petal28 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 ok i know there this thread is going to attract alot of criticism but i would like to hear from guys who know that they are disrespectful to girls that they like or have liked. What i would like to know from a guy is if you have been "mean" or disrespectful to a girl that you like/have liked and she has been anything but nice to you, is there any behaviour that would make you change your ways with this girl. For example, if the girls was "mean" back to you, would you stop and take a step back and re-consider how you have been treating her? Would this change the way you respected her? I am in this situation but unfortunately due to circumstances, i cannot get away from this guy as i work closely with him (and we used to date). He is mean and disrespectful to me but for the sake of our professional r'ship, i am nice to him. I would like him to start treating me with respect and i am wondering if i stand up for myself, would he start treating me with respect?
oldguy Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 (edited) What your doing isn't working so I would stand up to him and see. He sounds like he's immature & angry about the breakup or he is just a jerk with a nasty learned behavior. In very general terms; people do what works for them & once they are not given negative feed back they won't continue the search because what they found works, they settle in; repeating & strengthening the behavior so after awhile it takes a few or more dramatic negative consequences for them to wise up & consider a change. If all that is too Freudian consider this; people often get the crap they tolerate. You don't have to nice in the face of an ars. Edited February 21, 2012 by oldguy
shayla Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I'm not a guy but thought I'd answer....hope you don't mind. Right after he snaps at you, I'd just say to him, "It's okay if you cannot handle being nice to me, but we are at work, and I expect you to treat me with the same respect you treat any other coworker." If the treatment goes on, I'd consider reporting him. Good luck.
stillafool Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I'm surprised you aren't standing up for yourself already. Never accept someone's bad behavior. Always defend yourself as that is part of being an adult.
Author petal28 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 Well, as a Man, he sees that he is a superior human being to any human female. So why would he treat something with respect, if it is on a level of a dog or a cat? Now go back to the kitchen and make him a sandwich woman. You wasting all the cooking and cleaning time bitching on public forums about how weak you are. GET A LIFE! Wow, that's a really nice way to contritube for your first post
Kamille Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I'm not a guy but I recently got the opportunity to have dinner with a bunch of 22 -23 year olds. Their phones were buzzing and beeping with messages from this or that girl. One of them was seeing this girl but wasn't really feeling it for her. She had texted him to see what he was up to that night and he was debating what (or if) to answer. "I like her, she's nice, but I don't see this going anywhere". The guys recommended he text back, as having someone on the back burner is better than having no pull at all. Not to mention, they all said: you told her you don't want anything serious. Now, I'm sure she's spending way too much time analyzing a losing situation, frustrated and angry at him, thinking he's leading her on, being disrespectful, etc. Meanwhile, he thinks she should know better than to pursue him after he's said and shown him he doesn't want anything serious. There is nothing she or you can do to make a guy regret what he did. You'll have to come to the realization that men will assume you're capable of reading the signs properly, capable of making the right choices for yourself, capable of protecting yourself. If you fail to do this, they'll assume (perhaps rightfully) that it's on you. Can you do anything to make him realize how mean and disrespectful he is? No. Can you get your dignity back? Yes. Walk away from this losing situation.
Author petal28 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 If you mean 3000 first post than yea...by the way...you still here???? Yes sorry DCIK. I will get back to the kitchen now.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 The line of respect is drawn through the sand in the beginning, and Is determined by the man testing to see how far he can push you and what you're willing to put up with. Then the man will typically treat you accordingly. You'll notice a lot of these men would not treat strong/intimidating/confident women with authority with anything but respect, as well as other men (alpha) completely different as well. I've seen a lot of guys run their mouths and act macho with their woman yet with me for example they would never even try it and are very respectful, their whole attitude and demeanor changes...and that's because they know they can't get away with it. Now that he's established a "comfort zone" and recognizes what you will and won't put up with you it's going to be extremely hard to change that now. He's going to EXPECT that he can continue to treat you that way because you've tolerated it this whole time. In my opinion you don't have to be nice to anyone who disrespects you, whether at work or anywhere else, I don't get paid enough to do that or I'm not paid to do that in general. I'll be brash and cut to the chase, I'm not going to sit there and be polite and nice, only respectful. But that's also apart of my personality, I'm a bit of an *******...but you know what? people don't treat me like **** or cross the line with me, and because I'm good at what I do and I'm confident I typically get away with it...plus I'm not a bad person I'm just motivated and don't care to step on peoples toes to accomplish the greater goal...although I always make sure I have a very good rapport and relationships with those in charge and authority rather than my co-workers, which I keep minimal. I just thought I'd go into that a little bit so you can understand how different people handle themselves in the work place, but If you've already played the innocent dove with no back-bone you can be assured people will continue to treat you that way. It would take a consistent and determined attitude change within yourself in order to change how people perceive you, enough to the point where they might feel like you've actually changed...they'll be confused and question it but If you hold strong and don't just act strong for a day or your bark is bigger than your bite than you might be able to slowly start to change how people treat you. But honestly you'll probably have to be somewhat of a "bitch" to accomplish this, as I think you're past the point of diplomacy, it's going to take action not words at this point.
