sweetie7 Posted June 5, 2004 Posted June 5, 2004 Okay, here's my deal! My bf and I had such a wonderful relationship. We had been together for almost 3 years, pretty much since I got to college. He's 23 and I'm 21. We spent pretty much every free moment together (now I realize that was a mistake) I loved him so much but he was always a little more intense in the relationship-always talking about forever and our future...his mom called me her future daughter-in-law. This freaked me out for a while but I finally got used to it. I can definitely see myself wityh him in the future-we have the same goals, values, etc. He is the nicest, most sensitive guy and I considered myself the luckiest girl to have him. So you can imagine my surprise when he told me he wanted to break up, he didn't know what was happening to his feelings. So I went home and basically cried myself silly for 2 weeks. We had decided we couldn't handle the no-contact rule bc we couldn't go from being with each other every second to not even talking. Well, he immediately started hanging out with this other girl who I'm almost positive he doesn't really like, but I think it felt really good to him that she liked him. He called me a good amount but I didn't know if it was just bc he felt really bad for me (I know he loves me and he knew that I wasn't doing too well) So last week, I came back to school and we started hanging out a little. Eventually we started hooking up, but never without talking about how it didn't mean anything. My friend and I planned on going out the other night. My ex told me he wasn't going out and my friend told him the bar we were going to and told him not to go bc it would be weird (he told her he def. wasn't going out) Well, my friend and I get to the bar and guess who's there? He immediately goes to the bartender and gets me my fave drink. Weird. We talk a litttle and then my friend and I go off and meet tons of new people. There were 2 guys who we were def. flirting with a lot. After a while my ex's friend comes up to me and starts yelling at me about how I'm messing everything up and why do I want to throw it all away? I was like "ummm, he broke up with me...he threw it all away. should I just sit and wait for him?" He said he knew my ex wanted to get back with me and I was ruining things. Whatever. I have def. given my ex plenty of opps to take me back. So apparently his friends had to make him leave the bar bc he was talking about beating up the guys I was with (haha he's never hurt a fly!) I came out and he was outside telling my friend and I we should go back to his new apt. Then our "new guys" came out and offered to walk us home so we left arm and arm with them. I felt really bad even though I knew I shouldn't but I also knew I wanted to be with my ex. So I called him when I got home and he immediately came over and took me back to his place. We hooked up a lot that night but also cuddled a lot which hasn't happened since the breakup. The next morning we were talking about it and he was like "well you're the one who called me!" I told him I felt bad for him and he said "don't feel bad for me. I could have taken a girl home, I just have more fun with you." He brought me home and we didn't talk all yesterday. I was staying in last night but I knew he was going out. I woke up at 1 a.m. (when the bars close) and my phone was ringing-it was him. I don't even remember our convo at all bc I was sleeping but I'm wondering why he called. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has any experience with this. I can't tell if maybe he does want to get back together or maybe he was just jealous seeing me w/ other guys. I think he may have thought I would just sit at home and cry and wait for him to come back to me forever. Plus, since it's summer here, not many of my friends are around and prior to our breakup, I never went to the bars without him. Maybe he's realizing what he lost and that I might not be here when he wants to come back. I know that he really did see a future with me, he just needs to be single right now I guess. Anyone have any advice or similar stories??? Thank you! This bioard has helped me a ton over the past month.
FolderWife Posted June 5, 2004 Posted June 5, 2004 Do you want him back? If you do, don't play games. If you don't, who cares what he is thinking, right? If you want him back, ask him flat out if he wants you back. Don't lead his answer. Don't say, "I want to get back together, do you?" If he's to stupid to say, "Yes, I want you back," then move on....he had his chance. If he plays around, "do you?" tell him that is' not your decision, it's his. Tell him that you want him to be straight with you, and if he can't do that, youdon't need him wasting your time. If he says he just wants to be friends, then there's your answer. If he "just wants to be friends" then he likes the sex with you, and he doesn't want anyone else to have you either. Some friend, in my opinion.
Author sweetie7 Posted June 5, 2004 Author Posted June 5, 2004 I do want him back...I think it's hard bc we've always known that we want to be together in the future but time apart is also needed in order for us to make that commitment. But I am so afraid one of us will fall in love with someone else-I do believe there is more than one person out there for everyone. He said if it's meant to be, it will be...but I don't believe in that-I believe that in order for anything to "be" it takes some work. Things don't just happen perfectly. Anyway to answer your question-I do want him back but I don't think he's going to come back unless he realizes that I'm not sitting here waiting. Oh well...he just IMed me and told me to call him later if I'm bored...I think I'll wait for him to call me. I don't think it's really playing games-I just need him to know I'm moving on and if he wants to stop me he can.
capitald Posted June 5, 2004 Posted June 5, 2004 Our lives are a fragile thread and breaking up with someone that is that much a part of your history, that can make all the difference in how your life is going to go. All these r&b singers that sing about he is not this or this, or that or that. They brainwash us and make us think that life is about what it is not about. They are sluts, think about how much they get divorced or breakup and they are the people that we are going to relate to or go to for our ideas. Their influence is pervasive but I will not buy into their bs. All relationships go through there tough times, that is the test, not the easy times. All relationships will sometimes get boring. Conversely, expectations of perfection and ruin will go hand and hand.
FolderWife Posted June 7, 2004 Posted June 7, 2004 You SHOULD be scared that he'll fall for someone else. I had a guy that I was so much in love with dump me out of the blue, until he "got his life straightend out". I didn't wait on him...no siree! 6 months later, I was married to someone else. My mom said she used to see him around all the time, but when he found out that I was married, she never saw him again. My mom seems to think he was going to come back to me when he got a decent job and could give me what I deserved. Oh well, too little too late. I asked him if he wanted me to wait on him to "get his life straightend out," and he said he wanted me to go on with my life, and not wait on him, because he didn't know how long he'd be. He said he wanted us to be together some time in the future, but we couldn't be right now. Whatever that means If you "move on" too much, he may get the hint, and move on too.
overseas2004 Posted June 7, 2004 Posted June 7, 2004 If you do want him back then ignore what they have all said and vanish from his life. If he really cares then he will know what to do. But you are delaying any possibility of the two of you getting back together by creating all that access he has to you. Don't have the strength to no contact stuff? Well how can you have the strength to let this long saga unwind like this. Seems to me that it is better to do something that will put things straight once and for all. And I know how it is I had to do it and it sucks. But it is better for you to know now then much later in life.
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