fluffy Posted June 5, 2004 Posted June 5, 2004 About six months ago, my boyfriend (my first love, my first everything) started acting really strange...He would not visit me as often as before an he would be moody. I asked him about this and he told me that he had financial problems as well as family issues. I believed him because he started looking pale, tired and even lost weight (about 7 pounds). But then he changed even more, he was rude and he wouldn´t answer sometimes when i called him. He even told me that he wanted to take a break, because he didn´t wanted to worry about me, because he had soooo much work and problems that he didn´t had time or money to have a girlfriend. Something inside me made me wonder, so i asked if he was cheating on me. I said "if you have met someone new please tell me and you will never listen from me again, which is apparently what you want". He said he wasn´t, that he hadn´t met anybody and that he loved me. So we stayed together. I put up with a lot of things he did to me, mostly because i believed him and was truly worried about him. Then one day he gave me a letter where he said it would be better for us to brake up, so he could put some order in his life and revalorate all the things that i did for him. He assured me that he loved me, that i was the most important person of his life, and that the dream that we once had (you know...the one of getting married, kids, etc.) was still there. I agreed, because i taught that he needed some space. Although we weren´t together anymore i talked with him every day because i didn´t wanted to leave him completely alone when he was having all that trouble. I taught that if i left him, then when he was ok he would resent that i wasn´t there with him when he needed me the most. So i stick around. Everything was like before, only that we never saw each other anymore. But then one Saturday i called him to see how he was doing, and he didn´t answer me, so i insisted. Finally, about two hours later a women answered, i asked who she was, thinking that it was his sister. She told me she was his girlfriend!!!!! I was in shock but i asked her since when they have been together and she told me that 6 months. i was crushed. still, i asked her to put him on the phone, because i believed that i deserved an explanation. When he answered he acted as if we had broken up since 8 months ago and even asked me to tell his new girlfriend that we weren´t together anymore. I was like "no way, you know that isn´t true" but he insisted. Then he even said "if you love me as much as you say, please talk to her and tell her that we had been having problems since last year" Finally i agreed (obviously i wasn´t gonna do it, but i said yes so i had another chance to talk to her and tell her the truth) I taught i would talked to her on the phone, but then he hanged up. Around 4:30 in the morning, i started listening to some noises on my window, so i went down and saw he was there. He told me that she was outside and that she wanted to talk to me...she was in my house!!!!!!! I went to talk to her and i told her all the truth. It turns out that he had like a double life...on valentines day he was with me first, and then with her. He gave us the same gifts!!!! The same with his birthday, and almost every weekend. She and i yelled at him and asked him how could he have done that...he said he didn´t knew why. She left and afterwards he left two. You can imagine how i felt, it was like my whole life was like over, and i felt like i was on the Twilight Zone, because i would never NEVER would have imagined that he would do something like that. I called him the next Tuesday (which would have been our 4th year anniversary) and asked him why. He said he didn´t knew, he was confused, but that he taught he still loved me. I listen to him and said that he had made a big big mistake...he agreed. I also told him than despite everything i couldn´t hate him, because all the good things we lived together. I tried to be nice to him so that he would realize what a huge mistake he had made and what a big loss he would have. We hang up in good terms...and that was it...we haven´t talked for 12 days. Although he was a jerk i still miss him a lot, and i wish with all my heart that he would call me one of this days, just to now that he misses me too, and that he regrets what he did. And although i would never get back with him, it is killing me that maybe he worked things out with her and that now he is happy with her. Sorry for this looooong post, but i needed to vent.... i know i am pathetic, but i miss him sooo much. And i DON´T want him to be with her...i just don´t.
FolderWife Posted June 5, 2004 Posted June 5, 2004 If they did work things out....they aren't happy. She'll never trust him, and he'll be miserable, because she'll be watching him 24/7. I figure if she had any brains (and since he liked her, she's probably a lot like you, so she does) then she doesn't have anything to do with him. Don't worry over what he's doing, or who he's with. If they are together now, they are definatley going to break up some day...then she'll have heartache all over again, and so will he.
Author fluffy Posted June 5, 2004 Author Posted June 5, 2004 Oh Monday, i hope you are right and that if they are together they are unhappy. Don´t get me wrong, despite everything he did i do want him to be happy, ...eventually...just not with her. Anyway, thank you for your words, they meant a lot to me...i just wish i could get him out of my head, cause he is all i think about 24/7... I know you are right i shouldn´t worry about what he is doing, but i would really really like to know if he thinks of me or misses me at all, just knowing that would make me feel better.
princess rose Posted June 5, 2004 Posted June 5, 2004 Oy My God, Fluffy: I saw the title of this thread and had to read it, due to the fact that it sounded like what I am going through. My boyfriend left me just recently after 4 years (read ex drama thread for details). The short version is that he left to pursue a girl who left him ten years ago, and when they last spoke, at least 3 years ago, she told him he was unstable, but he's still after her, so be it. He'll probably be back around soon enough. I feel bad for both you and that girl, because, from what you posted, he played both of you. A guy like that will never be able to have a monogamous, healthy relationship until they work out their issues. The fact that he toyed with your emotions hurts I'm sure, but he did you a favor, because now you see what kind of man he really is. Be strong, take care of yourself, and don't give him the satisfaction of keeping your good heart. PM me if you wanna talk.
smudge Posted June 6, 2004 Posted June 6, 2004 i know exactly what you mean! it would be "ok" to you especially if it did NOT work out between those two--because she is the third party in the triangle. if now it was with someone else that would be better due to the neutrality, if you will. i have been through something similar, except they apparently stayed together because of finances, occasional long distance and codependence due to her young age, in my opinion, and i was shocked when i heard they were still together after 1.5 year period. i somehow thought there's no way it could work between them, but how i was in a bit of a shock that they could make it work. but who knows?? even if they are "together" you have no idea if your ex and this girl aren't screwed up and living together in misery and resentment. and if they are "happy" which i doubt ( i mean how could she ever have trust again?) then know that you will get something even better out there! that's what i have to beleive...karma comes. good luck to you.