Author petal28 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 The line of respect is drawn through the sand in the beginning, and Is determined by the man testing to see how far he can push you and what you're willing to put up with. Then the man will typically treat you accordingly. You'll notice a lot of these men would not treat strong/intimidating/confident women with authority with anything but respect, as well as other men (alpha) completely different as well. I've seen a lot of guys run their mouths and act macho with their woman yet with me for example they would never even try it and are very respectful, their whole attitude and demeanor changes...and that's because they know they can't get away with it. Now that he's established a "comfort zone" and recognizes what you will and won't put up with you it's going to be extremely hard to change that now. He's going to EXPECT that he can continue to treat you that way because you've tolerated it this whole time. In my opinion you don't have to be nice to anyone who disrespects you, whether at work or anywhere else, I don't get paid enough to do that or I'm not paid to do that in general. I'll be brash and cut to the chase, I'm not going to sit there and be polite and nice, only respectful. But that's also apart of my personality, I'm a bit of an *******...but you know what? people don't treat me like **** or cross the line with me, and because I'm good at what I do and I'm confident I typically get away with it...plus I'm not a bad person I'm just motivated and don't care to step on peoples toes to accomplish the greater goal...although I always make sure I have a very good rapport and relationships with those in charge and authority rather than my co-workers, which I keep minimal. I just thought I'd go into that a little bit so you can understand how different people handle themselves in the work place, but If you've already played the innocent dove with no back-bone you can be assured people will continue to treat you that way. It would take a consistent and determined attitude change within yourself in order to change how people perceive you, enough to the point where they might feel like you've actually changed...they'll be confused and question it but If you hold strong and don't just act strong for a day or your bark is bigger than your bite than you might be able to slowly start to change how people treat you. But honestly you'll probably have to be somewhat of a "bitch" to accomplish this, as I think you're past the point of diplomacy, it's going to take action not words at this point. Thanks Ninja So with regard to your quote: does your quote mean that i will get the respect that i seek/demand rather than what i think i am entitled to despite how i behave? Did you come up with that? Is that based on your experiences?
ThatDudeXO Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I never disrespected my ex girlfriend unless she hurts me which makes me snap and say some horrible things. This barely happened though. Anyone who disrespected their partners for no reason shouldn't be with that person.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 The quote is actually from another post/reply I had written on and it connected with several people...especially that quote. So that quote is just one of the things I said that stood out. What I mean by that is generally that you have to go into a relationship (of any kind) with an already predetermined level of respect you're going to accept/tolerate or that is basically acceptable to you....and stick to it, If the person refuses to treat you respect you demand then you shouldn't be afraid to walk out of that situation. Not just base on how much you like the guy, and how many other good qualities he has, so you're going to just try and appease him in every way and hope he changes. What about you as a person? A lot of women go into relationships with men and bend over backwards for them and then wonder why that man isn't going to treat them with respect, when you never demanded it in the first place. If someone treats you like crap and you're still standing there, then that shows that person that is what you're willing to accept it...even If you complain about it, men kinda tune out what you're saying after a while when it comes to that anyway, especially when it doesn't result in action. To be honest I've disrespected women quite often in the past, and It's not something I'm proud of. I was stubborn, unwavering, arrogant and demanding. Every woman bended trying to appease me but they could never bend far enough. In the end I realized It was my fault and I shouldn't have treated them that way but also I had wished they were more demanding and less yielding. And I started to notice a pattern of every one of them doing whatever they could to please me then at some point come out of the woods demanding things to change when I thought everything was fine. I'm wise and mature enough to see what I did wrong, and also them...I know It's hard for women to control themselves because they are so emotional, but looking around me and seeing so many guys nowadays treat women like **** and they still just stand there and take it..It really makes me wonder why people in general think that letting people walk over them is going to get them anywhere, much less any respect. In the work place I also treat myself like I'm my own business, I watch out for myself, i know I have a value and I don't just treat myself like another employee...a gear that's apart of what makes the wheel go around. And I've noticed demanding and expecting more from others have yielded me much better results than sitting there hoping someone would notice my good/hard work...If I'm doing well and making an impact, I know it and they will too...I'm not overbearing about it, but I feel I deserve a level of respect for my accomplishments and treat myself accordingly. 1
Author petal28 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 Ninja Do u think i could salvage the respect i deserve by demanding it? I suspect that this guy is not bitter about our break up because he initiated it. I think he is an ass by nature. Im just sick of bending overbackwards and being at his beck and call. Thanks for ur elaborate replies.
