SJC2008 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Things seem to be progressing with the girl I'm dating. Sooner or later I'm sure the ex's convo will come up and from what I've read here it seems that the majority of women don't like inexperience. So far I've put on an oscar performance! lol. If she asks me about my last r, there's nt way I can tell her that I slipped through the cracks and have never had an official gf. I was thinking on making up a "story" about a recent ex. I'm a very honest person and I HATE to lie. I don't want to be single the rest of my life so I may have to if things progress. Opinions please!
ditzchic Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 DO NOT lie to her. If you have any respect for her at all, don't do it. Just tell her the truth and trust that she is a decent enough person to still be interested in you. Inexperience in itself is not always a dealbreaker to every woman. Lying is for 99% of women. Just tell her the truth. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 How old are you? How much experience do you really have?
xpaperxcutx Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 LS women do not represent the 99% out there. Each woman is different and if she's open enough to accept that you haven't had an ex before, major points to her that she's a keeper. It's not about experiences anyways, it's about how you treat a girl and how you make a relationship work. Again you live and learn but you have to start somewhere.
laotzu Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Lie - tell her you've dated on and off throughout life with one serious-ish relationship quite a while ago, and you don't really talk to your exes. This assumes you're around the ~28yr old range or something. If young twenties, you're okay to not lie. 1
Author SJC2008 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 I'm 30, I've bascally had 2 sexual experiences in my life, one of them being actual sex. There are a number of factors that have played into this. Too many to go into detail but I'll give a few. Massive shyness, which caused my 1st gf (1 mo at age 17 so doesn't count in my book) to dump me and tell everyone where I worked that I wasn't a man. That on top of being shy/having low self esteem pretty much bottomed me out. Couple that with having family probs that were more of a priority and some bad luck, time flys by and I might as well be a 30 year old v. I've worked on myself so hard and am proud of it but I don't want to scare a woman off. Lets face it, I have heard of 30 year olds who have never had a gf but we are a very small minority.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I'm 30, I've bascally had 2 sexual experiences in my life, one of them being actual sex. There are a number of factors that have played into this. Too many to go into detail but I'll give a few. Massive shyness, which caused my 1st gf (1 mo at age 17 so doesn't count in my book) to dump me and tell everyone where I worked that I wasn't a man. That on top of being shy/having low self esteem pretty much bottomed me out. Couple that with having family probs that were more of a priority and some bad luck, time flys by and I might as well be a 30 year old v. I've worked on myself so hard and am proud of it but I don't want to scare a woman off. Lets face it, I have heard of 30 year olds who have never had a gf but we are a very small minority. Just say you dated around but nothing serious. Really not a big issue.
Author SJC2008 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 I don't have gf exp but I have life exp and relationship exp family wise. We've all had arguments with our partents, siblings and friends. I don't see a difference (for the most part) in having an argument with an so. I mean you are who you are. If you're never wrong, you're probably like that with EVERYONE. If you are manipulative your're probably like that with everyone. Now if I decide to tell the truth, should I wait for her to bring it up?
InJest Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 How long have you been seeing this woman, and how far have you gone sexually with her?
Author SJC2008 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 Let's say not long, we haven't had sex and that's what I'm afraid of, not the sex but blowing my cover. I know what to do of course but I know I won't last long and that's going to be embarrassing a hell. Not trying to be vulger but it's a legitimte concern.
ditzchic Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Let's say not long, we haven't had sex and that's what I'm afraid of, not the sex but blowing my cover. I know what to do of course but I know I won't last long and that's going to be embarrassing a hell. Not trying to be vulger but it's a legitimte concern. Not lasting long on your first time with a particular woman has nothing to do with experience.... It's universal. I've had it happen with very experienced men. Hell it hasn't even always been their first time with me. And if she has any kind of experience she knows this. And if she likes you she'll give it another go with you. Don't worry. Make sure you wear a condom, that'll help desensitize you a little. And masturbate the day of. You'll be fine.
make me believe Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Not lasting long on your first time with a particular woman has nothing to do with experience.... It's universal. I've had it happen with very experienced men. Hell it hasn't even always been their first time with me. And if she has any kind of experience she knows this. And if she likes you she'll give it another go with you. Don't worry. Make sure you wear a condom, that'll help desensitize you a little. And masturbate the day of. You'll be fine. This is true, and also good advice about the condom & masturbating earlier in the day. SJC if this girl has been spending time with you and starting to get sexual with you (are you guys making out, touching each other yet?) then she likes you and she would be MUCH more disturbed by a lie than the truth. You definitely do not need to go into detail, but if she asks about your relationship history, just tell her you've dated around a bit but between spending time on your family problems and not meeting the right girl yet, you havent had a serious long term relationship. PLEASE don't make up a story about an ex. If she's around your age (mid-20s or older), then I doubt she'll pry for details or demand information from you. Most young people do that, but as people get older they learn that they don't need (or want) to know every detail about their partner's past. So if a 30 yr old guy told me that he'd dated off & on in the past (and I think you should say this even if it's kind of an exaggeration) but hadn't met the right girl yet so hadn't had any serious relationships, I would think "oh ok" and not press him to tell me more. And if she asks you about a specific number of sexual partners... honestly just tell her you prefer not to discuss exact numbers because it doesn't matter. Maybe tell her you can count the # on one hand and that you don't participate in casual, NSA sex.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Lie - tell her you've dated on and off throughout life with one serious-ish relationship quite a while ago, and you don't really talk to your exes. This assumes you're around the ~28yr old range or something. If young twenties, you're okay to not lie. Yes, you should lie. Tell her you've had a few serious relationships that have lasted years and other shorter relationships. I'm thinking one of the reasons why the OP is so inexperienced with chicks is because he's been too honest and afraid to lie.
Author SJC2008 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 So far it's mostly tell the truth with a few saying lie. I'm man enough to tell her but from my exp women freak out easily. My 1st gf at 17 basically said I wasn't "man enough for her", she was 16!. So at 30 I'm supposed to tell a 32 year old woman "By the way, I've never had a gf". At this age she'd never suspect that unless I did something blatant. Do yall remember the thread where 4-6 months in a woman found out she was her 24 year old bf's 1st gf? Hell "his lack of a past is a turn off" was the TITLE or something like that. I gotta get the ball rolling if I ever want to have an officiial gf. I'm about 85% over my shyness and have asked out 4 women in person in the last year and 2 women have offered me their #'s on their own so that tells me my comfort level is way better. This is a hard one. Like the title says......
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 You don't need to "lie" per say, just sort of embellish the truth. You have some experience so just kind of say you dated around but never anything serious because you were busy building your life or becoming a more mature person.
Author SJC2008 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 (edited) @Oxy: I've never told a woman I had no exp. The summary in the OP is pretty much what happened but most of it was due giving up after about 22/23, the age when it started to really bother me. I didn't think about women much (in the why can't I get a gf sense) after that up until about a year ago. Since the I've been on a mission to work on myself. Edited February 21, 2012 by SJC2008 punctuation/clarification
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