Author Under_the_Radar Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 confused here: Is she looking at augmentation, reduction or a lift? whichever procedure is being considered, please ask her to research the surgery thoroughly and to talk to women who've had similiar work done (support groups are good contacts) for stories of their experience. Next, carefully consider the surgeon being used ~ something I wish I had done when I had my LBS a couple of years ago, when a friend told me that she heard the doctor I was using had other patients grouse about the lack of support they got from him & his staff. Believe me, it makes a huge difference when a doctor treats you like a patient he's interested in, and not just someone going through a production line!!! post-op recovery is also an important thing to look into ... chances are, if she researches things thoroughly, she may just decide she likes her boobs just fine and that she only needed to explore options to come to this decision. We have been researching and doing consults for a little over two months now. She will be getting a lift and augmentation. According to the doc, she will be the exact same size she was (maybe just a hair bigger) pre nursing seven babies. She IS excited. I am anxious cause I know she does not tolerate pain well.
TigerCub Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 You exposed nothing except your fertile imagination. Nothing I said on this thread was erratic. As a feminist, I find it disturbing that so many women (quankanne excepted) would automatically endorse a totally vanity-driven cosmetic procedure that could have very serious medical and aesthetic consequences if performed incorrectly, or even if performed correctly, because the human body does not always respond to surgery as we might hope. I believe all women should be proud of their bodies and accept themselves for who they are--not believe that they must have surgery or else they are "not good enough." It saddens me that we even have a 29 year old woman who thought it to be necessary for herself. It makes it very difficult for any of us to object to the attitudes so prevalent in which a woman is objectified by men as a sex object and valued as a partner only or primarily for her appearance. The husband said she looked fine. Nothing to be insecure about. Why would a feminist suggest that if the husband thought she looked fine, that the woman pretty much doesn't have the right to feel insecure about her body and want to do something to make it better for herself?
ScienceGal Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 It sounds like she's already cheating on you. Or seriously thinking about it. She's obviously doing it for the attention. But not for your attention, since she didn't mention you. So for whose attention? One would like to think that your opinion would matter to her. It sounds like she is going through a huge mid life crisis. I strongly disagree with this. As a small chested (and childless) woman, I can't begin to imagine what she must be going through. I am mostly against plastic surgery, but I think there are some procedures that are not as invasive/risky. Is your wife looking for just a breast lift, or implants?
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 You're the one who was so ashamed of your own natural body--so judgmental of what you perceived to be an inadquate appearance--that you had yourself surgically altered. You've got things completely backwards. What are you so ashamed of that you need to come here under dozens of user names just to try to kick and shame people who are down? What happened to you?
Author Under_the_Radar Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 I have a friend who nursed each of her 4 children for at least half a year. She once told me that her breasts had turned into pancakes. Now I don't have big breasts myself but they've always been quite perky which makes me feel good about my bosom. So I can perfectly understand that if a woman's breasts look like pancakes, that she fill way better once they have been lifted (I presume that most of the work will consist of a lift since she does not change size). I honestly think that the women who cheated after they got bigger boobs would have cheated anyway... Pancakes would be a VERY accurate description (she would shoot me if she knew that I said that)............
TigerCub Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 That's pretty twisted thinking you've got there. You're saying that if a man thinks a woman looks fine just the way she is, he's depriving her of her right to view herself as ugly. O.K. You were suggesting that his wife doesn't have the right to her feelings about her body because her husband thinks that she looks fine... that's pretty twisted...
ScienceGal Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 That's pretty twisted thinking you've got there. You're saying that if a man thinks a woman looks fine just the way she is, he's depriving her of her right to view herself as ugly. O.K. In any relationship, I think both people should be supportive of the other, 100%. I wouldn't want my guy getting butt implants, or some other procedure that I find to be ridiculous (which I find most to be). I would be very much against it, but I wouldn't leave him if he did the procedure. Also, do you have saggy breasts? I don't; therefore, I don't pretend to understand what the OP's wife is feeling. This seems more like a confidence booster than a "I am horrible, I am not good enough, and no one will love me" situation. You should get in on this thread. She needs some convincing ... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/personal-rants-confessions/314329-feel-like-less-than-woman
TigerCub Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 He originally implied there was nothing wrong with her appearance. Plenty of women are so obsessed with their appearance they see flaws where there are none. But now it turns out she does have pancake breasts, which I guess are not good if you prefer waffles or bacon and eggs. But you made those comments that I'm referring to even before he made his confession about how he really views her body.
