Girls, my dream girl has a bf. Shall I tell her why I can't see her anymore- ?

[danny in van]

or should I just vanish? Her and I kissed a year ago- then I didn't pursue as we were working together- then I started to really like her and come on to her again- then she says 'now I have a bf' ugh! I met him once and really think she's chosen the 'safe' beta male (unlikely he'll ever cheat as he def. can't do better I think is her logic)- I'm almost positive she likes me more on many levels, but I failed to strike when the iron was hot a yr ago...yet we see each other weekly...and there is def sexual tension going on.

 

My question: will she resent me more if I tell her why I must not see her- due to my super strong feelings? Or just make other excuses to not see her and avoid the awkwardness?

thx for any help!!!

[Nathan_Explosion]

Ask what she's doing when she gets off work next time you see her. Go get some drinks. Let alcohol work its magic

[puresynphony]

Its up to you if u want to stop seeing her, if ur working with her than u dont have a choice.

 

Waiting around for her is tiring and not fair on you, u missed ur opportunity so move on and live ur life and find more opportunities.

 

If u can stay friends with her that would be cool, its up to you though if u can handle that.

 

For now I say move forward cause u missed the boat.

Live ur life and stay focused on u, next time u will know not to procrastinate.

 

U dont want to make silly excuses, that will only make matters worse.

[danny in van]

Its up to you if u want to stop seeing her, if ur working with her than u dont have a choice.

 

Waiting around for her is tiring and not fair on you, u missed ur opportunity so move on and live ur life and find more opportunities.

 

If u can stay friends with her that would be cool, its up to you though if u can handle that.

 

For now I say move forward cause u missed the boat.

Live ur life and stay focused on u, next time u will know not to procrastinate.

 

U dont want to make silly excuses, that will only make matters worse.

Thanks you guys...it's very nice of you to take ur time to help me out...Will consider your good advice!~

[Ninjainpajamas]

Well If she was really the girl of your dreams then you might not have walked away when you kissed her last year...eh?

 

I'm going to play the white knight role this one time, but for me when a girl has a boyfriend...not for them, but for myself I back off. It's not my time or place to intervene and honestly It might even be pride why I don't mess with women with boyfriends as well...that's just not my style and I don't put myself in the line of fire to get between her and her boyfriend.

 

When she's single again then you might be able to rekindle the past, but for now sit on the backburner.

[kaylan]

Of course any guy whos picked over danny is a "safe beat male"

 

You shouldnt even have to announce anything to this chick. Let her enjoy her relationship, be an adult, and just leave things be. Just quietly fade out.

[Nightsky]

It's kind of beta male of you to be asking for advice on this type of thing at your age. I mean if you were a teenager or something I'd give you some advice and sugest you speak to your dad or some other guy you trust. If you were a guy having trouble with women I'd try to give you some motivation or advice... but you come here claiming to be and Alpha male and asking "girls" for advice... Just be Alpha is my advice.

 

All joking and alpha/beta talk aside like other posters said if she really is your dream girl you really have to question you didn't try to date her when you kissed and she wanted to date. If she's your dream girl just steal her away from the other guy. I've seen in other threads you claim to have a gf with a 4.2 gpa in grad school so maybe you already solved this problem.

[mesmerized]

So you have a girlfriend and thinking about another dream girl? So much for the guy who never cheats in relationships!

[danny in van]

So you have a girlfriend and thinking about another dream girl? So much for the guy who never cheats in relationships!

thinking about and cheating aren't the same are they?

Plus - I'm new here and am only now realizing there are weirdos on this site like you who chime in out of spite. You should really get out more- or tend to your own crap rather than wading in to stuff that sh be irrelevant to you.

[danny in van]

It's kind of beta male of you to be asking for advice on this type of thing at your age. I mean if you were a teenager or something I'd give you some advice and sugest you speak to your dad or some other guy you trust. If you were a guy having trouble with women I'd try to give you some motivation or advice... but you come here claiming to be and Alpha male and asking "girls" for advice... Just be Alpha is my advice.

 

All joking and alpha/beta talk aside like other posters said if she really is your dream girl you really have to question you didn't try to date her when you kissed and she wanted to date. If she's your dream girl just steal her away from the other guy. I've seen in other threads you claim to have a gf with a 4.2 gpa in grad school so maybe you already solved this problem.

well when I had the chance I didn't know her much...I was just mildly interested. Over time I've become quite intrigued etc etc .

And I'm of the mind that the alpha beta thing is not black and white. Everyone knows of a certain male who met his match and had his heart broken, even tho he generally has lotsa success w girls.

