stillafool Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 ... In the end, getting him off your back will help. You can try the more crass one I borrowed from a friend and shared with you before...or you can tell him you don't date men in relationships - open or not. If he says they broke up, tell him he's got too much baggage. You don't date guys with kids...or you aren't comfortable with him in that fashion. Or tell him you're interested in someone else right now and want to concentrate on that. Why should she lie to him? Just stand up for herself and tell him "I'm not interested in you so please stop asking. If you don't I will go to HR." Telling him the "I don't date guys with......" is just going to bring about more questions from him. Nip it in the bud. It's time to grow up.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 The guys been trying to get in her pants for over a year...for one that's pathetic, for two he's probably still married with his two kids and wants to screw her on the side. Men are typically very dense, especially naive and persistent ones...and the fact that some of these losers actually succeed with this persistent once in a blue moon only makes them feel more confidently about this tactic...because let's face it If he were really a man (imo) he'd either succeed or fail and walk away...not be a persistent little turd until he gets it, you have to be a man with no pride to feel accomplished in that. Binny, you may not have all the confidence in the world, but do you know how you build that? you accomplish it by doing. These guys aren't going to respect you and are going to make your life hell If you don't have a backbone, and it doesn't mean you have to be bitchy and run your mouth...you have rights, you deserve respect just like any other man or employee and you shouldn't have to beg to receive it. If you don't learn how to say no, a lot of guys are never going to stop and you're going to have to deal with men being persistent and annoying and what you know the saddest part is? you're probably going to end up with one of these pathetic losers eventually because you might think that's what you deserve in some twisted way because these are the type of men that approach you. This is what the pathetic men do, not the ones you actually want to end up with...remember that, the biggest douchebags are always the guys smack in your face looking for a little crack in the door to force their way in. Right now these men probably look at you as the innocent/passive/cute girl....the respectable ones will just leave you alone or already treat you respect, the other ones however perceive this as naivety and weakness/vulnerability...it shows a lack of confidence and ability to stand up for yourself, which means the little rats are going to come after you because you're a lot easier to pursue than someone who is just going to laugh at them for being the losers they are, and then they'll feel like **** because these men don't have much confidence themselves...they just have more than you. 1
ShatteredReality Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Why should she lie to him? Just stand up for herself and tell him "I'm not interested in you so please stop asking. If you don't I will go to HR." Telling him the "I don't date guys with......" is just going to bring about more questions from him. Nip it in the bud. It's time to grow up. I wouldn't think it's a lie to tell him she doesn't get involved with men who are in a relationship. And if she hasn't dated anybody from work - then it's not lying to say she doesn't. It wouldn't be a lie to say she's not comfortable with him or to say she doesn't view him that way. The only lie I proposed was the fallback of saying there's another man on the horizon. And she's used that one before, so I don't think she minds that one. The problem here is that it can be incredibly difficult for an insecure person to be assertive. I can be assertive for others, but when it comes to myself I fail miserably and then spend too much time beating myself up about it later. If a man hits on me I have every reason in the world to assert myself and say "Back off" "It's not going to happen" "Thanks, but no thanks" "I'm not interested" or any number of other cliche rejections - but the words get stuck in my throat and I tend to instead use body language which is quite often ignored or misinterpreted. Running away, ducking, closing my eyes and turning around, flinching - all those things that are obvious "go away" signs to me are often seen as "try harder" for some insane reason. I've made a practice now to talk about how great my family is, how much I love my husband...and if the occasion calls for it I will even pull out my phone and start to text him. If Binny doesn't have a fall back guy to support her and be understanding about this flaw of hers, she has to find other workarounds. And, I have found, that certain types of men smell insecurity and play on it. Even when you do muster up the ability to say "I am not interested", your timid body language and shaky stance tells them they can pressure you into whatever the heck they want. A guy like the one she's dealing with? It will likely take blocking him from all social networks and e-mail, blocking his number from her phone, and if he approaches at work, saying something that he will ultimately take offense to. Alternately, Binny, you could grab ahold of someone who likes you at work and tell them that this guy keeps hitting on you but he makes you uncomfortable and let the rumor mill do what it does best. If your "office politics" are anything like the ones where I work, within a week he'll hear all about how he's been cornering you in remote locations and trying to grope you and how you're filing against him and suing him for future therapy bills. Then he will either avoid you like the plague or ask you what that's about, to which you roll your eyes and say "I have no idea. But instead of making the rumors worse, let's just keep our distance."
FitChick Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Just tell him, "Sorry, you're not my type." He can't argue with that.
