Under_the_Radar Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 some work done on her chest. Have been married for many years (18 to be exact) and after nursing MULTIPLE babies, things just are not where they used to be. I have the means (financial) to get this done so that is not the issue and I intend to support her 2000%. She just wants to be able to fit into a bra and wear a bathing suit without feeling insecure! I have heard horror stories about how women get this done, like the added attention, and then start acting on that added attention. Should this be a concern? There has NEVER been any mistrust or unfaithfulness in our relationship............she says that she wants this done for her, not for the attention, but for her. She will not increase in size, just wants things back to where they used to be before having children. Ladies, would love to hear your opinion as well...............
TigerCub Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 You've known your wife for at least 18 some years - you know best what her personality is like. If she's not an attention whore type - then the new boobs shouldn't suddenly bring that out in her. Besides, she's not going bigger, just "fixing" them a little bit to feel better about herself. This is just my opinion, but I would think that if she hasn't been an attention grubbing person before that just flaunts herself to anyone, then she's mostly likely not gonna become that just because she got her boobs fixed.
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 She will not increase in size, just wants things back to where they used to be before having children. I think that is pretty reassuring. Of course she will feel better about herself but not every woman who feels good about herself will start preying men... As TC said, you know her best.
Author Under_the_Radar Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 I think that is pretty reassuring. Of course she will feel better about herself but not every woman who feels good about herself will start preying men... As TC said, you know her best. I agree. She has never been the attention getting type of person. She is out of the baby mode now, is dressing a little more in style, little more makeup.......she just wants to look good for herself and believe it or not, for her husband as well. This is not one of those things you can talk to the guys at the office about IYKWIM............... She has always been a knockout to me.............
TigerCub Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 It sounds like she's already cheating on you. Or seriously thinking about it. She's obviously doing it for the attention. But not for your attention, since she didn't mention you. So for whose attention? One would like to think that your opinion would matter to her. It sounds like she is going through a huge mid life crisis. Why so quick to assume that? Isn't it possible that she really is doing this to feel better about herself? You say that according to her, his opinion doesn't matter - but obviously if she's discussing this issue with him - then it does matter. If it didn't, what's to stop her from just going through with the procedure without discussing it and charging it to his credit card?
Author Under_the_Radar Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Guess what? You're allowed to say "no." So, since she's clearly not getting this done for you, tell her "no." Offer to pay for therapy. But that's not good enough for her any longer. For the record, she did not ask for my permission........it is HER body. She did say however that if I did not feel comfortable with it, that she would NOT go through with it. I believe in the motto 'Happy Wife, Happy Life'. That motto has taken care of me for many years! We are done with the baby phase of our life and if providing the means for her to enhance her self esteem and how she looks, I am on board. I trust my wife! 1
standtall Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Guys, read some of TriciaUSF's posts and you will get a grasp of the nature of her way of thinking. I'm detecting very trollish behavior. 1
Lauriebell82 Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Guys, read some of TriciaUSF's posts and you will get a grasp of the nature of her way of thinking. I'm detecting very trollish behavior. I agree, OP please do not take her posts to heart. As for your wife..I think you should let her do it. Speaking from personal experience I would highly recommend it. I'm pretty sure she isn't doing it for you or for attention but for her. It will improve her self esteem and will be worth every single scent you spend. I know that it was for me!
Author Under_the_Radar Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 I agree, OP please do not take her posts to heart. As for your wife..I think you should let her do it. Speaking from personal experience I would highly recommend it. I'm pretty sure she isn't doing it for you or for attention but for her. It will improve her self esteem and will be worth every single scent you spend. I know that it was for me! We are going to do it (I say we, she gets to do the tuff part, I get to enjoy the end results). She has an appointment Wed morning to make the final payment. NEVER knew that the desire to fit in a bra or a swim suit could be such an issue. Obviously, I don't have to wear one so I wouldn't know. She is big in the pain tolerance department, but other than that, she seems to be excited about the prospect of having it done..............
