Emilia Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Our dates were really nice. It consisted of ice skating (he knew I was an ice skater and he a hockey player that had long since been on the ice) watching movies, and a shooting range (which I suggested because I always wanted to shoot a gun). He take me to really good food restaurants and he always paid for everything. He would text me every morning with a "Good morning" that made me smile but that soon ended. Looking back I realized there wasn't much more than texting for how he showed he cared. :/ Now you are getting it.
Nightsky Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 An insecure man will fall in love with a woman quick and then dump her quick after sleeping with her. He does this because he's so insecure he always has to go looking for the next best thing. Wouldn't matter if he was with the most beautiful woman in the world he wouldn't see it. Plus they can keep up a front a fake version of themselves for a short while. They are afraid of being the real them and then getting rejected. So they just reject first. Sounds like that guy "hit it and quit it." It means he enjoyed the sex with you and now moved on. Even if this guy still does like you if this is how he treats some one he likes you don't want to be with him. Most all the guys I know would be calling and wanting to spend time with you even more now that you’ve had sex. You’d be in what is known as the honey moon period where any amount of time together isn’t enough. They’d also be wanting to have sex with you a lot more then once. If he had sex with you he obviously found you sexy. You sound like you were enthusiastic and that’s about the only thing a girl needs to be good in bed. If she is enthusiastic about being with me I could care less if we bump heads or she is scared and doesn’t move much or what ever. As long as she is enthusiastic that is the biggest turn on. There are literally girls out there who will say stuff like “gross” or “are we going to be done soon” or just yell “ouch” over and over again in a very angry tone. So what ever you did as long as you wanted to be there you were good in bed! He on the other hand is a total jerk. Whether he likes you or not you should forget him. It seems like he doesn’t like you and that is his right. A decent person would have come over and told you that he didn’t want to see you any more and been kind to you about it. You guys had sex and he acts like you just had a bad first date where nothing happened… You sound like a very sweet girl and any guy will be lucky to have you as his gf. It gets easier with time so hold on!
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 OP, you sound like a sweetheart and I'm sure it's this guy's loss. But in the future, require more from someone before sleeping with them. Not necessarily more dates or more time...I'm not an advocate of the "hold out" theory. But I'm talking about actions here. Look for actions that indicate that this guy actually cares about you, and that he's interested in getting to know you and building a relationship with you. Considering you'd held onto your virginity this long, I'm surprised you let it go to someone who seemed less than devoted to you. May I ask, did you wait for religious or moral reasons? And if so, what made you decide to give your virginity to this specific man? I'm not shaming you here, AT ALL, so I hope it doesn't come off that way. I'm not religious and don't see virginity as some "beautiful sacred gift" that must only be given under complete love and devotion and/or marriage. I'm just very curious to get inside your head and figure out what your thought process was to decide to sleep with this particular man.
Author Nerd4Noodles Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 (edited) Sorry guys I didn't disappear. I'm still going through a frenzy of emotion over this whole ordeal, and I've got myself a busy schedule (thank god...it's good to have something to take my mind off this...) Thank you everyone for the great advice and please keep them coming I love to hear everyone's thoughts on this matter. I apologize I am not familiar with the quoting system here so I'm just going to “@” everyone to direct my comment to that specific person. @Goldengirl11 I got thrown to the asphalt and stood up with scrapes, cuts and bruises. But I stood up—nothing broken. The soreness and pain will linger but those scrapes, cuts and bruises will heal over time as the feeling of this will heal in time. I know this, I'm sure you know this, and the reason I'm saying this is to reassure myself as well as reassure others who have gone through this particular situation. It's horrible. And it's bull**** (excuse me... my bitterness is coming through which I think I'm allowed to have at this point). Thank you for the support. We gals need to stick together when we've been through this type of thing. We will get stronger from the support that we get from each other. @Injest I couldn't agree more on what you had said about setting boundaries for those who I wish to date and for maybe taking a hiatus on the online dating scene. In some ways I needed this situation, as terrible as it was, to use as an investigation, to search my standards as a human being and as a woman. Before dating this guy I was very insecure with myself. I never thought I was pretty enough, impressive enough, smart enough, the list goes on... but in a strange way he changed that view; and there is a lot of information I'm going to take away from this crappy experience. I'm already feeling a change in myself (although it was there all the time hidden in that thick layer of insecurity). @Shaun-Dro Yes I was naïve and when it was all said and done I pretty much came to that same conclusion. But I don't get why guys would go through all that trouble to sleep with someone when there are plenty of other girls they can sleep with who would be willing to give it up for less effort. @Ranchero44 You know I would definitely sign that petition...lemme tell you. And I have always kept that saying close to my heart because I find it very helpful. I guess that's another reason why this situation impacted me so deeply because I wouldn't fathom ever doing that to someone who liked me. But then you live and learn and then you find out that there aren't as many selfless people in the world as one had thought. Thank you. @Emilia I am definitely going to take Injest's advice. And as I keep looking back I find more and more evidence that this was to be the outcome. Because this experience was new to me I ignored the red flags because I was enjoying that ride that everyone else had gone on. I ignored the feelings of uncertainty and convinced myself that everything will turn out just fine. I keep reevaluating this situation and it's really hard to take in the fact that I could have prevented all this... @Nightsky That's an interesting look on the matter. I like mostly because I take the focus off myself where I turn the blame and redirect it to myself and say things like“oh it's because of me.” I was enthusiastic to have sex (still am) and I was willing to explore (not to the extremes mind you) but I allowed myself to enjoy the experience. What you described other girls of doing was what I thought guys thought about when they found out was a virgin. They assumed I would just lay there and shout in pain, but that's a whole other subject to discuss. Haha. Thank