Titania22 Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Hey Guys, In the spirit of documenting my journey and being accountable, let it be known that yesterday I went to the hardware shop and just after I left I again spoke to an absolute stranger with the view of asking him out. Letting it also be known, that although I don't know the subject name, I figure he had to at least be in his 30's. But I am kind of kicking myself that I didn't ask him his age for record keeping purposes. Me: Hi Him: Hey Me: You wouldn't happen to be single would you? (or some variation of this sentence) Him: No, sorry. ... (smiling) But thankyou, thankyou. Me: Well I had to ask or I wouldn't know. Him: Thankyou Maybe this is the ultimate reason to keep attempting to ask guys out, they seem to get such a lift from it. 3
xpaperxcutx Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Oh lol. I like making guys get all flustered and bothered.
Author Titania22 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Oh lol. I like making guys get all flustered and bothered. That's because you are a bad girl papercut.
grkBoy Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Love the initiative. It does suck that a woman can inquire about a man's "status"...but if a man does that he would be labeled "creepy", "stalker", or some other derogatory term. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Love the initiative. It does suck that a woman can inquire about a man's "status"...but if a man does that he would be labeled "creepy", "stalker", or some other derogatory term. You know what though, who cares? When I decide to get back out there I'm going to inquire about women's statuses deliberately. If I look like a creep, good for me! 1
grkBoy Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 You know what though, who cares? When I decide to get back out there I'm going to inquire about women's statuses deliberately. If I look like a creep, good for me! I agree with you in all honesty. Better to try than make excuses. I'm just more displaying an inherent differences between the genders. Granted you hear more of "crazy guy victimizes woman" over "crazy woman victimizes guy"...so it speaks why women seem more on the defensive when strangers approach.
Author Titania22 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Well he was visiting the hardware store, and in his 30's at least (so far as I could tell), so it was reasonable to me, that he there was a good chance he wasn't single. If I had just asked him out, it seemed more likely that he would accept even being in a relationship. By front footing the question, he would have had to outright lie in order to cheat, rather then lie by omission which is easier. I have to think of these things if I am doing the approaching.
elfling Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Love the initiative. It does suck that a woman can inquire about a man's "status"...but if a man does that he would be labeled "creepy", "stalker", or some other derogatory term. I haven't noticed this double standard. Do you have examples to back this up?
Feelin Frisky Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Gee, the "hardware" shop. Makes sense in a poetic sort of way. 5
kaylan Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 haha...OP what you did was very cute. I smiled a lot reading it. Oh man I couldnt imagine being that guy. Its always so embarrassing (in a good way) when a female you dont know hits on you. The rarity of this situation really puts guys on the spot sometimes haha. Id have the gooooffiest smile on my face.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 That's because you are a bad girl papercut. Right backatcha Lady T.
SmileFace Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Gosh I should have done this to the guy I was eye stalking in the coffee shop today. Good job
Author Titania22 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 Gosh I should have done this to the guy I was eye stalking in the coffee shop today. Good job It's hard the first time (I had to really force myself last october when I first wlked up to a complete stranger and asked him out.) But now it is getting easier. But of the reason is, guys are so nice about rejecting girls, they make it seem like they are flattered and/or feel bad. Now it is getting that i feel so long as a guy is alone, i have no problems having a go. People on here gave me lots of feedback after my first try in october, and I always just try to remember what I have learnt and use it appropriately. First and foremost is that on ls guys have said it's the nice guys who won't approach and the doucebags who will, so I figure I have much better odds on stumbling across a nice guy if i do the asking. Good luck smileface, and remember rejection gets easier to deal with.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Unfortunately attractive heterosexual employed males in their 30's are usually taken already. And what of the eligible metrosexual males in their 30s?
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I thought Titania was gonna get herself an escort...?
Author Titania22 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 I thought Titania was gonna get herself an escort...? You're like 3 threads behind Oxy, better get busy and catch up.
Andy_K Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Good effort. I think most guys will be flattered, even if not interested or not available. Personally, I can count the number of times I've been approached that directly on one hand. After using said hand to juggle with unshielded food processors.