Lauriebell82 Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 We are going to do it (I say we, she gets to do the tuff part, I get to enjoy the end results). She has an appointment Wed morning to make the final payment. NEVER knew that the desire to fit in a bra or a swim suit could be such an issue. Obviously, I don't have to wear one so I wouldn't know. She is big in the pain tolerance department, but other than that, she seems to be excited about the prospect of having it done.............. Yay! It's worth it believe me. She'll be sore for awhile, but looking at the results counteracts the pain. Neither of you will regret it.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 OP knows his wife better than we do. If her intentions were obviously innocuous it wouldn't even be worth posting about here. His opinion doesn't matter. She said she's doing it for herself. Not for him. He thinks she looked great the way she already is, without surgery. It has nothing to do with who pays for it. Come on Tricia give it a rest. He just wanted outside opinions, men don't generally understand cosmetic surgery because they aren't women! Of course he thinks she looks great without the surgery, he loves her and married her! My husband felt the same way. But it was important for me and it's important for his wife, so like a good husband he is supporting her. Give the guy a break.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 O.K. she said if you don't feel comfortable with it she wouldn't go through with it. If you felt comfortable with it, you wouldn't have posted here. You don't feel comfortable with it. Be honest and tell her that. But maybe you are afraid to tell her that because you realize she didn't really want to give you a veto power over the decision, and she will turn around and accuse you of being "controlling." The most basic reason for objecting to elective surgery is that no matter how seemingly routine, there are real medical hazards associated with any invasive medical procedure. Implants (it doesnt sound like this is an implant though) can leak. Scar tissue can develop. Infection can occur. Adverse reactions to anesthesia. The surgery can be botched leaving the patient looking worse than before the surgery. She's paying good money for a doctor to cut into her body when you have never said she looks anything but great. Taking medical risk out of sheer vanity, when it is not objectively necessary, is a sign of a woman going through mid life crisis. OP is well aware of this and this is why OP is concerned enough to have posted. If you trust your wife why did you post? That's just the point. You don't trust what this might mean, you're unsure, and you want people to tell you everything going to be fine. I hope they're right but I doubt it. Plenty of people's wives have cosmetic procedures but the husbands don't feel concerned enough to post about it on a relationship message board. You did. Are you controlling? Insecure? Paranoid? There's probably a lot of other stuff about your relationship that you have left out that would provide further support for your concerns. Wow, I must have had a midlife crisis at 29 years old!!! Interesting. Seriously though OP, press the ignore button with these types of posts. I know you are new to LS so I'm just trying to help out. Is your surgeon certified? Have you met with him as well?
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Tricia, dollface, what is your problem?
TigerCub Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 OP knows his wife better than we do. If her intentions were obviously innocuous it wouldn't even be worth posting about here. His opinion doesn't matter. She said she's doing it for herself. Not for him. He thinks she looked great the way she already is, without surgery. It has nothing to do with who pays for it. So by that same logic, if a woman totally lets herself go after marriage & kids, then decides she wanted to drop the weight and look good again, because it would make her feel better about herself, that would be shady as well if her husband said that he liked her the way she currently is? really? So in your world, people aren't allowed to have certain insecurities about their bodies, and actually work on improving themselves physically?
quankanne Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 confused here: Is she looking at augmentation, reduction or a lift? whichever procedure is being considered, please ask her to research the surgery thoroughly and to talk to women who've had similiar work done (support groups are good contacts) for stories of their experience. Next, carefully consider the surgeon being used ~ something I wish I had done when I had my LBS a couple of years ago, when a friend told me that she heard the doctor I was using had other patients grouse about the lack of support they got from him & his staff. Believe me, it makes a huge difference when a doctor treats you like a patient he's interested in, and not just someone going through a production line!!! post-op recovery is also an important thing to look into ... chances are, if she researches things thoroughly, she may just decide she likes her boobs just fine and that she only needed to explore options to come to this decision.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 So by that same logic, if a woman totally lets herself go after marriage & kids, then decides she wanted to drop the weight and look good again, because it would make her feel better about herself, that would be shady as well if her husband said that he liked her the way she currently is? really? So in your world, people aren't allowed to have certain insecurities about their bodies, and actually work on improving themselves physically? She is trying to get a rise out of everyone. Her opinions are rash and judgemental, not meant to be helpful. She enjoys arguing with other posters and causing conflict. I think if we keep feeding into it she will keep doing it. We should all just ignore her posts and move on. Her previous post (which I am not going to even respond to)is a perfect example of this. Completey innapropriate. 1
Lauriebell82 Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 confused here: Is she looking at augmentation, reduction or a lift? whichever procedure is being considered, please ask her to research the surgery thoroughly and to talk to women who've had similiar work done (support groups are good contacts) for stories of their experience. Next, carefully consider the surgeon being used ~ something I wish I had done when I had my LBS a couple of years ago, when a friend told me that she heard the doctor I was using had other patients grouse about the lack of support they got from him & his staff. Believe me, it makes a huge difference when a doctor treats you like a patient he's interested in, and not just someone going through a production line!!! post-op recovery is also an important thing to look into ... chances are, if she researches things thoroughly, she may just decide she likes her boobs just fine and that she only needed to explore options to come to this decision. Hopefully OP and his wife have already done these things since she is making the final payment! I agree with doing research on post-op recovery, that was extremely helpful for me! I think he is talking about a lift...
