bm1991 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I never have the weekend off. But I had this weekend off thank God. Saturday and Sunday. Dawn til dusk. I tole my boyfriend about it on thursday because he is always complaining about how I have weekdays off and not the weekends. So here comes saturday morning and we wake up and he says he has to go to the office... He's at the office for about 2 hours and then we meet up. We get back to his place and he's talking on the phone for 45 minutes until I decided that I'm going to go workout. We agree to meet at 630 and do dinner. I text him when I leave the gym and he says he will be out with work folks until 8 and did I want to hang out with him and his sister. I say no we will just hangout tomorrow then because the previous night he told me he would be done with dinner at 9 and he didn't get home until 11:30... I wasted a whole night waiting around for him. So then I find out he gets drunk and goes out to a club with his sister and just parties it up. Sunday comes and he's hungover all day and then we end up doing dinner and spending an okay night together. So the weekend is blown. so here comes monday. He tells me he has dinner plans with a coworker and we can hangout after that. That ends up being 9:30. I come over and he's tipsy and talks on the phone for THIRTY minutes while I'm sitting there. I got mad and he said that I don't understand his work etc etc since he's the executive director of a non profit. I just feel sad, trapped, and unwanted. I'm 20 and he's 27... I just need advice on what I should do and am I over reacting?
ShannonMI Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I never have the weekend off. But I had this weekend off thank God. Saturday and Sunday. Dawn til dusk. I tole my boyfriend about it on thursday because he is always complaining about how I have weekdays off and not the weekends. So here comes saturday morning and we wake up and he says he has to go to the office... He's at the office for about 2 hours and then we meet up. We get back to his place and he's talking on the phone for 45 minutes until I decided that I'm going to go workout. We agree to meet at 630 and do dinner. I text him when I leave the gym and he says he will be out with work folks until 8 and did I want to hang out with him and his sister. I say no we will just hangout tomorrow then because the previous night he told me he would be done with dinner at 9 and he didn't get home until 11:30... I wasted a whole night waiting around for him. So then I find out he gets drunk and goes out to a club with his sister and just parties it up. Sunday comes and he's hungover all day and then we end up doing dinner and spending an okay night together. So the weekend is blown. so here comes monday. He tells me he has dinner plans with a coworker and we can hangout after that. That ends up being 9:30. I come over and he's tipsy and talks on the phone for THIRTY minutes while I'm sitting there. I got mad and he said that I don't understand his work etc etc since he's the executive director of a non profit. I just feel sad, trapped, and unwanted. I'm 20 and he's 27... I just need advice on what I should do and am I over reacting? He sounds pretty inconsiderate. I'd definitely talk to him about this. Say you just feel like you are not high on his list of priorities right now and it's hurting your feelings. 1
InJest Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Just end it. No amount of whining is going to change anything. Start a breakup conversation, a real one where you are actually ready to leave him, and watch him change his tune. Tell him that all you want him to do is keep his word, and he hasn't been doing that.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 You should probably just get on all fours and hold his dinner plate and his drink while he talks on the phone you're at it. Since you don't seem to mind letting him treat you like crap anyway.
Author bm1991 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 Thanks to everyone for reading my post and trying to help in one way or another. The move from tennessee to los angeles has left me so alone with no support system that I honestly think I'm just so lonely. He treats me like crap and lives the single life while dating me. We don't have any correspondence throughout the day because he simply won't text me back. I guess its just hard for me to get the strength to leave him and and be alone in LA and believe that I am worth more than this situation.
InJest Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Do you have a job? Do you live together, I wasn't really sure from your post?
Author bm1991 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 I have a job in retail that pays crap and he is the executive director of a non-profit organization. We don't live together per say but I've spent every night there since we met. And I tried to tell him how attached I was to him and how even though he lacks respect for my time I still want to be with him. And he just says: "this is a new relationship and its just a day to day thing."... It just sucks because I know I deserve someone who feels the same but its hard to sleep at home when I don't know how to live in LA without being with him since I have essentially since I've lived here.
ShannonMI Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I have a job in retail that pays crap and he is the executive director of a non-profit organization. We don't live together per say but I've spent every night there since we met. And I tried to tell him how attached I was to him and how even though he lacks respect for my time I still want to be with him. And he just says: "this is a new relationship and its just a day to day thing."... It just sucks because I know I deserve someone who feels the same but its hard to sleep at home when I don't know how to live in LA without being with him since I have essentially since I've lived here. "It's just a day to day thing" What a thing to say. He's an @sshole. Usually in a new relationship, you can't get enough of each other. You do deserve someone who appreciates being with you and doesn't consider what you have just a day to day thing. It sounds like he couldn't care less about you and his relationship with you. Dump him.
InJest Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Yeah, that was kind of a pathetic response. If it pays enough for you to live on your own, then you don't need this guy. LA is an awesome city, and it's easy to meet people. Go out and enjoy it without him. Do you have any friends at work? If not, it's because you haven't tried. Were you just planning on moving to LA and never making any friends? Just start talking to people, that's really all you have to do. I made friends just talking to people on the beach and playing volleyball. People at headshops and dispensaries are also really cool(dunno if you smoke or not). People out there get upset if you don't want to come hang out with them. You just have to try. Don't be shy about finding a new guy either, you should chase some guys for fun. What do you think your b/f is doing when he's out? Start seeing other guys since it's no big deal and see what he says about it. First step is to stop going to your b/f's house everyday. Don't go over there unless there is a plan to do something.
