angie2443 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 How do you manage to be successful at dating? How do you attract people? I hear some people say they are too tall, too short, too fat, too ugly, ect. and this is why they can't get a date. I also see and hear people that have those same supposed problems but do well at dating. I was wondering what makes the differance.
SmileFace Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 (edited) From another thread; for thge guys I'm not tall ..perhaps a 6/10 in looks: What can I control? I'm super fit...no fat on me (most girls consider 'this' good looking) I keep myself CLEAN I dress well I've never smoked or did drugs Worked hard to put myself through university Do my very best to make respect women My experience is that you have control of 95% of what your ideal woman wants in a guy. If you don't already have that 95% then start working on it today. For you younger guys...as women mature past the early 20's, the best ones aren't looking at how your straight your nose is...they're looking for a responsible potential mate. Most women are smart and, like guys, learn from their first infatuations. Having said this about us guys, women have it a bit harder. Guys are drawn mor eto looks. However, woman can still control a lot of variables...even in looks where keeping toned and fit can bump an 'average' looking gal up to near hottie status. Wouldn't every thing you just listed make you not average but above average? @The op Confidence makes the difference, it is what one the inside that matters. I am not saying physical changes don't matter. I have went from obese to reasonably fit so I am not saying improving one physical aspect won't help but that isn't the difference. It is people's attitude. Edited February 21, 2012 by SmileFace
AD1980 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Im still trying to find out,i guess you need something extra personality wise and need to find another perosn who isnt all that attratcive but its what you can get to day yes
somedude81 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I don't think successful, below average guys actually exist. Unless they are a celebrity or something. Even then that's only one in a million.
Imageiko Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 How do you manage to be successful at dating? How do you attract people? I hear some people say they are too tall, too short, too fat, too ugly, ect. and this is why they can't get a date. I also see and hear people that have those same supposed problems but do well at dating. I was wondering what makes the differance. The ones that are successful don't think they are below average, simple as that. Sure they are aware of their faults but they work on being the best with what they can control and don't waste time on ppl who look down on them for their faults. Somedude might say they are not below average and he's right, they work on themselves and have a positive attitude and outlook which breads confidence and they are below average no more. @ anybody who thinks they are below average what do you have to lose by trying something different. It's not like you're having great success where you're at now... 2
verhrzn Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 The ones that are successful don't think they are below average, simple as that. Sure they are aware of their faults but they work on being the best with what they can control and don't waste time on ppl who look down on them for their faults. Somedude might say they are not below average and he's right, they work on themselves and have a positive attitude and outlook which breads confidence and they are below average no more. @ anybody who thinks they are below average what do you have to lose by trying something different. It's not like you're having great success where you're at now... Being accused of being delusional? Pushing away people because you develop a sense of entitlement? (An ugly girl going for a super hot guy, for example.) Trying to "be the best" and finding out you're still below average?
somedude81 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Somedude might say they are not below average and he's right, they work on themselves and have a positive attitude and outlook which breads confidence and they are below average no more. @ anybody who thinks they are below average what do you have to lose by trying something different. It's not like you're having great success where you're at now... I don't know if trying something different is the key. Somehow I have to develop an irrational level of self-confidence. And unfortunately, every rejection I get actually lowers my confidence.
Imageiko Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Being accused of being delusional? Pushing away people because you develop a sense of entitlement? (An ugly girl going for a super hot guy, for example.) Trying to "be the best" and finding out you're still below average? Ugly in what sense? I think your using a generalization as a cop out. Yes if you are disfigured or you have a physical deformity your life is going to be difficult but if all you've got is low self esteem as an excuse I say quit slacking and get to work.
Leigh 87 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I am naturally below average. I was born with hideously deformed teeth, a mono brow, a long pointed nose... which looks even worse with my oval, narrow face. I grew up ugly. HOwver, with a little help, I am hot to some men. - I work out most days. - I eat try to eat healthily( - I take the BC pill, as I have severe acne without it; and with it, I have perfect skin, NO pimples what so ever. - I use fake tan and tan at the beach to get a health glow - as I have GHOST white skin naturally - I also got hair extensions and braces. My hair fell out and I looked very , very unnapealing with little to no hair. My hair is growing back, however. Although I have average to below average loos naturally, I have a GREAT SHAPED body - big butt, boobs, c curvy body a lot of guys love. SO -= I improved my facial features, and worked out; with an average face, a great shaped body, and very nice teeth and great hair, it has boosted mt up to a 7/10. My personality is fine, but the thing I focus on: is the fact I now look " hot" to a lot of guys, does not make me act like I am too good; I view every one as equals, and enjoy being NICE to every one. AFter all, I grew up ugly, and never got anywhere based on my appearance. Therefore, I have an integral value system, of treating people well, and I tend to go for average - about 6 /10 men. I feel more secure with more average men - I can seek one a with remarkable personalities, and not feel threatened as much. Where as a hot man with a wonderful personality, can get any girl he wants, and is more likely to cheat, given the endless optionms dangled around him.
counterman Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Being the best at everything else I can control. That's how I attract women.
