started to lose her love and interest in me until an argument we had, she suddenly dumped me saying she doesn't want a boyfriend while she studies. She has completely changed as a person and I doubt she still loves me, she doesn't talk to me any more so I don't think she does. She went from my wife-to-be soulmate to just another ex in the matter of weeks. We stayed friends initially but my crying and pleading pushed her away. I regret that but I don't blame myself. The memories of before haunt me, especially I now know where I went wrong.
Author madball2289 Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 thanks for sharing man. that really sucks. The fact you loved her so much and she's gone in a matter of weeks. It just really burns that happens, like they never think twice. If I have learned anything, begging and all that just makes it worse.
Numb79 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Well.... not sure if this matters or not but for some odd reason I have alot of respect for the way my Ex of 5 yrs broke up with me. She basically shut all the doors and did not give me any false hope what so ever!! Which is good.... but it still hurts like hell!! She even apoligzed to me.... I know! weird huh?? She said, I'm sorry for being unfair to you for all these years when I was trying to change you.... She said for me not to call, txt, email, etc..... it will be easier for both of us. I asked her are you willing to throw away all 12 yrs (7 yrs of friendship and 5 yrs of relationship) of us knowing each other away just like that? She responded with... I'm not friends with any of my Exs So.... is this the right way to break up with someone? I appreciate her not giving me any false hope.... but at the same time, it still really hurts.....
youngster Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Break ups hurt no matter what. It's part of a relationship and a conscious risk we take when choosing to be with someone. Knowing this, I always try and be honest with someone if I feel like I have to break up with them. I only wish treatment was reciprocated when someone feels the need to end things with me. 1
Sugarkane Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I found it difficult how are you supposed to know where it went wrong, when everything they tell you at the end is lies? And they won't even speak to you. Makes it really difficult to learn anything from.
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