Author fluffy Posted June 7, 2004 Author Posted June 7, 2004 Princess rose: I tried to PM you but wasn´t able to do it. Did you disabled your PM service? Anyway, i just wanted to know what have you decided to do regarding your ex (i read "ex drama"), and i hope that you can give me some update. Smudge: It would definitely be better for me if those two weren´t together. You are right; if it was someone new it wouldn´t be as difficult for me. I just wish i knew!!!! Also i am just really really anxious wondering if he misses me or at least thinks about me... I would give everything to be in his head for 5 minutes to find out what he is thinking and felling...Oh well, i guess that is not an option. But what do you think? Is it possible to forget someone so fast after 4 years together, even if you are with someone new??
princess rose Posted June 7, 2004 Posted June 7, 2004 Hi Fluffy: Princess Rose here. I don't think my PM is disabled, but is there an e-mail address I can reach you at to discuss this matter further? Do you have PM?
Author fluffy Posted June 9, 2004 Author Posted June 9, 2004 Today i am soooooo sad... i miss my x really really bad Even after everything he did to me, i just wish i could listen to his voice, see how he is doing... i would never get back with him even if he begged me to (but of course he won´t, i think he doesn´t cares about me anymore) but i miss so much his friendship, his company. He understood me like no one else, and i miss that, i miss talking to him every night. I don´t even miss being with him, cause in the last months we barely saw each other, but i miss talking to him, the laughs, the "how was your day today" ... Urghhh!! losing your boyfriend and your best friend at the same time sucks!!
waitingfordecember Posted June 11, 2004 Posted June 11, 2004 I'd like to form something like a "First Wive's Club" where angry exes (male or female) can team together, support eachother and erect revenge upon their exes.
Author fluffy Posted June 11, 2004 Author Posted June 11, 2004 So i made the huge mistake (well i don´t know if it was wrong or not because at least i found out) to send my ex bf a text message that only said "how r u" and thats it. I send it to him on Wednesday at 3:29 PM. No answer. The next day, yesterday, at 3:32 PM he called me and said: "Can you do something for me please? stop calling and sending me messages, because my WIFE saw the message and got all mad at me" Oh my god!!! What is he saying?? he got married??!! I asked "what??? you are married?? since when??" He said it has been 15 days. So this means that he got married the day after we had our last conversation, the one where he said he was so confused and that he taught he still loved me.... How could he get married? i mean he has been 22 years old for less than a month, he has no money, he only got a high school degree...where are they going to live, i mean, come on, this doesn´t makes any sense... And besides he has known this women for less than 5 months, in 5 months he fell so deeply in love with her while he was still with me, so he decided to marry her after what he said, was a carefully taken decision. I am still in shock. I mean, i wasn´t planning to get back with him EVER, but this, this was like the final punch to my already broken heart. To think that a month ago he gave me that letter where he said that he still wanted to be with me in the future... I just don´t know, i feel so sick. The only thing that gives me a little comfort is that they have been married for only 16 days and that i had caused them some trouble already, after a simple "how r u"...That isn´t supposed to happen...when you get married you have to be so sure that your husband loves you that you don't have to worry about the ex gf right? And know i know that both of them are thinking about me. I really believe that they aren´t happy, and i have a feeling that they would never be... waiting for december: i am in
faux Posted June 11, 2004 Posted June 11, 2004 I don't understand why people have to mention the length of time they were with someone before things went wrong. I tend to notice that the time makes little difference in any situation. It is either "too soon" or "we were together for this long, so this should not happen". The amount of time a relationship has existed for has no impact on when it is going to end, or when someone is going to be unfaithful. That was definitely an interesting story, but I think you are foolish for wanting to still talk to this man. It is obvious he used you and cannot be trusted, yet you still long for him to speak with you. You say he could do nothing to get you back, but the fact that you are stringing yourself along and pining for his attention tells me... That you would easily go back to him in a heart beat, whether you believe it is the right thing to do or not. It is best to remember what happened with this man and move along quickly. I'd like to form something like a "First Wive's Club" where angry exes (male or female) can team together, support eachother and erect revenge upon their exes. I hope you are not quite serious. Supporting one another is fine, but badmouthing and exacting revenge is juvenile and wrong.
waitingfordecember Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 Originally posted by faux I hope you are not quite serious. Supporting one another is fine, but badmouthing and exacting revenge is juvenile and wrong. Who are you to justify whats right and wrong in the universe?
Varacha Posted July 2, 2004 Posted July 2, 2004 Fluffy I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, but don't let it get to you, I know easier said then done right. But you seem like a strong person and in time you'll be better, trust me on this. My best friend had the same thing happen to her about 7 months ago and she's started dating and is happier now then she has been in year Originally posted by waitingfordecember Who are you to justify what's right and wrong in the universe? No body has the right to do that, but morally revenge on a ex is childish. To plot against them is to keep them alive in your mind, which is something that just causes more pain
Recommended Posts