zengirl Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 ZenG, thanks for the insight. One, I've had on many occasions slept over at a guy's place when it's gotten really late, and impossible for me to get home. While that gives a bad impression, I can say that I have merely done so to crash at their place, not to sleep with them. I have done my fair share of cock blocking and if ultimately, they think I'm a tease, that's their problem. Usually I end up never seeing them again or I find we're just not compatible. Two, I've been in that situation where I've liked someone so much that I constantly texted them, so I know the position he is in. I can tell he really likes me, going so far as to cancel work just to spend the day with me. However his straightforwardness with expressing his attractions towards is making me uncomfortable. As my girlfriend has said, he lacks tact when it comes to his emotions. He has the puppy eyes look of a guy ready to fall in love, and it's really scaring me. Three, were it not for the weight gain and the bait-and-switch with the online pictures I think there's potential for a relationship. He has qualities in him that makes him the perfect boyfriend- he has strong family values and is very respectful. He is the first guy I have came across since my last breakup that I consider relationship material ( and i've only had two serious relationships). So yes, I like him, but I'm just not physically attracted to the " current" him. The current him is him! I don't see the point in winding yourself in knots about pictures or texts or puppy dog eyes when the real problem is you're not attracted to him. Forget his "good on paper" qualities if you're not attracted to him. That way lies only heartache, for both of you.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 The current him is him! I don't see the point in winding yourself in knots about pictures or texts or puppy dog eyes when the real problem is you're not attracted to him. Forget his "good on paper" qualities if you're not attracted to him. That way lies only heartache, for both of you. Well if he had to lie to get me to go out with him, obviously he's not happy with the " current" him. I think that's the low blow that makes me angry about this whole thing. You're right, I can't force what isn't there. It's not going to work.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I don't know..250 at 6'0, that's a lot of beef..to be ripped you've gotta be a hellvua muscular dude at that weight not to carry excess fat. I'm 6'1 215-220lbs, I think I'm big enough any bigger I'd start carrying fat on me in the legs, more in the belly and everywhere else. I've got a swimmers type body with the broad shoulders and back too...with slender hips...which aren't so slender at this point without losing a a few more pounds. So I don't know, to me and knowing other guys that weight (working out with them and playing sports) that's fat even if carried well with clothes on unless he's like juiced up buff practically. Anyway, I think sleeping in his bed was a very bad move...even If you didn't sleep with him or were intimate. I mean who does that really though? I've never been in that situation myself, I always get the "I never do this" or "I've never done this before so fast" which honestly kinda makes me eyeroll because you don't just end up in a mans bed or yours, naked by accident. But not even naked or having some intense make-out session? what do you exactly want or find appealing with this guy? And why sleep with him in his bed? You do realize that now all he's thinking about you in his bed, the guy is probably sniffing his pillows and blankets for your scent! And now all he can think about you is you back in his bed, which to him you just being there is a good sign. You set yourself up for a big cluster **** in his own mind, I can see him posting on LS already.. "I went out with this girl, we ended up back at my place, laid in bed but nothing happened but she still spent the night so she's into me right? I think we hit it off and I've been excited and contacting her every day, hopefully we'll meet soon. Do you think she's into me? am I contacting her too much? will she get back to me?" I think If anything you should have just slept on the couch If you really had to. Would seem misleading to me, but since I know how women are for me I wouldn't be surprised...but then again I've never just slept next to some woman that I went on a date with but nothing really happened. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 MMe I get what you are saying. But I was adamant that he slept on his side and I on mine. We even made a promise on his mother's life that he was going to behave. That for him was particulary personal since coming from an Italian background, his mom is very important to him. It's not really pertinent, but I don't think you actually did get what I was saying. Sleeping in the bed, promising on somebody's mother's life, all of that is really out of place for a first meet. Sexual stuff completely aside. You brought an intimacy into the "relationship" (which it isn't, even) that was / is completely out of place. Even if you don't understand why, please don't do this any more. No sleepovers unless you really want to sleep with the guy, and know that you want to, and that it's a good idea for you. Okay?
somedude81 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 IMO, sleeping in a guys bed because it's too late to go home and refusing to do anything with him (and making him swear that he wouldn't try anything) is taking advantage of him. 1. I think it's a big mistake to even sleep at a guys place when you have no intention of sleeping with him. It being too late to go home is not an excuse. You're an adult, keep track of the time and know when to go. 2. If you messed up with 1 and you are sure you don't want to do anything with him, sleep on the couch or a blow-up mattress.
zengirl Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Well if he had to lie to get me to go out with him, obviously he's not happy with the " current" him. I think that's the low blow that makes me angry about this whole thing. You're right, I can't force what isn't there. It's not going to work. Why get so angry? It was a first date, and it didn't work out. The picture swap is lame, sure, but it's not worth all this energy. I don't get the attachment to the situation at all since you hardly know this guy and just aren't interested.
somedude81 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I'd also like to mention that it's just really risky sleeping in a guys bed when you don't want to do anything. What are you going to do if he decides to change his mind?
KathyM Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 250 lbs. is really way too big for a 6' guy. If he can't control his weight while dating, if you ever were to marry him, he'd probably get even fatter. While it sounds like he has some other nice qualities, if weight is important to you, I'd say it's best to drop this guy right now. Don't lead him on. That would be setting him up for a heartbreak when someone better does come along, and not a kind thing to do to him. Just let him know you're not feeling he's right for you, without giving him a direct reason why, and turn down his interest. That would be the fair thing to do for him. If you were never having any success in finding a date, that would be different. I'd say you should give the guy a chance, since someone better is not likely to come around. But that is not your situation, so let the guy go before his feelings for you become too much.
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