archer2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 ill try and tell my story quickly! was with my ex for 7 years (i'm 27) - thought we were going to get married and have children. a few months into our relationship, we had an argument - we didnt talk for a couple of days, during this time he kissed another girl. i found out, forgave him and we moved on. towards the end of our relationship, i had a feeling he was doing something with another girl. confronted him about it a few times, he got angry every time and made me feel like i was crazy. turns out i was right, and when i found some enails he broke up with me. he swore they had never touched each other, it was just emails and flirting. i stayed with a friend (he & i lived togther). all my belongings were still at our house. he and i kept seeing each other (sleeping together) - i asked him if he was seeing her also multiple times, he promised me he wasnt. i ended up finding evidence of that too, so he was lying to me the whole time. its now a few months down the track and we have been hanging out again. hes working on changing himself, and i actually think he really is trying to change. we went out on the weekend, i got really drunk and we had a huge fight - he was talking to these other girls, i dont even know if he was flirting or not, my judgement is so clouded. i got super angry, now we're not speaking again. am i crazy? has anyone else been cheated on and acted completely irrationally?? i dont even know what to do anymore
shayla Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Yes, and yes! Staying with a man that is cheating is almost, ALMOST, as bad with staying with an abusive man. It's amazing how a cheater will lie and manipulate, before you know it, you are the one with the problem, you are crazy, it's all your fault, the mindfu*k goes on and on....if you let it. Trust your gut, that is my motto. And do not continue to let a cheater talk to you, because you are being lied to, and it will make you crazy. A cheater will look you in the eye and lie, and will continue to do it long after you are gone. My ex is still lying about me and he dumped me over a year ago. 1
Author archer2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 yeah. its not good is it. i guess im just at the point now where i dont know if im actually crazy, or if im just crazy because he completely ruined my self esteem. im so insecure... and now i dont know if it was chicken or the egg... we've been together so long i cant even remember what i was like beforehand. sick of getting the silent treatment too from him - common theme in our relationship. if i upset him or made him angry he wouldn't talk to me for days or weeks and i guess thats whats happening again now. this sucks.
PegNosePete Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 i had a feeling he was doing something with another girl. confronted him about it a few times, he got angry every time and made me feel like i was crazy. So, he lied. he swore they had never touched each other, it was just emails and flirting. He lied. i asked him if he was seeing her also multiple times, he promised me he wasnt. He lied. its now a few months down the track and we have been hanging out again. hes working on changing himself He lied. i asked him if he was seeing her also multiple times, he promised me he wasnt. i ended up finding evidence of that too He lied. i dont even know if he was flirting or not Of course he was. Why wouldn't he? He has got away with it in the past so why would he bother to change? Ditch this loser and move on. 1
Author archer2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Posted February 20, 2012 oh pete - i love this response. thank you so much! lucky i didnt list the million other lies i heard throughout our time together haha!!! i was really insecure the whole time we were together, now im just starting to doubt myself... i'm worrying that my insecurities caused the issues. But its nice to see other peoples take on it though. spose its pretty hard not to be insecure through all this!
PegNosePete Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 lucky i didnt list the million other lies i heard throughout our time together haha!!! Yeah my keyboard might have got worn out! Seriously though, if he lied so much then what reason do you have to think that he is telling the truth now? Habitual liars do not change overnight. The best predictor of future behaviour, is past behaviour.
Professor X Posted February 20, 2012 Posted February 20, 2012 hes working on changing himself, and i actually think he really is trying to change. What makes you say he is trying to change? What exactly is he doing to accomplish it? Does he visit a therapist, or any professional for that matter? Did he change his lifestyle? Or is he still doing the same things but just tells you he is trying to change (or at best, calls 1 more time a day than normally)?
Author archer2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 no professional help... i guess he's just trying to communicate more, and learm to be alone (without other girls). is it true? who the hell knows. i thought i believed it, but at the end of the day i have no idea what (or who) he's doing. i acted really irrationally this weekend when i got angry at him. i really did. and now i feel terrible, and he's not talking to me again... seeing him talk to the other girls just brought back every bad feeling. for all the years we were together it never felt like it was just us - there was always a girl at his work, always a girl on his facebook, blah blah blah. he got angry at me because he said he wasnt doing anything wrong - like i said, he probably wasnt but it just brought back everything i've felt for so long...
Professor X Posted February 21, 2012 Posted February 21, 2012 no professional help... i guess he's just trying to communicate more, and learm to be alone (without other girls). is it true? who the hell knows. i thought i believed it, but at the end of the day i have no idea what (or who) he's doing. My point was, that to change, truly change, you need to do beyond and above, in other words, it takes time and a lot, and by that I don't mean he needs to wait a year or to and he'll magically change, he needs to work on himself for that long in a life changing way, do drastic way of thinking changes. If he wanted to REALLY change he'd do something very noticeable, but him going to chat up a girl in a bar for example, for whatever reason, as long as she was a stranger is a way of him showing that he is NOT changing. I think you are kidding only yourself if you think he's changing or trying to, the way you describe it, this "change" isn't gonna last to to long. You also sound way to infatuated with this cheater, but this is your decision and you life to live. If you enjoy being around a cheater, than by all means, but know that this is not how people change. If he'd care about you, he'd stay away from girls, ALL girls, except for you.
Author archer2012 Posted February 21, 2012 Author Posted February 21, 2012 ouch. but thank you - i need the honesty
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