hawkgirl24 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I posted a couple days ago about a break up I'm going through. If you wish, you can read about it here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/314702-were-broken-up-i-still-dont-know-why Today is the second official day of no contact, and it is absolutely terrible. Yesterday, I felt very sure of myself, and knew that I could be strong and not text him. Today is a completely different story. I woke up, and I was immediately crying. I feel so helpless! I knew he wouldn't contact me, but I was secretly wishing (as I'm sure everyone does) that he would text or call me. I think I'm having such a problem with this, because he keeps telling me and others that even though he wanted to break up with me to experience the single life, and take time for him, he still feels awful about it, and unsure of his decision. I know that he could be saying that to make me and himself feel better, but it's just giving me hope, and I know I shouldn't have hope. I thought that today would be a good day, because I was supposed to be completely busy until later on tonight, but I am so depressed that I can't go to my classes, and I'm dreading work. I know that no contact is the best thing for me right now, as the last time I talked to him, I had false hope, but now I'm second guessing myself. It's getting so hard for me not to talk to him!
musicSaves12 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Hang in there! Things may seem bad but if you know its better to not talk to him don't.
BewitchedandBothered Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Glad you wrote here instead of contact him; do not feed his ego. Let him contact you. Delete his number from your phone; do not call him---you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Take a day at a time. He's not making an effort; why should you? You've been through enough. Most times they contact again anyway when their stuff doesn't work out.
jus d'orange Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 What to do with hope... I know exactly what you mean. First thing to do is to eliminate all temptation to contact. Delete his number from your phone, delete all old texts, any recent calls, whatever. His number shouldn't be found anywhere in your phone. If you're like me, you have your ex's number memorized, but that doesn't change the fact that it's much easier to slip and break NC by pushing a button than several. Also, delete him from Facebook, make sure you don't run into him, ask people not to tell you about his life and what he's saying. Then, do everything in your willpower to avoid looking at old pictures, etc. You shouldn't have anything but your mind to deal with in terms of reminders. Next, you need remember that there isn't actually wrong with hope. You just need to put the hope in context and make it a practical kind of hope. Hoping for the relationship that has just come to an end is impossible, because it is now a thing of the past. You can't start a relationship at the end of the relationship -- it make no sense. Instead, if you're like me and want to have hope for the future, hope for some simple and totally possible things: 1) Hope/know that you're going to be happy in the future, regardless of who you're with, because you're going to be become the strong, successful person you want to be. 2) Hope that someday you'll have someone who's right for you to share your love with again. You can hope that it's your ex, but you need to realize that, if your ex doesn't want to be with you, or the two of you change and aren't compatible anymore, or one or the other of you meet someone else, then it won't be him. But it COULD be... However, the only way that this could even be a remote possibility is if you maintain NC, focus on moving on, forgiving and healing, and improving your life the way you see fit. If you do that, then you'll be a catch for anyone out there, including your ex. It's so tough to keep the positive attitude and the firm logic at those moments when you really miss them... So what I like to do is realize that those moments of pain are just self-pity, not love. When you really love someone who leaves the relationship, you respect whatever reasons they give and hope that they are happy as they move on. If that means they'll someday be happy with you again, that's great. If not, well then you'll both still be happy and better off, which is what you really want. Keep going, hawkgirl. You can do it.
christine393 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 Delete his number. Put everything that reminds you of him into a bag and throw it into the back of your closet. I'm currently going through the NC. Be strong! Remember: You were happy BEFORE him and you will be happy AFTER him. Don't wait around for a text. I didn't, and I ended up getting one. Which sucks more than the no contact because it opens up your mind to all these possibilities.. So get a new number if you have too!
