lovelylashes Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Me and my ex have been broken up for a while now. I have always been upfront with him about how much I want him back and how much I loved him. The last few days he has acted like he feels the same but when I suggest meeting up he always has an excuse as to why he cant. Deep down I know if he really wanted to see me nothing would stop him. Is he just keeping me as a back up plan incase nothing better comes along. Or is he using the fact that im still in love with him just to play with my head.
Bito Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 If you are in contact and he is playing hot and cold he does not want you. Go no contact. If he really wants you he will make it happen. Otherwise your just on his string...
Author lovelylashes Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 If you are in contact and he is playing hot and cold he does not want you. Go no contact. If he really wants you he will make it happen. Otherwise your just on his string... I was planning to go NC then out of the blue he texts me and I feel like im back to square one. When he texts me I cant seem to ignore him. But he really does blow hot and cold. One minute he is lovely the next he can be so abrupt in his texts which makes me feel like ive said the wrong thing.
jus d'orange Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 You need to see that he's just using you for his ego, whether he knows he is or not. Definitely agree about the 100% NC thing... You don't want him necessarily, you want a good, loving relationship (eventually) and a strength sense of self-respect. Neither of these things can come out of having someone treat you like this. Stand up for yourself so you can look yourself in the eye and be proud of what you've done. Maybe someday he'll realize he was wrong and come crawling back, but that couldn't happen unless you'd taken yourself out of this situation and regained control of your own happiness. And even then, would you still want someone back who treated you like this? Just to reiterate... go No Contact and start living your own life without him!
blotter Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 You two are broken up, why aren't you in No Contact? Yes, most guys will keep you on the side if your dumb enough to stay there. I mean he gets to do whatever he wants and then all he has to do is throw you a bone to keep you interested, why wouldn't he do it, it's so easy. Your best bet would be to go NC, move on, and if he contacted you seriously in the future about getting back together you could take it from there.
Author lovelylashes Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Thats the thing though, I should think I can do so much better than being someones second choice but it comes down to confidence and self esteem (or a lack of). And when he texts me it makes me feel a bit better about myself because I know hes thinking about me, which is a big boost for me. God help me im pathetc arent i. But yeah I am going to do the NC and try my hardest to ignore him. Thanks for the advice, its very much appreciated :)
rach24680 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I know how you feel, my boyfriend always used me abd wanted me back after i broke up with him. See the pattern? men want people when its useful for them, and this guy of yours seems like he knows ur hanging on his every word. Go get ur girls and go find someone whol treat u great!!
M2155 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 If I have learned anything from this board, breaking up-getting dumped particularly is a real test of self-esteem. If you are truly confident in yourself and have the faith that someone who truly deserves you is looking for you too, you should probably say "his loss" and never look back. In reality, that's easier said than done and not sure anyone is that confident. Its really hard not to cave into what is comfy, associated with good times or makes you feel like someone is thinking/caring about you. But the reality is he is not keeping you as a backup plan...you are. As long as you continue to respond like you're there waiting to be second choice, he knows he can treat you as such. Take this time to disappear and really reflect and realize your value, let him chase if he realizes he messed up. It's his loss;)
Author lovelylashes Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 I know how you feel, my boyfriend always used me abd wanted me back after i broke up with him. See the pattern? men want people when its useful for them, and this guy of yours seems like he knows ur hanging on his every word. Go get ur girls and go find someone whol treat u great!! Men are all the same, they want what they cant have and when they have it they take us for granted thinking we will always be there. In my situation I am always there whenever he wants me. Recently though ive acted like im less interested and obviously this has made him more interested, ugh I hate all the mind games. Ur rite tho I feel like a girls night out is on the cards for me
Author lovelylashes Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 If I have learned anything from this board, breaking up-getting dumped particularly is a real test of self-esteem. If you are truly confident in yourself and have the faith that someone who truly deserves you is looking for you too, you should probably say "his loss" and never look back. In reality, that's easier said than done and not sure anyone is that confident. Its really hard not to cave into what is comfy, associated with good times or makes you feel like someone is thinking/caring about you. But the reality is he is not keeping you as a backup plan...you are. As long as you continue to respond like you're there waiting to be second choice, he knows he can treat you as such. Take this time to disappear and really reflect and realize your value, let him chase if he realizes he messed up. It's his loss;) Everything you have said makes complete sense, I think exactly the same and I always say to myself his loss, im over him. Then I get the text and all that goes out of the window and before I know it im right back where I started. I have absolutley zero confidence and I know if I did have self esteem his ass would have been forgotten about a long long time ago. So I just need to concentrate on myself and try and value myself more. Thank you for the advice,:)
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