utterlyclueless Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 (edited) Hi, been trying to get over this relationship for a couple months... Is no contact really the way to go? I thought I was over her and started seeing someone new but received a message from a friend that she wanted to let me know of one of her recent achievements and this made me question things. This just seems to be her needy self again though... If she wants to talk to me why doesnt she just do it? I know she is seeing another guy she was always texting when we were seeing each other and I am still pretty angry with how it all ended but I cant help but feel like talking to her will help...Any advice? Edited February 21, 2012 by utterlyclueless new info
blotter Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 (edited) No Contact is the only way. Talking to her now will not help. It will only hurt you more and set you back in your grieving. Let your friends know that you don't want to hear any news about her or what she is up to. The only time to consider the friend route is once you are completely indifferent about her and don't care about her banging other guys. Edited February 22, 2012 by blotter grammer
Philosoraptor Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 If you are not over things then contact only extends your pain. You are obviously not over the past so I'd agree that it is not a good idea to make contact.
stillafool Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I agree. Leave her alone. Let her tell her new bf about her new achievements. Don't contact her and no you cannot be friends because you still care.
Author utterlyclueless Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 So seeing as I ignored her past attempts at sending messages through friends, she has now broken NC and emailed me this morning. Once again, being her selfish self, she commented on whats new in her life (seeking praise i assume) and proceeded to ask how I was doing. Not sure how to play this one... Ignore or respond?? Im really indifferent on what goes on in her life now but feel like not answering may give her the idea/satisfaction on thinking I am not over things.... Then again, answering and being friendly may give her the idea I AM ok with how things ended and that we are on good terms which is definitely not the case.. Oh how I hate BS.
radiodarcy Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 So seeing as I ignored her past attempts at sending messages through friends, she has now broken NC and emailed me this morning. Once again, being her selfish self, she commented on whats new in her life (seeking praise i assume) and proceeded to ask how I was doing. Not sure how to play this one... Ignore or respond?? Im really indifferent on what goes on in her life now but feel like not answering may give her the idea/satisfaction on thinking I am not over things.... Then again, answering and being friendly may give her the idea I AM ok with how things ended and that we are on good terms which is definitely not the case.. Oh how I hate BS. you're over-thinking this. if you're indifferent towards her, it shouldn't matter how she perceives your reaction to her email. respond or don't respond. but the fact that you're pondering how she'll perceive a response/ non-response suggests that you're not so indifferent...
smudge21 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Yes, you are over thinking this and it's only going to drive you crazy, until the point where she's the only thing on your mind. I get the whole little contact she's making, I had the same from mine for a long time, and you're right, it is very selfish, especially when you're hurting. My ex knew this yet any contact was also always about her and what she's up to, or it would be when she was feeling low. Sadly, I was still seeing things through those rose-tinted love glasses so didn't recognise the signs of breadcrumbs and cries for attention/ego boosting, which is what all this is. She's testing the water, not really saying anything much, just little bits to see if she gets a bite. You are right that replying could be a way to show her that you're not really bothered, but the silent treatment is also good. I suppose it all depends on how you two broke up. You say you're angry over it so I guess maybe she cheated or dumped you for no reason, something like that? If that's the case then I would personally not reply. Think, does she really deserve your attention? If this was any other friend who'd hurt you, would you respond to them? So why treat her differently? You've got to go with what you think is best for you, but accept the consequences of your actions - and by that I mean, whatever happens afterwards, just remind yourself that you did what you wanted to do at the time. Personally, I'd ignore and see if the contact starts becoming clearer and more obvious as to what her motives are. There's no rush is there?
Zahara Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Why do you think you're still "trying" to get over this? It's because you keep doing the same darn thing over and over again. Keeping contact. Trying to talk yourself into believing you are indifferent so you can keep the lifeline going because you're just too afraid to let go. Who do you think you're kidding? You know what is BS? You sitting there breaking your brain wondering how she will perceive your contact/no contact. And while you are doing that, she is out galavanting with her boyfriend and living her life and screwing with your head. What's even more sad is that you're trying to play pretend tough guy when you're hurt inside. And you keep feeding that hurt! The only one playing BS games is you. Cut the charade and stop "trying" to get over her. You do it by cutting contact. That is the only way you find indifference, and the only way you get over this relationship. Any other way is just you catering to your fear of letting go.
Author utterlyclueless Posted February 23, 2012 Author Posted February 23, 2012 Thanks for all the excellent advice and knocking some sense into me.I guess I would like to think I am indifferent about what goes in her life but deep down the swelling hasn't subsided from the sting of rejection (and the fact I was treated like a piece of trash). That being said, I decided NC is the best way to go and I will soldier on as time will heal. Time to focus on myself and get back out there. Finding someone better shouldn't be too difficult considering how much of a ***** she was! NEXT PLEASE!! haha
Frank13 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 You posted asking for advice. You were told to stay NC. Then you got an email from her and asked how to play it, even though everyone told you to stay NC. So you were told again and am glad you decided to stay NC. If I emailed someone and they didn't reply, especially after a long time of NC, I wouldn't think they were bitter or mad. I would think they erased me from their mind and just don't care anymore, so don't worry that she might think you are mad (but you shouldn't care anyway). If you start thinking of breaking NC, do a search on "I broke NC" or similar search terms and see the complete anguish people have gone through after being warned not to break NC. In many cases, they don't just go back to square one, they are totally destroyed by what the ex says.
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