Author binny Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 Why do you have him in Facebook? Perhaps you should un-friend and block him. He added me on facebook and I accepted the request as this was before he started being all weird.. I've thought about unfriending him, but the fact that most the other people at work are also on my facebook, I just feel it would cause more problems than it would solve. I don't have any real personal info on facebook that he doesn't already know (I don't list my personal email, phone number, etc on facebook).. and even unfriended he could still message me as I don't have that option disabled and don't fancy a confrontation at work. The guys been trying to get in her pants for over a year...for one that's pathetic, for two he's probably still married with his two kids and wants to screw her on the side. Men are typically very dense, especially naive and persistent ones...and the fact that some of these losers actually succeed with this persistent once in a blue moon only makes them feel more confidently about this tactic...because let's face it If he were really a man (imo) he'd either succeed or fail and walk away...not be a persistent little turd until he gets it, you have to be a man with no pride to feel accomplished in that. Binny, you may not have all the confidence in the world, but do you know how you build that? you accomplish it by doing. These guys aren't going to respect you and are going to make your life hell If you don't have a backbone, and it doesn't mean you have to be bitchy and run your mouth...you have rights, you deserve respect just like any other man or employee and you shouldn't have to beg to receive it. If you don't learn how to say no, a lot of guys are never going to stop and you're going to have to deal with men being persistent and annoying and what you know the saddest part is? you're probably going to end up with one of these pathetic losers eventually because you might think that's what you deserve in some twisted way because these are the type of men that approach you. This is what the pathetic men do, not the ones you actually want to end up with...remember that, the biggest douchebags are always the guys smack in your face looking for a little crack in the door to force their way in. Right now these men probably look at you as the innocent/passive/cute girl....the respectable ones will just leave you alone or already treat you respect, the other ones however perceive this as naivety and weakness/vulnerability...it shows a lack of confidence and ability to stand up for yourself, which means the little rats are going to come after you because you're a lot easier to pursue than someone who is just going to laugh at them for being the losers they are, and then they'll feel like **** because these men don't have much confidence themselves...they just have more than you. Obviously he wants something on the side. I wouldn't be the first and for sure I wouldn't be the last either! I would never end up with a guy like this - I would rather be single forever than be with a guy like him.. I know I need to build on my confidence, I guess I would just find it easier to practice on someone I don't have to work with.. Unfortunately I don't have that option.. I've never really had to reject guys as I don't get much guy interest so I guess I don't know how to do it.. Everyone makes it sound so easy.. I wouldn't think it's a lie to tell him she doesn't get involved with men who are in a relationship. And if she hasn't dated anybody from work - then it's not lying to say she doesn't. It wouldn't be a lie to say she's not comfortable with him or to say she doesn't view him that way. The only lie I proposed was the fallback of saying there's another man on the horizon. And she's used that one before, so I don't think she minds that one. The problem here is that it can be incredibly difficult for an insecure person to be assertive. I can be assertive for others, but when it comes to myself I fail miserably and then spend too much time beating myself up about it later. If a man hits on me I have every reason in the world to assert myself and say "Back off" "It's not going to happen" "Thanks, but no thanks" "I'm not interested" or any number of other cliche rejections - but the words get stuck in my throat and I tend to instead use body language which is quite often ignored or misinterpreted. Running away, ducking, closing my eyes and turning around, flinching - all those things that are obvious "go away" signs to me are often seen as "try harder" for some insane reason. I've made a practice now to talk about how great my family is, how much I love my husband...and if the occasion calls for it I will even pull out my phone and start to text him. If Binny doesn't have a fall back guy to support her and be understanding about this flaw of hers, she has to find other workarounds. And, I have found, that certain types of men smell insecurity and play on it. Even when you do muster up the ability to say "I am not interested", your timid body language and shaky stance tells them they can pressure you into whatever the heck they want. A guy like the one she's dealing with? It will likely take blocking him from all social networks and e-mail, blocking his number from her phone, and if he approaches at work, saying something that he will ultimately take offense to. Alternately, Binny, you could grab ahold of someone who likes you at work and tell them that this guy keeps hitting on you but he makes you uncomfortable and let the rumor mill do what it does best. If your "office politics" are anything like the ones where I work, within a week he'll hear all about how he's been cornering you in remote locations and trying to grope you and how you're filing against him and suing him for future therapy bills. Then he will either avoid you like the plague or ask you what that's about, to which you roll your eyes and say "I have no idea. But instead of making the rumors worse, let's just keep our distance." I've actually already offended him once I think.. In my old job at the company I had to spend sometime working near where he works.. My job then changed and it no longer required me to do what I was doing before.. After I changed jobs he sent me a message on facebook saying something like "i miss you, why dont you come down anymore" to which I replied "because my job no longer requires it".. He stopped bothering me after that up until recently.. I think my office politics are worse than yours - rumours tend to spread in a matter of hours! I haven't replied yet.. Might wait a few more days.. Would it be better to reply immediately or to wait?
Eddie Edirol Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Binny, its only awkward if you make it awkward. You can tell him "no that will never happen in a thousand lifetimes" and then own it. You can hold your head up high and say the same thing everytime he brings it up. I know you dont awant him to think youre a bad person, but you have to learn to not care. The idea isnt to make him feel good after this, its to make him go away. He can feel awkward if he wants, but he cant make you feel awkward until you let him. You dont have to let him. Just tell him no. You dont haver to lie to him, you dont have to hint to him, tell him straight up NO. Thats the only thing he will understand, and the only way he will stop. Thats how creeps work. Until you tell him no straight up, he will not stop.
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