Author brob82 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Yea SmileFace I think I will give it just a little time, but I WILL eventually call her. I'm not going to just sit forever wondering. The simplest explanation is she probably didn't want to talk to me you're right. The question is was it just me she didn't want to talk to or?
veggirl Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 B--I'd give her a call in a couple days, maybe Weds. If she is lukewarm (call with a date) or ignores you, you have your answer. Anything other than an excited "yeah, sounds great!" would be a no I'm not interested, IMO.
SmileFace Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Yea SmileFace I think I will give it just a little time, but I WILL eventually call her. I'm not going to just sit forever wondering. The simplest explanation is she probably didn't want to talk to me you're right. The question is was it just me she didn't want to talk to or? Who knows people are weird. Shrugs, I have had someone do the same recently his excuse was that I seem uninterested. Ha, so who knows. Just call when you are ready and don't make any assumptions and try not to have any expectations. Good luck. Welcome to L.S
Author brob82 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Veg, that's what my plans were kind of pointing towards...waiting until around Wednesday or so. This sounds silly, but I'm actually kind of worried to even contact her again because then if she doesn't answer or whatever then I have to face the fact of what it really is! I don't know why this girl is bugging me so much. I don't usually have a problem like this. It's weird territory for me.
Author brob82 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 @ SmileFace I keep telling myself that there could always be something else going on and I'm definitely hoping that. My assumptions just keep cropping up though you know. When you're really wanting to know something it's hard to keep those negative thoughts out of your head!
veggirl Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Veg, that's what my plans were kind of pointing towards...waiting until around Wednesday or so. This sounds silly, but I'm actually kind of worried to even contact her again because then if she doesn't answer or whatever then I have to face the fact of what it really is! I don't know why this girl is bugging me so much. I don't usually have a problem like this. It's weird territory for me. That makes perfect sense. It's nerve-wracking and scary when you like someone and they may not feel the same. I totally understand. But, think of it this way, it's better to know NOW than months down the road when you're even MORE invested in her and have wasted your energy chasing her. Good luck though, you never know!
polcas Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 This sounds silly, but I'm actually kind of worried to even contact her again because then if she doesn't answer or whatever then I have to face the fact of what it really is! That's the thing. I think her mind is not made yet and if you call her you're putting pressure on her just by the fact and so you will be prompting a reply and if you force her then you know what her reaction will be... she will break it off or grow slowly apart. And I don't mean you're gong to confront her with your call but it's just the way it will come across. She's probably making her mind right now and you should let her do it and she learning that you're worried, unhappy, etc. will only work against you because she will feel pressured. Let her miss you. She knows you take her seriously and are willing to have a relationship with her so she doesn't need to know anything else. If she wants the relationship she will call you. If she doesn't want that but can take it that you do and wants to keep things light for now she will also call you. Don't rush her into make a decision or have a serious talk because it will go against you.
Author brob82 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 So you think I should NEVER contact her again if she doesn't contact me soon?
polcas Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 So you think I should NEVER contact her again if she doesn't contact me soon? I don't think you should call her while you don't know what's going on because it will go bad for you and you'll feel worse. Let's say that if two weeks go by and you don't talk then you can call her because you will know where you stand. Then you can call her and act casual and ask her if you can come by and get something you left at her place, and then if she says anything about you both not talking you can get into it but if she doesn't you will have your answer pretty painlessly without handing all your power to her, which is not an ego thing, it's just that if you do she will not want you. It's just my opinion but when I read your thread I just saw myself a few years ago (I'm 33 now) doing the same stuff and believe me, it never works. Girls do this often and you notice it now because you're involved but it's part of the game. Maybe before you were tested the same way and it didn't affect you or maybe you didn't even notice it because you had no deep feelings.