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 We are going to do it (I say we, she gets to do the tuff part, I get to enjoy the end results). She has an appointment Wed morning to make the final payment. NEVER knew that the desire to fit in a bra or a swim suit could be such an issue. Obviously, I don't have to wear one so I wouldn't know. She is big in the pain tolerance department, but other than that, she seems to be excited about the prospect of having it done.............. I have a friend who nursed each of her 4 children for at least half a year. She once told me that her breasts had turned into pancakes. Now I don't have big breasts myself but they've always been quite perky which makes me feel good about my bosom. So I can perfectly understand that if a woman's breasts look like pancakes, that she fill way better once they have been lifted (I presume that most of the work will consist of a lift since she does not change size). I honestly think that the women who cheated after they got bigger boobs would have cheated anyway...
TigerCub Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 She is trying to get a rise out of everyone. Her opinions are rash and judgemental, not meant to be helpful. She enjoys arguing with other posters and causing conflict. I think if we keep feeding into it she will keep doing it. We should all just ignore her posts and move on. Her previous post (which I am not going to even respond to)is a perfect example of this. Completey innapropriate. thanks for the advice Lauriebell
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 confused here: Is she looking at augmentation, reduction or a lift? whichever procedure is being considered, please ask her to research the surgery thoroughly and to talk to women who've had similiar work done (support groups are good contacts) for stories of their experience. Next, carefully consider the surgeon being used ~ something I wish I had done when I had my LBS a couple of years ago, when a friend told me that she heard the doctor I was using had other patients grouse about the lack of support they got from him & his staff. Believe me, it makes a huge difference when a doctor treats you like a patient he's interested in, and not just someone going through a production line!!! post-op recovery is also an important thing to look into ... chances are, if she researches things thoroughly, she may just decide she likes her boobs just fine and that she only needed to explore options to come to this decision. Thanks for pointing that out. Your biggest worry should be that she is in the hands of a good medical team.
JazzyFox Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 She is trying to get a rise out of everyone. Her opinions are rash and judgemental, not meant to be helpful. She enjoys arguing with other posters and causing conflict. I think if we keep feeding into it she will keep doing it. We should all just ignore her posts and move on. Her previous post (which I am not going to even respond to)is a perfect example of this. Completey innapropriate. Why couldnt "she" be a "he"? As in the reincarnation of previous troll named oklahama, largeparts, endor ... All these posters joined quickly after they were deleted from the system and posted an average of 30+ postings per day,never with their own original thread, and always bringing inappropriate inflammatory comments and breeding conflict. Do we need to institute a "troll patrol"? 3
JazzyFox Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Please stop stalking me Jazzy Fox. If you want to make a post that's pertinent to OP's thread, then by all means do so. Well I think you need to be watched. Why don't you entertain us with a thread of your own, displaying your own personal issues and insecurities for us to criticize.
JazzyFox Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 It's not often that a stalker actually admits it. Go "watch" tv. LOL. Busted That said, you often have very interesting and insightful comments, as did some of your previous reincarnations. But sometimes, you get a bit irratic and are way off base. I would love to tackle a problem of yours one day... Sorry, OP, I took this off-track, but felt I needed to expose this troll just in case you decided to act on his advice.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 You exposed nothing except your fertile imagination. Nothing I said on this thread was erratic. As a feminist, I find it disturbing that so many women (quankanne excepted) would automatically endorse a totally vanity-driven cosmetic procedure that could have very serious medical and aesthetic consequences if performed incorrectly, or even if performed correctly, because the human body does not always respond to surgery as we might hope. I believe all women should be proud of their bodies and accept themselves for who they are--not believe that they must have surgery or else they are "not good enough." It saddens me that we even have a 29 year old woman who thought it to be necessary for herself. It makes it very difficult for any of us to object to the attitudes so prevalent in which a woman is objectified by men as a sex object and valued as a partner only or primarily for her appearance. Well, take your judgements elsewhere then if you don't like it.
Author Under_the_Radar Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 Wow, I must have had a midlife crisis at 29 years old!!! Interesting. Seriously though OP, press the ignore button with these types of posts. I know you are new to LS so I'm just trying to help out. Is your surgeon certified? Have you met with him as well? Surgeon is certified. I have been to several consults with this surgeon and feel comfortable with him.
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