Emilia Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Being accused of being delusional? Pushing away people because you develop a sense of entitlement? (An ugly girl going for a super hot guy, for example.) Trying to "be the best" and finding out you're still below average? All in moderation and this is where your social skills come into play. I think this is what holds you back, your lack of social skills and as a result, your lack of confidence because you don't know how to judge feedback - or you are unsure at least. If you use your socials skills you can process the constant feedback people provide (both positive and negative) to maintain the balance you need for healthy confidence (rather than show misplaced pride or arrogance)
verhrzn Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 All in moderation and this is where your social skills come into play. I think this is what holds you back, your lack of social skills and as a result, your lack of confidence because you don't know how to judge feedback - or you are unsure at least. If you use your socials skills you can process the constant feedback people provide (both positive and negative) to maintain the balance you need for healthy confidence (rather than show misplaced pride or arrogance) Hmm, this actually makes quite a bit of sense. I've always thought the whole "confidence" advice was a least a little off... It makes a lot more sense to say that "below average" people are successful not because of their confidence, but because of their social skills. They know how to correctly judge people's reactions to themselves and adjust accordingly. Thus may in turn give them confidence, but it's their social skills that build up to them and allow them to keep from overriding into the "delusional" zone. So for unsuccessful below-average attractiveness people, it's not their looks OR their confidence that's the problem, but their inherent lack of social skills. From my observations, pretty people can also have a lack of social skills, but can cover it up with the natural advantages they get by being attractive. Average- or below-average people don't have that luxury, so you just notice their "lack" of social skills more. The question is, if you lack social intelligence or charisma, how can you acquire it? It seems like social skills are notoriously difficult to teach, and very subtle to understand.
Emilia Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 The question is, if you lack social intelligence or charisma, how can you acquire it? It seems like social skills are notoriously difficult to teach, and very subtle to understand. Socialising and practice for most part. I was brought up by awkward parents and my sister is still awkward because she lived at home until 27. I left home and my own country when I was 20 and had a hard time in my 20s but managed to overcome most of the anxiety and awkwardness then. What are your circustances? Do you live at home or with your peers?
verhrzn Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Socialising and practice for most part. I was brought up by awkward parents and my sister is still awkward because she lived at home until 27. I left home and my own country when I was 20 and had a hard time in my 20s but managed to overcome most of the anxiety and awkwardness then. What are your circustances? Do you live at home or with your peers? I live alone. I've also lived abroad for about a year. I try to socialize frequently. the weird thing, I have no problem with strangers. I get along great at gathering among people I don't know... not the life of the the party, but friendly and open. It's when I try to deepen the connections into something beyond being acquaintances that I get really tripped up. In other words, I can do superficial socializing with no problem, but when it comes to showing myself, I get very awkward. I usually reveal too much, and people's signals confuse me.
Emilia Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 In other words, I can do superficial socializing with no problem, but when it comes to showing myself, I get very awkward. I usually reveal too much, and people's signals confuse me. Makes complete sense. It's easier to be superficial. How do you reveal too much? Do you talk too much or do you show your insecurities too much?
Leigh 87 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I have a great attitude; I am happy, positive,, always smiling, and make a grattitude list every day in my head, for how lucky I am to have what I do have. On the other hand - if I was as ugly, or even just average, I would not have the same opportunity with men, as I do now. I would be able to get them - but, only after we got to know each other - and because there are other great girls, just as great as me out there, who are also ATTRACTIVE...... Just saying: there are 2 or 3 girls a guy meets one week, and they are ALL amazing girls! Two are very pretty, one had a very hot body, and one of them is not attractive in the slightest; in fact, she is ugly. A guy can see if a girl is a great person and is amazing to be around, BEFORE he digs too deap.. He would likely pick the amazing, AND attractive girl. Where as, an ugly girl, if the got to know her, could turn into the most beautiful women to him! The fact is: it is way less likely for a guy to GIVE the ugly girl, a CHANCE to f all for her, if there are many attractive girls, who, on the surface, seam as awesome as the ugly girl is. THe instances where it would happen, where ugly girls end up with great attractive or average men, are when: they are great friends, and one day the hot guy or average guy realizes " WOW, this girl is the most amazing girl I have ever met, I want her to be mine" There is a lot of hope for ugly or average people, they are JUST AS HAPPY as attractive people; it is just harder to find an average looking or attractive man. They have better resumes from other girls, who are great girls, btu more sexually appealing.... If I were still ugly, or if god forbid, something happens to me that makes me ugly on the outside again, I would know that my only hope to get great AND average looking men, would be for them to become close to me first, as a friend, and for them to fall for me once they KNOW ME WELL. It is common for guys to fall for unnatractive girls, once they become great friends with them, because the PERSON makes the dude fall for them. It just only normally happens for ugly girls, after they form that close friendship with the guy, and the guy THEN goes " wow I love that girl" The personality of the uggly girl, once the guy gets close friends with them, has to be such that he just HAS to be with them, above pretty girls who also have great personalities.