SmileFace Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 I don't think you should call her while you don't know what's going on because it will go bad for you and you'll feel worse. Let's say that if two weeks go by and you don't talk then you can call her because you will know where you stand. Then you can call her and act casual and ask her if you can come by and get something you left at her place, and then if she says anything about you both not talking you can get into it but if she doesn't you will have your answer pretty painlessly without handing all your power to her, which is not an ego thing, it's just that if you do she will not want you. It's just my opinion but when I read your thread I just saw myself a few years ago (I'm 33 now) doing the same stuff and believe me, it never works. Girls do this often and you notice it now because you're involved but it's part of the game. Maybe before you were tested the same way and it didn't affect you or maybe you didn't even notice it because you had no deep feelings. That is a very passive aggresive approach. Why would you even think after two weeks that is makes a difference why she didn't contact him? I am pretty sure after two weeks he would know that she isn't going to contact him. Why would he want to seat around and wait until she is ready. If he waits to contact her, he is only allowing himself to be her, "well I have nothing better to do" guy. I say nip this in the butt now so she can't contact you when she feels like it with some b.s and you don't go running to contact her since you never actually established what happened. Save yourself the time and get this over with.
Author brob82 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 I kind of see what you're saying Polcas. I definitely think that the whole not contacting her thing will take some of the "power" out of her hands if that's an OK way of putting it. I do need to add something though that I left out that I just thought about. I'm the initiator of contact most of the time. Not ALL of the time, but most of the time. She's contacting me and asked me to do stuff, but I'm still the majority. Since this is the case if she's accustomed to me contacting first then she may be waiting on me? @ SmileFace I agree that I should contact her at SOME point. Partly because of what I just stated above. I still have this hope that she's going to contact me first though, but who knows!
polcas Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Why would you even think after two weeks that is makes a difference why she didn't contact him? I am pretty sure after two weeks he would know that she isn't going to contact him. Why would he want to seat around and wait until she is ready. She hasn't contacted him because she didn't want to. In my opinion it just doesn't matter why she hasn't. The fact is that she didn't want to and even if you ask her why she may come up with a BS excuse, so why bother. I don't think he should wait for her and sit around. He needs to focus on other things and not her, which he will do if he calls her and acts all worried about her not replying a text because he knows the talk they had and she didn't react the way he would have liked her to react, so he has a half-answer right there but she may be still undecided. I just say he can contact her after he knows it's over because he needs to retrieve some stuff but I don't think he should call her with any other expectation because he will know it's over by then. However I do think this might not be over and she just needs to realize there's a guy willing to be with her and she might lose him if she doesn't act. If she doesn't she is not what he wants and he will feel bad if she "takes him back" on her terms because he kind of begged for it and that is what he will convey if he doesn't let her make up her mind on her own. It's my two cents and I don't think there's anything aggressive about this and passive maybe but it depends on her now whether he rushes her or not so I think it's better not to do it.
Author brob82 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 Well you two have two different thought processes going on so like I said I'm playing Russian Roulette no matter what I do because she either is thinking one way or the other. So I have a 50/50 chance of getting this right. :/
polcas Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Well you two have two different thought processes going on so like I said I'm playing Russian Roulette no matter what I do because she either is thinking one way or the other. So I have a 50/50 chance of getting this right. :/ And nobody knows!!! So, do what feels best to you and trust your gut. Good luck! If you do contact her think beforehand that she may not text you back or call you back or the phone call could be very casual kind of everything fine, talk to you tomorrow or whatever and you will be again waiting to call her and having lost some ground... Just trying to encourage you to remain strong now.
phineas Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 So you think I should NEVER contact her again if she doesn't contact me soon? After 3 days of her not responding you call her. If she don't pick up you leave message telling her to call you when she gets a chance. If she doesn't call you back in 24/hrs move on & never contact her again. I personally would consider us broken up & be looking for other women considering how short a time you've known her. But i'm older & have had women flake on me like this after even 3 months so I just don't catch feelings that quickly. I'm disappointed but hey, plenty of other women who won't blow me off.
ctes300 Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I am going through something similar. I dont get blown off completely, I don't get a phone call, instead I get a text saying why she is too busy to talk or telling me what she's doing. So, I am going to wait at least 10 days or possibly way more. If I don't hear back maybe at some point I will likely contact her, lay it on the line and let her know how I feel only because I think we really hit it off but I screwed up a bit which seems recoverable. We also both moved way too fast and covered things that we probably should not have which can be scary. Either she is still on the fence which case I have a chance or she's done and there's nothing that will change her mind. Good luck, I know how it feels so you're not alone.