ScienceGal Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 It seems to me he was trying to justify her position in wanting the surgery... you can see someone's imperfections and still love them.
Author Under_the_Radar Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 It seems to me he was trying to justify her position in wanting the surgery... you can see someone's imperfections and still love them. What I was TRYING to say is that I love her just the way she is. I would never make a comment about her body to her. SHE herself has even commented on the 'pancake' look. Did not need to say it for her............... 1
ScienceGal Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Yes and now it's obvious....she has ugly, droopy boobs. She doesn't like them and neither does he, but he pretends that he's fine with it, she can tell he's pretending and is repulsed by them, that's what's making her so insecure she needs the surgery. This is exactly the problem that women face. I'm not sure how you can jump to such wild accusations. Do you know them personally? You are way off base.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Oh … I thought you knew that she wanted improved boobs because she was cheating on her husband. You're all over the map, Tricia. I think you might need your meds adjusted. 1
Alma Mobley Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 He doesn't like her pancake breasts but he doesn't want to admit it to her.OP, is this true?
JazzyFox Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Excuse me but just read what he's been posting. He doesn't like her pancake breasts but he doesn't want to admit it to her. But how could she not know that he doesn't like it? She is doing this because she KNOWS he is not attracted to her, she is going to be resentful of him, and when she gets her new "toys" and starts getting lots of attention from other men, that resentment might well manifest itself as responding to all the new attention she gets. THAT'S WHY THE OP POSTED IN THE FIRST PLACE. THAT'S WHAT HE'S WORRIED ABOUT. He is simply drooling over the prospect of those pert new puppies she's getting for him to play with. He has probably done everything in his power to push her to getting this surgery. He just didn't want to admit that in posting on the board. And he is rightfully concerned that she will be resentful at being forced to get surgery to keep her husband happy, with him denying the motivation. "Oh honey you didn't have to get new boobs, I told you I liked you just the way you were. Can I play with your new boobs some more?" Erratic!
Author Under_the_Radar Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 Bottom line is this.......I just wanted some feedback as to what we could expect. Logical posters........thank you! Tricia...........you need therapy and a milkbone! 1
Lauriebell82 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Bottom line is this.......I just wanted some feedback as to what we could expect. Logical posters........thank you! Tricia...........you need therapy and a milkbone! LOL! I apologize that we turned your thread into a 3 ring circus! I think you got some good insight though (with exception of Tricia) and we were glad to help!
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I hope that the new boobs are a source of enjoyment for both you and your wife!
Author Under_the_Radar Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 I hope that the new boobs are a source of enjoyment for both you and your wife! I hope so to. Thank you!
Lauriebell82 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I hope so to. Thank you! Oh trust me, they will be!!!
moontiger Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 (edited) My ex'es mom died after this surgery. She was a quite healthy and very pretty and slender woman in her 50's. Ex said she never had body image issues, so he didn't know what prompted her to get a breast lift. But one day she went in for it, went home, and went to bed next to her husband. He woke up in the morning, and she was still lying beside him, but she had died in her sleep. It seems there were some anesthesia-related complications post-surgery. When ex told me how his mom died, it was so absurd that I didn't think he was serious. I am obviously not at all saying this happens to many people (I don't know the numbers) and it was probably a total fluke, but still. Actually I don't know whether I should have shared this story at all, and hesitated to. But I saw this thread and I felt I had to share my own experience. I met my ex shortly after this happened, and I saw firsthand the huge hole she left behind in her sons' lives and her husband's, and the terrible pain my ex went through. So many times I thought to myself how unnecessary it all was. Edited February 22, 2012 by moontiger
Author Under_the_Radar Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 My ex'es mom died after this surgery. She was a quite healthy and very pretty and slender woman in her 50's. Ex said she never had body image issues, so he didn't know what prompted her to get a breast lift. But one day she went in for it, went home, and went to bed next to her husband. He woke up in the morning, and she was still lying beside him, but she had died in her sleep. It seems there were some anesthesia-related complications post-surgery. When ex told me how his mom died, it was so absurd that I didn't think he was serious. I am obviously not at all saying this happens to many people (I don't know the numbers) and it was probably a total fluke, but still. Actually I don't know whether I should have shared this story at all, and hesitated to. But I saw this thread and I felt I had to share my own experience. I met my ex shortly after this happened, and I saw firsthand the huge hole she left behind in her sons' lives and her husband's, and the terrible pain my ex went through. So many times I thought to myself how unnecessary it all was. I have expressed the same concerns with the wife. I have NEVER been a huge risk taker, but I DO trust and respect my wife's wants and needs. This definately not a need, but I KNOW that it will help her self esteem. 5 years ago, I dropped 100 lbs and have kept it off ever since. Prior to losing the weight, I did not feel comfortable in my own skin. She has indicated the same feeling. The DR WE (and I stress WE) have chosen has had 100's of positive reviews with no negatives. And is board certified. 'Happy Wife, Happy Life'!!!!