Author bm1991 Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 I just want to thank everyone. I am very emotionally vulnerable right now and it means a lot to know that complete strangers care enough to take time out of their day to lift me up higher. I feel so much better after reading your comments. Everytime I would react to his comments about how we aren't serious, or his 30 minute phone calls in front of me he would make me feel like its me and not him. I'm glad that you all have given me clarity. I plan on getting into more social activities and turning 21 won't hurt either. God bless you guys!
ShannonMI Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I just want to thank everyone. I am very emotionally vulnerable right now and it means a lot to know that complete strangers care enough to take time out of their day to lift me up higher. I feel so much better after reading your comments. Everytime I would react to his comments about how we aren't serious, or his 30 minute phone calls in front of me he would make me feel like its me and not him. I'm glad that you all have given me clarity. I plan on getting into more social activities and turning 21 won't hurt either. God bless you guys! It's definitely not you. He's as inconsiderate jerk. Plain and simple. He's probably treated all his girlfriends like this.
InJest Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 (edited) Wow, I didn't even realize you're only 20. Holy ****, guys will be all over you. Why are you with your boyfriend? Because he's the an executive director? You should just tell him that you think you two should be in an open relationship where you can sleep with other people since you're "not that serious". Edited February 22, 2012 by InJest
veggirl Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 How long have you been with this guy? You say it's a new relationship? But you spend every single night together? That is WAY too much too soon. You need to learn to slow your roll in the beginning, let things develop a bit more slowly. Jumping in immediately is a great way to get burned. Sure there are exceptions, but in general it's a bad idea to do that.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Los Angeles is not an easy or cheap place to live (some areas are cheap but damn, it's going to be rough), and you're only 20 years old, what are you doing all the way out here by yourself anyway? This isn't an easy place to just transition into, everyone is moving at a fast pace...always in a hurry or has something to do, and the men here are generally looking for one thing as the options are many. Plus dating an older guy, maybe that makes you feel a little more secure, but really you have no business dating a 27 year old, I don't care how mature or wise and grown up you think you are, it's really like shooting fish in a barrel and all that's going to happen is you feeling like **** wondering why you're not good enough. However you're not going to get anywhere being with a guy who makes you feel like an option, how are you supposed to gain any confidence out of that? You're going to have to make new friends (make them female) and people who actually care about you. To him you're just this young clingy girl that's good to use for your own needs but there's not really anything beyond that....you're not on his level, you're just for fun and It's nice having someone to sleep with every night. I can imagine how tough it is for you being your age and out here, you don't have a support system and the ****tiest guy in the world you'd probably stick with because you really have no one else to depend on. But sooner or later you're going to realize depending on a man isn't going to lead you to happiness, and I hope that time is sooner than later or you're just going to be all broken and jaded like a lot of other women out here trying to move on from all the stupid decisions they made when they were your age. You need someone who is caring and supportive but isn't trying to use you for anything, and you also need to grow up and start depending on yourself. You have to get used to being home and alone, because you can't have this mentality that it's better to be someones side thing than being alone and taking care of yourself. It's hard being alone, It sucks big time ass and I'm sure for you at your age it really sucks, but at the end of the day you have to ask yourself If you want your entire world to revolve around some guy who half cares about you or If you came out here to accomplish something more for yourself, what about your future? Any man at any point can dump you on the side of the street here like it never happened...you're the only person that's going to change how much you depend on a man and IF you spend more time and energy absorbed into some random *******, then you're just going to be bouncing from man to man here and In the end they'll just leave you, because you didn't have a backbone and you didn't have the confidence and self-respect to demand more from another. You have to change your life for yourself. Go to vocational school or do some program you can get a better paying job, invest your energy into something like instead of kicking it at this guys house. I know you probably work hard as it is but investing time in men..imo as a man, Is a waste of time in the end for a lot of women...you could have accomplished so much more for yourself in that time instead of spending it wrapped around this guy who's got other plans...and no, he won't just change and change his mind magically and see you for who you are and start treating you better...it doesn't work that way.
stillafool Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Thanks to everyone for reading my post and trying to help in one way or another. The move from tennessee to los angeles has left me so alone with no support system that I honestly think I'm just so lonely. He treats me like crap and lives the single life while dating me. We don't have any correspondence throughout the day because he simply won't text me back. I guess its just hard for me to get the strength to leave him and and be alone in LA and believe that I am worth more than this situation. You are 20 and can have the time of your life in L.A. Have you made friends with any of your co-workers who are around your age? If so, start hanging out with them and let your bf do his thing. You are wasting a good time sitting around waiting on him to be free. Get out there and enjoy the sun, fun and party life while you are young. There are so many goodlooking guys in L.A., heck by summer you will have someone new.
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