Mack05 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 (edited) It’s been a long time since I posted. I hope this post helps people (especially guys). I have been through a tough year. Therapy (to help me deal with bad decisions in the past), breakups, big moves, Job insecurity. This was meant to be the year that I learnt from past mistakes; instead I probably made more. The biggest mistake over the past year was losing a girl who I really Love and I am struggling so hard with it. I find it easier to give advice, then to actually help myself (ever notice that?). In truth she had every right to leave. I was obsessive, critical of her past decisions, would open my mouth far too often without thinking, write emails the size of books. The worst thing was I kept changing my mind. One minute I would leave her go. The next, I would come crawling back. I just couldn’t stop obsessing. When things were going smoothly I’d be looking for things that were wrong. They say people that look for things wrong in their partner are afraid to turn it inwards to themselves and confront what is wrong with them. I agree with that. The one lesson I will have to learn and I will preach this on this site in the future is that if you don’t love yourself, believe in yourself and rid yourself of the insecurities that hold you back in life then you will push/hurt the people you love away. Not only that you will self destruct in the process. Many people (especially guys) don’t understand what is actually behind their behaviour. Because of this guys will push the girl they love so far away, that they will never come back. I tried like many on this site to get my ex back. I love her with all my heart BUT she lost all her faith in me. I totally see why. I told her that I loved her more than anything, but based on the past there is no guarantee that a few months later I wouldn’t have flipped back and started to push her away again. Reason being, I still hadn't resolved the things that started pushing her away in the first place. This pull-push behaviour is so detrimental. A lot of the time believe it or not, I didn’t realise I was doing it or the damage that was being caused. I see so many guys posting saying the same thing. I wanted to post this just to help one person and to be honest to help me. I want to be able to read this post, if I ever notice similar behavioural patterns in future. If you realise you love someone then lose them for the right reasons (like Mike588 being as good a man as he possibly could have been to his ex), not the wrong ones. Don’t live your life with regret (if you can avoid it). The last thing my ex said to me is that “I will never change”. I don’t agree with that. Sure I will never change enough for her, to ever trust me again. BUT we all have the power to change. We all have the power to learn the harsh lessons that life gives us and to change course in our lives. I have regrets, I’m sure many LS users do to. Can’t change that now, but we can all change the paths to our future. Listen to what our ex’s said to us. Absorb the reasons why they left. Accept their decisions with grace and dignity. Then we can start to put the building blocks in place so that you never have to live with regrets again. I have started writing a journal. In it I have put all the things that drove my ex crazy and a promise to myself to never make another girl say those things to me again. I used to me a big advocate of self help books. I know Go suck a lemon has been recommended on this site lately as well as various books on communication, self esteem and insecurities. The books can’t do any harm, but real change comes from within. A woman's heart is so beautiful, strong yet fragile. They have a capacity to love that we will never fully understand. When we are given the honor of protecting it, that is exactly what we have to do. Protect it. Everytime we hurt them unnecessarily, a little dent is left on their heart that can't be fixed. When we push them too far, we haven't protected their heart like we promised we would in the beginning. The next time (if we are lucky enough) to find love make sure we protect her heart and never give her the 'wrong' reasons to leave you..There is nothing worse then living with regret. I made a promise to myself last night. When it comes to love, the regret I have now, will be the last regrets I have in my life. Thanks for reading. I just really needed to post today.. Edited February 21, 2012 by Mack05
Buttercup84 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Hey Mack I missed you , nice to see you around even though you are going through such a hard time . While you give very good advice , you need to open yourself up and be the "patient " for a while and let others help you . I am sorry things didn't work out between you too , I really am . But at least you admit to why x
Author Mack05 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 Thanks guys (900 posts!). I will be back regulary to LS when I finally have my %$%£% in gear. Sick of talking the talk. Just needed to vent today, so cheers. Headsashed good to hear things are going well (bar the one argument). Butter you know how proud I am of you..See you's soon.
wilsonx Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 It’s been a long time since I posted. I hope this post helps people (especially guys). I have been through a tough year. Therapy (to help me deal with bad decisions in the past), breakups, big moves, Job insecurity. This was meant to be the year that I learnt from past mistakes; instead I probably made more. The biggest mistake over the past year was losing a girl who I really Love and I am struggling so hard with it. I find it easier to give advice, then to actually help myself (ever notice that?). In truth she had every right to leave. I was obsessive, critical of her past decisions, would open my mouth far too often without thinking, write emails the size of books. The worst thing was I kept changing my mind. One minute I would leave her go. The next, I would come crawling back. I just couldn’t stop obsessing. When things were going smoothly I’d be looking for things that were wrong. They say people that look for things wrong in their partner are afraid to turn it inwards to themselves and confront what is wrong with them. I agree with that. The one lesson I will have to learn and I will preach this on this site in the future is that if you don’t love yourself, believe in yourself and rid yourself of the insecurities that hold you back in life then you will push/hurt the people you love away. Not only that you will self destruct in the process. Many people (especially guys) don’t understand what is actually behind their behaviour. Because of this guys will push the girl they love so far away, that they will never come back. I tried like many on this site to get my ex back. I love her with all my heart BUT she lost all her faith in me. I totally see why. I told her that I loved her more than anything, but based on the past there is no guarantee that a few months later I wouldn’t have flipped back and started to push her away again. Reason being, I still hadn't resolved the things that started pushing her away in the first place. This pull-push behaviour is so detrimental. A lot of the time believe it or not, I didn’t realise I was doing it or the damage that was being caused. I see so many guys posting saying the same thing. I wanted to post this just to help one person and to be honest to help me. I want to be able to read this post, if I ever notice similar behavioural patterns in future. If you realise you love someone then lose them for the right reasons (like Mike588 being as good a man as he possibly could have been to his ex), not the wrong ones. Don’t live your life with regret (if you can avoid it). The last thing my ex said to me is that “I will never change”. I don’t agree with that. Sure I will never change enough for her, to ever trust me again. BUT we all have the power to change. We all have the power to learn the harsh lessons that life gives us and to change course in our lives. I have regrets, I’m sure many LS users do to. Can’t change that now, but we can all change the paths to our future. Listen to what our ex’s said to us. Absorb the reasons why they left. Accept their decisions with grace and dignity. Then we can start to put the building blocks in place so that you never have to live with regrets again. I have started writing a journal. In it I have put all the things that drove my ex crazy and a promise to myself to never make another girl say those things to me again. I used to me a big advocate of self help books. I know Go suck a lemon has been recommended on this site lately as well as various books on communication, self esteem and insecurities. The books can’t do any harm, but real change comes from within. A woman's heart is so beautiful, strong yet fragile. They have a capacity to love that we will never fully understand. When we are given the honor of protecting it, that is exactly what we have to do. Protect it. Everytime we hurt them unnecessarily, a little dent is left on their heart that can't be fixed. When we push them too far, we haven't protected their heart like we promised we would in the beginning. The next time (if we are lucky enough) to find love make sure we protect her heart and never give her the 'wrong' reasons to leave you..There is nothing worse then living with regret. I made a promise to myself last night. When it comes to love, the regret I have now, will be the last regrets I have in my life. Thanks for reading. I just really needed to post today.. Well said, so you want to keep making fun of my "grey" thinking or are you starting to see it? =)
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