ScreamingTrees Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 So, what's with these threads? SO, assuming that, in YOUR ideal situation, you meet someone who's perfect for you. You're totally physically attracted to them, you enjoy the same taste in music, art, you both enjoy reading or bike riding or mountain climbing or whatever, ect.. You don't see anything wrong with them. They're dressed nicely, the conversations are running smooth even though you might both be showing signs of anxiety here and there, whatever. It's all wonderful, no red flags. Why would it even be necessary to ask them irrelevant questions in regards to the HERE and NOW? Why not agree to a mutual testing for STDs if you're both interested in taking things further? Then, ONLY if their being a virgin or manslut seriously prevails over all else in your life, you ask them if they'd ever had partners before you. I'm sure there are plenty of people who wouldn't care WHAT their partner's past experiences were, s'long as they weren't carrying diseases from said partners. But, for some of you, it seems as though you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. Have too MANY partners and you're in the same sort of extreme as the guy who hasn't had any partners, despite what their situation is. Do some of you really think you'd dismiss someone you'd otherwise be all over simply because of a simple fact about them, without knowing their reasoning or situation? Do those people REALLY see life in black and white like that? Do they choose not to acknowledge the many shades of grey, even if they're there?
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I haven't been paying attention to these threads about "failure to launch" and "how many sexual partners a guy has". When will dudes learn that you should stop taking to heart things that women say? Women will say one thing but do another. Women will say a dude should be honest and not cheat and not use prostitutes and blah, blah, blah. But I've had married women, engaged women, pregnant women (some of whom are married), women with boyfriends, and recently divorced women flirt with me. I've had married women flirt with me with their toddlers right there. One girl said I was a creepy nerd. A few months later, we had out first date. Several months after that, she was demanding to know why I didn't reciprocate her love. Screaming Trees, if you keep believing everything women say, it's going to give you anxiety, and you'll probably never get laid. 2
Nightsky Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Do those people REALLY see life in black and white like that? Do they choose not to acknowledge the many shades of grey, even if they're there? Yes with some people you really can’t win. I’m more of a cleanest dirty shirt kind of guy. I don’t expect people to be “perfect.” When I find a shirt clean enough to wear I’m happy, and it's perfect! 1
Author ScreamingTrees Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 Yes with some people you really can’t win. I’m more of a cleanest dirty shirt kind of guy. I don’t expect people to be “perfect.” When I find a shirt clean enough to wear I’m happy, and it's perfect! You get that one from Kristofferson? I love that dude. Oxy, I wasn't making this thread out of desperation, I haven't encountered any women like this in my life, I was just puzzled. Most of my arguments are just for argument's sake. I have no personal stake in them, but I enjoy debating and possibly changing someone's mind for the better.
Nightsky Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 You get that one from Kristofferson? I love that dude. Well I’ve lived the cleanest dirty shirt test. It’s when you have no clean clothes so you just wear the cleanest of the clothes you’ve already worn. When I was studying for an important test a teacher also used the reference. Some times with multiple choice tests all the answers seem wrong and in that case you pick the least wrong one. (the cleanest dirty shirt)
Author ScreamingTrees Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 Well I’ve lived the cleanest dirty shirt test. It’s when you have no clean clothes so you just wear the cleanest of the clothes you’ve already worn. When I was studying for an important test a teacher also used the reference. Some times with multiple choice tests all the answers seem wrong and in that case you pick the least wrong one. (the cleanest dirty shirt) Oh, my bad, never heard it used in that context, I'd heard the phrase in a song. A damn good song, might I add.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Yes with some people you really can’t win. I’m more of a cleanest dirty shirt kind of guy. I don’t expect people to be “perfect.” When I find a shirt clean enough to wear I’m happy, and it's perfect! My question: what do you mean by winning? Do you mean winning over her mind, her heart, or her body? You get that one from Kristofferson? I love that dude. Oxy, I wasn't making this thread out of desperation, I haven't encountered any women like this in my life, I was just puzzled. Most of my arguments are just for argument's sake. I have no personal stake in them, but I enjoy debating and possibly changing someone's mind for the better. Many men on this site are desperate. Or at least it seems that way. They need to learn there isn't a way to act that will make all women stop complaining. I believe the poster known as Woggle said, "Once men realize there isn't any way to please women, they'll be much better off."
Author ScreamingTrees Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 I've come to terms with that, but I've also realized that I have more women-pleasing capabilities than I'd ever let myself believe.. I kind of want to put some of them on ignore just to avoid the negative energy so it doesn't rub off on me, but part of me enjoys the show. Does that make me a bad person?