And present GF is alright- I never claimed to be in love- only that she's quite smart.

On any day don't we all go from confident to less confident and back? Do I really buy some people are confident all the time? No. They may act it...that's different. So I'm not above asking for advice regardless of my age. Cuz I don't know it all...

[danny in van]

Well If she was really the girl of your dreams then you might not have walked away when you kissed her last year...eh?

 

I'm going to play the white knight role this one time, but for me when a girl has a boyfriend...not for them, but for myself I back off. It's not my time or place to intervene and honestly It might even be pride why I don't mess with women with boyfriends as well...that's just not my style and I don't put myself in the line of fire to get between her and her boyfriend.

 

When she's single again then you might be able to rekindle the past, but for now sit on the backburner.

thx for your reply...Well a yr ago I didn't know her as I do now...and to say she's grown on me is a huge understatement. I won't refrain from interfering due to any moral reason- because I won't be able to sway her IF she really is into him. So no harm done to them if she rejects me. Now if she's just treading water and chosen a 'safe' BF who APPEARS to offer loyalty but is secretly hoping for a passionate truly romantic relationship - then I don't feel immoral 'stealing' her away from the oh too common complacent relationship.

[mesmerized]

thinking about and cheating aren't the same are they?

Plus - I'm new here and am only now realizing there are weirdos on this site like you who chime in out of spite. You should really get out more- or tend to your own crap rather than wading in to stuff that sh be irrelevant to you.

 

Thinking about it can be considered emotional cheating and cheating starts with "thinking about it".

 

It's just confusing for posters to see threads that contradict each other. And this is a public forum. People are going to make comments whether you like them or not!

Edited February 27, 2012 by mesmerized

[danny in van]

Thinking about it can be considered emotional cheating and cheating starts with "thinking about it".

 

It's just confusing for posters to see threads that contradict each other. And this is a public forum. People are going to make comments whether you like them or not!

 

ok I was being polite but your idiocy and contentiousness is changing me...So thinking of someone else constitutes cheating? Sure if you're one of the religious right. If that's the criteria of cheating, well I'm gonna guess 99% of people are cheaters. And the other 1% should have their pulse checked.

 

You're simple so's last time I'm responding to you!

[Mme. Chaucer]

It's not that your are "thinking about" cheating that makes you come off as a douche, it's that you are investing emotional energy in the fantasy "dream girl" and what you are going to say and do about her when you actually have a girlfriend.

 

You think we're "weirdos" for having a problem with that? I don't think so!

 

And if you don't want people "wading into stuff that should be irrelevant" to them, you need to stop inviting input from strangers on the Internet.

 

Here's my advice: Since you're not fully "in" your relationship with the girlfriend you have, and you're still exploring and yearning for other options, break up with her. She deserves a lot more and better than you're offering.

 

Then, if you want to have a try at the "dream girl," go for it. She's not married.

[danny in van]

It's not that your are "thinking about" cheating that makes you come off as a douche, it's that you are investing emotional energy in the fantasy "dream girl" and what you are going to say and do about her when you actually have a girlfriend.

 

You think we're "weirdos" for having a problem with that? I don't think so!

 

And if you don't want people "wading into stuff that should be irrelevant" to them, you need to stop inviting input from strangers on the Internet.

 

Here's my advice: Since you're not fully "in" your relationship with the girlfriend you have, and you're still exploring and yearning for other options, break up with her. She deserves a lot more and better than you're offering.

 

Then, if you want to have a try at the "dream girl," go for it. She's not married.

well if not weirdos you're definitely unrealistic if you don't think guys think about other girls while seeing someone else. Hmm which is more weird? That I and most every guy I know does that to some degree- or that you seem to think it = cheating? A woman will never know how a guy's mind works, and tries to browbeat males into thinking it's deviant. And that kind of works on many neutered emasculated males today- but to me women who do that are only pissing into the wind. They will never change his basic outlook - but like the McCarthy era witchhunt, will only temporarily bury it. But it will rear it's head again and prevail - because like the scorpion, it's 'what we do'.

However the last part of your post IS helpful- thx for that.

[dreamingoftigers]

Trying to make a move on another girl while dating one IS cheating.

 

You were trying to get with her while she has a bf and you have a gf, right?

 

What exactly IS you definition of loyalty?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Danny, you are coming off as a very silly boy.

 

I don't think that most "men" who consider themselves to be in a monogamous and serious relationship are coming to LoveShack to ask strangers about what to do about their "dream girl" - who's not their girlfriend.

 

No, that is not the same thing as fantasizing about women other than your girlfriend.