Kamille Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Ninja Do u think i could salvage the respect i deserve by demanding it? I suspect that this guy is not bitter about our break up because he initiated it. I think he is an ass by nature. Im just sick of bending overbackwards and being at his beck and call. Thanks for ur elaborate replies. Hey Petal - who cares about 'salvaging' or gaining his respect? He doesn't matter. He's, by your own word, rude and disrespectful. He's not worth your time. I know you work with him. What I would do in your shoes is keep things professional and otherwise ignore his attempts at disrespect of whatever. In the end, whether or not he respects you doesn't matter. What matters is that you respect yourself. Respecting yourself means STOP focusing on what a rude and disrespectful guy thinks of you. Game over.
Emilia Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Ninja Do u think i could salvage the respect i deserve by demanding it? I suspect that this guy is not bitter about our break up because he initiated it. I think he is an ass by nature. Im just sick of bending overbackwards and being at his beck and call. Thanks for ur elaborate replies. No and it isn't something you should worry about either - although obviously it's very tricky at work. Do you have to work together? Do you have to have contact? 1
Kamille Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 (edited) I've responded to a few threads of yours recently and your responses left me wondering what was going on. So I went back in time and reread the whole of your posting history. What you need to figure out isn't how to gain this D-bag's respect back (And I say D-Bag because the guy, from the get go, was trying to get petal to help him two-time on his LD girlfriend). What you need to figure out his why you're hung up on this D-Bag (see previous note). The guy isn't worthy of consideration petal. Your first instinct, the one where you decided to end things because you didn't want to get involved with an attached man, was the right one. What if your best friend in the world was to show up and tell you: "this guy I met is treating me with a lack of respect. We dated for awhile and then it became clear that he was seeing someone else long distance. I decided to end things. He kept contacting me and I relented. I decided what the heck, I only live once, let's have fun. Then he told me he wasn't really interested in me and now he spends his time talking to me about the other women he's seeing." What would you think about the guy? Would you think he's worthy of your friend? Would you think she should work her butt off to gain his respect back? Or would you think, as most of us would, that he's a D-bag (see previous note) and that your friend's energy would be best spent getting over him ASAP than trying to get his respect back? Edited February 21, 2012 by Kamille
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Ninja Do u think i could salvage the respect i deserve by demanding it? I suspect that this guy is not bitter about our break up because he initiated it. I think he is an ass by nature. Im just sick of bending overbackwards and being at his beck and call. Thanks for ur elaborate replies. You have to realize that even If you can gain respect, it's long-drawn out process where this gradually changes...mainly because of the new attitude within yourself. It wouldn't by no means change overnight or necessarily with him, it might just have an impact for you with men in the future as they look at you from a brand new point of view. Depending on how backwards you have already bent, that's hard to come back from on the respect-o-meter. I think with this guy it's near impossible...he has to want to respect you, and you can't make someone want that. If you were married I'd say go to counseling or really sit and talk this out, but this is just a guy you used to date. You're probably still emotionally tied to him but It seems like a waste of time, as soon as you realize that and move you'll be happier, but until then you'll just keep going round and round with this guy, and there's just a dead end. I think you'd like him to change just for you, but this is something he's going to have to learn by growing up and life/relationship. Hell he might even know he has that issue but It can take him years IF ever. I know when I was in that state of mind back when I was the biggest *******, I didn't really care...I took what I wanted, women gave it to me and couldn't relate to how they felt or what they were going through, and they always stuck around...I felt bad, but ultimately at the end of the day there's always another woman that wants to put up with your ****...so as a man you get in this mode of...why change? you still get what you want. Know what I mean?