Nightsky Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 My question: what do you mean by winning? Do you mean winning over her mind, her heart, or her body? It's a saying. It means with some people you always lose, as in you can't do things right because they'll always think its wrong. The kind of people who are too good to be a member of any club that will have them type of thing. Many men on this site are desperate. Or at least it seems that way. They need to learn there isn't a way to act that will make all women stop complaining. I believe the poster known as Woggle said' date=' "Once men realize there isn't any way to please women, they'll be much better off." [/quote'] Yes, with some people you really can’t win. I’m more of a cleanest dirty shirt kind of guy. I don’t expect people to be “perfect.” When I find a shirt clean enough to wear though I’m happy and it is perfect! You certainly can please women. It’s just that shouldn’t be your focus. People pleasers usually have the opposite effect on people they are trying to please. They are people seen as doormats and burdensome to be around rather than pleasing. That’s why you need to just live and let live. 2
Emilia Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 (edited) SO, assuming that, in YOUR ideal situation, you meet someone who's perfect for you. You're totally physically attracted to them, you enjoy the same taste in music, art, you both enjoy reading or bike riding or mountain climbing or whatever, ect.. You don't see anything wrong with them. They're dressed nicely, the conversations are running smooth even though you might both be showing signs of anxiety here and there, whatever. It's all wonderful, no red flags. The 'anxiety here and there' is not 'whatever', it is the most relevant part. A lot of us don't want to date people with social anxiety and many older virgins are virgins because their anxiety holds them back from forming fulfilling intimate relationships. I thought this was discussed in depth in the threads you were referring to. It is something you have to learn to deal with rather than complain about, no? Edited February 21, 2012 by Emilia
Queen Zenobia Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 So, what's with these threads? SO, assuming that, in YOUR ideal situation, you meet someone who's perfect for you. You're totally physically attracted to them, you enjoy the same taste in music, art, you both enjoy reading or bike riding or mountain climbing or whatever, ect.. You don't see anything wrong with them. They're dressed nicely, the conversations are running smooth even though you might both be showing signs of anxiety here and there, whatever. It's all wonderful, no red flags. Why would it even be necessary to ask them irrelevant questions in regards to the HERE and NOW? Why not agree to a mutual testing for STDs if you're both interested in taking things further? Then, ONLY if their being a virgin or manslut seriously prevails over all else in your life, you ask them if they'd ever had partners before you. I'm sure there are plenty of people who wouldn't care WHAT their partner's past experiences were, s'long as they weren't carrying diseases from said partners. But, for some of you, it seems as though you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. Have too MANY partners and you're in the same sort of extreme as the guy who hasn't had any partners, despite what their situation is. Do some of you really think you'd dismiss someone you'd otherwise be all over simply because of a simple fact about them, without knowing their reasoning or situation? Do those people REALLY see life in black and white like that? Do they choose not to acknowledge the many shades of grey, even if they're there? Honestly, I would be hesitant to date a man with a large number of partners. Not necessarily out of "judgement" of that person, but it would largely reflect a different outlook on life and sexuality. I also would be hesitant to date someone who was a virgin as well. That being said, if I were to date a man and we hit it off and I later found out he was a virgin or inexperienced or what have you, I'd most likely stick with him. This would probably not be the case with a man who had a copious amount of sexual partners. People on LS are often dealing with abstracts rather than specific examples. A nameless, faceless, nondescript "virgin" is easy to dismiss as is a nameless, faceless man-whore. When it's someone you know and have begun to care about, it's much harder to walk away. I do find it ironic that with as many problems we see on these boards between men and women, nothing gets as much visceral reaction as the topic of the number of sexual partners. It seems like this issue should be much lower on the scale of importance. 1
Author ScreamingTrees Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 The 'anxiety here and there' is not 'whatever', it is the most relevant part. A lot of us don't want to date people with social anxiety and many older virgins are virgins because their anxiety holds them back from forming fulfilling intimate relationships. I thought this was discussed in depth in the threads you were referring to. It is something you have to learn to deal with rather than complain about, no? Well, I guess it was, I was just amazed at how these people, more than half of whom have problems with themselves and other people, would care so much about someone who might APPEAR normal, BUT they'd just never had sex, which automatically makes them sub-human. That's calling the kettle black.. Anxiety and conditional nervousness aren't the same, anyway.. One is a condition, the other is something that everyone gets from time to time. Someone with anxiety likely wouldn't even bother talking to a girl, let alone hold a conversation. It's normal to be a bit uneasy, you don't know this person from adam if you're just talking for the first time. My nerves act up sometimes, but I've never had a girl shy away from me because of it, some of them actually goof up a bit here and there too, and we tease each other over it. You can't be smooth all of the time, and if you expect that, great for you. Hope that's working out for you. (It's like performing. A singer doesn't stop because she fudged a single note, and people don't dismiss her and get up because of it.) I'd learned to deal with it a long time ago, and I've never complained about it, unlike a few of the posters in some of the other threads, so I guess I just can't relate to their crazy theories.. I'm the one with the female attention, so I guess I shouldn't go out of my way to try to help someone who doesn't want to be helped. They're so negative and contradictive, it's no surprise that they wallow in their pity rather than grabbing life by the cojones. I mean, I come on here and hear about impending doom, cataclysmic weather conditions, rioting in the streets, mass murder and rape.. And yet I walk outside and it beautiful, birds are chirping, squirrels are frolicking, the sun's shining, and it's totally quiet and peaceful outside.. There's some sort of disconnect going on here.
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