sweetheart5381 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I posted a couple days ago about a break up I'm going through. If you wish, you can read about it here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/314702-were-broken-up-i-still-dont-know-why Today is the second official day of no contact, and it is absolutely terrible. Yesterday, I felt very sure of myself, and knew that I could be strong and not text him. Today is a completely different story. I woke up, and I was immediately crying. I feel so helpless! I knew he wouldn't contact me, but I was secretly wishing (as I'm sure everyone does) that he would text or call me. I think I'm having such a problem with this, because he keeps telling me and others that even though he wanted to break up with me to experience the single life, and take time for him, he still feels awful about it, and unsure of his decision. I know that he could be saying that to make me and himself feel better, but it's just giving me hope, and I know I shouldn't have hope. I thought that today would be a good day, because I was supposed to be completely busy until later on tonight, but I am so depressed that I can't go to my classes, and I'm dreading work. I know that no contact is the best thing for me right now, as the last time I talked to him, I had false hope, but now I'm second guessing myself. It's getting so hard for me not to talk to him! I read your story and I so feel for you right now, was in your shoes a few weeks ago - couldnt handle the not knowing part. He said there was no one else, and I wanted to believe that so badly but wanted to show my love anyway. Truth is, I will never know. All good with me now, a few short (very long) weeks later. I can only suggest taking time to really think about how the relationship was... were you happy? Really ask yourself if you were happy. Sounds selfish, but just do it, please. All the best. T
sweetheart5381 Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 What to do with hope... I know exactly what you mean. First thing to do is to eliminate all temptation to contact. Delete his number from your phone, delete all old texts, any recent calls, whatever. His number shouldn't be found anywhere in your phone. If you're like me, you have your ex's number memorized, but that doesn't change the fact that it's much easier to slip and break NC by pushing a button than several. Also, delete him from Facebook, make sure you don't run into him, ask people not to tell you about his life and what he's saying. Then, do everything in your willpower to avoid looking at old pictures, etc. You shouldn't have anything but your mind to deal with in terms of reminders. Next, you need remember that there isn't actually wrong with hope. You just need to put the hope in context and make it a practical kind of hope. Hoping for the relationship that has just come to an end is impossible, because it is now a thing of the past. You can't start a relationship at the end of the relationship -- it make no sense. Instead, if you're like me and want to have hope for the future, hope for some simple and totally possible things: 1) Hope/know that you're going to be happy in the future, regardless of who you're with, because you're going to be become the strong, successful person you want to be. 2) Hope that someday you'll have someone who's right for you to share your love with again. You can hope that it's your ex, but you need to realize that, if your ex doesn't want to be with you, or the two of you change and aren't compatible anymore, or one or the other of you meet someone else, then it won't be him. But it COULD be... However, the only way that this could even be a remote possibility is if you maintain NC, focus on moving on, forgiving and healing, and improving your life the way you see fit. If you do that, then you'll be a catch for anyone out there, including your ex. It's so tough to keep the positive attitude and the firm logic at those moments when you really miss them... So what I like to do is realize that those moments of pain are just self-pity, not love. When you really love someone who leaves the relationship, you respect whatever reasons they give and hope that they are happy as they move on. If that means they'll someday be happy with you again, that's great. If not, well then you'll both still be happy and better off, which is what you really want. Keep going, hawkgirl. You can do it. Awesome post Jus See life at 30,000 ft... big picture! Sometimes hard to see at emotional times, but those do end - a day at a time.
GKM Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 I read your story and I so feel for you right now, was in your shoes a few weeks ago - couldnt handle the not knowing part. He said there was no one else, and I wanted to believe that so badly but wanted to show my love anyway. Truth is, I will never know. All good with me now, a few short (very long) weeks later. I can only suggest taking time to really think about how the relationship was... were you happy? Really ask yourself if you were happy. Sounds selfish, but just do it, please. All the best. T Good advice, It applies to how I feel right now too. Was I happy? I felt secure, safe and like the relationship was an investment in my future, but I dont know if I felt 100% happy. I felt that after 5 years some things would wane though, like romance/sex. I have nothing else to compare it to. Maybe a better relationship will show me what was missing
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