InJest Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 You should hit him with a quick one liner. "Have you not gotten laid since we broke up or something??" 1
TheFinalWord Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 ok i know there this thread is going to attract alot of criticism but i would like to hear from guys who know that they are disrespectful to girls that they like or have liked. What i would like to know from a guy is if you have been "mean" or disrespectful to a girl that you like/have liked and she has been anything but nice to you, is there any behaviour that would make you change your ways with this girl. For example, if the girls was "mean" back to you, would you stop and take a step back and re-consider how you have been treating her? Would this change the way you respected her? I am in this situation but unfortunately due to circumstances, i cannot get away from this guy as i work closely with him (and we used to date). He is mean and disrespectful to me but for the sake of our professional r'ship, i am nice to him. I would like him to start treating me with respect and i am wondering if i stand up for myself, would he start treating me with respect? Just my 2 cents. Most organizations have ways for handing these types of circumstances. Have you talked to anyone in your human resources department? 1
Imajerk17 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 (edited) Ninja Do u think i could salvage the respect i deserve by demanding it? I suspect that this guy is not bitter about our break up because he initiated it. I think he is an ass by nature. Im just sick of bending overbackwards and being at his beck and call. Thanks for ur elaborate replies. EDIT: Reread. Maybe I was too quick in my response. If this is a work situation, you might have to go to HR. About dating coworkers... What's the saying about not buying your hotdog at the place that gives you your bread?? Edited February 21, 2012 by Imajerk17
Author petal28 Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 EDIT: Reread. Maybe I was too quick in my response. If this is a work situation, you might have to go to HR. About dating coworkers... What's the saying about not buying your hotdog at the place that gives you your bread?? Yes well this is the first time i have ever done this and i have learnt an important lesson. It's easy to say "don't do that" but when there is crazy chemistry it's hard to resist when you see the person regularly.
LZ2000 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 (edited) What i would like to know from a guy is if you have been "mean" or disrespectful to a girl that you like/have liked and she has been anything but nice to you, is there any behaviour that would make you change your ways with this girl. For example, if the girls was "mean" back to you, would you stop and take a step back and re-consider how you have been treating her? Would this change the way you respected her? My most recent ex-girlfriend is heavily guilty of making promises and not fulfilling them. Sure, she is a pleasant person and able to get along well with others (some of my personal moments with her were really wonderful), but she seems more of a person that is more of a crowd pleaser than a trustworthy partner, friend and lover. I did my best to curb and push back my tendencies (temptations) to be confrontational and "mean", and I gave her lots of time, a lot of my love, but time and tide reveals all things. If there is one thing that triggers my anger and intense dislike, it is the unfulfilled promise to a loved one. At times, I felt that she was never truthful or does hide some facts away from me. And that in my eyes is detrimental to a relationship. The killing blow in my previous relationship was when she accused me of a wrongdoing which I had never done, that I will never do. That was the moment I no longer saw her as an individual who is respectable. But I never was mean or vengeful against her. Just incredibly disappointed. Edited February 22, 2012 by LZ2000
danny in van Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 ok i know there this thread is going to attract alot of criticism but i would like to hear from guys who know that they are disrespectful to girls that they like or have liked. What i would like to know from a guy is if you have been "mean" or disrespectful to a girl that you like/have liked and she has been anything but nice to you, is there any behaviour that would make you change your ways with this girl. For example, if the girls was "mean" back to you, would you stop and take a step back and re-consider how you have been treating her? Would this change the way you respected her? I am in this situation but unfortunately due to circumstances, i cannot get away from this guy as i work closely with him (and we used to date). He is mean and disrespectful to me but for the sake of our professional r'ship, i am nice to him. I would like him to start treating me with respect and i am wondering if i stand up for myself, would he start treating me with respect? my experience has been when I've tried to get the respectful treatment I want from someone who is plain rude (I'm thinking 2 different work experiences that drew out over yrs!) by me being nice in response to their rudeness- that it didn't change anything! Only when I kind of uncontrollably 'snapped' and told them to f- off harshly and mean it did they stop their crazy ways. Sad but true that I had to speak or act at their base level- but it worked like a charm!
Author petal28 Posted March 3, 2012 Author Posted March 3, 2012 my experience has been when I've tried to get the respectful treatment I want from someone who is plain rude (I'm thinking 2 different work experiences that drew out over yrs!) by me being nice in response to their rudeness- that it didn't change anything! Only when I kind of uncontrollably 'snapped' and told them to f- off harshly and mean it did they stop their crazy ways. Sad but true that I had to speak or act at their base level- but it worked like a charm! Thanks danny. I cant imagine it working in my situation (personal relationship) but im curious enough to give it a go.
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