counterman Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I have a great attitude; I am happy, positive,, always smiling, and make a grattitude list every day in my head, for how lucky I am to have what I do have. On the other hand - if I was as ugly, or even just average, I would not have the same opportunity with men, as I do now. I would be able to get them - but, only after we got to know each other - and because there are other great girls, just as great as me out there, who are also ATTRACTIVE...... Just saying: there are 2 or 3 girls a guy meets one week, and they are ALL amazing girls! Two are very pretty, one had a very hot body, and one of them is not attractive in the slightest; in fact, she is ugly. A guy can see if a girl is a great person and is amazing to be around, BEFORE he digs too deap.. He would likely pick the amazing, AND attractive girl. Where as, an ugly girl, if the got to know her, could turn into the most beautiful women to him! The fact is: it is way less likely for a guy to GIVE the ugly girl, a CHANCE to f all for her, if there are many attractive girls, who, on the surface, seam as awesome as the ugly girl is. THe instances where it would happen, where ugly girls end up with great attractive or average men, are when: they are great friends, and one day the hot guy or average guy realizes " WOW, this girl is the most amazing girl I have ever met, I want her to be mine" There is a lot of hope for ugly or average people, they are JUST AS HAPPY as attractive people; it is just harder to find an average looking or attractive man. They have better resumes from other girls, who are great girls, btu more sexually appealing.... If I were still ugly, or if god forbid, something happens to me that makes me ugly on the outside again, I would know that my only hope to get great AND average looking men, would be for them to become close to me first, as a friend, and for them to fall for me once they KNOW ME WELL. It is common for guys to fall for unnatractive girls, once they become great friends with them, because the PERSON makes the dude fall for them. It just only normally happens for ugly girls, after they form that close friendship with the guy, and the guy THEN goes " wow I love that girl" The personality of the uggly girl, once the guy gets close friends with them, has to be such that he just HAS to be with them, above pretty girls who also have great personalities. And that sort of great attitude is really infectious If a girl is less than average in terms of attractiveness, her personality has to be extremely bubbly, confident and overall awesome for more attractive guys to like her over a hot girl. It's a shame that most of the girls I have met who weren't attractive, also showed they were insecure about their appearance and extremely negative as well. Be confident with what you have! Takes tremendous work but it's worth it and leads to a better life.
Leigh 87 Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 I got lucky. Without money for braces, teeth whitening, and hair extensions, I would have deformed and yellow teeth and very thin baby hair. I lost it as a result of starving myself when I was younger. It is growing back, but not as thick as before. I have shorter, very, extremely thin hair now, without extensions. If left to mother nature, I would likely: have a great attitude, have guys really value my friendship: people who loved being around me. I wouls have a rich and full life, and if I was smart, I would know that being a great person myself, would attract other great people to me. One day, maybe an attractive friend of mine would admire me so much, and also have the right... chemistry, in combination with his total awe for my personality. This is how ugly people get attractive people. The underlying chemical attraction, whatever that is, has to match; and they have to fall in love with your personality.... You will be the most beautiful person to them BUT THEY WILL be able to see, that your still not pleasant to look at, in terms of facial featuers, symmetry, etc... They will still rather be with you than any girl on the planet; u will turn them on... but they will still see u as a person who is attractive to them ( BEAUTIFULto them), but that does not have the phycical capacity, to attract many other guys..... There is a lot of hope for ugly or average people; but they have to go for guys in their league or normally lower, for the guy to realise that he has to consider all girls, as they cannot exacgtly snag the hotties easily. Furthermore, for a person who is not physicall appealing to look at, they will not be instantly hot or beautiful to many others, particularly hot men who get gorgeous looking women. Instead, average or ugly people, are only viewed as beautiful, through their insides; not from their outward appearance, upon their first interaction with people. They will be just as happy as beautiful people in a relationship, IF they accept the reality; they willnot be viewed as a hottie or as beautiful PHSYCIALLY speaking, to many people. The people who will fall in love with them, WILL find them genuinely as beautiful a a victoria secret mmodel; BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY.
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