monkey00 Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 So this girl is literally a new transplant in the city where I live, she's only been living here a little over a week. Decided to take a break from college, is unemployed, and lives with her sister. In the interim, she's kind of broke at least until she finds a job. Her future plans are to go back to school for a different degree. But anyway we hung out 2x so far, and after each time when I got for a kiss I get her cheek...the second time we also gave each other a major hug. She's not demanding and doesn't expect me to treat her like a princess, but the 2x we went out to eat I did cover the tab. And immediately after hanging out she texts me to say she had a good time. The past two times we hung out she admitted she was a little nervous around me. The annoying thing is that every time I ask her to meet up or plan a possible date activity, she either ignores my question or doesn't give me an upfront answer. Getting her to come out the 2nd time was kind of like pulling teeth, I'm trying now the 3rd time to get her to see a free show with me, so far just the runaround. From this, it doesn't seem like she is looking for anything consistent and is sending me mixed messages or wants to put me in the back burner until she gets her sh*t together. The odd thing is she text bombs me daily and is always the first to initiate (that could be because she's lonely, bored, and has lots of free time). What do you guys think of this? Should I have more patience or stop wasting time with her?
kwoman99 Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 sit down and just tell her shes sending you mixed messages and you would like to know how she views you as so you can know how to handle the situation
SmileFace Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Yes, she has too much free time. Do yourself a favor and wait until she gets her **** together. Stop replying to her texts so frequently, she will get the idea and back off. It doesn't seem like she is looking for the same thing right now, or has a different communication style. Back away a bit and see how she reacts. If she is still contacting you, she may be interested but have a different communication style. If she backs off as well, then she is using you as a full in right now.
veggirl Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Totally back off. You're giving her what she wants, someone chasing her and giving her attention. If she was excited and interested, she'd be enthusiastic about making plans, you wouldn't feel like you are pulling teeth. That's not how great romances start 1
Author monkey00 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Update: she agreed to go see the show with me. Well she is young also early 20s but very mature for her age. I dont necessarily shower her with attemtion with the exception that we text a lot. I almost never compliment her and we do joke around a lot. She asks about my day all the time and seem to have a genuine interest in getting to know me. In fact she always contacts me first daily. She will pretty much say yes to doing stuff when we hang out. He other day we hung out 10 hours straight. I wonder if she might just be insecure or trying to get her grasp on things as she is literally new to the city. In fact we went on activities the other day that was her first time (went to a bar with live music) and now another show which will also be her first. She seems like the type I have to be patient with so I'll see what happens.
InJest Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Dude, if you can't at least kiss her, by the end of this show, stop talking to her altogether. I know you're a sap so you're not going to listen, and keep trying to convince yourself that you have a chance, but you're best play here is to drop her completely, and tell her if she doesn't want to date, then leave you alone.
TheFinalWord Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 So this girl is literally a new transplant in the city where I live, she's only been living here a little over a week. Decided to take a break from college, is unemployed, and lives with her sister. In the interim, she's kind of broke at least until she finds a job. Her future plans are to go back to school for a different degree. But anyway we hung out 2x so far, and after each time when I got for a kiss I get her cheek...the second time we also gave each other a major hug. She's not demanding and doesn't expect me to treat her like a princess, but the 2x we went out to eat I did cover the tab. And immediately after hanging out she texts me to say she had a good time. The past two times we hung out she admitted she was a little nervous around me. The annoying thing is that every time I ask her to meet up or plan a possible date activity, she either ignores my question or doesn't give me an upfront answer. Getting her to come out the 2nd time was kind of like pulling teeth, I'm trying now the 3rd time to get her to see a free show with me, so far just the runaround. From this, it doesn't seem like she is looking for anything consistent and is sending me mixed messages or wants to put me in the back burner until she gets her sh*t together. The odd thing is she text bombs me daily and is always the first to initiate (that could be because she's lonely, bored, and has lots of free time). What do you guys think of this? Should I have more patience or stop wasting time with her? Sounds like she has intentions to move. My guess is she doesn't want to establish any relationship ties and plans to eventually go back to school. Well she is young also early 20s but very mature for her age. She seems like the type I have to be patient with so I'll see what happens. Trying not to laugh, but I have never met a mature girl in her early 20s I guess we'll have to take your word on that. Correct me if I'm wrong, but do mature women text 24/7 and play mind games? I think age 27 or 28 women start maturing. Usually by that age women have a solid direction for their lives and have enough dating experience to cut out the game playing. For guys, it can be even longer, age 29 or 30, so I'm not trying to cut on the females here. I don't think it has to do with patience. What I see is you continuing to pursue even with her flighty behavior, you falling for her, and then she moves back to college. I wouldn't necessarily give her an ultimatum or stop talking to her. But maybe casually start asking what her LT plans are. If her future plans don't line up with yours, just take it for what this sounds to be: a casual, dating relationship with little chance for LTR.
veggirl Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Dude, if you can't at least kiss her, by the end of this show, stop talking to her altogether. I know you're a sap so you're not going to listen, and keep trying to convince yourself that you have a chance, but you're best play here is to drop her completely, and tell her if she doesn't want to date, then leave you alone. I agree with this completely.
Author monkey00 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Sounds like she has intentions to move. My guess is she doesn't want to establish any relationship ties and plans to eventually go back to school. Yeah your response seems to align most with what I've been thinking also. Doesn't seem like she is 100% sure about her short term plans right now. She might not even decide to move here permanently as she is just crashing at her sister's place. If anything at all she might just be living her for a few months until she decides what to do with her life and move back with her parents or apply to a college. Fro talking to her it sounds like she just wants to have some fun and do a little exploring. I would prob do the same if I didn't have a clear set goal in mind of relocating here permanently. Trying not to laugh, but I have never met a mature girl in her early 20s I guess we'll have to take your word on that. Correct me if I'm wrong, but do mature women text 24/7 and play mind games? I think age 27 or 28 women start maturing. Usually by that age women have a solid direction for their lives and have enough dating experience to cut out the game playing. For guys, it can be even longer, age 29 or 30, so I'm not trying to cut on the females here. I don't think it has to do with patience. What I see is you continuing to pursue even with her flighty behavior, you falling for her, and then she moves back to college. I wouldn't necessarily give her an ultimatum or stop talking to her. But maybe casually start asking what her LT plans are. If her future plans don't line up with yours, just take it for what this sounds to be: a casual, dating relationship with little chance for LTR. I don't really care if it just turns out to be casual. Right now our paths in life are pretty different. And she would have to give me a good reason to consider her LTR potential. We've only hung out 2x and it's too early I really say what's going to happen at this point. Especially since she's just figuring things out. I'm going to date and meet other women I the meantime anyway. 1
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