you on that different take and the support. I will be holding on! @kiss_andmakeup Absolutely. Knowing what I know now will help me define when and who to sleep with. The reason I was a virgin for such a long time was because I hated myself. I felt I would disgust whoever I was going to sleep with, that I was going to make them run away in horror and make them permanently impotent if they saw me nude. That's how ugly I thought I was. The reason I chose him was, unfortunately, out of desperation (I know a BIG no no) and because he treated me the way I had always wanted a man to treat me. He kept telling me how beautiful and sexy I was. He even told me I was the hottest girl he's ever been with. He made me feel loved, cherished and admired. That was something I had only imagined and never thought it would actually happen. Even when we had sex he couldn't stop telling me how much he loved my body. Now, of course, that could have been all a ploy to get me in bed, but I have to give him credit it worked. He instilled a confidence I should have had before. So now I will be able to stop and see if the person I sleep with next is worthy enough for me. Edited February 22, 2012 by Nerd4Noodles
Author Nerd4Noodles Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 (edited) Sorry for the way that last post was I don't know what happened. I swear I added spaces...even when I edited it it still turned out that way... Edited February 22, 2012 by Nerd4Noodles
mickleb Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 N4N - you are really impressing me with your strength! This guy was a grade A as*hole and you are doing the best thing you could - you are taking what you have learnt from the situation to make your life better. I love the fact that you can now see yourself as attractive, whereas you didn't before - that's brilliant! I was with a guy a few years ago who (seemingly) did all (or most) of the right things. He appeared to treat me really well for over a year and then, after a year, just disappeared. I have since learned he was commitment-phobic but, at the time, it was really painful and completely threw me. The funny thing is, that event was the last piece in my puzzle. I thought I was the one (of the two of us) that had problems, and him behaving in a such a stupid way made me realise that, really, I was fine! I've since become a much happier person than I was before I met him, so I could (almost) shake his hand for behaving like such a fool now! You sound really smart and I hope this experience becomes a turning point in your life that you look back on and smile about. You are worth a 1000 of him. He's the loser here. Take care. x
Nightsky Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 Sorry for the way that last post was I don't know what happened. I swear I added spaces...even when I edited it it still turned out that way... You’re awesome no need for apologies here.
Author Nerd4Noodles Posted February 23, 2012 Author Posted February 23, 2012 (edited) N4N - you are really impressing me with your strength! This guy was a grade A as*hole and you are doing the best thing you could - you are taking what you have learnt from the situation to make your life better. I love the fact that you can now see yourself as attractive, whereas you didn't before - that's brilliant! I was with a guy a few years ago who (seemingly) did all (or most) of the right things. He appeared to treat me really well for over a year and then, after a year, just disappeared. I have since learned he was commitment-phobic but, at the time, it was really painful and completely threw me. The funny thing is, that event was the last piece in my puzzle. I thought I was the one (of the two of us) that had problems, and him behaving in a such a stupid way made me realise that, really, I was fine! I've since become a much happier person than I was before I met him, so I could (almost) shake his hand for behaving like such a fool now! You sound really smart and I hope this experience becomes a turning point in your life that you look back on and smile about. You are worth a 1000 of him. He's the loser here. Take care. x You know... this strength wouldn't have been possible if I didn't take in consideration the many people who love and support me, and know and accept who I am. Not to mention this awesome community of people on here who help each other out in times of crisis. I'm so glad that you're in a happy place in your life and that your situation was a (although it sounds funny) positive turning point in your life--I will use your example to do the same. Sometimes I just wish we didn't have to go through such turmoil to unlock the greatness we have within ourselves. But then again how would we learn? It's a catch 22. Stay happy and all the best! @Nightsky Thank you Edited February 23, 2012 by Nerd4Noodles
mickleb Posted February 23, 2012 Posted February 23, 2012 You know... this strength wouldn't have been possible if I didn't take in consideration the many people who love and support me, and know and accept who I am. Not to mention this awesome community of people on here who help each other out in times of crisis. I'm so glad that you're in a happy place in your life and that your situation was a (although it sounds funny) positive turning point in your life--I will use your example to do the same. Sometimes I just wish we didn't have to go through such turmoil to unlock the greatness we have within ourselves. But then again how would we learn? It's a catch 22. Stay happy and all the best! @Nightsky Thank you I should make it clear - it was a combination of that event and finding this place that has led to me being happier today. I'm glad you've found us. x
Author Nerd4Noodles Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 I should make it clear - it was a combination of that event and finding this place that has led to me being happier today. I'm glad you've found us. x I am very glad I found you guys. I already feel 10x better than I have been in the last couple days (I didn't have the urge to suddenly burst into tears today--YAY!) and it's all thanks to the caring support of you guys. I can't thank you guys enough.
Author Nerd4Noodles Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 sooo....update! The guy has texted me back. Here is what he had to say... " hey, im so sorry. Im goig through some tough crap and i completely shut down.I've never had anything lkke this happen to me before." Now i dont know how to respond to this or what to think. Need advice.
Nightsky Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 sooo....update! The guy has texted me back. Here is what he had to say... " hey, im so sorry. Im goig through some tough crap and i completely shut down.I've never had anything lkke this happen to me before." Now i dont know how to respond to this or what to think. Need advice. You need to respect yourself. I don't know what you should do though. Doesn't really sound like an apology. How'd this make you feel? What do you want to do?
Author Nerd4Noodles Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 You need to respect yourself. I don't know what you should do though. Doesn't really sound like an apology. How'd this make you feel? What do you want to do? I'm feeling relief, guilt, and anger. All these feelings are of equal intensity and i can't comprehend it at the moment. I want to talk to him but i dont know if I should.
Recommended Posts