quankanne Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 you need therapy and a milkbone! oh honey, I am *so* stealing this! :laugh: so very sorry to hear about the woman who died after complications with anesthesia, but I think that's an exception, rather than the rule. A good surgical team will bug her senseless because they're going to be very, very careful with what they'll be doing with/for their patient. post surgery, I'm guessing the main concern is that she doesn't have bad nausea from the anesthesia, that she's got someone to help her through the initial healing period, is able to behave herself by not overexerting her body or doing things she's NOT supposed to (picking up little kids, trying to do housework). As long as you've got a post of plan to follow, it should be minimal problems with healing. something a friend told me to use to help the incisions heal faster was tea tree oil, which is an anti-fungal and has healing properties. I actually use a minty TTO spray product that's made for feetsies, because it smells better than straight out TTO, it's premixed and sooo easy to use. And a little bit goes a long way
Author Under_the_Radar Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 you need therapy and a milkbone! oh honey, I am *so* stealing this! :laugh: so very sorry to hear about the woman who died after complications with anesthesia, but I think that's an exception, rather than the rule. A good surgical team will bug her senseless because they're going to be very, very careful with what they'll be doing with/for their patient. post surgery, I'm guessing the main concern is that she doesn't have bad nausea from the anesthesia, that she's got someone to help her through the initial healing period, is able to behave herself by not overexerting her body or doing things she's NOT supposed to (picking up little kids, trying to do housework). As long as you've got a post of plan to follow, it should be minimal problems with healing. something a friend told me to use to help the incisions heal faster was tea tree oil, which is an anti-fungal and has healing properties. I actually use a minty TTO spray product that's made for feetsies, because it smells better than straight out TTO, it's premixed and sooo easy to use. And a little bit goes a long way We do have a post op plan..........I will be taking a week off of work to 'pamper' and take care of her. I AM a little anxious about the whole deal (NEVER been a big fan of unnecessary procedures) but after nursing 7 babies, things just are not where they used to be and I KNOW that this will increase her confidence.
xxoo Posted February 22, 2012 Posted February 22, 2012 It sounds like you've made a decision that will make you both very happy. I wonder, though, will you miss her current breasts? I'm picking up on little comments that seem to me that you don't find her breasts as attractive now as you did then. It seems that you are looking forward to the changes that surgery will bring. It doesn't really sound like you are indifferent, and would LOVE her breasts either way. It sounds like you would like them better lifted to where they "used to be", and I wonder how much that affects a wife's confidence in such matters. Do you think she can pick up on your feelings? Do you think they affect hers?
Author Under_the_Radar Posted February 22, 2012 Author Posted February 22, 2012 It sounds like you've made a decision that will make you both very happy. I wonder, though, will you miss her current breasts? I'm picking up on little comments that seem to me that you don't find her breasts as attractive now as you did then. It seems that you are looking forward to the changes that surgery will bring. It doesn't really sound like you are indifferent, and would LOVE her breasts either way. It sounds like you would like them better lifted to where they "used to be", and I wonder how much that affects a wife's confidence in such matters. Do you think she can pick up on your feelings? Do you think they affect hers? I have ALWAYS told her that I love her body just the way it is. Never once have I complained about how her body looks. She is one of those fortunate people to have had 7 children, can eat what she wants, and STILL has the body of an 18 year old. Don't know if I will miss them or not. Have not really thought about it that way. My job is to support her 100% and I intend to do that. And yes, I will like them either way. Bottom line, it her body, and if she really wants to do it, I will support it. She will not be getting bigger, just putting things back to the way that they were. She has a friend that had the same procedure done (I had not noticed until the wife pointed it out BTW, haha) and it really changed her life. She is definitely a more positive person to be around now.
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