Eddie Edirol Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 After seeing this situation in real life and on this board too many times, here's how I predict this will go. Situation 1.) She will never contact you, but when you call, she will never pick up. Situation 2.) She will pick up, or text back, but she will find all the excuses in the world to avoid letting you pick up your stuff, or avoid her bringing you your stuff. She will say "its not you its me" and will never tell you why she blew you off. She will also tell you that a relative died and she is in a bad place right now, but will be posting things that contradict that on her FB. You will also hear about her dating someone else. Bottom line, you lose either way. There is more to her blowing you off, but you might not have been observing her behavior enough to notice clues as to why she ran at you asking this question.
phineas Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 After seeing this situation in real life and on this board too many times, here's how I predict this will go. Situation 1.) She will never contact you, but when you call, she will never pick up. Situation 2.) She will pick up, or text back, but she will find all the excuses in the world to avoid letting you pick up your stuff, or avoid her bringing you your stuff. She will say "its not you its me" and will never tell you why she blew you off. She will also tell you that a relative died and she is in a bad place right now, but will be posting things that contradict that on her FB. You will also hear about her dating someone else. Bottom line, you lose either way. There is more to her blowing you off, but you might not have been observing her behavior enough to notice clues as to why she ran at you asking this question. Had a woman start doing all of the above last yr. Except it was her best friends dad who died. When I asked her a week later how her friend was she had a blank look on her face for a 2nd. before responding. she told me she was sick twice in order to cancel plans. Used the "i don't want a relationship" then updated her POF pictures. (we were on the same site & she knew it). Yeah, I picked a not-very bright one. Then I lost weight & she came sniffing around a yr later. I told her she blew me off once so if she wanted to get with me we were picking up where we left off & wanted to know what night was good for her to come over. Told her if she blows me off again she was done. She blew me off again then updated her POF profile immediately after. You just have to laugh at stuff like this.
Author brob82 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 Well... She got a hold of me. She said her show she went to was great and this and that. BUT, now that I've been talking to all of you and thinking about things I'm beginning to wonder if I should just walk a way from her? She knows where I stand like I've said and I feel I'm not getting the reciprocation I should be getting if she was really that interested. I do most of the initiating and I just get this 'sense' that I'm more into this than her. Do I cut this off or should I keep up? I feel like i've put in more than my fair share of the work, but others would argue that some girls are that way. Any thoughts?
Author brob82 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 When I say this keep in mind she does always get back to me (even this time although it took a couple days!). I mean maybe I only see things one way because I know how I act when I'm into someone, but it almost feels like if I didn't ask her to do anything or contact her then I'd never really hear from her. I guess I don't know if this is true I just get that sense. Then on the other hand why the hell would she keep contacting me in return if she wasn't interested? Why would she keep accepting my dates if she wasn't interested?
Sugarkane Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 I think if she was interested, you would've heard back from her by now..
Author brob82 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 I did hear back from her. That's what I said.
stillafool Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 So you think I should NEVER contact her again if she doesn't contact me soon? I feel you should never contact her again. Let her contact you when she's ready. Hopefully you will be over her by then and won't want to respond.
Author brob82 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 Ok, I think these last responses aren't taking into account that she DID contact me! I switched the focus of my question if you read my last few posts!
polcas Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Well... She got a hold of me. She said her show she went to was great and this and that. Good to hear you stayed strong! That's the kind of phone call I had imagined you both would have if YOU had called her. Just a casual talk and nothing more so it's great you didn't call her. Now the thing is that you showed your hand and she's undecided or not that into you so she will try to keep you close because you're interested and you make her feel good even if she's not on the same page. From now on, you know what you want and you know that she didn't respond to it the way you wanted so it's not going to feel great for you to be around her if the relationship is all in her terms and your intentions don't matter. I think you need to give her some space like initiating much less contact, taking longer to get back to her, etc. Show her that you're kind of falling off with her but don't tell her anything just act like she acted, which is you've been busy, etc. She needs to feel she's going to lose you if she doesn't invest more on this relationship. If you can have a date with somebody else you should totally go for it. Your mindset will shift and she will feel it and probably get jealous even if you don't tell her, but don't have a conversation or decide anything on your end. Don't end it. Just act a little less interested and keep your options open and if you have a party or something and she tells you to do something just tell her you have a party you said you would attend. Try to rein the relationship into your terms because that's what will make you feel good. Don't compromise on the basics.
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