Author Titania22 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 On a slightly different note, I feel the need to communicate something. Last month at my philosophy group this young guy came along, and he sat next to me for the philosophy stuff, and afterwards when we all go downstairs for dinner, I told him I would save him a seat. My much older friend was there, and she is very talkative and energetic. When it was time to leave I gave both a lift to the train station, and she was still talking really quickly non stop and bouncing around (she knew I was interested in him and tried to be helpful, even saying i was 30, when you guys all know i am older then that). And at one point the guy looks at us and exclaims "you're cougars" in an almost horrified way. When I stop the car, he jumped out as quick as he could and that was that. So a couple days ago I noticed he didn't rsvp for tonight philosophy gathering, so i emailed him through the meet up site, basically saying (girlfriends name) was not going to be there and don't stay away on account of me, i promise not to bother him. So tonight, he turned up came right over to be where I was, and we ended up sitting next to each other again for the philosophy part, and sat together at dinner too. I just think it is cool that i sent him a message and he turned up. I am not jumping to any conclusions about his interest level.
Eclypse Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 On a slightly different note, I feel the need to communicate something. Last month at my philosophy group this young guy came along, and he sat next to me for the philosophy stuff, and afterwards when we all go downstairs for dinner, I told him I would save him a seat. My much older friend was there, and she is very talkative and energetic. When it was time to leave I gave both a lift to the train station, and she was still talking really quickly non stop and bouncing around (she knew I was interested in him and tried to be helpful, even saying i was 30, when you guys all know i am older then that). And at one point the guy looks at us and exclaims "you're cougars" in an almost horrified way. When I stop the car, he jumped out as quick as he could and that was that. So a couple days ago I noticed he didn't rsvp for tonight philosophy gathering, so i emailed him through the meet up site, basically saying (girlfriends name) was not going to be there and don't stay away on account of me, i promise not to bother him. So tonight, he turned up came right over to be where I was, and we ended up sitting next to each other again for the philosophy part, and sat together at dinner too. I just think it is cool that i sent him a message and he turned up. I am not jumping to any conclusions about his interest level. I couldn't help but chuckle he probably doesn't mind the attention, no guy would! It's awesome to see females being so proactive, makes for such a welcome change. Keep up the good work!
Emilia Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Love the initiative. It does suck that a woman can inquire about a man's "status"...but if a man does that he would be labeled "creepy", "stalker", or some other derogatory term. That's because of the crucial difference between men and women: men are stronger and have a penis, women are weaker and don't have a penis therefore can't cause much damage nor intimidation. Come on, you know how this works.
Emilia Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 So tonight, he turned up came right over to be where I was, and we ended up sitting next to each other again for the philosophy part, and sat together at dinner too. I just think it is cool that i sent him a message and he turned up. I am not jumping to any conclusions about his interest level. He is a cool person even if he isn't interested but you are right, he might be.
grkBoy Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I haven't noticed this double standard. Do you have examples to back this up? How many woman get raped, physically abused, beaten, etc. by men compared to men getting raped, physically abused, beaten, etc. by women? How many occasions do we hear of woman asking man out, they date a few times, get into a RL, and then she flips and turns into a monster? Usually it's the man asking her out, romancing her, then later turning into the monster. I'm not saying it doesn't happen to men by women...but I am saying it seemingly happens MORE to women by men. Thus with all of this happening around us, it makes things clear (at least to me) why it seems women are more on the defensive when a total stranger approaches them in a store. Men generally get approached by a female stranger, and they'll first ask themselves if she's hot enough to go further with or reject on the spot. Some also can't handle the gender role reversal and thus reject no matter how "amazing" this woman is (and those guys are idiots in my book). ANYWAY...we're jumping on a tangent. I hope Titania keeps up the initiative and lands herself Mr. Right. I know if an attractive woman approached me, I'd give things a shot...take a chance...etc.
serial muse Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 You know what though, who cares? When I decide to get back out there I'm going to inquire about women's statuses deliberately. If I look like a creep, good for me! I actually don't think it's a bad approach...doesn't strike me as inherently creepy at all. It reminds me of a time when I was working retail a while back and a guy approached me in the store. He asked me a couple of job-related questions, and then paused and said "by the way, you wouldn't be single, would you?" (I wasn't.) I said no, but with a smile. And he responded really well - he said something like "oh well, I figured you couldn't be!" Made my day. Not creepy at all.
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