 

Are you 12?

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

Are you serious! He's in his 40's! Honestly, I had him pegged as 15 at the oldest!

 

Of course many people of all ages cheat. This particular fellow, though, is yelling at those who liken what he's doing to cheating.

 

I don't think it's cheating. I just think it's weak, lame, and pathetic.

 

I sure hope his girlfriend has a far superior "dream guy" waiting in the wings while this fellow flounders around in his little mess.

 

Sheesh.

[dreamingoftigers]

Danny is in his 40's; he wrote so in his other thread about guys with less experience being less likely to cheat.

Plenty of older men cheat on their gf's; even many married men. It's very common; it doesn't make him a silly boy; more like average because that's what many average men do.

 

Actually he said that those with MORE experience were LESS likely to cheat and cited himself as an example of someone with more experience who was less likely to cheat.

 

And yes he has said that he is in his forties and that his life experiences are an interesting hook to younger women (I.e. The girlfriends that he has been seeing who are in their 20s.)

[Mme. Chaucer]

It's amusing how the OP is addressed to "girls" and then he gets his panties all in a bunch when the women voice the expected opinion.

[danny in van]

Danny, you are coming off as a very silly boy.

 

I don't think that most "men" who consider themselves to be in a monogamous and serious relationship are coming to LoveShack to ask strangers about what to do about their "dream girl" - who's not their girlfriend.

 

No, that is not the same thing as fantasizing about women other than your girlfriend.

 

Are you 12?

 

well your inability to read my posts accurately actually is pegging your IQ a bit under the average. Where did I say I was in a 'serious' or 'monogamous' relationship. If you were a lawyer you'd fail because you can't insert made up statements to 'win' an argument. You can try on places like LS and duller people might concede, but not me. mIn fact when you try and fail in court, you lose ground cuz you lose credibility.

You think males quit looking around after age 12? hahaha! And of the countless people I've known in relationships (adults that is), how many are with their 'dream' spouse? I wouldn't give it a 50/50 even, would you? So there are LOTS of people wishing for better- yet they stay with who they're with- need I explain why? Is this all so new to you????

I totally understand you wishing it to be as you say...but stating IT IS as you wish it to be is dim and delusional!

[danny in van]

It's amusing how the OP is addressed to "girls" and then he gets his panties all in a bunch when the women voice the expected opinion.

 

girls or women? Is that distinction really worth writing about? Anyway,

yes I do disagree when people here (I'm gonna guess women/girls) are equating me thinking about another girl as cheating. It's a desperate and faulty attempt to win an argument - if you can't see that then last post to you. I'm really only interested to hear from people who can write accurately- and ones that can see the difference between how they wish things are with how they are.

Over and over on LS not all but lotsa women are trying to tell how modern men (or their man) thinks. Well I can trump your logic as I AM a male (big point for me there!) and your man professing he only has eyes for you...well gee I wonder if he has a reason/agenda to say that???? Is he 'allowed' to say otherwise and still get sex from you?? There is built in bias that you will never be able to deduce. It's like prisoner confession. It's considered faulty in law cuz it's under duress! ie it's easier to say what is expected.

[danny in van]

Trying to make a move on another girl while dating one IS cheating.

 

You were trying to get with her while she has a bf and you have a gf, right?

 

What exactly IS you definition of loyalty?

 

Re read my post slooooowwwly. I only said I'm thinking about another girl. Where did I ever state my current gf and I pledged allegiance to each other? In fact, she has said 'let's take this slow' and is herself uncertain about us being exclusive...

 

If you're accurate in your writing, and don't put words in others' mouths you'll come across as above average intelligence, so you know.

[danny in van]

 

Are you serious! He's in his 40's! Honestly, I had him pegged as 15 at the oldest!

 

Of course many people of all ages cheat. This particular fellow, though, is yelling at those who liken what he's doing to cheating.

 

I don't think it's cheating. I just think it's weak, lame, and pathetic.

 

I sure hope his girlfriend has a far superior "dream guy" waiting in the wings while this fellow flounders around in his little mess.

 

Sheesh.

 

you say weak lame and pathetic because it is common behavior in men that doesn't suit you- and has affected you - or will.

 

Again your inability to write logically is evident. According to you I'm 'yelling' at people for claiming I'm cheating- but then you say right after what I'm doing is not cheating. So shouldn't I be able to disagree with them? Funny thing is- at 15 I know I could out think you! You leave huge holes in your arguments. Stick to menial work is my advice to you.

[GorillaTheater]

Where's that "Only Quotes Jerks" dude when you need him?